Members Viacoma Posted March 6, 2008 Members Share Posted March 6, 2008 www.myspace.com/viacoma www.purevolume.com/viacoma My band and I wrote this song and recorded it ourselves, and we'd really appreciate any comments you might have either along the lines of the song or recording. Thank you for your time today! -Jesse from Viacoma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted March 6, 2008 Members Share Posted March 6, 2008 Welcome to the songwriting forum! The SW forum is mostly devoted to talking about the art and craft of songwriting and offering assistance with feedback and constructive criticism on works on new songs and other works in progress. We're not much about self-promotion. There's a time and place for that -- but, here, we like to focus on works in progress and sorting out songwriting issues. Like so much in life -- what you get out of it will likely depend on what you put in... I hope you'll share your insight with others when they're looking for critiques -- it's a great way to let people get to know you. And the more that people know you as someone who is willing to help out, the more eager they'll be to help you when you're looking for some good ol' constructive crit. "Track One" has an interesting, sorta dreamy feel in the intro. But there's something really unpleasant and glitchy going on with the lead vocal. It seems to have these irregularly spaced glitches and have a strange harshness. Is it Autotuned? It doesn't sound like the usual mayhem from AT but it doesn't sound right, either. Anyhow, this isn't the production forum, so I'll leave that aside. I'm not very good at peeling the lyrics out of songs even when they're easy to understand, so I usually don't weigh in on the lyrics unless they're posted (which is a good habit to get into if one is looking for lyric feedback -- as might be expected in a songwriting forum). I thought the intro and outro had a little more unique character -- although it certainly gave me a Radiohead kind of vibe -- than the middle of the song, the "loud" part if you will. (And, BTW, even though this isn't the production forum, I will say that things got kind of nasty and distorted in that middle part. Watch your overall AND your individual levels, I'm thinking.) Anyhow, it sounds like you're headed in the right direction. For more detailed songwriting feedback, I'd recommend posting lyrics... otherwise folks are going to be fairly limited in what they're able to give you constructive crit on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Viacoma Posted March 6, 2008 Author Members Share Posted March 6, 2008 Honestly thank you. We're working really hard on getting everything well recorded so your criticism is once again very appreciated. We need to work out some of the vocal things as like you said there are some glitchy sounding things that we're unsure of. But we're re-recording it right now as well as re-writing it a little bit so hopefully that will play out smoothly. As we're in the phase of new songs thus new lyrics, I will gladly post some of our ideas up here and hope that yourself and others will help us out a little bit. Thank you Blue, hopefully I'll start to get to know everyone here a little better shortly! -Jesse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Microwave Walrus Posted March 7, 2008 Members Share Posted March 7, 2008 i'm not into emo music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dean Roddey Posted March 7, 2008 Members Share Posted March 7, 2008 I like it. It's a nice alt-rock type o' tune. I agree that there sounds like some really obvious auto-tunish type of thing going on the with the lead at least in that early part with the long held notes. But it's a well laid out tune with good transitions and the mix sounds good overall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pjrake Posted March 7, 2008 Members Share Posted March 7, 2008 at about 2:01 there seems to be some clashing between the rhythm and vocals; it's hard to explain but like it wasn't in synch. i like the chorus and it was a good build up to it. there are some high guitar parts there that are a bit too in front and it's competing with the vocals. try to blend those guitar notes more with the rest of the music so the listener can focus more on the vocals. overall good job, i like it -PJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kennychaffin Posted March 7, 2008 Members Share Posted March 7, 2008 Yeah, I'd agree with the above, seems like some kind of effect maybe on the vocal but it is very distracting. I also noticed the weirdness at 2:00 or so... KAC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted March 7, 2008 Members Share Posted March 7, 2008 Honestly thank you. We're working really hard on getting everything well recorded so your criticism is once again very appreciated. We need to work out some of the vocal things as like you said there are some glitchy sounding things that we're unsure of. But we're re-recording it right now as well as re-writing it a little bit so hopefully that will play out smoothly. As we're in the phase of new songs thus new lyrics, I will gladly post some of our ideas up here and hope that yourself and others will help us out a little bit. Thank you Blue, hopefully I'll start to get to know everyone here a little better shortly!-Jesse Glad to help out! Hope we'll see a lot of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Viacoma Posted April 1, 2008 Author Members Share Posted April 1, 2008 And thanks everyone else for the comments. Oddly enough there really aren't any harsh vocal effects. Although I do hear and understand what you speak of. It is a very odd sound, we're not sure how it was produced or why, but hopefully in the final recordings we won't run into the same problems. Thanks again for the comments guys, I really appreciate it. It's extraordinarily refreshing to see some nice people on a message board for once! -Jesse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kennychaffin Posted April 1, 2008 Members Share Posted April 1, 2008 And thanks everyone else for the comments. Oddly enough there really aren't any harsh vocal effects. Although I do hear and understand what you speak of. It is a very odd sound, we're not sure how it was produced or why, but hopefully in the final recordings we won't run into the same problems. Thanks again for the comments guys, I really appreciate it. It's extraordinarily refreshing to see some nice people on a message board for once! -Jesse Yeah, in my years on the internet (yeah I've been on the internet since before there was the Web. ) I've found that there tend to be extremes -- places that are basically rip-fests and way too negative and harsh and others that are way too "supportive" with little to offer. The good ones, like this one, are few and far between. KAC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 1, 2008 Moderators Share Posted April 1, 2008 Oddly enough there really aren't any harsh vocal effects. Although I do hear and understand what you speak of. It is a very odd sound, we're not sure how it was produced or why, but hopefully in the final recordings we won't run into the same problems. -Jesse It's a straight line pitch correction effect. Auto Tune, Melodyne, or some other brand of pitch correction. If it was intentional it's kind of cool but would need to go farther into Daft Punk territory to really make any sense... but I wouldn't. Your singer (you?) has a very intriguing voice and in my opinion should be highlighted more in his natural state. He really drew me in. I love the song. The lyrics weren't intelligible but the combination of mood and the harmonic progression was really good. Everybody's focusing on the voice for good reason. He sounds good. Don't cover him up. Nice melodic arc to the tune... Side question: Is that a real piano? It sounds great. If it's soft... I need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Viacoma Posted April 2, 2008 Author Members Share Posted April 2, 2008 Honestly thank you Kenny. I'm glad to have found a great place to talk to a lot of, from what I've seen so far, very intelligent artistic people! Lee Knight, I'm not singing the main vocals, but all of the backup is myself (including the throw back during the chorus) I'm really flattered by your whole post man, honestly thank you. The lyrics actually are supposed to be misleading, they're actually written from the perspective of a shower head haha, kind of makes the whole song ridiculous after knowing that, but this IS the songwriting board! Now, lastly! The piano is actually a direct in from a Yamaha YPG-625, which I have gotten rid of since July of last year when we recorded. I now use a Roland Juno-G, and Yamaha S-08 (in conjunction with Mainstage) I believe that the direct in of the Yamaha in the track you're listening to is just a plain old Grand Piano with some verb of course. If you're interested, I can tell you that what sounds better than that is Logics plug in for a Steinway Grand Piano. Simply amazing. Seriously guys, thank you. -Jesse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members photon Posted April 2, 2008 Members Share Posted April 2, 2008 Sounds like an early Duran Duran demo. Good Luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mddawso Posted April 4, 2008 Members Share Posted April 4, 2008 Reminds me of sigur ros. Or at least when thursday covered sigur ros. It's a really cool style. I feel like that song should probably have a sweet as ending that isn't there though. p.s. I friended you guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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