10 Years Too Late [DONE!! Full Piano Demo #69]

[greennn01]

hmm i enjoy it

[mbfrancis]

Ok here's a draft of the full lyric. I don't think this is very good, or at least as good as I want it to be. I'll try to post a demo later tonight. Do your worst.

 

“10 Years Too Late”

 

glad you grabbed the phone

glad you're doing fine

kids scream in stereo

from each end of the line

no, no reason - just thinking about times

mostly thinking 'bout when you were mine

 

CHORUS

so i'm calling

10 years too late

who was I to

expect you to wait

cause I'm here

out of words again

I'm 10 years to late

to be starting again

 

You were like an open door

After years locked inside

Opened worlds to explore

And you were my guide

But when you begged me to beg you to stay

I was so free I let you walk away

 

CHORUS

 

BRIDGE

I could have said, ‘God, we missed out on such fun’

And I could have said, ‘I know you know I was the one’

I could have said, “did you ever stop thinking about me”

When I should have said, “thank you for setting me FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…..”

setting me free

 

In a happy home

I lost track of time

Kids scream in stereo

From ends of the drive

No, no worries, just thinking about times

Mostly thinking ‘bout things left behind

 

If I call you

10 years to late

Who am I to

expect you to wait

So I’m here

leaving you alone

‘cause it’s 10 years late

to pick up the phone

 

 

 

[rsadasiv]

Couple of things - the melody in the 3rd line of the chorus ("I to") should go up to match the rise in the first line ("calling"). And the chords are better in the verse, but still have that Gymnopaede reference that I can't unhear. Also, a little more nuance in the dynamics of the piano playing would be nice. :poke:

 

Lyric suggestions below (with speling updates because that's just the way I roll ).

 

 

“10 Years Too Late”

 

V1

Glad you grabbed the phone

Glad you're doing fine

Kids scream in stereo

From each end of the line

No, no reason

Thinking about times

About when you were mine

 

V2

Do you remember when ... ?

...

My God I haven't seen ...?

...

I've been locked up

Inside a dream

Where you wake up

And stifle a scream

 

CHORUS1

So I'm calling

10 years too late

Who was I to

Expect you to wait

Cause I'm here

Out of words again

I'm 10 years too late

To be starting again

 

V3

Do you wonder

What could have been?

If we went back

To do it again?

Would we still be

Trapped between lines

Living lives that are ...

Fine?

 

CHORUS2

 

BRIDGE

I could have said, ‘God, we missed out on such fun’

And I could have said, ‘I know you know I was the one’

I could have said, “did you ever stop thinking about me”

When you said, “thank you for setting me FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…..”

setting me free

 

V4

In a happy home

I lost track of time

Kids scream in stereo

From ends of the drive

No, no worries, just thinking about times

Mostly thinking ‘bout things left behind

 

CHORUS3

If I call you

10 years to late

Who am I to

expect you to wait

So I’m here

leaving you alone

‘cause it’s 10 years late

to pick up the phone

 

 

[mbfrancis]

Thanks, Ram. I haven't touched the music so I'll focus on the lyric. I was considering focusing on 'moments' in v2, but I had to kind of tell the story of the breakup there, hard to do both...Also some of your lines seem to state openly that which is implied throughout. Am I missing something?

 

Does the happy ending work?

 

[rsadasiv]

Thanks, Ram. I haven't touched the music so I'll focus on the lyric. I was considering focusing on 'moments' in v2, but I had to kind of tell the story of the breakup there, hard to do both...Also some of your lines seem to state openly that which is implied throughout. Am I missing something?

 

Does the happy ending work?

 

Happy ending works. The simile in V2 ("like an open door") set off my clunk-o-meter and I didn't want the bridge to be all "me me me" - having the former partner be the one who says thanks for setting me FREEEEEEEEE (sic) gives it a little more of a natural give and take and sets up the (happy) ending. All the other changes are just trying to give a more realistic conversational feel to the lyric.

[mbfrancis]

 

Happy ending works. The simile in V2 ("like an open door") set off my clunk-o-meter and I didn't want the bridge to be all "me me me" - having the former partner be the one who says thanks for setting me FREEEEEEEEE (sic) gives it a little more of a natural give and take and sets up the (happy) ending. All the other changes are just trying to give a more realistic conversational feel to the lyric.

 

 

That's fair, could be more conversational and less clunky, agreed. The whole point of bridge though is she remembers him fondly not out of any unresolved feelings, but that he set her free after she'd been super sheltered, which v2 sets up. Maybe I'm failing to pull this off.

