Members Fender&EHX4ever Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 http://soundclick.com/share?songid=5906738 This is my first time sharing one of my tunes on the forum. It's still on the drawing board, so I'm open to ideas , and even trolls If anything, trolling sometimes confirms that I'm going in the right direction :poke:, depending on the troller. It started as an acoustic singer/songwriter piece, and it transformed into a 1981 disco/rock song; so I'm always experimenting with new arrangements and versions. There are no keyboards on the recording, and there are only 2 guitars playing simultaneously at any given moment in the song. It sounds like more because I split the signal between two FX chains and two channels - a healthy dose of EHX MicroSynth, PolyChorus, Deluxe Electric Mistress, Boss PS-3, and Boss RV-3. The Hammerhead drumtracks will probably be replaced by real drumming once I have the time to set up mics around my kit and soundcheck every track :arg: Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Macdaddy Music Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 nice guitar tracks - I definitely would have guessed there were keys if you hadn't said there weren't any. Two quick observations (opinions): 1. The vocals are to loud2. The electronic drums fit the style pretty well. If you redo them I'd definitely try to keep some sort of electronic feel to it. Do you have a live kit or some type of v-drum kit? Not a bad start though - good work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fender&EHX4ever Posted October 25, 2007 Author Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 nice guitar tracks - I definitely would have guessed there were keys if you hadn't said there weren't any. Two quick observations (opinions): 1. The vocals are to loud 2. The electronic drums fit the style pretty well. If you redo them I'd definitely try to keep some sort of electronic feel to it. Do you have a live kit or some type of v-drum kit? Not a bad start though - good work! Thanx for listening and giving me some feedback, Macdaddy! I agree with both observations. The vocals are too loud Easy fix. My kit is a Yamaha Manu Katche HipGig Jr. set. I was going to experiment with blending it in with the electronic sounds, which I think will complement the early '80s feel of the song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members melx Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 Seriously mate, that is really {censored}ing good. I very impressed. Excellent vocals, kinda remind me of Bowie in places and someone else that I can't put my finger on right now, but it will come to me... amazing sounds from the microsynth....I can only imagine what you are gonna do with that HOG! yeah.....what can I say, I'm really impressed. only thing I would do is put some 'real' sounding guitars on there as well.....just maybe in the choruses or something like that...but that's just me because I love the sound of guitars!!! Good stuff. Get that up on myspace asap!!!! :poke: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fender&EHX4ever Posted October 25, 2007 Author Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 only thing I would do is put some 'real' sounding guitars on there as well.....just maybe in the choruses or something like that...but that's just me because I love the sound of guitars!!! Get that up on myspace asap!!!! :poke: Thanks, Melx I like the idea of putting some less effected guitars in the chorus. I'll give that a go. I just hope I don't crash my computer in the process What are you hearing? Acoustic, clean electric, or some dirt? I hope to do a MySpace over the holidays Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members melx Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 Thanks, Melx I like the idea of putting some less effected guitars in the chorus. I'll give that a go. I just hope I don't crash my computer in the process What are you hearing? Acoustic, clean electric, or some dirt? I hope to do a MySpace over the holidays I hearing 12-string Acoustic (can you do that with the hog??) in the left speaker, and distorted electric in the right speaker, (both pretty low in the mix).... that would make it a well kicking chorus. I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I could see this going down really well at a gay club night! maybe it's just because it sounds kinda retro that makes me think that...but it's meant as a positive thing anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mookieunit Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 I couldn't crank it up because I'm at work but that was good, man. Good vocals too. Definitely sounded more electronic than it is and had a real 80's club vibe. It was a little long but I guess that's ok for the style. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fender&EHX4ever Posted October 25, 2007 Author Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 I hearing 12-string Acoustic (can you do that with the hog??) in the left speaker, and distorted electric in the right speaker, (both pretty low in the mix).... that would make it a well kicking chorus. I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I could see this going down really well at a gay club night! maybe it's just because it sounds kinda retro that makes me think that...but it's meant as a positive thing anyway! :lol: I love it! Yeah, a friend told me it sounded like Frankie Goes to Hollywood. I personally didn't see the correlation, but now that you mention it, I guess it does have that gay nightclub vibe. What can I say, I grew up with a lot of Bowie, Queen, and Donna Summer. I'll try the chorus idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members melx Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 I don't think it's too long for the G.A.Y club mix. you could always do a shorter 7" version.