Members cromulent Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Dude in the band I'm in is way too controlling and nitpicky about...well everything. I totally understand getting everything right and it sounding tight and all that, but there's gotta be some loosey goosey playing to give the song some "soul" or whatever you want to call it. Especially during live gigs where you're trying to look cool at the same time. Otherwise it sounds too sterile and basically not fun to play as well. But besides that, he loves to control almost every aspect of the band, so much so that he's starting to controlling how I strum the guitar I don't play exactly the way he wants and it's really start to annoy me even though the difference is barely noticeable, and 99% of the crowd would never ever notice at all. Anyways! Got any good stories about someone just having to controlling everything, so much that it gets in the way of having plain old fun? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wades_keys Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Sounds to me like dude is not happy with your performance and is looking to have you replaced. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members faileddrummer Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 My guitarist. He likes to write out my drum parts (although "[he] Learned how to play on RockBand!"). He writes out the bass and other guitar also. We were shooting for hardcore punk and we have some alternative/classic rock fusion bullshit. Needless to say, the bassist and I are about to leave this group and find a more serious guitarist. The best part, we're aiming for an originals band. Three months and we have NOTHING down for originals. We have 50 covers and he wants to work on more though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cromulent Posted July 8, 2009 Author Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Sounds to me like dude is not happy with your performance and is looking to have you replaced. I thought of that, but he likes to control everything not just me but it's coming to point where I'm getting fed up and probably will leave soon. But first I'm gonna bring it up to him and see if we can compromise on stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wades_keys Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 There's a fine line between "fun" and "sucks". No one likes to be dictated to. But very few can enjoy a band that is composed of 4 guys doing things their own way and not playing cohesively as a unit. maybe the problem here is that you guys aren't working together as a team; when that happens sometimes one person will try to pick up the slack and get the issues addressed. You should have band meetings or at least some dedicated time prior to rehearsal to be able to bring up constructive criticisms of past performances, with the goal being to improve the sound and look of the band as a whole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cromulent Posted July 8, 2009 Author Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 It's not the criticisms/nitpicking itself but the way it's handled. It's very accusatory and downright demeaning, instead of supportive and helpful. BUT, you have a point there I will admit to that. I'm gonna have to sit down with him and them as well and discuss this out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wades_keys Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 It's not the criticisms/nitpicking itself but the way it's handled. It's very accusatory and downright demeaning, instead of supportive and helpful. He needs to learn to be more diplomatic. Having the proper "forum" and a set of guidelines in place can certainly help; but if the guy is an incorrigible dick then you're probably SOL. No one person should have that much power over a band: it should be more of a team effort. Tell him he ain't James Brown.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wikwox Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Musicians are non-correctable. You can have band meetings but unless everybody agrees it's better to quit and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wades_keys Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Musicians are non-correctable. You can have band meetings but unless everybody agrees it's better to quit and move on. Bull{censored}. This isn't a "music" issue: it's a management/team issue. These things can be resolved if all parties are intelligent, well grounded, and share the same common goal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cromulent Posted July 8, 2009 Author Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 so what's your story, wades? have you ever had this problem? did you ever {censored} in his amp for revenge? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhat Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 It just sounds like an issue where you have people that may not be really up to speed on their instruments. That happens with start up bands. everyone starts somewhere. Thats why I like covers. No debate,,,, the part is right there. Get as close as you can and play the chord changes. The rest falls into line. When a bunch of guys decide to try to write.....you have amateur players trying to write amateur music,, with amateur skills. pretty well all would be better off just trying to learn to get through a cover song Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wades_keys Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 so what's your story, wades? have you ever had this problem? did you ever shit in his amp for revenge? Nah man, you live and you learn. What I realized is that the band lacked leadership, direction and goals. So the nitpicking became an easy distraction for the bigger issue: the band wasn't getting regular gigs as a result of being directionless. The band I'm in now is run like a corporate department: very efficient, no bullshit, and no drama. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kramerguy Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 It's not the criticisms/nitpicking itself but the way it's handled. It's very accusatory and downright demeaning, instead of supportive and helpful. BUT, you have a point there I will admit to that. I'm gonna have to sit down with him and them as well and discuss this out. Unless you are in the 5th grade and need to call the teacher to help settle it, I suggest you man up and just call him out on it all. Tell him exactly what you typed above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kramerguy Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Musicians are non-correctable. You can have band meetings but unless everybody agrees it's better to quit and move on. lolz! I was "the asshole" in a former band. I saw exactly what Wades describes, a bunch of loose cannons with no sense of direction or anything. The talent was there, and so was the beer and pot... I tried to just get these guys out of the garage and into a couple of paying gigs.. but alas, they preferred to just drink themselves into a stupor and only looked forward to playing a local dive for free beer every couple of weeks. They threw me out, best thing that ever happened to me (I got motivated to move on haha) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cromulent Posted July 8, 2009 Author Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Unless you are in the 5th grade and need to call the teacher to help settle it, I suggest you man up and just call him out on it all. Tell him exactly what you typed above. But I enjoy making threads about stuff I would never say aloud Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rocket888 Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Sounds like he's a control freak. My