 

 

 

[LCK]

This didn't bother me as much when it was just the one verse and chorus. The repetition of the fine line times mine followed in the 3rd verse by time, drive, times, behind feels like a lack of imagination.

 

So I would mix things up a little if I were you.

 

I don't know if this works, fits the tune in all the spots, but a) the verses now have a consistent, and consistently interesting rhyme scheme, 2) you're not rhyming again with again, C) I think what I've suggested makes the bridge more intriguing.

 

 

“10 Years Too Late”

 

glad you grabbed the phone

glad you're doing fine

kids scream in stereo

from each end of the line

no, no reason - just thinking about you

or, actually? when you were mine

 

CHORUS

so i'm calling

10 years too late

who was I to

think you would wait

still I'm here

out of words, but then,

I'm 10 years to late

to be starting again

 

I recall an open door

After years spent inside

I had things to explore

thought you came for the ride

But when you begged me to beg you to stay

I was so free I tossed you aside

or: I was so free, I couldn't decide,

or: I was so free, I rolled with the tide

 

CHORUS

 

BRIDGE

I could have said, ‘God, we missed out on such fun’

And you could have said, ‘I know you know that i'm the one’

We could have laughed and made fun of the sad irony

When I wanted to say, “thanks for setting me FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…..”

setting me free

 

In a happy home

the usual kind

Kids scream in stereo

From the ends of my mind

No, no worries, just thinking about you

Mostly thinking ‘bout things left behind

 

If I call you

10 years to late

Who am I to

expect you to wait

So I’m here

leaving you alone

‘cause it’s 10 years too late

to pick up the phone

[mbfrancis]

Very cool, a lot of great ideas, thanks Lee. I'll take another crack tonight.

[mbfrancis]

This song is killing me. Really struggling to say something like this in v2:

 

'I was sheltered, you opened up my world, but then I got so free/liberated, I grew up so much, I let you slip away/walk away.'

 

This is proving impossible in a non-cliched way.

 

 

You were like an opened door

me a scared sheltered girl

you showed me what my heart was for

and showed me the world

 

Something like that but not awful.

[mbfrancis]

Wait maybe not:

 

Remember when you filled

New dreams in my head

remember we could kill

whole weekends in bed

but when you begged me to beg you to stay

I was so free I let walked away

 

 

[mbfrancis]

OK, here's where this is. One thing I realized is that v1 implies an ABCBBB rhyme scheme when it's really ABCBDD - not sure it matters. Do I need an alternate last chorus to tie up the bow - i.e., she didn't call? Is is clear from v3? The bridge will change a bit I think, but this is pretty close. Any thoughts?

 

 

“10 Years Too Late”

 

glad you grabbed the phone

glad you're doing fine

kids scream in stereo

from each end of the line

no, no reason - just thinking about times

mostly thinking 'bout when you were mine

 

so i'm calling

10 years too late

who was I to

expect you to wait

cause I'm here

out of words again

I'm 10 years to late

to be starting again

 

Remember when you filled

new dreams in my head

remember we could kill

whole weekends in bed

but when you begged me to beg you to stay

I was so free I let walked away

 

so i'm calling

10 years too late

who was I to

expect you to wait

cause I'm here

out of words again

and we’re 10 years to late

to be starting again

 

I could have said, ‘God, we missed out on such fun’

And I could have said, ‘I know you know I was the one’

I could have told you it all was downhill after you

But you and I know

that wouldn’t be true

that wouldn’t be true

 

Another happy home

Boring and small

Kids scream in stereo

From ends of the hall

No, it’s nothing, just thinking about times

Nice to think about things left behind

 

so i'm calling

10 years too late

who am I to

expect you to wait

cause I'm here

out of words again

and we’re 10 years to late

to be starting again

 

ALT CHORUS?

If I call you

10 years to late

Who am I to

expect you to wait

So I’m here

leaving you alone

‘cause it’s 10 years late

to pick up the phone

 

[Lee Knight]

I really like all of that ^^^

[Oswlek]

I love the first version and continue to love it as it develops. Nothing else to offer.

[mbfrancis]

I love the first version and continue to love it as it develops. Nothing else to offer.

Hey Justin, thanks – you need the first version of the chords? That's the one I'm going with, the second was a little too weird.

