Members Y0UNGBL00D Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 allright, ill try to keep this short. i wonder who all has dealt with this: -my job has no "chain of command", as in, there are no consequences officially for joe {censored}head to jump his superiors and go straight to the top with a complaint.-joe {censored}head is under me, but as seen above, doesnt matter-joe {censored}head ratted me out straight to the top for being a couple minutes late back from lunch -we all take longer lunches than officially allowed, due mostly to the conditions we work in (cleanroom environment, so it takes a good 15 minutes from leaving your desk to get out and be able to do anything. so hour lunch+30 minutes back and forth+not taking other breaks during the day = 2 hours, not even counting the transit time we would incurr if we took breaks. 12 hour shift) -that has been halted now that joe {censored}head blew the whistle. -joe {censored} head does this to everyone, thinking his rat ways will get him ahead.-joe {censored}head, by nature of his position as a hired minimum wage contract-worker, cannot get ahead, but seems to want to try and screw everyone anyway. everyone knows this. joe {censored}head doesn't care. how do i get rid of joe {censored}head in the most diabolical way possible? i want some truly evil, but effective suggestions. some notes:-joe {censored}head doesnt do any important work, so he has near zero chances of truly {censored}ing anything up. -i do very high risk work, and have multiple opportunities to {censored} up-the bossman seems to enjoy this sort of "report all wrongdoings, however small" practice, or at least tolerates it. -my job isnt the fire on the spot type of job, but is largely a reputation game. this is why i take this as such an attack, even though i probably wont even get written up or anything. its the {censored}ing principle. -while i may sound like a slackass, i do outstanding work, am always on time and go above my "duties" so to speak. this wasn't a legitimate gripe, but a true shot at me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ComOp Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 allright, ill try to keep this short. i wonder who all has dealt with this:-my job has no "chain of command", as in, there are no consequences officially for joe {censored}head to jump his superiors and go straight to the top with a complaint.-joe {censored}head is under me, but as seen above, doesnt matter-joe {censored}head ratted me out straight to the top for being a couple minutes late back from lunch -we all take longer lunches than officially allowed, due mostly to the conditions we work in (cleanroom environment, so it takes a good 15 minutes from leaving your desk to get out and be able to do anything. so hour lunch+30 minutes back and forth+not taking other breaks during the day = 2 hours, not even counting the transit time we would incurr if we took breaks. 12 hour shift) -that has been halted now that joe {censored}head blew the whistle. -joe {censored} head does this to everyone, thinking his rat ways will get him ahead.-joe {censored}head, by nature of his position as a hired minimum wage contract-worker, cannot get ahead, but seems to want to try and screw everyone anyway. everyone knows this. joe {censored}head doesn't care.how do i get rid of joe {censored}head in the most diabolical way possible? i want some truly evil, but effective suggestions.some notes:-joe {censored}head doesnt do any important work, so he has near zero chances of truly {censored}ing anything up. -i do very high risk work, and have multiple opportunities to {censored} up-the bossman seems to enjoy this sort of "report all wrongdoings, however small" practice, or at least tolerates it. -my job isnt the fire on the spot type of job, but is largely a reputation game. this is why i take this as such an attack, even though i probably wont even get written up or anything. its the {censored}ing principle. -while i may sound like a slackass, i do outstanding work, am always on time and go above my "duties" so to speak. this wasn't a legitimate gripe, but a true shot at me. wait until you are the only people in the room, go stand by him having small talk and then when someone comes into the room say in a loud offended voice, "No I will not suck you cock, how dare you ask me that??!" Then report him to your supervisor - fired. Boom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grunge782 Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 Take a {censored} on joes head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members soundgardener75 Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 Take a {censored} on joes head. Makes sense since he's Joe {censored}head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gary Cohn Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 This is how I deal with mice at the farm: Hammer or gunpowder powered projectile tube. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kardula Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 Wd40 and a lighter....no that's spidersRevenge is a dish best served anal....no that's exgf's and their mom. Stick a rectifier tube in it... no that's amps Exlax in his coffee so he takes multiple breaks/long lunches. Cause his keys to be misplaced so he takes a long time at lunchLeave a bullet in his lockerPoison with arsenic, dispose of body in a vat of hydrochloric acid, dump in fresh concreted at construction siteget to know joe {censored}head, meet {censored}head's significant other....a2m/gape on significant other/mother, take pics, sent to joe and den of scum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members soundgardener75 Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 Exlax in his coffee so he takes multiple breaks/long lunches. Cause his keys to be misplaced so he takes a long time at lunch Leave a bullet in his locker Poison with arsenic, dispose of body in a vat of hydrochloric acid, dump in fresh concreted at construction site get to know joe {censored}head, meet {censored}head's significant other....a2m/gape on significant other/mother, take pics, sent to joe and den of scum. I like these, especially the last one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grunge782 Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 This won't get rid of him, but its hilarious if done successfully. When he isn't at his desk, just rearrange some of his stuff every time he leaves. Eventually he'll think he