experience with them is that when called on it they will deny doing what they are doing, or will pretend to change, and then their need to control will re-appear in some other way, usually with some sort of retaliation against you. I have never ever had any luck "changing" them. Check this out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Control_freak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kramerguy Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 But I enjoy making threads about stuff I would never say aloud haha don't we all. what I was trying to say was that believe me.. this will slowly eat away at you all and end in disaster if you don't address it asap. You know that already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jeff42 Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 lolz!I was "the asshole" in a former band. I saw exactly what Wades describes, a bunch of loose cannons with no sense of direction or anything. The talent was there, and so was the beer and pot... I tried to just get these guys out of the garage and into a couple of paying gigs.. but alas, they preferred to just drink themselves into a stupor and only looked forward to playing a local dive for free beer every couple of weeks.They threw me out, best thing that ever happened to me (I got motivated to move on haha) I was there too. I was the asshole nazi guy once. The band imploded. It's tough (for me) to see people with talent not use it. Great guitarist who fought with the great vocalist when they were drunk. and they were always drunk. I tried to whip them into shape and I ended up the asshole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wades_keys Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Yup, I became the "Asshole" as well, for the same reasons. I may not have "changed" (since musicians never change....), but this new band of mine has none of those issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cromulent Posted July 8, 2009 Author Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 This is a cover band btw. The audience we usual play to are drunk so its not like they would notice the subtle differences of playing something this way rather than that way. Also, it's not like we're all drunk and high and playing like shit. Latest nitpick is he wants me to strum the guitar ba da da ba, ba da da ba instead of ba da da da, ba da da da. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BlueStrat Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Musicians are non-correctable. You can have band meetings but unless everybody agrees it's better to quit and move on. Pretty much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stratotastic Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 This is a cover band btw. The audience we usual play to are drunk so its not like they would notice the subtle differences of playing something this way rather than that way. Also, it's not like we're all drunk and high and playing like shit. Latest nitpick is he wants me to strum the guitar ba da da ba, ba da da ba instead of ba da da da, ba da da da. Yeah, sounds like the guy doesn't have a grasp of what's important in a cover band. Has he been in a successful cover band before? I'd cut the guy loose or move on myself if I were you. That type of micromanaging bullshit is a sign of inferiority/control issues that cannot easily be changed. There is really no good end to this situation, so you might as well rip off the band-aid and get it over with. And this is coming from an asshole band nazi myself, but I've learned you have to pick your battles and fight for what is important and let the small stuff go--i.e. keep a sense of focus and discipline but not micromanaging and making people miserable. It's a fine line. Also helps when every member of your band "gets it" and doesn't need to be babysat which is the situation I'm lucky enough to be in right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BlueStrat Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 This is a cover band btw. The audience we usual play to are drunk so its not like they would notice the subtle differences of playing something this way rather than that way. Also, it's not like we're all drunk and high and playing like shit. Latest nitpick is he wants me to strum the guitar ba da da ba, ba da da ba instead of ba da da da, ba da da da. I'm a band leader, and I write the songs, but I like to see what everyone else brings to my stuff. This guy sounds like the black hole of douchebaggery, placed on earth as musical anti-matter whose sole function is to suck the life and soul out of playing music. Get away from this guy, or resign yourself to every gig being a descent into yet a lower ring of Dante's hell. You aren't being treated as a bandmate by this clown, you're being treated as his servant. Screw that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members craigSMOOT Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Time for a little backstory: Long, long, LONG time ago (20 years ago) in a band far, far away (from you guys, anyway)...I was *that* guy for a brief time in my early adulthood. I dunno, but it seemed to me that I was the only one in the band who gave a shit enough to try and "get it right." I'm not talking about nailing the songs "note-for-note" or anything like that, but rather just capturing the song's vibe/groove the way it was meant to be performed. So I was always harping on the others at rehearsals until one day during the ride home, the band's rhythm guitarist told me straight up: "Dude...you do realize that if you don't chill with the nit-picky crap that the guys are talking about FIRING YOU, right?" For a brief moment I was torqued and hurt that they had been talking about it behind my back, but then I quickly realized that I just needed to let it go and pick my battles more carefully in the future. So that was the end of that, and from then on I wore my "team player" hat. Got any good stories about someone just having to controlling everything, so much that it gets in the way of having plain old fun? Here's a sad story about a former bandmate whom I love as a brother...but who I will never work with again based on my experiences with him. Back in '94, he and I were founding members of the Heavy Rock outfit that I still play with to this day. We've been through many, many member changes over the years, but once we were rid of the controlling/indifferent element [him]...the band soared to new heights and we've never looked back. The Country Rock bar band that he moved on to ended up imploding and disbanding after a couple years due to his over-inflated ego and controlling ways. He went on to form other bar bands, with each of them tanking eventually due to his inability to just let things be as they are. And to add insult to injury...when the first Country Rock band he managed to destroy decided to reform WITHOUT HIM and revert back to their original Country roots, they actually ended up scoring a record deal and had a hit on Country radio (which is all he ever dreamed about attaining). When their label said they needed an extra guitarist, my ex-bandmate just naturally assumed they would tap him, but they hired someone else (who could also play a mean fiddle), and he became even more embittered and jaded. The moral of the story is: Being too controlling in a democratic collective can backfire on you and actually *prevent* you from realizing your dreams instead of making them a reality. You reap what you sow, baby. . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ctoddrun Posted July 8, 2009 Members Share Posted July 8, 2009 Hey Craig Smoot? You the Brother Cane fiend? Signed, Fellow BC Fiend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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