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mookieunit Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 I was gonna say that it needed some kind of change in dynamics but then the wackiness around 3+ minutes kicked in and I felt relieved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Poltergeist Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 i hate the lyrics, to tell you the truth.... but i'm a freak for literature, lyrics, etc, so... you shouldnt pay me much attention, probably................... turn down the vocals a little.... i LOVED the intro and the part that comes after the intro, which i think sounds like Nine Inch Nails.... but the lyrics, for me, just kinda ruined it... but i bet alot of people will like it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members houseofglass21 Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 nice work, i like it. the microsynth sounds...well, like a synth. i didn't agree with macdaddy that the vocals were too loud. they seem about right to me. that weird guitar solo towards the end is really cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fender&EHX4ever Posted October 25, 2007 Author Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 i hate the lyrics, to tell you the truth.... but i'm a freak for literature, lyrics, etc, so... you shouldnt pay me much attention, probably...................turn down the vocals a little....i LOVED the intro and the part that comes after the intro, which i think sounds like Nine Inch Nails.... but the lyrics, for me, just kinda ruined it... but i bet alot of people will like it... Yeah, somewhere on the forum someone once gave the advice to avoid writing lyrics that sounded like they were addressed to a girl because it's so cliche. I'm definitely guilty of that cliche. Most of my songs sound like first-person love songs, so I agree that I should challenge myself more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cdawzrd Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 That... sounds badass. Good work. I need a microsynth :-/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Poltergeist Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 Yeah, somewhere on the forum someone once gave the advice to avoid writing lyrics that sounded like they were addressed to a girl because it's so cliche. I'm definitely guilty of that cliche. Most of my songs sound like first-person love songs, so I agree that I should challenge myself more. you should... when i have nothing to sing about, i just write instrumental stuff... but i am extremely picky when it comes to lyrics, most of the time... its not yours sound cliche, its just that i cannot feel what youre going for really... i know i love something when it reaches my inner being (beings)... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fender&EHX4ever Posted October 25, 2007 Author Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 nice work, i like it. the microsynth sounds...well, like a synth. i didn't agree with macdaddy that the vocals were too loud. they seem about right to me. that weird guitar solo towards the end is really cool. Thanks again for listening, guys! The MicroSynth is a blast, but it definitely excels in retro sounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members slight-return Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 you could turn it into a crypto-homoerotic thing - you've got lines about "take me where I've never been before" you could spin If you feel comfortable with that, might give it some edge and give you a chance to play with some euphamisms I like it overall, I think a lot of people have covered some details Just to reiterate (more than anything else) I think the intro goes on a bit long -- you could probably justify the length if the transition was more integrated with the main bodybut as it is, it wears a bit thin as "Ok, weve got the organ-like swell thing...some more swells....and some more" I think the relatively flat dynamics is a point - being quasi-electronic I can dig leaving it flat, but in doing so you risk listener fatigue - perhaps accenting various things to "nudge" the listenrs attention coculd help Ever wonder why there are so many ornaments in harpsichord? well - the instrument doesn't really have much in the way of playing dynamics, so you can use ornament as a 'replacement accent' for dynamic accents A concept that maybe can fit in here (maybe not, just another tool for the belt) eh, just some thoughts -- I really didn't expect to hear something so fully developed -- so rock on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members melx Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 I'm not really bothered about the lyrics to be honest, for me I'm more interested in the way they sound, than the lyrical content. Especially for this type of music I think of the vocals as being another instrument...and the way the words sound with the tune not what the words mean...I think they work in this case. lyrics don't have to be anything more exiting than... "she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah...she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah...she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" we all know it, we all sing along to it, because it's catchy...it works because of the way it's written, not because of the lyrical content. