Members Silverburst LP Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 There was a post in here a while back about some guy on Craig's List, I think, wanting weapons that looked like other things, and one of the posters here replied with some hilarious pics of, like, a knife duct taped to a spoon, and a machine gun in a box of cereal or something in an email exchange with the man looking for these weapons. I tried to use the search here, but to no avail. Which one of you guys posted that, or who might have a link? The {censored} was hilarious, and it'd be cool if someone could point a brother in the right direction. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TomCray Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 http://www.dontevenreply.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Poltergeist Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 dude, the first one is way more epic.... Jesus.... i do not have the words right now... p.s. - this is the best website in the universe. period. From Me to ***************@gmail.com: Hey, My yard is 5 acres and I would like to work out some kind of regular mowing schedule. How much will you charge for five acres? Do you come weekly? Please let me know. Thanks, Mike From Rob ***** to Me: Hey Mike. Where do you live? Yes, I come weekly. I charge by the hour, but a rough estimate would be around $45 depending on if you want me to do trimming as well. From Me to Rob *****: Sounds good Rob. I'm located off of Naaman's road, near the 202 intersection. I would like you to trim around my sidewalk and patio, so I guess you should factor that into the price. I just need you to sign a waiver before you mow my lawn for the first time. Let me know when you would be able to do this. Thanks, Mike From Rob ***** to Me: Why do you need me to sign a waiver? From Me to Rob *****: The last couple of dumbass landscapers I had working for me sued me for injuries that were their own fault. I am just covering my ass so I don't have to deal with these damn settlements anymore. As long as you use common sense, the waiver won't even have to come into play. From Rob ***** to Me: Forgive me for asking but how were they injured? I find it peculiar that you have been sued by landscapers. From Me to Rob *****: Well, let me just say that I inherited this property from my grandfather when he passed away. He was a war veteran and a little bit eccentric when it came to guns. Long story short, he buried a bunch of land mines in his backyard. I had no idea until the first idiot mowing my lawn ran over one and it exploded. He lost his right leg and then sued me like a little whining baby, claiming it was my fault. The waiver pretty much says you won't sue me if you hurt yourself by detonating a mine. From Rob ***** to Me: Why would anyone in their right mind agree to that? He had every right to sue you. There is no reason for land mines in Delaware. From Me to Rob *****: Like I said, just use common sense and don't run over the mines. They are Valmara 69 mines, so you can see a bunch of little prongs poking out of the ground. Just drive your lawn mower around any if you see them. There might not even be any left. Some could even be duds - these are very old mines. Just forget about the mines and sign the waiver. I don't work on Wednesday, we can meet then to sign the papers. From Rob ***** to Me: I will never agree to this. Not in a million years. I don't know who you should call but it is definitely not a landscaper. From Me to Rob *****: You said you had a ride-on mower, right? These are anti-personnel mines, not anti-tank mines. Meaning your mower can probably withstand the blast. The mines weren't made to disable enemy German lawnmowers. The jackass that blew his leg off was using a self-propelled mower. How about this: you can just sign the waiver for personal injury. I'll cover the cost of repairs if the mine ends up damaging your mower. From Rob ***** to Me: I value my life, so no thanks. If you ask me, I think you are the jackass for expecting anyone to mow your lawn given the circumstances. From Me to Rob *****: Apparently they just don't make landscapers like they used to anymore. I remember when landscaping was a real man's job, and there was no lawn that couldn't be mowed. Now everyone is such a little bitch about everything. "Waaaahhh! I dont want my wittle wawn mower to bwow up!" Would you sue me if a bee stung you while you were mowing my lawn, or if you got mauled by fire ants? Do I have to go to court if you forget to wear a jacket and catch a cold while mowing my lawn? C'mon man, suck it up and do your job. From Rob ***** to Me: Dear Mike, {censored} you. Rob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silverburst LP Posted March 7, 2010 Author Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 http://www.dontevenreply.com/ Awesome!!! Thanks man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bobby D Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 http://www.dontevenreply.com/ that website is FULL of win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Poltergeist Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 dude, nothing i've ever read wins as much as that website. and i've read all by Shakespeare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members IRG Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 That is some funny {censored} for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members acdc518 Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 one of my favorites: Original ad: I need the help of a drywall expert to repair a large hole in our hallway wall. The hole is about three feet wide. You will need to bring all materials needed, but I will cover the cost. I can send pictures of the hole if requested. Please respond with availability and a reasonable rate.From Me to *************@*********.org Hey, I saw your ad and will be able to help you out. The best thing to do for dry wall holes is to tape over the entire hole with strips of duct tape, and then paint over the duct tape. If you have wallpaper, I could just put wallpaper over the hole. That would be even easier. After the repair, nobody should lean up on the wall or it will probably tear again. I suggest hanging a picture over