Members palimino Posted December 17, 2008 Members Share Posted December 17, 2008 Cliffs of Dover Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted December 17, 2008 Members Share Posted December 17, 2008 Damn well written poem/song...indeed farewell dear Leah... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted December 17, 2008 Members Share Posted December 17, 2008 There is a well known guitar instrumental by Eric Johnson which is also called "Cliffs of Dover". [YOUTUBE]55nAwmVLQSk[/YOUTUBE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stackabones Posted December 17, 2008 Members Share Posted December 17, 2008 There is a well known guitar instrumental by Eric Johnson which is also called "Cliffs of Dover". And a perhaps more well known geological site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted December 17, 2008 Members Share Posted December 17, 2008 It seems you're taking up a sort of 19th century flavor to your language and construction; it feels awfully poetic -- which is tough turf to walk with a straight face. But taking that as a given, the phrase "lovely Leah, looking bloody well tonight" really hits my ear wrong. Maybe it's because I can easily hear that phrase in memory, uttered by the frequently coarse/vulgar British techs brought into the States on quasi-bogus work visas by a company I used to work for. Every other phrase had "bloody" or the f-word in it, frequently in tandem. I loved those guys... Anyhow, I'd love to hear how this sounds with music. I had a few concerns about flow and meter, but, really, people play with phrasing so much it's all but impossible to tell on the page. An interesting, overall well-crafted work with a neo-classical approach to a classic situation, even though we never really get to find out what's bugging this chick so... PS... When I found out why the white cliffs of Dover are white, it seemed a hella lot less romantic. PPS... breakers... Don't the Brits call them rollers? This word also hits my ear wrong, though I missed it the first time around. And there may be some other anachronisms in the language choices as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stackabones Posted December 17, 2008 Members Share Posted December 17, 2008 it feels awfully poetic -- Poetic as in Homer? Perhaps Virgil? Or maybe you mean Dante? Are you implying that it sounds like Milton, or perhaps more like Shakespeare? No, no, by poetic you must mean Byron or Keats, right? Then again, you could be referring to Frost, though I'd put even money Robinson before Eliot or Pound. Of course, Baudelaire is a real possibilty ... though I wouldn't discount Eluard. Is there any chance you mean Cummings? I'd say Wordsworth, but Arnold is more likely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted December 17, 2008 Members Share Posted December 17, 2008 ^^^^^^^^ You are in fine fettle this morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stackabones Posted December 17, 2008 Members Share Posted December 17, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted December 17, 2008 Members Share Posted December 17, 2008 Poetic as in Homer? Perhaps Virgil? Or maybe you mean Dante? Are you implying that it sounds like Milton, or perhaps more like Shakespeare? No, no, by poetic you must mean Byron or Keats, right? Then again, you could be referring to Frost, though I'd put even money Robinson before Eliot or Pound. Of course, Baudelaire is a real possibilty ... though I wouldn't discount Eluard. Is there any chance you mean Cummings? I'd say Wordsworth, but Arnold is more likely. Poetic as in overeducated English lit major stuck in the Longhorn State... Pardon my shorthand... by that I meant that the grammatical construction and flow seemed (no doubt, intentionally) dated, a trifle archaic, a little forced. You know... ... poetic. Dover Beach Matthew Arnold The sea is calm to-night. The tide is full, the moon lies fair Upon the straits; on the French coast the light Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand; Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay. Come to the window, sweet is the night-air! Only, from the long line of spray Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land, Listen! you hear the grating roar Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, At their return, up the high strand, Begin, and cease, and then again begin, With tremulous cadence slow, and bring The eternal note of sadness in. Sophocles long ago Heard it on the Agaean, and it brought Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow Of human misery; we Find also in the sound a thought, Hearing it by this distant northern sea. The Sea of Faith Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled. But now I only hear Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar, Retreating, to the breath Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear And naked shingles of the world. Ah, love, let us be true To one another! for the world, which seems To lie before us like a land of dreams, So various, so beautiful, so new, Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light, Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain; And we are here as on a darkling plain Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight, Where ignorant armies clash by night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members palimino Posted December 18, 2008 Author Members Share Posted December 18, 2008 Thanks, T-Bry. Bloody hell! I behold EIGHT responses, but low and be snowed, 'tis mere banter over frivolities. Shall I address those with input? Yea. B2B, So, you think it's archaic, eh? And "bloody" is used only by miscreants and ne'er-do-wellers, eh? Hmmmm...I never knew. Guess that makes me.... Where on earth did you obtain a photo of my Great-Great Uncle Matty??? You're quite right about the "rollers." I made the appropriate...well, perhaps inappropriate, but it has been changed. Why they are white should NOT be an issue, old bean. Does not the excrement of animals give birth to the fairest of roses? Blue, Great snap of the cliffs! Pal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stackabones Posted December 18, 2008 Members Share Posted December 18, 2008 Poetic as in overeducated English lit major stuck in the Longhorn State... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted December 18, 2008 Members Share Posted December 18, 2008 Blue, Great snap of the cliffs! Pal Ain't it! But it's actually in the ever-literate Stackabones' post. But since he's likely a Strunk & White kinda guy, maybe I should say, Stackabones's post... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members palimino Posted December 18, 2008 Author Members Share Posted December 18, 2008 DAY-UM!!! The scary part is (he says, feeling a very premature senior moment meandering up his spine), I was actually THINKING Bones (causing a Star Trek moment), while writing Blue! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted December 18, 2008 Members Share Posted December 18, 2008 Welcome to the club. I was just working on a song I've had around for a while... I actually wrote it in my early 40s, I think. It's sung from the perspective of someone with senile dimentia. I always like to be ahead of the curve... and, besides, when I'm playing in the childhood sunshine of my slowly crumbling mind, I may not feel like writing a song about it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Elias Graves Posted December 19, 2008 Members Share Posted December 19, 2008 I am quite the fan of the 19th century and the poets it produced. An interesting period of time. The language used in the song seems to work here because it is fairly consistently used. That language can seem overdone to our ears that have been well trained in "Simple and Direct," but I like the way it comes together here. The white cliffs have certainly been used many times in literature, poetry and music that you are treading dangerously close to either looking like a hack or pulling off a fine addition to the catalog. I would like to hear it. A haunting story. The use of "bloody" is tricky in this context. It is certanly apt in it's relation to the subject matter. On the other hand, the use of elevated language throughout the rest of the piece puts the use of the vernacular "bloody" a bit out of place. I think a valid argument could be made for keeping or tossing it. The author, I suppose, wins this argument. EG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members palimino Posted December 23, 2008 Author Members Share Posted December 23, 2008 Thank u, Elias. I read your post the other day, but got sidetracked without responding...though I DID yield to removing that bloody word. I appreciate your input.pal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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