Members riffy Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 Hey bro, To me, from your posts on HCAF at least, you seem to be a very intelligent, sensitive and caring person. But, sometimes that has to take a backseat to what is best for you. This girl had problems before you met her if I read this correctly. With her story about not having money and waiting till she has it is simply a rationalization on her part. She is waiting on yet another drug to help her. Does that bode well for her? What do you think? She has also lied to you. She freely admits it. What else has she lied about that you have not called her on yet? It really is in your best interest to just put this woman out of your life.... Truly. I have no horse in this race so I can only call 'em as I see 'em ya know? Gary PS. All the best wishes in whatever you do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members diddlybo Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 Dude, don't be manipulated by a lying drug addict. You're being guilted into thinking this is somehow your problem. Drug addicts, liars, scammers, etc are really good at doing this. They should be, its what they do all the time in order to blame someone else for their own problems. If this chick IS a true drug addict, you'll come home one day and you'll find all of your gear is missing. Drug addicts have a tendancy to attract other drug addicts. If you get enough drug addicts together, somebody's {censored} is getting stolen. As for her being a good person inside, thats bull{censored}. There's is only one way to judge a person and that's by their actions. As my mom used to say "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Maybe she has potential to be a good person but right now she's a dangerous person and should be treated as such. Give her your best advice and best wishes and get her out of your life before she causes you some real problems you can't just walk away from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Daddyof2 Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 I agree with SuperStrat. We had a keyboardist in our group during the 80's and 90's that became a raging alcoholic without anyone knowing it. By the time the rest of us got a clue it was too late. We tried and tried to help him. The drummer even got the guys parents and wife involved and had him put in numerous programs. We all loved him like a brother but even though he loved us also, he loved booze more. Now he's dead and all we have is the frustration and the sorrow. Nobody quits an addiction unless they are truly ready and have a strong will and dedication. It has to be the most important thing in their life for any program to work. You walking away may be just the wake up call that helps her quit. If not, it is not your fault. Stay strong and keep your principles and compassion but don't let them blind you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hairydangler Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 Originally posted by DirtyBird I am in the middle of a moral conundrum here and I'm not exactly sure how to deal with this. Some of you know a little about the situation, don't disclose any more information that I do, please? This is an issue of my own integrity. I not even sure how much I watn to tell you guys.. but the situation is so complicated and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to deal with this and i cant really go to my family or friends because my friend in trouble has made me promise not to tell anyone. So I've been dating this girl who has been pretty much bad news and lies from the beginning but I recognized she had issues and i tend to look past those to see the good in people. I finalyl got tired of her bull{censored}, the lies, the attitude, all of it, and told her to {censored} off the other day. Those that know the situation understand that I have no shortage of reasons that I should have told her to {censored} off since the beginning I just got caught up in it... I shouldn't have probably... But I'm just in a {censored}ty situation now because I'm the most important person in her life, and apparently hte only person that ever cared about her addiction problems (she hid it from me because she knew I wanted her to quit, so she pretended to quit...) And then I caught her on it one day... and she got SO defensive with me. She feigned a legit excuse and then I pushed her on it and she got upset at me for not trusting her and all kinds of {censored} so finally I got guilted into beleiving her when she said she was being responsible. So fast forward to now. I got tired of hte mood swings and the bull{censored}, it just wasnt worth it anymore and I told her to take a hike. And she comes back and spills her heart out about how this addiction has ruined her life and she's not herself anymore and this and that.... I'm the only one that cares. Her dad is an asshole, her brother is an asshole.. they care, but they'd just make things worse and they'd spend more time telling her she was a useless deadbeat junkie than actually helping her. So I dont know.... it's just so complicated but my question is this... I'm the only one who cares... but I"m sick of dealing with it. Because she's a bucket of broken promises and mood swings and I've sat there and dealt with all of that. Is abandoning her now when she's at her weakest yet a heartless thing to do? Should I stand by her and pretend I'm helping her somehow? I'm so pissed at her... but I feel like if I just cut off all ties that I'm some kind of heartless asshole. I dont know, I'm not really thinking clearly right now and