the hole. I have some old framed pictures of Bon Jovi that I could bring and install over the hole. I am available all week, and my rate is $25/hr. When can I stop by? -Dan From Brittany ********* to Me Hi Dan! Thanks for the quick response. Sounds good! I will forward this e-mail to my husband and he'll get back to you ASAP. Thanks!Brit From Bryan ********* to MeDan, My wife sent me your email, but I don't think she actually read/understood what you wrote. If you are serious, then we don't need your help. I hope that isn't how you actually repair things. Regardless, I will tell my wife to actually read the emails before sending them to me. Regards, Bryan From Me to Bryan ********** Good afternoon Brian, Your wife doesn't sound too smart. I was going to recommend Hooked on Phonics, but she seems to be capable of writing. I think she just does not have the ability to comprehend what she is reading. I have a cousin who is "slow", and there is this really good remedial school in Philly that he went to. They offer some classes that help with reading comprehension. If you want, I can look up the school and send the information to your wife. - Dan From Bryan ********* to Me Heh heh, that might be just what she needs... From Me to Bryan **********CC: Brittany ********* Great! I'm forwarding our conversation to your wife, along with the school information. The name of the school is "Smithbridge School for Special People," and you can call them at (***)-***-2195. From Bryan ********* to Me Oh boy...please don't... From Brittany ********* to Me What a jerk you are. Excuse me for being busy and quickly browsing through your letter. Go to hell! From Me to Brittany ********* Brit, you should really consider this school. It might not seem like it, but they actually can help you. It did wonders for my cousin. He used to just stay at home with his aunt all day, but now he has a great job at McDonalds. Please, just give them a call. -Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hivedestruction Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 Still thirsty for justice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Poltergeist Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 From Mike Hunt to *********@***********.org Hi, I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them? Mike From Shannon ******* to Me Mike, Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time. Are you able to house all six of them? From Mike Hunt to Shannon ******* Shannon, To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good care of the kittens until I feed them to him. Mike From Shannon ******* to Me That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious. From Mike Hunt to Shannon ******* Shannon, I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger. From Shannon ******* to Me NO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members carrier street Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 That site is just amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Poltergeist Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 Mustafi Kaawelib to **************@*********.org Hello! I must say I was very shocked to see that you are the owner of one of my country's most prized weapons! It is very rare, and I must inquire how you obtained such a gem! Only generals of our army carry it, it is known as the "kweli" in our language. It is the sign of a true warrior! The price of one of those alone could feed a family in Africa for months! I will pay you 200,000 Ghanaian cedi for it! Please accept my offer! Thank you! Sincerely, Mustafi Kaawelib Brittany ******* to Mustafi Kaawelib how do i know this is real? What kind of money is 200000 Ghanaian cedi? Please advise. Brittany Brittany ******* to Mustafi Kaawelib Are you still interested in this piece? We got it as agift for helping someone move to a new home. My husband is a mover by trade. Please let us know. A few people have inquired about it. I would like it to go to someone who will appreciate it. thank you. Brittany Mustafi Kaawelib to Brittany ******* My friend, I assure you this is real. If I were to acquire this weapon, I would be leader of my native village in Ghana. That is how much of an honor it is. Ghanaian cedi is the currency of my home country, Ghana, 200,000 is almost all of my earnings for my entire life of mining diamonds for the military. That is what I am willing to give up to own such an honorable weapon. Thank you, Mustafi Brittany ******* to Mustafi Kaawelib You are welcome to it, however, how will I get paid? Are you in the USA, or in Ghana. How will you get this? I've seen too many scams on Craigs List. Please advise. Also, I need US currency and not Ghanaian currency. Talk to you soon. Brittany Mustafi Kaawelib to Brittany ******* Brittany, I am sorry, but I do not have US currency, only Ghanaian currency. Would you accept mangos from my family's mango farm instead? I am in Ghana, are you in Ghana as well? We can meet by Kumasi if you are familiar with the area. Thanks, Mustafi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ILOVEMYFENDER Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 major lulz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bobby D Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 That site is just amazing. craigs list is just ASKING for this sort of stuff. it's a cesspool of CRAP. glad to see someone has made such a sport of craigs the south florida musicians board has gone HAYWIRE in the last month.