Members TU BE Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 As some of you may remember, I had a thread saying I was getting divorced a while back but then, we had decided to work things out. Well, it's just not working. Here's the story and it's long. My wife had her best friend die in December. He overdosed on heroin. He lived in FL. and she had not seen him for about 8 years. She had a great deal of regret because of this and rightfully so. She began getting in touch with old friends so that she would never feel this way again if something were to happen to another. That's fine. I have NO problem with that whatsoever. BUT...her life became ENTIRELY about her friends. She has been going to San Antonio to visit with them EVERY weekend for over two months now. So, I am tired of her leaving me with the kids every weekend so she can go party with her friends. She tells me I'm just jealous that she has her friends back, but that's not it at all. She's a wife and a mother now. She can have her friends, but she needs to be able to balance between friends and family. Because I say something about it, I am treated like {censored} all week and then she leaves me to go down there every weekend. Sex is rare now too so I ask if she is cheating. She says, "no" but I don't think she would tell me if she was anyhow. I finally blow up on her and say that we need to talk about this NOW!!! So we do. Only to find out that she can't stand to be around me anymore because I'm "so negative" and all I want to talk about is money. Well, that's because she is blowing money every weekend to go party in SA. Plus, she has bad spending habits and always expects me to pay all the bills so her check can just be fun money. I can't afford to do that. That's why I fell behind on my mortgage, had my car repossessed, water has been cut off etc. etc. etc. She is financially irresponsible in a big way. We were supposed to move AS A FAMILY back to Atlanta when Delta Airlines calls me back (soon, very soon) but now she says she is moving to San Antonio no matter what is going on in my life. I'm not going to live 1200 miles from my kids and be an "every other weekend" dad if I'm lucky. {censored} that. My Kids mean more to me than anything and whether I am married to this woman or not, I will ALWAYS be there for them. I am moving to San Antonio too now and blowing off my career with Delta Airlines because of her selfishness in choosing her friends over what is right for her family. It's a {censored}ed up deal all around. We decided not to divorce yet and just separate in San Antonio. I'll be living with a friend and looking for a house to rent behind her back. I have a hook up to get a decent job there. Not as good as Delta, but good for SA, I guess. As soon as I am settled in with all of this, I am surprising her by getting a lawyer and filing for divorce without discussing it with her AND I am going to file for full custody of my kids. Right now, we are packing a U-haul and she is driving some stuff down to SA to put in storage for when we move there. She hasn't even looked for a job down there yet. She has a master's degree in business but her credit is so bad and she has screwed over TWO banks with negative balances and never paying them off totaling over $1700, that any company that checks her credit that she tries to work for will not hire her. With a Master's in Business, that is not a good thing. Anyhow, sorry for bitching so much but it really did hurt me when all this went down. Now, I'm tired of hurting and ready to move on with my life. The whole time she has been rather cold thru this. There I go again. I'll shut up now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Doctor Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 whoa man, sorry to hear that. "As soon as I am settled in with all of this, I am surprising her by getting a lawyer and filing for divorce without discussing it with her AND I am going to file for full custody of my kids. " Seriously do this tomorrow do not wait to move, and lose your current job in hopes of gaining another in sa. Where you seemingly do not want to go anyway. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 9ball Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 sucks man. good luck to you dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members exafro Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 I feel for you man. Things will get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DET1973 Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 sorry to hear that, i hope it all works out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jmango Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 Hope it goes well man. Just care for the kids and it will all work out for the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members crimson on pink Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 dude, i'm sorry to here that. best of wishes that it'll work out for you in the long run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ESchmidt Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 Sorry to hear that. I hope it turns out for the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members saxxamafone Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 very sorry to hear mate, you sound like a good guy and father hope things work out for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members -Juggernaut- Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 Hey Jason, sorry to here that man, but sounds like you've got a plan. Stick with it, be there for your kids and move on..... Good Luck bro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hulston Prickle Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 Sorry, bro. I was in a similar situation once, so I know it's tough. Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OverDriven Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 I'm sorry to hear that man. It sounds like your wife is going through a classic mid-life crisis scenario triggered by a painful event. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shred-o-holic Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 That sucks man.......I bet she'll regret the decision down the road....especially if she has problems getting a job as you suspect....I've been through a very rocky situation at home the last couple of years.....very fragile marriage myself.....I had to quit my band and dump most of anything that takes me away from the house.....but I did so things would get better...well so far they haven't.......just saying I feel for ya man....it's like I am fearfully avoiding the inevitable myself......but I love my kids so.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cookie Monster Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 Lawyer NOW! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Deicide1 Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 Jason, sorry to hear this, again. Like I said last time, if you need anything, I'm in a good situation to help, so PM me or whatever if need be. Good luck and eventhough this will be hard as hell, maybe it is necessary for both of you to be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dicky sofa Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 Well {censored} Jason, I'm really sorry to hear this. --richard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Santuzzo Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 Oh, man, I'm sorry to hear that. Hard times ahead of you I wish you all the strength you will need for this and the best of luck ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blargh Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 Good luck... hope you don't get too screwed in the divorce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members facefirst Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 That's {censored}ty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BadRonald Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 It still amazes me even after all the garbage I've seen that a "mother" will put her selfish interests above the best interest of her children. That alone would be enough for me to make the determination that I would not want to be with that woman. Sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JiroJan Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 didnt this woman cheat on you? what are you waiting for? your hurting yourself, your career, and most importantly your child file for divorce and settle things asap in fort worth, because if you dont youll just end up staying in s.a.longer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OverDriven Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 That sucks man.......I bet she'll regret the decision down the road....especially if she has problems getting a job as you suspect....I've been through a very rocky situation at home the last couple of years.....very fragile marriage myself.....I had to quit my band and dump most of anything that takes me away from the house.....but I did so things would get better...well so far they haven't.......just saying I feel for ya man....it's like I am fearfully avoiding the inevitable myself......but I love my kids so.... What I've found in relationships (though I've never been married) is that the more parts of yourself that you give up to "fix" things, the worse things end up. When you two fell in love, it was because you were you and she was herself and you two came together and good things happened. Too many times I see people dilute and homogenize who they are. The two people stop being themselves. Well all you have now is two people who are not the same people that fell in love. Be yourself above all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Romanian Reaper Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 Sorry to hear about that man. It is bull{censored} that your wife goes EVERY weekend to another city. That is just not normal. You are definitely the right one in this situation. You are being smart about it. Since it is obvious that you are going to have to adjust your life now, look at the positives. You have a great relationship with your kids and that is important. Also, San Antonio is a great town. Who knows, you might get there and get a better opportunity than you ever could in Dallas. I'v been out to San Antonio a few times on business trips and love it there. Keep your head up man. Your wife is the one in the wrong here. Just keep playing it smart like you have been doing. Don't even blow up on here. Stay cool and it will drive her crazy. When she says "I'm going to San Antonio" say "See you later. Have a nice visit with your friends". If you don't get mad, she won't have the ball in her court anymore and it will drive her batty. Meanwhile, you'll be spending quality time with both of your kids. If you ever get into a custody battle, guess who comes out on top? You. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Deicide1 Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 What I've found in relationships (though I've never been married) is that the more parts of yourself that you give up to "fix" things, the worse things end up. When you two fell in love, it was because you were you and she was herself and you two came together and good things happened. Too many times I see people dilute and homogenize who they are. The two people stop being themselves. Well all you have now is two people who are not the same people that fell in love. Be yourself above all. Good call. There's certain amounts of compromise that must be done when living together, but certain things don't need to change and just result in two miserable people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KovachianOne Posted March 30, 2007 Members Share Posted March 30, 2007 That's really {censored}ed up. I think you're doing the right thing. {censored} her, let her be a part-time mother if she's mature enough to handle it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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