[rsadasiv]

This song is killing me. Really struggling to say something like this in v2: 'I was sheltered, you opened up my world, but then I got so free/liberated, I grew up so much, I let you slip away/walk away.' This is proving impossible in a non-cliched way. You were like an opened door me a scared sheltered girl you showed me what my heart was for and showed me the world Something like that but not awful.

Not much experience with sheltered upbringings. Latest version is fine.

[Lee Knight]

Something like that but not awful.

 

I love that phrase ^^^ We used to say, "Perfect. Now play it just like that but without the suck."

[mbfrancis]

Not much experience with sheltered upbringings.

 

Well, neither do I. I'm not a woman either, though.

 

Latest version is fine.

 

'Fine'...hmmm. Not exactly effusive. ha.

[mbfrancis]

OK I have two bridge ideas, would love some feedback. Remember this will be done by a real singer, so don;t judge the super crude performance. Also, I'm not married to any lyrics, so judge more how the music and melody fit the rest of the song. But lyrical commentary is welcome. Thank all!

 

Here's where the song is now up to 2nd chorus for reference: https://www.dropbox.com/s/e4xxz5prk1o5t4u/10%20years%20too%20late%20%28rough%20harm%29.mp3?dl=0

 

Bridge idea #1: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12914985

 

God I know

That you’ll never be more than a memory

But I know

For a moment the world seemed like new (ugh)

But that wasn’t enough for us

The timing just sucked for us

and time made us think we had all of our lives

now I know you’ee never see

you’re the one who set me free….

 

 

Bridge idea #2: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12914987

 

I could have said, ‘God, we missed out on such fun’

And I could have said, ‘I know you know I was the one’

I could have told you it all was downhill after you

But you and I know

that wouldn’t be true

that wouldn’t be true

 

 

 

[tbry]

Very nice nostalgic sound. The second recording I listened to with added lyrics I think, sounded better.

[mbfrancis]

Brazenly bumping my thread only because there are a lot of posts and I'd really love some more feedback today (Sunday), trying to wrap this up.

[LCK]

It's hard for me to remember the original bridge melody, but it feels like it worked better than these two. I just don't know if that's true or not, though. Of the two above I would choose the first one.

[mbfrancis]

It's hard for me to remember the original bridge melody, but it feels like it worked better than these two. I just don't know if that's true or not, though. Of the two above I would choose the first one.

 

Thanks - there was no bridge in the original, it just repeated v1 and ch1. In a previous version I had the lyrics to the second options above. I am kind in love with parts of the first ('the timing just sucked for us'), so we'll see. Thankfully I don't have to sing it.

 

Any lyric input on the second one?

[mbfrancis]

OK, so the singer weighted in and loves the first version of the bridge: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12914985

 

We're finding the melody works for my voice but is too leapy/acrobatic for her, so we'll be smoothing it out a bit (it's very pretty but too technical/crafted, not emotional). Stay tuned.

 

So for now the lyric is this (changes bolded, asterisks next to lines I may still tweak):

 

“10 Years Too Late”

 

glad you grabbed the phone

glad you're doing fine

kids scream in stereo

from each end of the line

no, no reason - just thinking about times

mostly thinking 'bout when you were mine

 

so i'm calling

10 years too late

who was I to

expect you to wait

cause I'm here

out of words again

I'm 10 years too late

to be starting again

 

Remember when you filled

new dreams in my head

remember we could kill

whole weekends in bed

but when you begged me to beg you to stay

(I) never dreamed I’d see you walk away

 

so i'm calling

10 years too late

who was I to

expect you to wait

cause I'm here

out of words again

and we’re 10 years too late

to be starting again

 

*Now I know

that you’ll never be more than a memory

*but you know

For a moment the world seemed like new

But that wasn’t enough for us

The timing just sucked for us

and time made us think we had all of our lives

*now I know you’ll never see

*you’re the one who set me free….

 

Another happy home

so boring and small

Kids in stereo

from ends of the hall

No, it’s nothing, just thinking about times

mostly thinking about things left behind

 

so i'm calling

10 years too late

who was I to

expect you to wait

cause I'm here

out of words again

and it's 10 years too late

to be starting again

 

 

 

 

[rsadasiv]

All the changes are for the better - bridge is more felt and less told.

[mbfrancis]

All the changes are for the better - bridge is more felt and less told.

 

 

OK, cool, thanks, Ram - but man, we have definitively left 'quirky indie pop'-land behind: "For a moment the world seemed like new"...Jesus, it sounds like Phantom of the Opera. My ambivalence now is almost overwhelming. (She loves it, though.)