Members Delta0311 Posted January 1, 2009 Members Share Posted January 1, 2009 Hey yall I gotta another song I just recorded-- sorry its myspace-- just cuz but none the less. Honest opinion here-- I got thick skin-- I double some vocal lines not all or complete lines-- how does that sound -- can you here it-- should I make more pronounced?? Also on the underlined lyric lines I tend to think I may have drawn them out or rushed too much-- yes ? no? suggestions. Secondly I did -- shoot me here-- rush the lead part-- I really think the final passage of the lead is way off tempo-- friends say its cool- but I'd rather here the comments from strangers. www.myspace.com/veritasatlast Here are the lyrics in case you may want to critique them too: How can we see into the darkness with only a feeling to guide us out I cant stand it-- no not much longer Cant sit back and watch this come about (chorus) Just look into my eyes and see the truth You'll never see another reveal the other side until now Stray from this beathen path of life to call your own Never take a word for granted and live for the hear and now And I wont be misled any longer Compelled to find the truth in you And you shouldnt act like such a stranger Your enemys' getting close and ya cant find your way out (Chorus) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Elias Graves Posted January 1, 2009 Members Share Posted January 1, 2009 It has potential. You know already about the things you pointed out. "How can we see into the darkness," "sit back," "beaten path," feel worn. Consider rephrasing in an unexpected manner that still conveys the same message. Spelling on "hear" (Sorry, that's the English student in me). A feeling guiding us out of the darkness is a nice image."Compelled to find the truth in you" is a nice line. Don't change that.I'm not the best guy to ask about music or recording.Keep working on it. I like it.Liked your other songs, too. Like to have your job, also. Realist...where do I apply? EG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Delta0311 Posted January 1, 2009 Author Members Share Posted January 1, 2009 ok your critique considered it has opened the consideration for other avenues-- yea sorry bout the spellin I was a Criminology/Soc major so yea -hahaha as for the job we'll I guess it all depends on how far into the black your willing to go-- back on topic I appreciate your time checkin my sorry ass songs out though none the less- if you ever put something up and I miss it just hit me up man I'll throw my 2 cents in.. take care -- Happy New Years!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Elias Graves Posted January 1, 2009 Members Share Posted January 1, 2009 Look at Jerry Mac EG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sentry68 Posted January 1, 2009 Members Share Posted January 1, 2009 It's not the production forum, but since you asked- there are some pitch issues throughout. Also, you might try a harmony instead of unison on the backup vox. I like your vocal tone a lot, but the vocal melody here feels constrained and unexplored. It's easy to stay in the comfort zone, but I'd suggest stretching a little bit here and there, and maybe looking for a different pitch where you drop at the end of the line (ex. '...into the darkness'). I'm not much of a singer myself, and I struggle with pitch a LOT... I'll make a suggestion that has helped me get a modicum of control... I record in Sonar, but this should work in most any multi-track environment- record ONE VERSE ONLY. Listen to the playback immediately, delete if it isn't right and record again. This helped me develop a feel for pitch. If you're like me, you can hear pitch fine, and hear when it's out. 'Feeling' it in the throat when you sing is different. For me, the best way to connect the two was to listen to what I'd done and make minor corrections over and over. Sing it with authority- you own the song. The solo guitar at the end didn't actually do much for me. It's well played, but I found it to be unexpected. I like the lyrics- my only critique would be that the '...ya can't find your way out' line is awkward. Sounds like Staind is an influence. I think this could easily be polished up into a really good song with a little attention to the vocals. Hope it helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted January 1, 2009 Members Share Posted January 1, 2009 Hey yall I gotta another song I just recorded-- sorry its myspace-- just cuz but none the less. Honest opinion here-- I got thick skin-- I double some vocal lines not all or complete lines-- how does that sound -- can you here it-- should I make more pronounced?? Also on the underlined lyric lines I tend to think I may have drawn them out or rushed too much-- yes ? no? suggestions. Secondly I did -- shoot me here-- rush the lead part-- I really think the final passage of the lead is way off tempo-- friends say its cool- but I'd rather here the comments from strangers. www.myspace.com/veritasatlast Here are the lyrics in case you may want to critique them too: How can we see into the darkness with only a feeling to guide us out I cant stand it-- no not much longer Cant sit back and watch this come about (chorus) Just look into my eyes and see the truth You'll never see another reveal the other side until now Stray from this beathen path of life to call your own Never take a word for granted and live for the hear and now And I wont be misled any longer Compelled to find the truth in you And you shouldnt act like such a stranger Your enemys' getting close and ya cant find your way out (Chorus) There's a cool, outsider vibe going on here. I like the idea of your vocals but as others have noted, pitch issues dog this performance much of the way through. (Not a songwriting issue, understood.) The lyrics are a bit vague, something's going wrong, someone's getting misled, or not. I'd feel a little more comfortable with a little more story in there, somehow, more info to hang the emotions and mood on. There are a few phrases that call attention to themselves and a couple that seem conflicted in meaning. The first underlined line is one of the former. And the whole last quattrain is kind of perplexing... the singer won't be misled or compelled to find the truth in the the other... those seem like conflicting ideas. And then the last two lines just kind of don't add up for me, with the last going off into some new place -- who is the enemy? Is it a third person? The singer