I'm not really ... I dont know I"m confused. But I really believe I dont deserve to be in this situation, and she doesnt deserve someone like me there toh elp her out. But I've never been someone to hold grudges and kick people when they're down. I try to be good to everyone... and I dont know how to deal. I dont know if it would be better for her to deal with this on her own...... I just dont know. I havent read the whole thread but I say she needs to stop bogartin that {censored}.But seriously, shes playing you like a fiddle and youre a sucker for the "poor me" bull{censored} shes throwing at ya. Wake up son! You cant help her with this! Free bonus advice: Never trust a junkie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hairydangler Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 Originally posted by thefyn Sorry but I come to this forum to talk about amps and music not some whiny teen drama. I like to talk about amps on crack. I mean not while Im ON crack. Just amps on crack. Now MUSIC I like to talk about on crack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members IcedEarthian Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 I've been through a smiliar headache. My ex was a meth addict. That was the worst expierence to date. Why put yourself through this hell? She's been doing this before she met you. She's never going to quit, only she can help herself. Seriously, your young, stop wasting your time with this crack head. Do you honestly think this is the best you can do? I'm sure you can do better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Darkburst Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 Listen to diddlybo. It sounds harsh, but you can't trust drug addicts. They'll say and do anything to keep their habit going. Until she cleans herself up I recommend staying away and cutting off all communication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DirtyBird Posted August 5, 2006 Author Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 Oh {censored}... I just realized I never mentioned her drug of choice... Vicodin I wonder if that weighs in at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TU BE Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 I had to leave a girlfriend that I was with for 7 years (on and off at times) because of a meth addiction. I was no angel by any means and did quite a bit of the stuff and had a problem myself, but this girl was out of control. She began shooting up behind my back. She was a beautiful girl but you guys should have seen what the meth did to her both physically and mentally. I finally just had to "let it go" and break up with her. Riffy is exactly right, you can't help someone unless they WANT to help themselves. As much as I cared about her, she did not care enough about herself and that ultimately caused the downfall of her and our relationship. DB....just walk away. I know it's hard because I have been through it but it is what you MUST do. Perhaps that will be a slap in the face for her and she will decide to help herself, get cleaned up. She may even come back to be with you, but don't be mad if she does not. These stories rarely have a happy ending. Mine did not. Good luck and I hope this advice helps you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fab Amp Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 Originally posted by DirtyBird Oh {censored}...I just realized I never mentioned her drug of choice...VicodinI wonder if that weighs in at all. The only thing that weights in would be if she wants Detox. Up here there is a couple week waiting period for a free clinic. If you care about her as a person, try and find one. If there is no clinic, see a doctor. But if she is not interested in professional help, definately move on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Echoes Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 Originally posted by DirtyBird Oh {censored}...I just realized I never mentioned her drug of choice...VicodinI wonder if that weighs in at all. I have read the WHOLE THREAD...and agree with most of the 'tough love' guys here... here is a potential 'hail mary' pass or a true long shot..... 'tell her that her drug addiction is SELFISH and that she is actually hurting those that love her more than herself (invert the situation..) which is the TRUTH! tell her it boils down to 2 things: Drugs or LOVE...tell her when she chooses LOVE over drugs you will be there AS MUCH AS YOU CAN to help her get off the drugs.... seems to me she has 2 piles she puts people in: 1) enablers and 2) a**holes....if you persist and she sticks you in the 'a-hole' pile...THEN, move on...I have been stuck in the A-Hole pile by many a drug addict....so be it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vchizzle Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 Originally posted by SuperStrat Professional help is the only way.... I'm sure there is even free help that's available. +1,000,000 to this and everything you responded to in DirtyBird's quote as well. i've been through this. i supported with every ounce of everything i had for 2 years. there are free programs, even if to get started until she "has the money". this is a VERY long road if you decide to stick with it and help. be prepared for more let downs, lies, etc. its a good possibility they will continue for some amount of time. in the end i left the situation because it was affecting my health and mental well-being and it was one empty promise after another. i'm much happier now. sometimes the best hting you can do is leave. make sure someone knows her