Do you feel part of musicdome?

[Adey]

I must apologise in advance, this is a bit spur of the moment so i hope its not too hard to read. It will be long though, so if you dont fancy the long haul i wouldnt bother reading.

 

Rasputins:Art only you can make thread got me thinking about something thats been with me all my life. I dont know if what im feeling is because of my personality or character, or whether its because they way life just is.

 

Here goes...

 

Since i started making music at 14yrs old. I've always felt as though music was important to me in a way i cant fully understand. As soon as i picked up the guitar i was in a different world. I became very withdrawn very quickley. I always had a strange feeling as a kid that something wasnt right, i didnt know exactly what it was but i always felt detached from society, even my own family. My family was very close, so i cant see why my perfectly happy childhood would be to blame.

 

But yet i decided to totally immerse myself in the guitar, shutting out the outside world, not getting up to the things most kids got upto. But i've just always felt that i need to make music, not like its a hobby that helps me relax and unwind. I take it too seriously, i feel like there is this huge, massive stirring of emotions, that cant be verbally expressed. I feel like that is what my music is for. The problem is, is that i never feel like i've managed to express or put into music something that will liberate me from this torture.

I feel anxious and unsettled. I've had pain in my life when i lost my mum to cancer when i was 22 (28 now), but life is also filled with so much beauty and love, but its all wrong, its all {censored}ed up. I feel like we all want to be human beings and feel connected to each other, but we cant - at least to to the degree that our hearts yearn for.

 

But with me its more than that. For some reason i feel isolated. I have a loving sister, Dad, girlfriend and best friend. But i've always felt like i have a secret they dont know about, or some truth that would reveal im not 'one of them'. I dont even know what it is.

 

Take this website for instance. It took me years to get on a forum with other musicians. I knew they were there, and the natural assumption would be that someone who likes music, would want to mix and associate with 'like-minded' people. But a part of me still doesnt, or cant.

If feel like, the only way people could really understand me would be if they felt what i felt or could hear how these emotions sound in my head.

If only i could make music that i hear in my head, but its not even close.

I feel like im getting better and better all the time, like i feel that im moving forward. But at the same time never get closer. People tell me that im talented, and that my music's good, but i've never felt like i've ever produced something i can say im truely proud of 100%, im never satisfied. And ive never had an A'n'R man knocking at my door. I want to make something that will move people and maybe make a slight impact on there life. Its not an Ego/self-esteem thing, i feel like i need to do it before i die. If i dont i'll feel like i've failed. I've never done the whole sending CD's to record companies and advertizing myself as they cool dude muso type. I never felt part of any genre, movement or circle. I kinda felt that i could do it alone, in my bedroom, listening to music, reading, playing and learning, working away, untill one day i'd produce 'it'. Something that captures my soul so i can give it to people and say "this is who i am".

 

Do any other people feel like this?

Maybe i've just got an over inflated sense of self. I have and sometimes still do suffer from depression. Im a bit neurotic too, does it show:lol:

 

 

Anyway, sorry for spewing all this needy bull{censored} at you. As i've explained, i feel isolated sometimes, and writing this on a website is a classic example of

what my problem is. I should be talking to my Dad about this, not strangers on the internet.

 

I should go to bed now.

 

Again sorry for this, and thanks if you managed to read any of it.

 

Adey

[Taylor Davis]

I read it all and I feel for you. You go girl! Live it up ! yeah!

[rasputin1963]

Do any other people feel like this? Maybe i've just got an over inflated sense of self. I have and sometimes still do suffer from depression. Im a bit neurotic too, does it show:lol: Anyway, sorry for spewing all this needy bull{censored} at you. As i've explained, i feel isolated sometimes, and writing this on a website is a classic example of what my problem is. I should be talking to my Dad about this, not strangers on the internet. I should go to bed now. Again sorry for this, and thanks if you managed to read any of it. Adey

 

 

Well, Adey, I would say that virtually all of us here have felt the way you do about music. Music really is a form of hypnosis, and it does indeed "carry you off into another world". (Namely, into the Alpha brainwave frequency.)

 

When I started studying NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), I came to realize that aural ability and talent is by no means apportioned equally throughout society.

 

What I'm saying is, we the highly auditory are probably in the minority (in the NLP sense). I would say most people on earth are primarily Kinesthetic... followed by Visual. We Auditory types come third, I'd say.

[veracohr]

 

Do any other people feel like this? Maybe i've just got an over inflated sense of self. I have and sometimes still do suffer from depression.

