Heart of Gold

[hendrixman93]

Every speck of dust,

makes a beautiful form,

mishapen earth,

in the aftermath of a storm,

your world is so,

battered and torn.

And even if you can't find sanctuary,

its not the weight,

that I carry,

the bullets and bombs,

their master's con,

all adds up,

to an end,

and its our life we've got to defend,

 

CHORUS:

Look over at your brother,

realize, he's no other,

and after everything you've been through,

you know what,

you've got to do

 

Walk through the clouds,

of emotion,

slowly swimming,

through an ocean,

take the stairway out,

fast-lane too,

slow it down,

things catch up to you,

you've got a heart,

made of gold,

but you'll sell it,

before you get old,

you've got a heart,

made of gold,

but you'll sell it,

before you get old.

 

 

Lemme know what you think

[rsadasiv]

I want to live,

I want to give

I've been a miner

for a heart of gold.

It's these expressions

I never give

That keep me searching

for a heart of gold

And I'm getting old.

 

I've been to Hollywood

I've been to Redwood

I crossed the ocean

for a heart of gold

I've been in my mind,

it's such a fine line

That keeps me searching

for a heart of gold

And I'm getting old.

[Lee Knight]

I like it. I love the twist on selling your soul and the heart of gold. Very clever. But not having heard the tune I see an issue, well, it might be an issue. The chorus seems more like a build/prechorus going into:

 

you've got a heart,

made of gold,

but you'll sell it,

before you get old,

 

That sounds like the chorus. No?

[blue2blue]

First...

 

[roboGreeting friendlyWelcome=:)]

 

Welcome to the songwriting forum!

 

 

The SW forum is devoted to talking about the art and craft of songwriting and offering assistance with feedback and constructive criticism on new songs and other works in progress.

 

Like so much in life -- what you get out of it will likely depend largely on what you put in...

 

I hope you'll share your insight with others when they're looking for critiques -- it's a great way to let people get to know you.

 

And the more that people know you as someone who is willing to help out, the more eager they'll be to help you when you're looking for some good ol' constructive crit.

 

 

 

[/roboGreeting]

 

________________

 

Heart of Gold...

 

I think it plays off the sappy whimsy of the Neil Young song (which, mind you, I think also works in its odd, sappy, whimsical way) very nicely.

 

I like the contrasts between hope, desire, man's better nature and the apparently cruel reality the protagonist seems to find himself in. (Sounds like war/battle, to me but I guess it could be anything cold and challenging to one's moral precepts.)

 

These words are pretty strong, I think.

[hendrixman93]

wow, ive never heard that neil young song before

 

thats pretty weird

[kennychaffin]

wow, ive never heard that neil young song before thats pretty weird

 

WHAT?????? I am amazed you've not heard that song. As soon as I saw the title I thought, this better be more than good to have a title like that.

 

I think you've got some good words and images but I think it's doomed due to the title. Maybe rework it and express the same ideas with a different title/hook.

 

 

KAC

[King_For_A_Day]

 

I think it's doomed due to the title. Maybe rework it and express the same ideas with a different title/hook.

 

 

Absolutely!

Even tho titles are not copyrightable, I'd never write a song with the same title as a famous song. It's hard enough to stand out from the crowd and be recognized as it is.

 

I'm really surprised when famous artists do the same thing (unfortunately I don't have time to think of an example since I'm at work right now, but I know I've heard it). It strikes me as laziness or having no sense of musical history.

[DrBallard]

Pretty sure he was being ironic..

[blue2blue]

Kenny... I'm pretty sure I'm considerably older than you but I'm afraid I have to tell you... we're gettin' old, man...

 

Let's put it this way, in 1980, if someone had mentioned some Duke Ellington song from '41 or '42, maybe even one of his big ones, I'm thinkin' there's a chance it might have slipped past you.

 

I mean, I was, by then, a big fan of the harder swing of that era -- but there was plenty of stuff I didn't know about then... I've spent years catching up to all the stuff I swept aside as 'cornball' when I was really young.

[blue2blue]

Pretty sure he was being ironic..

 

That was my first thought.

 

Particularly since his handle suggests a certain backward glance to that putatively halcyon era.

 

 

Still, we all know the old saw about what happens when you assume too much...

 

Even if Hendrixman is hip to that chestnut, there are probably lots of teens and twenty-somethings who may have never heard it. (Although, admittedly, the continual reconsumption past music is something that wasn't really happening all that much when I was young. I mean... there was so much going on in the 60s and early 70s...)

[kennychaffin]

Kenny... I'm pretty sure I'm considerably older than you but I'm afraid I have to tell you... we're gettin' old, man... Let's put it this way, in 1980, if someone had mentioned some Duke Ellington song from '41 or '42, maybe even one of his big ones, I'm thinkin' there's a chance it might have slipped past you. I mean, I was, by then, a big fan of the harder swing of that era -- but there was plenty of stuff I didn't know about then... I've spent years catching up to all the stuff I swept aside as 'cornball' when I was really young.

 

Oh, man, ya burst my bubble! I'm still a teenager in my mind, but dare I say it yeah I'm a grumpy ol' fart who wrote that lyric "Still Alive at 55" for my birthday this year. But hey, great music like "Heart of Gold" is ageless.

 

KAC

P.S. I know what you mean though, history comes in cycles, but hopefully with some advancement as well so we don't just keep repeating the reruns.

[blue2blue]

Make that not much older... But you're still a youngster to me...

 

 

The only way we don't have to repeat the mistakes of the past is to learn from them... so, you know, I'm hoping no more "You, Me, and a Dog Named Boo" and "One Tin Soldier Rode Away"'s at the very least.

 

We can always hope...

[kennychaffin]

When there's nothing else, there is always hope.

 

KAC

P.S. that's cause I'm young at heart. and I'm definitely a youngster with respect to the music business.

[cozmicslop]

Absolutely! Even tho titles are not copyrightable, I'd never write a song with the same title as a famous song. It's hard enough to stand out from the crowd and be recognized as it is. I'm really surprised when famous artists do the same thing (unfortunately I don't have time to think of an example since I'm at work right now, but I know I've heard it). It strikes me as laziness or having no sense of musical history.

 

A good exercise is to take an existing title and write a totally new arrangement around it.

[ProgRock11]

I'd say I'm pretty young...24...but I'm also a Neil Young fan. The song title needs to be changed because anyone who sees it will ultimately compare it to Neil Young's Heart of Gold. I know of many other young cats who are into Neil Young...especially his album Harvest. Heck, I even remember him being inducted into the Hall of Fame...he sang "Rock'in in a Free World" with Pearl Jam.

 

Maybe I like Neil because my dad brought me up on music from around that era...like the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Led Zeppelin, the Doors, Cream, Janis Joplin, and Elton John (just off the top of my head).