situation(family) besides you, if you her to get help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cougar Hunter Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 people don't quit anything fun until they have to. she hasn't hit rock bottom yet. pain killers are bad news and dangerous. opiate tolerance never goes down no matter when you stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Loghead Posted August 5, 2006 Members Share Posted August 5, 2006 Originally posted by DirtyBird Oh {censored}...I just realized I never mentioned her drug of choice...VicodinI wonder if that weighs in at all. Ah! I was going to ask you that. Everyone's response to drugs is different, but Vicodin doesn't have the same addictive qualities as, say, herion. My off-the-cuff guess is that hers is as much a psychological addiction as it is physical. Sure, the two are interwoven and one is arguably as bad as another is some circumstances, but I would argue that there is a whole world of hope for someone who pops Vicodin. In other words, it could be a lot worse. By the way, Vicodin has a {censored} load of that nasty pseudoeferindrinedohydrox crap, or whatever it is, that is really rough on one's liver. I suspect that poor health, and everything that goes with it, plays a significant part in her particular case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rushfreak Posted August 6, 2006 Members Share Posted August 6, 2006 Detox/Re-hab...period. That should be the only focus right now, not whether or not you two maintain some sort of friendship/relationship. It's admirable that you care and would be willing to help her get help, so use that frame of mind/perspective in any future dealings with her. That is all you offer right now, support...then, it won't feel so much like you are "abandoning" her and give you guilt. You will never be in control of her emotions/actions/cravings/withdrawls, nor will she, while she is actively using. Her addiction is in charge right now, not her personality or your good-will. I highly doubt that vicodin is the only thing she's been using, be that as it may, opiates are extremely hard to come off of, and most times medical intervention and medication are needed. This is much more serious than the "oh no not another happy pill...", it is very needed. There is help out there for many different financial/insurance scenarios. There are good meds out there for opiod addiction which are NON-ADDICTIVE, bupenorphrine is one of them that is used as an alternative to using methadone for opiate withdrawl. If she's serious about getting help, than help her, you can still detach from the rest and not feel like your'e getting burned...if she isn't serious, than you can depart, not out of hatred or resentment or exasperation, but by saying "I'm not the kind of help you need right now, your physical/mental health are your priority and focus right now, not me...." Good luck, and try looking online with her, every state has a DMHAS website you can search for drug treatment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DirtyBird Posted August 6, 2006 Author Members Share Posted August 6, 2006 Not being an expert on drugs, apparently it's actually Lortab... but from what I understand they're somewhat similar... so some of hte same things apply.I've been doing a little research and I've shown her a list of places she can call.Right now is a rather precarious situation because she actually has a prescription but she used it all up already... She's not going to be able to get any more for about a month (yes, she's used up a month's worth of it ahead of time). And I hate to think of her dealing with these sleazy dealers around here trying to get a hold of some lortab. So I'm thinking she's going ot need to get herself to one of these places within hte next week or so... Should be interesting to see how this turns out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members potaetoes Posted August 6, 2006 Members Share Posted August 6, 2006 rule #1 about dating opiate abusers: what you don't know can kill you. consider her a lethal biohazard until tests prove otherwise. if just abusing vicodin pisses you off to the point you'll ditch her, she sure as hell won't tell you if she is actually shooting up, or any of the other bad things that might result from that practice. it only takes one dirty needle, once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JamesPeters Posted August 6, 2006 Members Share Posted August 6, 2006 With addictions to substances that are this serious, intervention/detox/rehab and/or your walking away. Beware of promises people make about cleaning up--they seldom do. I agree with what a few others have said here too, that this is a potentially dangerous situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mistersully Posted August 6, 2006 Members Share Posted August 6, 2006 firstly.. detox.. if she won't go.. she's not ready to get clean.. it's that simple get her to a N.A meeting (narcotics anonymous) call her on her {censored}.. ALWAYS don't let it {censored} with your life.. help .. but be tough.. i wouldn't have her in my house if i were you i hope she makes it.. and i think it's cool that you give a {censored} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members trey85stang Posted August 6, 2006 Members Share Posted August 6, 2006 lose her quick while you have the chance. You have tried to help and that is all you can do. She can find someone else to help her out... or find someone that will do the junk with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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