is going crazy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Miter Gauge Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 Personally, wouldn't do anything but if you are set on giving him a hard time, since he's a contractor you could contact the contracting agency and tell them his horrible and whatever else you want to throw in there. When I worked for Lockheed Martin, if you got a complaint from an employee of the firm in which you were embedded, they took it VERY seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DeadNight Warrior Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 This won't get rid of him, but its hilarious if done successfully. When he isn't at his desk, just rearrange some of his stuff every time he leaves. Eventually he'll think he is going crazy More likely, he'll pretty quickly figure out that someone's {censored}ing with him and whinge to the boss about that too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gary Cohn Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 Time to photoshop his face onto incriminating pr0n, oopsie cc the boss from a made up gmail account with {censored}heads info: Joe.{censored}head@gmail.com Cc: bossTo: bignastyblaqchiq@gmail.com (make this one up also so it goes through) Winner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Elder Things Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 ^ solid.Gain access to his email or facebook and proposition an employee. Is there any chance of assisting the coworker into a promoted position where his worthlessness can become more apparent? Or at least his workload goes up to the point where he doesn't have time to **** with your lives. ..or.. 1. drug him2. take pictures and report him for sleeping at work3. he never wakes up again4. FIRED! BOOYA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grunge782 Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 More likely, he'll pretty quickly figure out that someone's {censored}ing with him and whinge to the boss about that too. Depends how dumb joe {censored}head is. I've seen it work flawlessly before. The guy was eventually STARING at his hand while he slowly put his stuff down on his desk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamberg Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 I suggest getting a sheet of really sticky paper - about 4' x 8' and putting it right outside his work space. you'll catch him in no time- then getting rid of him will be the easy part. either run paper and all over with your car - or flush it down the toilet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members soundgardener75 Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 ^ solid. Gain access to his email or facebook and proposition an employee. Is there any chance of assisting the coworker into a promoted position where his worthlessness can become more apparent? Or at least his workload goes up to the point where he doesn't have time to **** with your lives. ..or.. 1. drug him 2. take pictures and report him for sleeping at work 3. he never wakes up again 4. FIRED! BOOYA Oh shi- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hotcakes Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 Get friends to call the office looking for him pretending to be babymommas, gay lovers, debt collectors, police, fbi, probation officer and employers looking for a reference. Alternatively you can always slip him some info he'll run with that is inaccurate and would make him look like an idiot upon the bossman's investigation. I've gotten rid of some spacewasters in this manner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hardvalve Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 My brother lives in Austin, and he is a.mean mother{censored}er. For a fee this asshole will no longer bother you, or with enough moulah anyone else. Ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cougar Hunter Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 murder/suicide Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NeloAngelo Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 kill him with kung-fu. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Neilrocks25 Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 Tell him he has won a road trip with soundstorm and a crate of beer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members scratchie Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 Go Postal. it's the only way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Y0UNGBL00D Posted October 3, 2012 Author Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 Wd40 and a lighter....no that's spiders Revenge is a dish best served anal....no that's exgf's and their mom. Stick a rectifier tube in it... no that's amps Exlax in his coffee so he takes multiple breaks/long lunches. Cause his keys to be misplaced so he takes a long time at lunch Leave a bullet in his locker Poison with arsenic, dispose of body in a vat of hydrochloric acid, dump in fresh concreted at construction site get to know joe {censored}head, meet {censored}head's significant other....a2m/gape on significant other/mother, take pics, sent to joe and den of scum. We actually deal Arsenic and all sorts of acid including hydrochloric and even worse, hf , every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rufus Leaking Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 If Joe is ratting on everyone for every little thing, everyone else must be pissed at him too. Get together with your co-workers and agree to collectively rat on Joe everytime he screws up. You'll have everyone in the place watching him like a hawk and reporting him when he makes the slightest screw up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hcprimerib Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 if your boss doesn't discourage this tattle tale {censored}, it will never end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Booker Posted October 3, 2012 Members Share Posted October 3, 2012 If Joe is ratting on everyone for every little thing, everyone else must be pissed at him too. Get together with your co-workers and agree to collectively rat on Joe everytime he screws up. You'll have everyone in the place watching him like a hawk and reporting him when he makes the slightest screw up. This. Make every little thing he does wrong, a big deal. He might get the idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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