I have hit the f$#@% wall man

[IkeTurner]

Ok man I need to post and get this off my chest. I can't deal with it anymore. I thought about a shrink. I thought about a therapist. I even thought about talking to my wife about it (so you KNOW I must be toeing the line).

 

I fell into music head over heels at about age 9. For the next 25 or so years I lived for it. I bought all the gear. I became a highly highly capable arranger and producer and even got some pro wins under my belt (honestly). I also got my kids deep into music too and my daughter is a great little singer. I became a good enough keyboardist to write any style music I wanted.

 

And then, at about 34 years old, something happened. I petered out. I lost interest completely. Not only did I lose my zest for composing, I lost interest in music all together. In the past say 4 or 5 years the only time I hear music is if my wife or kids are playing something. Once in a blue moon I go on a binge and will listen to Steely Dan or Sting or Stevie. But that;s rare. Music ahas lost all appeal to me. To my ears now, it all sounds boring, uninspiring, and stale.. even juvenile... as if I can hear through the patterns to the transparent formulas they used to make the sounds.

 

I believe I have what I will call Musictile Dysfunction. Sad but true, but I can't get it up anymore for music. I have about $10,000 worth of gear, a full recording studio, and support from my family, and even people who beg me to write something. But I am afraid I have no motivation whatsoever. The very thought of composing something makes me yawn.

 

Isn't this horrible? I'm worried because is has been going on about 5 years and I don't see anything changing in the near future.

 

Any ideas? I'm grateful for any and all insight, even jokes at my expense. bring it on. I'm all ears... at least for advice..

[Eclepto Funk]

stop writing

 

if you need to write, you will

 

i sort of have the opposite problem from you ...i basically suck ... so ... i don't know how many times i've thrown up my hands and given up

 

and then a few weeks later, that idea comes up ... and boom, i'm writing again

 

just can't seem to shake it

[blue2blue]

Aw... gee... that sounds pretty awful. I mean, I don't like all that much contemporary music -- or at least the stuff everyone else seems to like -- but then I never much have, in general.

 

I've gone through some real slack times on the music creation front, but I'm not sure if I ever lost my enthusiasm for listening...

 

Maybe you're being exposed to music you don't like in everyday life, on the job or elsewhere (if the dayjob is in a recording studio, you may just be in trouble -- but actually that is why I went back to my old dayjob -- being pounded with music I didn't really care for was starting to eat at my love of music. I'd get the last client out and go watch TV... just sit and watch like... well... like a typical American. [shudder]

 

Anyhow, maybe you need to take a kind of retreat from music. Maybe go camping. Dismantle the car radio, don't take an iPod or a guitar and just go out away from everyone else (hard to do but necessary -- so many people take TVs and radios to campgrounds now, I guess it's a good chance to let everyone know how cool their taste in music is ).

 

 

I dunno.

 

I know it sounds like I'm joking, but I'm not: have you been to a doctor, had a good work-up to see how everything's running? (I'm not a doctor go-er myself so I always rush to suggest that other people should. )

[eeglug]

I had a period of drought myself - about 10 years. I had burned myself out on music and could no longer find pleasure in doing it or listening to it. Everything about rock music seemed contrived and cliched and derivative.

 

So I explored other things. I listened to classical, jazz and opera only. I also switched my attention to visual arts, which was something I did before music. Then music began knocking on the doors of my mind a few years ago and came out in a gush last year. It was a kind of rebirth - of discovering what it was I liked about music in the first place. It sounds corny but the rebirth would not have occurred without the years of silence.

 

Don't let it get to you. You obviously care about music for it to have been so big in your life - the urge and desire will probably come back to you. Hang in there and enjoy other parts of your life.

 

Edit: I see blue2blue has said some of the same things I have.

[blue2blue]

 

Stop right there.

 

Everything about rock music has seemed contrived and cliched and derivative to me since about 1959 or 1960.

 

Once the first stuff I bonded with was replaced by something else -- no one ever told me that would happen -- I started noticing how rock and pop was just a branch of fashion... Turn to the left, turn to the right...

 

Anyhow... someplace in the 80s I decided I no longer wanted to play in that game any more but it wasn't like I was giving up on rock, just keeping track of what the masses liked and what trendies were supposed to like and what hipsters were supposed to like and what the really deep guys were supposed to like -- it's a lot of brain power I felt I could spend on other aspects of music.

[AudiLikeA4]

You need the inspiration/fuel to feed the fire. You can only last so long on a source of energy before you use it up and then you feel tired or bored. What was it that had inspired you for music before? Go back to square one and watch the movie of your life up until you lost the motivation. Did you get frustrated, did something come up that you felt you should be doing and didn't, did music just feel like the masterpiece of your life that had been finished, did you Love music but feel it didn't love you back? Be honest with yourself, probably the hardest thing most of us have to do. The fact that you're here posting this question means there is more left in you wanting to come out. Fear is doubt, and doubt is the devil(metaphorically). Show that SOB who's the baddest player around;)(Charlie Daniels Band:p)

 

So I guess the question to you is, are you prepared to finish what you started, are you prepared to answer the call?

