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agony column : Ask Swardle


pogo97

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Hello everyone.

 

After receiving some further treatment, I am doing much better. There were some bugs in my reprogramming that needed to be worked out. Thanks so much for caring. I am hopeful that I can continue to be a member of this wonderful KSS community.

 

Please note that I am required to stay on topic, so I am not permitted to respond to negative attacks or off-topic material. I am not here to tell you what to post, but only the parameters from which I am able to respond.

 

Peace out and best of luck with your music endeavors!

 

-Swardle

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Why do keyboards start at middle C? I mean the alphabet starts at A not C.


Swardle.


Please tell the higher ups they need to change this blatant attack on human intelligence.


:mad:

 

 

 

[PUTS HAND UP]

 

I can help here. This is a stupid English thing. As far as I know, other people call it doh.

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Why do keyboards start at middle C? I mean the alphabet starts at A not C.


Swardle.


Please tell the higher ups they need to change this blatant attack on human intelligence.


:mad:

 

Here is a question I can answer. If you look at a traditional piano, the first leftmost key does, in fact, start with an A. As for modern keyboards, many of them allow you to transpose to another key. So you turn that middle C into an A if you like.

 

So there you go. I'm glad to be of service.

 

-Swardle

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I just thought of something. Maybe some of the off-the-wall questions being asked here in this thread stem from a lack of musical knowledge. There are tons of resources available that could help you put together the kinds of questions that I can respond to. Ask your local piano teacher, or go down to your local music keyboard store and ask for help. Best of luck!

 

-Swardle

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Dear Swardle,


Canadians told me that they burned down the White House. It didn't see anything about it in the news. Shouldn't we be at war with them then? Is this part of Obama's master scheme?

 

 

This is sort of like blaming modern day Italians for things the ancient Romans did. Modern Canadians are just too friendly and nice to blame for anything.

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What's worse, the Korg Monotribe (Spawn of Satan) or anal sex?

 

 

Well I'm no Swardle, but off hand, I'd say the Monotribe; unless of course you're using the Monotribe for anal sex, then they're about equal.

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Dear Swardle:


What would you see if you could travel faster than the speed of light?

 

 

You would see nothing, as you cannot travel faster than the speed of light, nor could you travel AT or NEAR the speed of light, as you would tend toward infinite mass (a consequence of time dilation and Lorentz contraction of space). Moreover, since your body has rest mass, it would take an infinite amount of energy to achieve such a velocity.

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dear swardle,


I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties but why do people debate whether superman can jump or fly ?

 

 

The original Superman, as conceived by Siegel and Shuster in 1938, could jump great heights and distances but not fly. By the 1950s or so, he was flying. People who argue about whether Superman can fly are (1) each describing different stages of an evolving fictional character's abilities, and (2) need to get a life. He's just a comic book character -- he can NEITHER jump NOR fly.

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Here is a question I can answer. If you look at a traditional piano, the first leftmost key does, in fact, start with an A. As for modern keyboards, many of them allow you to transpose to another key. So you turn that middle C into an A if you like.


So there you go. I'm glad to be of service.


-Swardle

 

Thank you for your "moast" gracious reply. So by transposing my devil synth down I can create a new style of music called Dubstep and 1/2 ?

 

Your the best Swardle.

 

:love:

 

GODDY

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Dear Mr. Swardle:


Please forgive all these selfish people who think nothing of bothering a poor man like you who's going through
who knows what kind of hell
and being rehabilitaterd for usefulness to society and maybe even bothered by his GF with Cosmo quizzes and stuff. I think you should just ignore them and rest until you are better. But first


Why do people say "hot water heater"? What's the point of heating water that's already hot? Shouldn't it be a "cold water heater"?


I Thank You.

 

 

Perhaps it's because the heater itself is hot. It is a hot.... water heater.

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Dear Swardle,


Since you really are god, can you plese tell me if it is true that in 2012 the world is going to end

 

 

The world did in fact end in 2012, for people such as Ernest Borgnine, Whitney Houston, Andy Griffith, and Robin Gibb, etc., RIP.

 

So the statement is more or less true, though not for everybody.

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Thank you for your "moast" gracious reply. So by transposing my devil synth down I can create a new style of music called Dubstep and 1/2 ?


Your the best Swardle.


:love:

GODDY

 

You're welcome, I think. There are a couple of words in your reply that show up as blanks on my screen, but I think I got the gist of your message. -Swardle

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This is sort of like blaming modern day Italians for things the ancient Romans did. Modern Canadians are just too friendly and nice to blame for anything.

 

 

Swardle didn't answer my questions! I guess thats not really the point of the thread.

 

I think its cute when Canadians brag about it! Can't hate them haha

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Dear Swardle,

 

I think my boyfriend might be Canadian. Lately he's been acting really polite, adding "eh" or "right?" at the end of every sentence, talking in French half the time, and using {censored} like liters and kilometers. He doesn't like my pancakes, stopped drinking American beer ("because its like sex in a canoe"), eats strange {censored} called poutine, likes odd cartoons from some Film Board people and gives a {censored} about useless stuff like Stephen Harper and hockey. One time, I came home to find him wearing a garter belt with woolen stockings, apparently this is what hockey players wear. He also makes me wear a hockey jersey for sex. Listening to Rush is OK, but I draw the line at Men Without Hats. When I confronted him about it, he was really apologetic and went back to watching Big Bang Theory.

 

On the plus side, he is buying me a Minimoog and a JD-800.

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Swardle didn't answer my questions! I guess thats not really the point of the thread.


I think its cute when Canadians brag about it! Can't hate them haha

 

 

Sorry for not being able to answer your question. I'm on a pretty tight leash these days. The KSS has to approve all of my responses before I can submit. And I really can't veer off topic to any measurable degree.

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