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members slight-return Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 I certainly dont think the lyrics are terrible (poltergeist seems to have more of an issue with em than other folks did , and that's cool - different sensitivities and it can give you more fodder for improvement) and you can't please all the people all the time OTOH "the magic is in the rewrite" as they say in screenwriting -- so it might be worth revisiting...even if no changes are made Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members recovery Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 This is sounding really good. Comments: -Nice groove and I especially like that freaky little solo part around the 4 minute mark. -Vocals are good, maybe too up front in the mix, but that seems almost appropriate if you are intentionally going for that 80's style.- I would add some guitar sounding stuff, but not just for the sake of adding it. I definitely would like to hear a "dirtier" version of this. A little thicker and layered. Maybe some of that "solo" type stuff, but going straight through the whole song and pushed down in the mix. Create some confusion in there without interfering with the groovy beat too much.-Not crazy about the lyrics, but like another poster I am pretty picky in this area. Nice work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Johnny Metro Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 Very cool and well written track. Intro is cool, but kind of long and unnecessary. IMO the beginning kind of meanders a bit too and I was kind of confused where the song was going until the "But you give me real love" came in. I think you have a really strong hook with that chorus. Why wait until three minutes in to hit people with it - hit 'em sooner and hit 'em often with it. I'd go A section, pre-chorus, BANG chorus right off of the bat. Awesome job man... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Poltergeist Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 i strongly disagree... i think the intro is the best part... its extremely atmospheric! sounds like if joy divison playing a church organ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members slight-return Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 Different sensitivities for shizzy (I think each opinion offered is valid) I guess like you with lyrics, I kinda see myself as pretty picky in the atmospherics/textural stuff (listen to a lot of ICM, natural ambient sound, key in on foley in audiodrama, etc * -- I sometimes wonder if that comes from being involved in a blind-heavy community in my youth) So, yeah, the opinions can get a little stronger in those areas where we self-describe as sensitive and the disagreement is GREAT !! I think Fender is getting a lot of good input (even when the input seems at odds...it can lead to the why/how questions...while there probably isn't a universal "how can I may everyone like it"...its a great step to "am I on message, artistically") I mean the unanimous stuff - that's often technical flaw and those thend to be the easy fix -- the stuff people disagree on...thats aesthetics and can be just plain judgement call * kinda funny, the wife brings up that might be one reason I like 'get out there sports like backcountry x/c ski and sea kayak...I'll tend to stop an listen to the environment, "quiet"...it's far from silenceand I get a little freaked out w/o that lowered input Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dangerous dan Posted October 25, 2007 Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 Like it, this is a really good track. Got that dirty 80's feel and and I can here an element of NIN in there. Needs the BASS to be LOUDER I thinks. Great melody all the way through, I like the chorus. I could here this in a club as a house / trancey - techno remix I think. How did you do those "keyboards" on the intro then - i.e. tell me more about pedals and how you used them !! I really like the sound of the vocals too, a good 'distinctive' voice which people would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fender&EHX4ever Posted October 25, 2007 Author Members Share Posted October 25, 2007 Great ideas, guys! I think eveything everyone has said so far will be incorporated somehow into the next reworking. The fact that Poltergeist likes the dark quality of the intro, and slight-return would like it shortened or edited out, gives me ideas. Maybe the swells would make a great ending for a darker, more lyrical song that segues into this song. I also like the chaos idea, of creating some background tension, and breaking up the monotony using ornaments. Very cool! Might be a good opportunity to put my Kaoss pad to work. As for bumping the chorus up, I've tried that arrangement, and I couldn't seem to get it to flow right. Maybe I'm just not thinking of it the right way. I agree that it's the most attention-grabbing part of the song, but it felt so rushed when I put it between the two verses. I'll have to revisit that some more. Thanks a billion guys! I really feel like this was a productive and creatively stimulating move for me to put this in the open air. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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