[blue2blue]

 

You need the inspiration/fuel to feed the fire. You can only last so long on a source of energy before you use it up and then you feel tired or bored. What was it that had inspired you for music before? Go back to square one and watch the movie of your life up until you lost the motivation. Did you get frustrated, did something come up that you felt you should be doing and didn't, did music just feel like the masterpiece of your life that had been finished, did you Love music but feel it didn't love you back? Be honest with yourself, probably the hardest thing most of us have to do. The fact that you're here posting this question means there is more left in you wanting to come out. Fear is doubt, and doubt is the devil(metaphorically). Show that SOB who's the baddest player around;)(Charlie Daniels Band:p) So I guess the question to you is, are you prepared to finish what you started, are you prepared to answer the call?

 

 

The movie of my life seems to have been shot by Luis Bunuel or maybe Nick Roeg.

[IkeTurner]

Thanks guys. I read every post, and each has a point or three to ponder. Thank you.

 

I agree, it's bizarre the zest for listening has left, too. I watched Amadeus the other night with my son (it's fun watching all my fav movies again with the kids . The story made me think **maybe** I am a little bitter about the CRAP people are supporting now. Jay Z? P Diddy? Snoop Dogg? Lil Bow Wow? Miley Cyrus? 50 cent? Tha Game? Ugh. And even the so-called "artists" like Alicia Keys and John Legend. Really? Wow. I really think it's all garbage. And now I listen to the stuff in the 80's and 90's and that sounds like garbage too. So I go back to the 60s and 70s which I live and that stuff sounds great but is just lifeless to me now

 

Went to the symphony last month. Left early. Bored me to tears. Do you think it could be one for good???

[thepalpitations]

First of all, Ike, allow me to suggest Oliver Sack's excellent book Musicophilia. The book details the various and fascinating areas in which music and the brain interact, in positive, negative, and utterly improbable ways. It might provide insight into your condition, or at least ensure you that you're not alone.

 

 

Secondly, I like eeglug's suggestion of exploring different kinds of music. If the melodies and rhythms of Western music have worn thin, perhaps try exploring African or Asian music styles? Or simply a genre that you haven't had time to properly explore yet. If that doesn't work, Blue's suggestion of taking a music hiatus might work too.

 

 

While I certainly understand (and share) your frustration with the popularity of certain artists, I'd suggest you try to disassociate what is currently "popular" with what is current and valuable. Sadly, all art forms have always had "popular" figures that weren't nearly as talented as their peers but were more marketable or better looking or whatever. The truth is, there is quite a bit of exciting, good music being made today, and much of it is more popular than we might think. Modern bands like Mates of State, the Arcade Fire, and the New Pornographers (just to name a few) are making fresh, important music and being embraced all over the country. Just because the Billboard Top Ten or the radio doesn't always find talent doesn't mean the whole world's gone tone-deaf.

 

 

Finally, I wish you the best in dealing with your condition. For someone who obviously had a great love of music for much of his life, this must be devastating for you. Good luck.

[Stackabones]

What you are going through sounds similar to what the saints call spiritual dryness or drought. Maybe you could read up on that. Most of the advice is to keep on, don't give up.

 

btw, I'm not saying that you're going through any kind of spiritual crisis or anything (IME, it has felt pretty similar) ... I'm just saying that there may be some insight on what to do when you hit that wall by some folks who hit it as well.

 

I think that my creative impulses come from some place deeper than my emotions (I feel like composing/I don't feel like making music/etc), but my emotions are powerful and can fool me into thinking that it ain't happening.

 

It doesn't sound like you've given up ... you're still checking out music, going to the symphony and whatnot ... it really sounds like you're searching. You gotta be patient when searching.

 

Kids are a great way to stay involved with music, or at least stay connected somehow with the ineffable wonder of music. The energy and the wide-eyed innocence they bring to music is contagious.

 

Hang in there -- well, sounds like you've got hanging in there down -- 5yrs. Whew! Sounds like something is waiting for you.

[Jarick]

I had the same thing, was obsessed with music from a young age, amassed a huge collection of instruments, played in bands, wrote, sang, got the recording gear, made albums, etc. Then I stopped for a few years.

 

For me, I had a huge falling out with my bandmates and friends. I tried a couple other bands but nobody was any good at writing or their instruments, so I put it on the shelf. I took up hockey, focused on work and life, got into shape, did some reading. Sold off most of my gear, only keeping one of each instrument.