 

 

First: don't think that by only quoting this part of your post that it's the only part I'm commenting on. I just like to quote the part that triggers my comment.

 

Second: yeah, I feel like that. Pretty much everything in your post I have felt, verbatim. Actually it's a little creepy how much your post could have been taken out of my mind.

 

Third: you mention an "over inflated sense of self", and depression. In my own experiences, that's an overwhelming influence on the sorts of feelings you expressed. An "over inflated sense of self" can even be a result of depression.

 

Without going into details that would bore the {censored} out of everybody else, let me just say that if you're looking for solidarity, you've got it. Your specifics may be different from mine, I don't really know, but the way you've worded your general feelings is eerily familiar. It can be difficult, but Keep on truckin'!

[Raymar]

Interesting. Ever notice how many successful intellegent people have bad taste in music? Sort of limited and really underdeveloped? Of course this applies to alot of musicians too!

 

The idea of seperation though is an illusion. I think musicians in particular, like a sports team can work together like one being or super mind simular to the way a flock of birds or school of fish can suddenly turn on a dime together. There is an underlying connection.

[Adey]

Well, phew!

 

I woke this morning thinking "what the hell did i do last night". I get a bit emotional sometimes, so thanks for being so understanding. I'm definatley going to read up on NLP.

 

Taylor Davis, i hope im wrong, but i felt like you were mocking me.

And if so thats fine, i've had 'mens-men' types treat me like that all my life, and i feel sorry for them because they all seem to be insecure, cowardly bullies.

Maybe its a penis size issue, who knows..

 

If i've misinterpreted you, then i apologise sincerely.

 

Thanks again guys!

 

Adey, the big wuss!

[Taylor Davis]

it's all goode lady! You were correct aboot one thang.

I "am" like a new born baby "down there".

8 pounds 12 ounces.

[Lee Flier]

Adey, there's nothing at all unusual about the way you feel (for a musician). It's pretty much how we all are, at least the ones who are sincere about it and don't just get into it to avoid getting a day job or to get laid or famous.

 

And I think it's brave of you to try to articulate it here. Very cool.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about A&R people knocking on your door, though. As soon as you have to do what a record label tells you to do, you give up a lot of control over your music and the focus shifts away from "capturing your soul" and over to "what will sell product." Those are rarely the same thing.

 

It is true that an artist can get too self indulgent at times, and if you suffer from depression you're more likely to do that because depressive people are more focused on their survival - how to get out of their predicament - than on anything or anybody else. Paradoxically, sometimes you can break this cycle by consciously doing things for other people, by choosing to focus on someone else or on your surroundings. Not only does this help the depression but it gives you a lot of material for new songs, too.

 

Anyway, best of luck and feel free to vent here - everyone else does.

[Adey]

Thanks Lee, you make a lot of sense. I am very self conscious, but most of the time i deal with it by showing more interest in other peoples activities. I listen alot, always keen to learn from people find out about them. But inside im kinda needing the same thing too.

 

Im not sure if this thread is actually on-topic. The (miss-spelled:facepalm:) title is a bit misleading.

 

Thanks all.

[Taylor Davis]

(sylvester stallone voice) HEY ADRIAN!

I'm drankin a pint and listenin' to your jams. Cool stuff. I like the way you have it mixed ,mostly. Wayyy better than my mix downs. you could work on your arrangements a bit more.

My two faves after hearing all your tunes are: HARRIET and GODSPEED09. you have a great style and should feel proud.

I wrote you a quick note at your soundclick page.

[blue2blue]