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members carrier street Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 craigs list is just ASKING for this sort of stuff. it's a cesspool of CRAP. glad to see someone has made such a sport of craigs the south florida musicians board has gone HAYWIRE in the last month.... I'm bummed they stopped updating www.itemnotasdescribed.com That was a PERFECT use of craigslist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members acdc518 Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 Original ad: I am in need of a reliable and SAFE driver to take my 10-year-old daughter home from after-school soccer practice starting in September and ending in late November. She needs to be taken from school in Exton to home in Bryn Mawr. It should take about an hour each day. You will be needed Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. Looking for a safe driver with a clean driving record. E-mail at ***********@comcast.net with references. We can discuss compensation. Thanks!From Me to ************@comcast.net Good afternoon. My name is Mike Partlow and I am very interested in this job. I have a lot of experience driving under dangerous conditions and guarantee your daughter will arrive safely at home every day. If you are still looking for a dependable driver, please write back. Sincerely, Mike Partlow From Kate ******** to Me Mr. Partlow (can I call you Mike?), I still am looking for a driver. Good to know you can handle dangerous conditions...but there probably will not be any dangerous conditions; you are just taking my daughter down Rt 3. Tell me about yourself - are you a professional driver? Do you have any references from past jobs? What kind of car do you own? Is it reliable? - Kate From Me to Kate ******** Kate, You can call me Mike. I was never one for formalities. A little about myself, I am 37 years old, and worked as a mercenary driver in the Middle East. I have escorted important clients through high-risk areas in Iraq and Afghanistan for five years. I have seen a lot of action, and have ensured the safety of my clients. Out of all the jobs I have done, 90% of my clients arrived at their destination unharmed. I have several references. I'll have one of them e-mail you. My car is very safe and reliable - perfect for your daughter. It is an armored 2007 Chevy Suburban. All glass has been replaced with multi-layered ballistic glass capable of stopping a 7.62 x 39 bullet dead in its tracks. The doors, roof, and floor have been reinforced with ballistic steel/composite that can withstand IED blasts and stop grenade fragmentation. This car has been put to the test and will always deliver. Safety and protection is my #1 priority. The car is fully loaded with an HK416 assault rifle that fire under the toughest conditions. The roof has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. Hopefully we won't have to use it, but it is good to have. I can't tell you how many times I've had to return fire against an enemy APC. I assure you that nobody will mess with your daughter as I escort her home from soccer practice. Now lets discuss pay. I have various security packages I offer, and for your daughter I recommend my medium package which will run you $200 an hour. I also have a minimal package which is only $125 an hour. It is entirely up to you. Let me know, Mike Partlow From Kate ******** to Me This has to be a joke. This isnt Bagdad, it's suburban PA... Are you just being sarcastic? What do you really drive? I want to pay 30 bucks a day, tops. From Me to Kate ******** Kate, Safety/protection is no joke. For $30, you are likely to get some 17-year-old kid who just got his license and will drive your daughter in his unarmored Ford Focus. I've seen an IED blow a Ford Focus into thousands of pieces, none larger than a golf ball. My security package is well worth the $200 per trip. We will pick your daughter up in a random Suburban. Four trucks will pull up, and she will get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack. The Suburban she is in will have an armed security detail of men I have worked with in Iraq. We know what we are doing. She will be escorted in our convoy down the highway at a high rate of speed to avoid stopping in "kill zones." All vehicles are equipped with an MIRT which is used to change the traffic lights to green so we will not have to slow down. Your daughter will arrive safely in your arms no later than 20 minutes from when she is extracted from the soccer field. Please reconsider my offer. You can't put a price on your daughter's safety. From Kate ******** to Me Stop wasting my time. Don't e-mail me again. (later, from another e-mail account) From Nick Walken to Kate ********** Dear Kate, I am an old client of Mike Partlow. He told me that you wanted a reference for a job you are considering him for. Let me start off by saying, you could not have made a finer choice. Mike is the best there is. He literally saved my life countless times in Iraq. Whatever you are using him for, you have made the right choice. You will be 100% safe. When I think about my experience Mike, one time stands above the rest. Back in 2005, I was a contractor in Iraq and had hired Mike's security detail to escort me through Fallujah. Everything was going fine until our convoy was hit by an IED. I don't remember much, but next thing you know, I woke up in a Republican Guard prisoner camp with Mike. I thought we were goners. They took me and Mike into a hut, where there were at least eight armed soldiers placing bets. They were going to make Mike and I play Russian Roulette. Mike convinced a soldier to let him play with three bullets, instead of one, which I thought was crazy. Mike even put the gun to his head once and pulled the trigger. He started laughing, and the soldiers started laughing too. When they let their guard down, he immediately shot three of them in the head, grabbed one of their AKs, and gunned down the other five soldiers. I didn't think we would make it out of that one alive, but thanks to Mike's heroic actions, I am here today. You cannot go wrong with Mike Partlow. He is the best of the best. One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad. He makes do with what he has and will survive the worst of situations. If you have any more questions about Mike, please don't hesitate to contact me. I owe the man my life. Nick From Kate ******** to Me what in the hell... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Faldoe Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 lol, oh my god was that a good laugh. Thank you for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Blakemore Effects Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 This website is absolutely glorious. Thank you, kind sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members THAT4301 Posted March 7, 2010 Members Share Posted March 7, 2010 loved the iraq driver one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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