 

Lately I've been getting more and more interested. I don't have the same passion for music as I did before, but I still have that drive to make music. Coincidentally, I'm getting involved again with the same friends I had the falling out with, so a therapist could say that my hangups are resolving.

 

But the big thing is, don't force it. If it's not fun, don't do it. Don't focus on the gear. Put it in storage or sell it if you want. Take up a different hobby or sport. Get away from it for a while. If you rediscover that passion, run with it. If you don't, well it's part of your life and past but move on and do something else.

[nathanael hale]

wow i don't know what to tell you man.I know i went through something similar.I had to put the guitar down for awhile and go through a different phase of life(other interests and endeavors)to really find out how much i missed and appreciated the great artform of making and creating music,and now everything including my passion for listening absorbing and playing has been reinvigorated. Maybe you should take a break for awhile to see if the passion comes alive again.Or it could be unrelated and you could MAYBE MAYBE be going through some sort of depression(alot of times this can cause writers block because your emotions and energy are focused so much on your problems and worries and not just letting go and being free).I don't know how other aspects of your life are panning out,but sometimes it could affect it greatly(your passion and interests for things.I know for a period of time it did to me...

[Luigi]

when it's time again you'll know. do something different for a while. expand your horizons.

[tiredboy]

Same thing happened to me with playing competitive golf all my life, then I got bored. So I taught myself to play music. I don't play golf as much, but I enjoy it more than I ever did. Maybe you just need another thing to learn away from music that's different and find a balance?

[kurdy]

Maybe your passion for music has just been redirected. You may have found something else in your life that bringing you satisfaction to the point where music is no longer necessary. I'm not a parent, but I've heard a lot of people say, when they have kids, their priorities shift. Maybe your kids fill that void for you. Or maybe it's something else entirely. Whatever it is, I wouldn't feel too bad about not being into music anymore. If you don't get enjoyment from anything anymore, then there might be a reason to be concerned, because usually that's indicative of something like depression. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. So I wouldn't sweat it too much, and maybe your passion for music will eventually come back. And if it doesn't, just do what you enjoy.

 

You could always rent your studio out to other musicians and producers--could make you a few extra bucks as well.

[Divine Inferno]

 

Or it could be unrelated and you could MAYBE MAYBE be going through some sort of depression(alot of times this can cause writers block because your emotions and energy are focused so much on your problems and worries and not just letting go and being free).I don't know how other aspects of your life are panning out,but sometimes it could affect it greatly(your passion and interests for things.I know for a period of time it did to me...

 

 

What you described doesn't really sound like this but if you have been unhappy/depressed lately this could be something. I have clinical depression and whenever im down i just cannot play my guitar or sing. Just doesn't do it for me... worth looking into *IF* you've been having issues

[repeterfender]

I think this is probably more common than most people would think. It's almost a classic mid-life crisis in that you need something new to revitalize your life. I went through this for about 4 years. music was so much a part of my life, I worked in CD stores and instrument shops, played in 2 or 3 bands at a time for years. If it was gradual or happened all at once, I couldn't say, but I lost interest in listening, writing and playing music. All my favorite bands didn't sound good...it was horrible.

 

But a few years ago Katrina hit, and totally changed my life. I had to worry about other things besides music..much more important things like where will my famly live and where will I work. (everything is cool now). I started doing things I never had like playing golf and tennis. And then about a year ago I fell back into a band with some friends and I feel revitalized. everything is fresh and good again.

 

Point is...there is no simple answer to WHY this is happening, but lke some of these other GREAT posts have stated, maybe you just need to get away from it. Do somethin completely new. Mre stuff with your kids, take up painting or pottery, or sports..whatever. and if you are meant to play music again, just let it happen naturally.

[IkeTurner]

You guys are great. Ty for your words.

 

I am actually just about 41 (geez), so the mid-life thing is plausible. Underlying depression is also plausible given the fact that I reconciled with my wife after a near divorce, and the reconciliation was more of a 'surrender' --if you know what I mean. Add to that 4 or 5 rough years leading up to that.

Come to think of it, I don't find pleasure really in anything these days. I used to play golf and tennis a lot. Both sound boring to me now. Everything sounds boring. The only thing I really find any enjoyment in is reading, watching tv with the family, going to church, etc.

 

Maybe I just need time

 

Thanks again

[SBF3000]

when I am in writing mode I read and if the radio is on I listen to sports talk radio or classical or jazz. no lyrics. Helps me, the arrangements and lyrics come together alot better. But I do listen to my favorite CDs, just nothing I have heard a million times and/or hate.

[vladtra]

Fav songs when I am down

 

Guns n roses - november rain

Yukmouth - Money & power

Spice 1 - 187 he wrote, hands and a razorblade

Spice 1 - runnin out da crackhouse, R.I.P.