I must apologise in advance, this is a bit spur of the moment so i hope its not too hard to read. It will be long though, so if you dont fancy the long haul i wouldnt bother reading. Rasputins: Art only you can make thread got me thinking about something thats been with me all my life. I dont know if what im feeling is because of my personality or character, or whether its because they way life just is. Here goes... Since i started making music at 14yrs old. I've always felt as though music was important to me in a way i cant fully understand. As soon as i picked up the guitar i was in a different world. I became very withdrawn very quickley. I always had a strange feeling as a kid that something wasnt right, i didnt know exactly what it was but i always felt detached from society, even my own family. My family was very close, so i cant see why my perfectly happy childhood would be to blame. But yet i decided to totally immerse myself in the guitar, shutting out the outside world, not getting up to the things most kids got upto. But i've just always felt that i need to make music, not like its a hobby that helps me relax and unwind. I take it too seriously, i feel like there is this huge, massive stirring of emotions, that cant be verbally expressed. I feel like that is what my music is for. The problem is, is that i never feel like i've managed to express or put into music something that will liberate me from this torture. I feel anxious and unsettled. I've had pain in my life when i lost my mum to cancer when i was 22 (28 now), but life is also filled with so much beauty and love, but its all wrong, its all {censored}ed up. I feel like we all want to be human beings and feel connected to each other, but we cant - at least to to the degree that our hearts yearn for. But with me its more than that. For some reason i feel isolated. I have a loving sister, Dad, girlfriend and best friend. But i've always felt like i have a secret they dont know about, or some truth that would reveal im not 'one of them'. I dont even know what it is. Take this website for instance. It took me years to get on a forum with other musicians. I knew they were there, and the natural assumption would be that someone who likes music, would want to mix and associate with 'like-minded' people. But a part of me still doesnt, or cant. If feel like, the only way people could really understand me would be if they felt what i felt or could hear how these emotions sound in my head. If only i could make music that i hear in my head, but its not even close. I feel like im getting better and better all the time, like i feel that im moving forward. But at the same time never get closer. People tell me that im talented, and that my music's good, but i've never felt like i've ever produced something i can say im truely proud of 100%, im never satisfied. And ive never had an A'n'R man knocking at my door. I want to make something that will move people and maybe make a slight impact on there life. Its not an Ego/self-esteem thing, i feel like i need to do it before i die. If i dont i'll feel like i've failed. I've never done the whole sending CD's to record companies and advertizing myself as they cool dude muso type. I never felt part of any genre, movement or circle. I kinda felt that i could do it alone, in my bedroom, listening to music, reading, playing and learning, working away, untill one day i'd produce 'it'. Something that captures my soul so i can give it to people and say "this is who i am". Do any other people feel like this? Maybe i've just got an over inflated sense of self. I have and sometimes still do suffer from depression. Im a bit neurotic too, does it show:lol: Anyway, sorry for spewing all this needy bull{censored} at you. As i've explained, i feel isolated sometimes, and writing this on a website is a classic example of what my problem is. I should be talking to my Dad about this, not strangers on the internet. I should go to bed now. Again sorry for this, and thanks if you managed to read any of it. Adey

Well... sounds like you've just described the human condition -- sensitive musical artist division -- pretty nicely.

 

Not everyone sees or feels it all the same, of course. But a lot of what you write, I could have said, maybe a different way -- particularly the stuff about the mix of happiness and sadness, the jumble of experience and shifting emotion, the sense that it's a tapestry of bright threads, each strand a slightly different color weaving together to form a complex patten. (I think I lifted that last from a funeral homily. Take your truth where you find it, I always say. )

 

With regard to music... you can be a part of the musical world -- you can be a part of the music business. Two potentially overlapping but very different things. Not everyone is cut out to try to make a living at music, including some incredibly talented people who would simply rather not put up with all the non-musical junk, the sleazy business dealings and continual attempts to exploit, coerce, and coopt musicians and other creatives.

[Jeff da Weasel]

A lot of creative people (in music or many other fields) have similar feelings about life and relating to other people. Also, you're at an age (28) where many people start developing questions about what they're doing in life and why they're doing it. It can be a rough patch to get through. It was rough for me.

 

The good news is that as time goes by, you become more and more comfortable with the decisions you've made. This happens at different times and in different ways with everyone. All I can offer by way of advice is hang in there, and be optimistic that you'll find some greater purpose with your music and life in general. It may not be what you had planned, but chances are you'll find fulfillment in ways you may not even realize at the moment.

[Adey]

Yeah, i guess i must find some release from it or else i wouldn't do it.

 

I feel a little bit silly now of course. I wish i hadn't made it so personal, but i glad i got it outta my system.

 

@Taylor Davis.

 

Im slightly confused now, i thought i'd pissed you off, but then you say nice things about me? The only new messages i see on my soundclick page are from some rapper guy, who hasnt found the caps lock key yet.

 

Either way, im sorry if i was rude. I hate being rude to people, but i thought you were being rude to me, so i just reacted.

I also dig your music, i like your guitar playing. Your vocals should be louder though,

 

Peace and love to all,

 

Adey

[onelife]

Excellent Post

 

Music is a gift but it is not ours to have it is ours to give.

 

It seems to me that you understand that and it is what's driving you. Don't fight it or even try too hard to understand it - embrace it and become a vehicle for the soul connecting qualities of music.

[Lukenskywalker]

Adey,

Nice to have you aboard, You are a fresh and intuitive breeze.

