Members King_For_A_Day Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 As outgoing as I am when i perform, the writing and recording processes are very private for me. I need to be able to make lots of mistakes, sound terrible or worse, take wrong turns into muddy ditches or over cliffs, etc. My wife has always been hurt that i need to shut her and everyone else out when i write. She feels that i should be comfortable and free to make mistakes in front of her, sort of like being uncareingly naked. I understand what she means, but i still have trouble feeling completely open. I don't want her to see me confused or stuck or at less than my best musically. I also have a kind of Magician's Attitude, where i don't want anyone to see "how the trick is done". Anybody else in a similar situation? Am i just too dam inhibited? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 Loosen up. Check your sig. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members eeglug Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 I do work on stuff in front of my wife but when the opportunity is available I prefer to work alone. It's not so much about the embarrassment...it's just more peaceful without her there. My wife is an overworked IT project leader who is typically doing work from home during evening hours - so while I'm trying to commune with the muses, she's frantically typing emails and preparing presentations and documents. I find her 'energy' is sometimes a disruptive presence. I'm sure many of you will counter with stories about how disruptive your children are... I'll go through phases of wanting to be private about it and phases of not caring at all if she's right there. Another factor for me is that I think it must be painful for anyone to listen to me agonizing over music, playing the same verse over and over and over again. I was once mixing a song, playing it over and over again tweaking levels here and there and she basically told me to stop, that I was overworking it LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 As outgoing as I am when i perform, the writing and recording processes are very private for me. I need to be able to make lots of mistakes, sound terrible or worse, take wrong turns into muddy ditches or over cliffs, etc.My wife has always been hurt that i need to shut her and everyone else out when i write. She feels that i should be comfortable and free to make mistakes in front of her, sort of like being uncareingly naked. I understand what she means, but i still have trouble feeling completely open. I don't want her to see me confused or stuck or at less than my best musically. I also have a kind of Magician's Attitude, where i don't want anyone to see "how the trick is done".Anybody else in a similar situation? Am i just too dam inhibited? I absolutely hear you. I think some folks want way too much intimacy too much of the time. I would so much rather devote all my attention to the person I'm with for a shorter period of time than spend all my waking hours with the same person -- most of them trying to ignore or shut them out. Obviously, when you live together with your significant other, particularly in a small place, obviously, you have to develop coping strategies. I've known creative couples with limited space resources that found ways to trade off as well as have common use times. And, of course, you simply have to develop the ability to tune others out, at times. Obviously, childhood experience is going to be a significant factor in who can work in what fashion. I imagine that many who grew up in big families have the ability to shut out personal distractions much better than those of us who grew up as only children. Me, if the woman I'm in love with is around, I'm going to be pestering her. One way or another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ido1957 Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 I write lyrics in my truck while waiting for my daughter to finish dance class. It's quiet, warm (well in winter I turn on the heater) the seats are very comfortable. I rarely write lyrics at home but when I do I need quiet, so I hide in the rec room while others are upstairs watching TV. When I write the music part, it's all by myself in the rec room which is how I like it. Don't enjoy being scrutinzed while I'm creating. My wife asks once in a while to see what I'm writing but I always refuse until it's complete and recorded. Been doing it this way for several years and it works for me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 I'm painfully aware of the pain and suffering imposed on others by practicing and writing in front of them. I certainly don't mind sharing some works in progress informally with a friend or inamorata -- but there's no way I'm going to do the same song over 10 different ways, knowing how irritating it must be to the other -- since it gets pretty irritating to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 My loved ones/people in my house have less than zero interest in my musical exploits.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members A Happy Crowd Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 I can't write music in the presence of other people. It makes me very self-conscious and I find it stifles my creativity. Lyrics, on the other hand, are different. Sometimes I'll go out to a coffeehouse just to write lyrics, but always by myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 My loved ones/people in my house have less than zero interest in my musical exploits.... There ya go! Not enough mystery! Overexposed. Too familiar. Familiarity breeds... well -- a condition well somewhat sort of enthrallment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stackabones Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 Your wife needs to respect your space. There's no need for spouses to know everything about each other, which I know is contrary to today's accepted foolhardy wisdom concerning marriage. A little mystery goes a long way. Lock your room. Tell her you're busy. Give her the credit card so that she can go shopping. Help her find a hobby that doesn't involve monitoring your every action and creative decision. It's marriage, not parole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members King_For_A_Day Posted November 20, 2008 Author Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 Another factor for me is that I think it must be painful for anyone to listen to me agonizing over music, playing the same verse over and over and over again. Forgot to mention this one - a BIG factor! Thanks for your input, guys..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Johnny-Boy Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 I'd only get nervous recording if Van Cliburn was watching/listening. As far as shutting the wife out from my recording; she does that voluntarily. I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted November 20, 2008 Members Share Posted November 20, 2008 I'd only get nervous recording if Van Cliburn was watching/listening. As far as shutting the wife out from my recording; she does that voluntarily. I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nick* Posted November 21, 2008 Members Share Posted November 21, 2008 As outgoing as I am when i perform, the writing and recording processes are very private for me. I need to be able to make lots of mistakes, sound terrible or worse, take wrong turns into muddy ditches or over cliffs, etc.My wife has always been hurt that i need to shut her and everyone else out when i write. She feels that i should be comfortable and free to make mistakes in front of her, sort of like being uncareingly naked. I understand what she means, but i still have trouble feeling completely open. I don't want her to see me confused or stuck or at less than my best musically. I also have a kind of Magician's Attitude, where i don't want anyone to see "how the trick is done".Anybody else in a similar situation? Am i just too dam inhibited? I'm 100% with you on this one. I would think tons of people are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted November 21, 2008 Members Share Posted November 21, 2008 My wife thinks it's weird, too. She sure couldn't care less about my musical efforts, but she's offended when I tell her I can't work with her in the house (there's nowhere in the house that you can't hear what's happening in the rest of the house). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted November 21, 2008 Members Share Posted November 21, 2008 My wife lets me have the space I need........ And when I'm grinding on something I definitely need that kind of space. However, when I'm tracking something that I'm confident is there already sometimes I get my best take with the kids sitting on the couch. Sarah has been known to get up and dance and Alex doesn't hesitate to pick up a shaker when appropriate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Li10 Posted November 21, 2008 Members Share Posted November 21, 2008 Don't enjoy being scrutinzed while I'm creating. I'm the same. Or just in the same room as anybody else, sometimes the same house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MikeFairbrother Posted November 21, 2008 Members Share Posted November 21, 2008 I used to be private and locked myself in my room when I was writing, that came mostly from being perfectionist and not wanting to show any flaws. However, over the years I have opened up quite a bit. Now, I will sit on the couch with the laptop and guitar and compose in front of my wife and kids... like others have said, they could care less about what I am doing musically. Recording is something different though. I need complete isolation from everybody at this stage. So I usually end up having to schedule a time away from family and friends, like a weekend or something, for recording sessions. This is when people get upset with me, but they try to understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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