of the song? Anyhow, I feel like there's very much a song here, I like the feel of the song, the feel of the singing -- but it might come out a lot stronger with a little tinkering and more practice singing it, with an ear toward nudging some of those wayward tonalities back into line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted January 1, 2009 Members Share Posted January 1, 2009 Vocals are pitchy and the phrasing could use some work as well. I haven't got my acoustic treatment back up, but I am pretty sure there is too much bass in the mix. Acoustic guitar sounds good. Phrasing/timing on the solo could use a little work as well - not sure I like the reverb, it puts the electric guitar in a totally different space than the rest of the instruments. Basically agree with what everyone else has said about the song. There are a few clunker lines ("You'll never see another reveal the other side until now"???) and the writing could be tighter both in the specifics (Elias) and in general (Blue2Blue). But it definitely has potential - keep up the good work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted January 1, 2009 Members Share Posted January 1, 2009 I should add that I'm among those who think the fuzzed out electric lead seems distinctly out of place, here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members travis coats Posted January 1, 2009 Members Share Posted January 1, 2009 Like it a lot. I would love to mix this one up for you. You could get a lot of out of the tune, but the mix needs some work. There are all kinds of programs to help with pitch correction - my fav is Melodyne and I use it regularly since I have a horrible time keeping pitch. Good song though, as I said I liked it a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tbone Deluxe Posted January 2, 2009 Members Share Posted January 2, 2009 Hello Delta0311,First I just wanna say I like the song. And I checked out the other two on your myspace as well. Good stuff. With a disclaimer that I can't sing worth a darn in mind. I heard of a little trick that might help if you think its worth a shot. Most singer will sing flat when backing themselves up if there is too much bass content on the playback tracks , especially the vocals. Something about hearing the resonance of the low frequencies ( in headphones especially ) that draw people to a lower tone while singing. So you might roll off some low end say below 150-200 .I know this will take the body out of the sound of the guitar but it can be put back later. I've tried this and it helped me . I've still got plenty of pitch issues ,but this has reduced the horror that is my voice to some degree. As far as the lead guitar , I guess I am in a minority on liking it in the song . The tone of the guitar is great I think. The reverb and echo/delay seems to be pulling it out of the space with the other parts though I must agree. It might be a bad idea ,but I was kinda hearing the lead cleaned up and tucked in low under some "ewww and awww's" by the lead vox and maybe some slightly distant background vocal harmonies or something feeding the emotion to the guitar lead. Having said that I wish I had you voice as is. I'd gladly trade. Best of luck ,T Bone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Delta0311 Posted January 2, 2009 Author Members Share Posted January 2, 2009 Wow thats alot of responses thanks!!! I actually see about 90% of what some of you pointed out- the lyrical lines made sense to me-- but if you the listener couldnt make sense of it - that underlies the issue. Sorry yall had to endure the fuzzed out lead-- I am now considering of rolling an acoustic lead with more of a Jerry Cantrell feel to it maybe. Tbone some great detail and avice I certinaly appreciate that . Sentry and Blue pointed out some lyrical misunderstandings for the record so you dont think I smoke crack-- I see where the confusion is But the line about _ Misled any longer- compleed to find the truth- meaning you wont be fooled any longer by someones lies, however that one still cares enough to find the truth so that you can help them out - this rolls on to --- You shouldnt act like such a stranger meaning -- for a person not to be above asking for help or to be so cut off from those who care to help-- The enemy-- is whatever you make it out to be-- the enemy in this case is my sisters drug addiction-- and how she has pretty much shut out every form of help that can be offered-- "and ya cant find your way out" Aight enough of my ramblings-- thanks for the review I'll get back to work on this in the near future-- with a fresh set of ears- and these comments to go by!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bodyguard2112 Posted January 2, 2009 Members Share Posted January 2, 2009 Ok, I can hear the Staind influence in the baritone guitar and sound of the vocal. There is drifting at many places of the pitch. The guitar solo is good. But remember, Aaron Lewis punctuates his vocals by going high during dramatic parts of a song, and this vocalist does not, and so it is kind of bland. I don't know that I would listen to this whole song on a radio without changing it. But if there was a reward for a listener in the vocal performance, maybe I would. Just an opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Delta0311 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Members Share Posted January 4, 2009 bodygaurd funny you mentioned Stained along with some others-- actaully I dont listen to them that much-- I appreciate them as artist but thats about it- i know my voclas suck-- so I appreciate ya'll checkin it out any ways-- thanks for the input I'll make corrrectionds and go from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members elsongs Posted January 5, 2009 Members Share Posted January 5, 2009 A little IMO advice.. There's a lot of songs already called "Here and Now," - the one sung by Luther Vandross comes to mind. I'm not a fan of song titles that share the same as other, unrelated songs. If I were you, I'd flip the words and call this "Now and Here" - it means the same thing, but it sticks out, and you'll also open up more words that rhyme with "here." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Delta0311 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Members Share Posted January 5, 2009 uhm never thought about that?? Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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