[rasputin1963]

re: NLP.

 

 

Yeah, since 1985 or so, much periphera has been addended to the original NLP "manifestos" of the early 1970's.

 

But, IMHO, they have not improved upon the original material significantly.

 

Really, the first four or five books produced on the subject-- a sort of NLP "pentateuch"--- still remain, for me, the definitive and useful stuff; everything since then has been just fluffy refinements.

 

At the risk of being tedious here, I will go ahead and list them:

 

FROGS INTO PRINCES

CHANGE YOUR MIND...AND KEEP THE CHANGE

REFRAMING

USING YOUR BRAIN...FOR A CHANGE

TRANCE-FORMATIONS

 

 

Of course, much of Bandler/Grinder's initial work (as I say, the "core" of NLP) has been founded upon the hypnotic techniques of Dr. Milton Erickson.

 

So indeed, to be fluent in NLP, what one needs to do is read, let's say, the first four or five books published on NLP... (and they are fairly breezy reading) then augment those studies by reading up on Milton Erickson and his techniques.

 

 

NLP is one of those funny "eureka" ideas that, once you have "gotten" it? You can never "un-get" it. You will always have it as a lens through which to view human communications.

 

Those initially getting into it will be pleasantly surprised that it does not partake of the "occult" or "mystical" or ineffable; no, it's really practical and makes a lot of sense once you get into it.

 

It kinda disgusts me the way NLP is often flogged, post-the ONE-MINUTE MANAGER 1980's, as a means of selling unwanted things to the unsuspect; or as a cynical means of getting into a woman's panties. Those are definitely possibilities for NLP use, but they are not, shall we say, the loftiest, most noble ways to use NLP.

[Taylor Davis]

ayds; being nice for niceness's sake was not my goal.

Just being honest and real.

the note in question is in your SC friends list.

I suggest you listen to some rheinhardt and grappelli, drink three pints then smoke a jazz ciggie, call your girl over, and knock the mucus plug out.

 

But seriously folkes, Simple sunshine and excercise will do wonders for ye' branewaves.

[Adey]

Ok, will do. cheers Taylor:thu:

[Lukenskywalker]

I gave a listen to your music...keyboard very reminescent of the 'Brit Invasion' band, the Zombies. The bass playing?..... tasty..

 

I suggest that you give a listen to Saul T.Nads stuff if you get a mo':thu:

 

You English certainly have had a musical grip on my heart:love: since the 4 Mop tops hit our shores in the early sixties.

[veracohr]

 

Im not sure if this thread is actually on-topic. The (miss-spelled:facepalm:) title is a bit misleading.

 

 

I thought it was like Thunderdome, only Musicdome. Although I guess that wouldn't really make sense in relation to the post.

[philbo]

Adey, I'm an old fart (55 going on 56). And I want to share the one most important thing I've ever learned: All fear, suffering, doubt and emotional pain is caused by desires.

 

The trick is to figure out which desires to give up. . . but only you can do that.

[Melvin J.]

Wow, great post. The post summarizes a lot of the feelings and challenges that I face as a musician for sure.

[Adey]

 

Adey, I'm an old fart (55 going on 56). And I want to share the one most important thing I've ever learned: All fear, suffering, doubt and emotional pain is caused by desires. The trick is to figure out which desires to give up. . . but only you can do that.

 

 

Yes, desire is the root of all suffering, that is so true. Those Buddhists have got it all worked out:)

 

But indeed what to give up? Love, Sex, ambition?

If im scared of dying do i give up life?

 

Some thing my dad always says to me is "The reason Custer lost to Sitting Bull was because Custer was trying to become something, whereas Sitting Bull just was".

 

I try and make sense of it, i guess its about accepting who you are, and being content with yourself and your identity.

 

And i think i am generally, Ive had depression but the last six months have been the best in my life i reckon.

 

I have Harriett to thank for that,

 

Adey

[dahkter]

Hi Adey,

Nice to meet you, good post.

My background is primarily as a hip hop DJ and producer, which means I learned how to make music with no formal training whatsoever. In the beginning of my journey, that was fine, I would let the samples lead me to what the composition should sound like. Now that I am futher in my life, I often have ideas in my head, but manifesting them without the ability to pick up a guitar or play the piano is exceedingly difficult.

 

My comments regarding your post are:

- be thankful that you have the means to express yourself.

- per Taylor's comment, sunshine and exercise are big. I would also say good food and good rest are also paramount to maximizing your potential.

Best regards,

Jason