Members The_J-Train Posted August 8, 2008 Members Share Posted August 8, 2008 Probably been seen a hundred times but some of these made me laugh: BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDESYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet:CAUSE: Glass Being held at incorrect angle.CORRECTIVE ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceilingSYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet:CAUSE: Improper Bladder ControlCORRECTIVE ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house trainingSYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tastelessCAUSE: a. Glass empty.b. You're holding a Coors LiteCORRECTIVE ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beerSYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lightsCAUSE: You have fallen over backward.CORRECTIVE ACTION: Have yourself leashed to barSYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashesCAUSE: You have fallen forwardCORRECTIVE ACTION: See aboveSYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wetCAUSE: a. Mouth not openb. Glass applied to wrong part of faceCORRECTIVE ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirrorSYMPTOM: Floor BlurredCAUSE: You are looking through bottom of empty glassCORRECTIVE ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beerSYMPTOM: Floor movingCAUSE: You are being carried outCORRECTIVE ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another barSYMPTOM: Room seems unusually darkCAUSE: Bar has closedCORRECTIVE ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender If staff is gone,grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door.Run!SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and texturesCAUSE: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitationsCORRECTIVE ACTION: Cover mouth, open window, stick head outsideSYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smilesCAUSE: You are dancing on the tableCORRECTIVE ACTION: Fall on someone cushy-lookingSYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clearCAUSE: It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you upCORRECTIVE ACTION: Punch himSYMPTOM: People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeupCAUSE: You're in the ladies' roomCORRECTIVE ACTION: Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall.Try to get phone numbers (optional)SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clearCAUSE: You have been in a fightCORRECTIVE ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was themSYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're inCAUSE: You've wandered into the wrong partyCORRECTIVE ACTION: See if they have free beerSYMPTOM: Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door.Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunkCAUSE: a. You're in jailb. You're in the navyCORRECTIVE ACTION: Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow.Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomachSYMPTOM: You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chapsCAUSE: You're in a gay barCORRECTIVE ACTION: Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit.Do not accept offers for backrubsSYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distortedCAUSE: The beer is too weakCORRECTIVE ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improvesSYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the songCAUSE: Beer is just rightCORRECTIVE ACTION: Play air guitar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fatfat Posted August 8, 2008 Members Share Posted August 8, 2008 SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in CAUSE: You've wandered into the wrong party CORRECTIVE ACTION: See if they have free beer I've done this before... it works! Party crashers for... the.. you know.Met some cool people, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members trailsofsin Posted August 8, 2008 Members Share Posted August 8, 2008 I've done this before... it works! Party crashers for... the.. you know. Met some cool people, too. Me too! Good times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The_J-Train Posted August 9, 2008 Author Members Share Posted August 9, 2008 more people should see this and laugh:lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gain_Junkie93 Posted August 9, 2008 Members Share Posted August 9, 2008 lol some of those are great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members abecon5 Posted August 9, 2008 Members Share Posted August 9, 2008 lolz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members metalfanat1c Posted August 9, 2008 Members Share Posted August 9, 2008 Win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shask Posted August 9, 2008 Members Share Posted August 9, 2008 LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ron Burgandy Posted August 9, 2008 Members Share Posted August 9, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TU BE Posted August 9, 2008 Members Share Posted August 9, 2008 SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tastelessCAUSE: a. Glass empty.b. You're holding a Coors LiteCORRECTIVE ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beerSYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clearCAUSE: It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you upCORRECTIVE ACTION: Punch himThese two made me spit Dr. Pepper on the computer screen here at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gary Cohn Posted October 23, 2008 Members Share Posted October 23, 2008 This thread cannot die, I am rebumping WIN thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oblivion DC Posted October 23, 2008 Members Share Posted October 23, 2008 I seem to have missed this the first time around! Good stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members zac503 Posted October 23, 2008 Members Share Posted October 23, 2008 I lol'd at the punching one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gary Cohn Posted October 23, 2008 Members Share Posted October 23, 2008 hahahahaha, the clear water one makes me lulz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tmdguitar Posted October 23, 2008 Members Share Posted October 23, 2008 lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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