Vast - I'm dying

The game - rip billboard, bricks to billboard

Ten Years after - I'd love to change the world

NIN- the day the world went away, Right where it belongs

NIN. the hand that feeds, capitol G

DMX - Slippin

Genesis - land of confusion

Nickelback - if everyone cared

Immortal Technique - land of the gun, caught in a hustle, You never know

Covenant - call the ships to port

Coolio - Gangsta's paradise

carlos santana ft. everlast - turn your lights on

Bon jovi - blaze of glory

Aerosmith - livin on the edge

System of a down - toxicity

Tool - pu{censored}

Garbage - the trick is to keep breathing

Suicide Commando - comatose delusion (VAC mix)

Suicide Commando - one nation under god

Metallica - the unforgiven

Tupac - changes

Milk inc - land of the living

Yukmouth ft. outlawz - still ballin

Assemblage 23 - disappoint (funker vogt RMX)

Pink Floyd - wish you were here , shine on you crazy diamond

Moby - one of these mornings

 

 

 

Try writing some productions based on these songs.

 

These are absolutely the edge of crossing the line and going back so you are before the line again type music.

[Vermoulian]

I think most people go through a paradigm shift somewhere in their 30s. Music doesn't play the same role in most people's lives once you get past your mid-30s as it does earlier. I noticed at around the same age that you cite that I lost all patience with most pop music but discovered an appreciation of musical genres I had ignored before. The fact that, moving into your 40s, music is not as integral a part of your life as it used to be does not necessarily mean something's wrong with you. Here's a very relevant question: does it bother you because you feel a huge aching void in your life, or does it bother you because you have a lot of money tied up in gear you don't use anymore?

[kurdy]

 

Here's a very relevant question: does it bother you because you feel a huge aching void in your life, or does it bother you because you have a lot of money tied up in gear you don't use anymore?

 

 

Very good question.

[nice keetee]

In your original post you mentioned arranger/producer. Do you play any instruments? If so grab 1 and do some routine maintenance. Even rack gear etc. Spend some time alone with the gear. The tools. I bet most of us can relate to your drought. Got any REALLY old stuff you can listen to? Might get you thinking. Investigate feelings and translate into action. Even if it means selling gear to buy a boat and going sailing or what the {censored}ever.

[rjt]

Hmmmmm, I guess I would say "That's okay." You may or may not ever return to music.... that is not good, bad or mediocre. It is okay to not like music just as much as it is okay to love it. Lots of people have moved to different phases of their life and loved different things. I am (more than a bit) of a "trier." I have played competitive chess, tennis (for a college and taught for a living), been into photography and a bit of drawing. At times I have read voraciously. I played music from the age of 5 to 17, then stopped until I was about 32 or so.... It's all good. Just enjoy yourself and what you are doing. If you want to be creative doing something else, great. If you don't and just want to kick back for awhile....great. Who knows what will move you.... a lady where I work just started running marathons..... she's almost 50 years old.

 

I'm sure that you not playing is "music's" loss..... that much commitment over a long time is hard to come by. But if it isn't there, it isn't. I just wish you the best. As a wise man once told me "Don't push the river, it flows by itself."

[nice keetee]

Ok man I need to post and get this off my chest. I can't deal with it anymore. I thought about a shrink. I thought about a therapist. I even thought about talking to my wife about it (so you KNOW I must be toeing the line). I fell into music head over heels at about age 9. For the next 25 or so years I lived for it. I bought all the gear. I became a highly highly capable arranger and producer and even got some pro wins under my belt (honestly). I also got my kids deep into music too and my daughter is a great little singer. I became a good enough keyboardist to write any style music I wanted. And then, at about 34 years old, something happened. I petered out. I lost interest completely. Not only did I lose my zest for composing, I lost interest in music all together. In the past say 4 or 5 years the only time I hear music is if my wife or kids are playing something. Once in a blue moon I go on a binge and will listen to Steely Dan or Sting or Stevie. But that;s rare. Music ahas lost all appeal to me. To my ears now, it all sounds boring, uninspiring, and stale.. even juvenile... as if I can hear through the patterns to the transparent formulas they used to make the sounds. I believe I have what I will call Musictile Dysfunction. Sad but true, but I can't get it up anymore for music. I have about $10,000 worth of gear, a full recording studio, and support from my family, and even people who beg me to write something. But I am afraid I have no motivation whatsoever. The very thought of composing something makes me yawn. Isn't this horrible? I'm worried because is has been going on about 5 years and I don't see anything changing in the near future. Any ideas? I'm grateful for any and all insight, even jokes at my expense. bring it on. I'm all ears... at least for advice..

 

You died 12dec2007. You've been given a ? chance.