Members Thunderbroom Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 My wife informed me today that her brother has decided that he's going to get married somewhere in the Caribbean next February. While this sounds cool at the outset, I'm now thinking how I've got to save up money to fly four people there, get a hotel and all the other stuff associated with it. It is easily going to cost several thousand dollars. This just seems incredibly selfish for her brother to put the burden on his friends and relatives to drop cash like this to go to his wedding. Of course, maybe I'm being selfish, but the money we spend attending his wedding has to come from somewhere so I guess some cutbacks will have to come to our household. I don't think my wife and kids are gonna like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Psilocybin Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 Or just don't go. Unless I was from a rich family, if I had my wedding in some far off place I would not expect people to show up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Thunderbroom Posted June 3, 2007 Author Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 Or just don't go. Unless I was from a rich family, if I had my wedding in some far off place I would not expect people to show up. I may not go, but there's no way my wife and kids will miss it. I just can't believe that he's not even considering the fact that we'll have to shell out thousands of dollars to see him get married. It just seems so selfish to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bassment zombie Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 My wife informed me today that her brother has decided that he's going to get married somewhere in the Caribbean next February.While this sounds cool at the outset, I'm now thinking how I've got to save up money to fly four people there, get a hotel and all the other stuff associated with it. It is easily going to cost several thousand dollars.This just seems incredibly selfish for her brother to put the burden on his friends and relatives to drop cash like this to go to his wedding. Of course, maybe I'm being selfish, but the money we spend attending his wedding has to come from somewhere so I guess some cutbacks will have to come to our household. I don't think my wife and kids are gonna like it. Here's one way to look at it: He's being selfish, and you're being selfish...even.Its his wedding...he wins. My g/f and I are big fans of the destination wedding. While I'd love for anyone and everyone of the limited amount of people I'd invite to come join us, I wouldn't expect a single one of them to do so. Weddings are completely overdone these days, and can be an enormous financial burden on the bridge and groom, and often their families. {censored} that. Make it simple, poignant and relaxing. The price paid is that not nearly as many people can come...completely understandable. I'd absolutely love it, my gf would, and our parents would love to come and have a wonderful time. A vacation. We wouldn't for a moment expect that anyone/everyone else join us. Anyone else able/willing to come is just wonderful gravy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tylytle Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 can you make a family vacation out of it at the same time? Would be a much better way of looking at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Funkee1 Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 I'm with you T- Broom. I'd send a fruit basket and be through with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mike fitzwell Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 My wife and I had our wedding in Cancun and had the time of our lives. We originally had our wedding scheduled for May of 2000, but in 1999 my brother got married in August, and my wife's sister married in September. So we decided to bump up the date to November 1999 in order to marry on the anniversary of our first date. A few family members were disgruntled at first, but understood the decision. We ended up throwing a casual bash the following January and it turned out great. We did not ask anyone to come along with us when we got married. I didn't want to place that burden on any of my family members who aren't as fluid as the others. (I have 9 bros & sisters) It was a great week of alone time for us that we'll always remember. TBroom, I say if it's that important to your wife, suck it up, take the family, and treat it as a vacation. Of course lay it out that if they all want to go the cutbacks have to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rikshaw Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 he should pay for your family to fly out there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bassment zombie Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 My wife and I had our wedding in Cancun and had the time of our lives. We originally had our wedding scheduled for May of 2000, but in 1999 my brother got married in August, and my wife's sister married in September. So we decided to bump up the date to November 1999 in order to marry on the anniversary of our first date. A few family members were disgruntled at first, but understood the decision. We ended up throwing a casual bash the following January and it turned out great. We did not ask anyone to come along with us when we got married. I didn't want to place that burden on any of my family members who aren't as fluid as the others. (I have 9 bros & sisters) It was a great week of alone time for us that we'll always remember. TBroom, I say if it's that important to your wife, suck it up, take the family, and treat it as a vacation. Of course lay it out that if they all want to go the cutbacks have to happen. Great stuff I forgot to add that if/when we get married, we would throw a 'wedding party' later here in the US for our extended families and friends to attend, if they so chose... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members catphish Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 I forgot to add that if/when we get married, we would throw a 'wedding party' later here in the US for our extended families and friends to attend, if they so chose... Mrs. Catphish and I considered a wedding in Ireland (I should point out that more than half her family lives in Ireland). We decided against it, but if we had done it, we would have expected that many of our American friends and family wouldn't have made the trip and we'd have done what BZ is suggesting. A big, informal, state-side party to celebrate with people who couldn't make the trip. In retrospect, I wish we'd have just eloped......and bought a Porsche. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members basste Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 i would not go. but i would organize a party for them when they come back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members timmerz Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 I may not go, but there's no way my wife and kids will miss it. I just can't believe that he's not even considering the fact that we'll have to shell out thousands of dollars to see him get married. It just seems so selfish to me. It is.Check with your wife and see if it was his idea or his soon-to-be wife's idea... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phildogger Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 One of my friends is getting married in Aruba in October. Most of us (his friends) have decided that we are not going to attend, as it is too far and too expensive. The simple fact is that those who choose to get married 2000 miles away from loved ones are really quite selfish. Get married locally, and then go on your honeymoon! If you choose to get married half a world away, expect that 90% of the people who care about you will not attend, and if I do, expect NO GIFT! 4000 dollars to see someone's wedding? No thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members catphish Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 If there is any part of life in which being selfish should be excused, it's your wedding. (IMHO) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members allan grossman Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 If there is any part of life in which being selfish should be excused, it's your wedding. (IMHO) Exactly. I don't blame them for wanting something special - getting married in an exotic place is pretty romantic. If I was getting married in the Caribbean I wouldn't invite anybody as I'd want to sneak away with the new wife instead of entertaining a buncha friends and relatives after the ceremony. Telling your sister you're getting married in the Caribbean next winter is a lot different from actually mailing a wedding invitation. It's their day - they can have it wherever they want. If you want to get mad at somebody holler at the wife for deciding all y'all were going instead of considering the financial ramifications first. When you get done hollering at the wife I'd run, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ThudMaker Posted June 3, 2007 Moderators Share Posted June 3, 2007 T-Broom isn't being selfish at all. As a matter of fact, if they want to get married in the Carribean, they should just take the Best Man and Maid of Honor along, get married on the beach, and throw a huge reception when they get back. Nothing like telling everybody they're so special, that everyone needs to drop a few grand on their wedding, including vacation time, whether they wanted to take it or not. Proper etiquette would be that the in-laws would pay for the plane tickets, if in fact they expect all the close relatives to come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mike fitzwell Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 Great stuff I forgot to add that if/when we get married, we would throw a 'wedding party' later here in the US for our extended families and friends to attend, if they so chose... We used this company and they arranged everything perfectly to a T. It was awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Thunderbroom Posted June 3, 2007 Author Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 He's being selfish, and you're being selfish...even.Its his wedding...he wins. I don't think your selfish comparison is valid. I'll readily admit that I'm selfish; however, I would never expect my friends and family to drop thousands of dollars to come to my wedding. And with my wife's family IT IS EXPECTED. He's doing pretty well financially and maybe hasn't made the connection in his mind that he's likely burdening others by his decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OneBassNut Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 yeah man, what is it with getting married far away..I hate that s**t:mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members allan grossman Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 He's doing pretty well financially and maybe hasn't made the connection in his mind that he's likely burdening others by his decision. A fair point. If he's a decent sort I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bassment zombie Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 I don't think your selfish comparison is valid. I'll readily admit that I'm selfish; however, I would never expect my friends and family to drop thousands of dollars to come to my wedding. And with my wife's family IT IS EXPECTED. He's doing pretty well financially and maybe hasn't made the connection in his mind that he's likely burdening others by his decision. I suppose it wasn't clear that the opening part of that post was done a bit tongue and cheek...ah well. 1) I wouldn't expect my friends and family to drop thousands of dollars to come, either! I was explicit about that in my posts. But you're now talking about your wife's family, and that they indeed expect everyone to drop that coin and attend? How does she feel about it? Does she also expect you to 'drop that coin,' so to speak? 2) My gf and I would have quite limited finances, and that's certainly part of the attraction of a destination wedding. Additionally, the other great/special aspects of a destination wedding that allan and other posters have expressed as well. If/when we get married, we don't want a big broo-haa-haa (?) for our wedding. We want something simple, something special, and something that won't put us in additional debt for years to come. We'd rather use that unspent money on our first home (in a very pricey market up here in MA, no less). This is OUR day. We wouldn't dare expect others to drop that money and come join us. Anyhow...I think I've said all I wanted to say...multiple times *laugh* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Thumper Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 i would not go. but i would organize a party for them when they come back. +1. Mrs. Thumper and I got married in Germany in February 1991, just before my butt got shipped off to the sandbox. We held a second ceremony for family and friends in Minneapolis in 1993, when we got back to the US. It worked out pretty well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Thunderbroom Posted June 3, 2007 Author Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 1) I wouldn't expect my friends and family to drop thousands of dollars to come, either! I was explicit about that in my posts. But you're now talking about your wife's family, and that they indeed expect everyone to drop that coin and attend? How does she feel about it? Does she also expect you to 'drop that coin,' so to speak? My wife and I just talked about this a little more. I told her about this thread as well. She said, "well, maybe we just shouldn't go". I told her that I likely wouldn't go as I'd have to work but that if she and the kids want to go, we'll figure out how much it's going to cost and then we'll cut back on purchases that directly relate to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phildogger Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 Yet another impeccable allan grossman post I suppose it wasn't clear that the opening part of that post was done a bit tongue and cheek...ah well. 1) I wouldn't expect my friends and family to drop thousands of dollars to come, either! I was explicit about that in my posts. But you're now talking about your wife's family, and that they indeed expect everyone to drop that coin and attend? How does she feel about it? Does she also expect you to 'drop that coin,' so to speak? 2) My gf and I would have quite limited finances, and that's certainly part of the attraction of a destination wedding. Additionally, the other great/special aspects of a destination wedding that allan and other posters have expressed as well. If/when we get married, we don't want a big broo-haa-haa (?) for our wedding. We want something simple, something special, and something that won't put us in additional debt for years to come. We'd rather use that unspent money on our first home (in a very pricey market up here in MA, no less). This is OUR day. We wouldn't dare expect others to drop that money and come join us. Anyhow...I think I've said all I wanted to say...multiple times *laugh* If you want to get married locally, there are plenty of inexpensive ways to do it. Trust me, I got married in November in your town. We live now in Danvers. 2 words, package deal! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members willsellout Posted June 3, 2007 Members Share Posted June 3, 2007 Find a sitter for the kids and go with your wife..that's what I'd do. Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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