Members Ontological Posted November 6, 2009 Members Share Posted November 6, 2009 ...this Monday and this is my first piano inspired song. It's called Siren's Song. What would you add? http://www.soundclick.com/ontological Siren Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rockinrobby Posted November 6, 2009 Members Share Posted November 6, 2009 I wish I had a piano instead of "just" the vsts. congrats, and ummmm? I just finished a song with a lyric about a girl with long blond hair? So I'm afraid you're going to have to change that? Or I'm suing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted November 6, 2009 Members Share Posted November 6, 2009 Ohhh nothing beats a real piano.... umm what to add... well for me a change in the beat or at least a fill or something...you have this beautiful real piano and then an apparent drum loop that doesnt do anything.... dont think it needs loads more instruments maybe bring a bass line in that moves the song a little and on the line"Yeah let your guitar ring" i hear the ringing strum of a guitar x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nomad60 Posted November 6, 2009 Members Share Posted November 6, 2009 Ohhh nothing beats a real piano.... umm what to add... well for me a change in the beat or at least a fill or something...you have this beautiful real piano and then an apparent drum loop that doesnt do anything.... dont think it needs loads more instruments maybe bring a bass line in that moves the song a little and on the line"Yeah let your guitar ring"i hear the ringing strum of a guitarx +1 on stickboy's ideas...I think it's got potential, for sure. I guess I never wrote about long blond hair & blue eyes 'cuz it sounds like I'm talking about myself...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members easilyspooked Posted November 6, 2009 Members Share Posted November 6, 2009 if i might offer one lyrical critique, prefaced by saying that i really like the song and its flow. in the second verse, "Oh, now I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 6, 2009 Moderators Share Posted November 6, 2009 Well... the song's great. It's a simple statement that totally works. What else could you do to it? If you wanted to get into the actual tune and expand on it, and I'm not sure you should... but if you wanted to... you could: Call the PreChorus your Chorus. Then go some place entirely different for what you're calling the chorus. Make the rhythm of the vocal line quarter notes perhaps to contrast with the 8th note feel of the rest of the tune. And use a chord sequence you haven't up to this point. On 1/4 notes: (iii)You Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ontological Posted November 6, 2009 Author Members Share Posted November 6, 2009 Thanks for all the input. There's a lot to digest so I'll ponder them a bit, experiment a lot and let you know what I come up with. Cheers,Deric Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 6, 2009 Moderators Share Posted November 6, 2009 But I guess what I meant to say was I think it's great the way it is... It's a cool tune. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted November 6, 2009 Members Share Posted November 6, 2009 Wish I had room for a piano in the house. Think I'm going to have to settle for a hammer action midi controller instead. Will listen later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted November 7, 2009 Members Share Posted November 7, 2009 Nice song - wouldn't add anything except perhaps some percussion (but I'm a sucker for percussion). What did you use to mic the piano - it sounds great, but it doesn't have some of the out-of-control aspects that I usually associate with live pianos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ontological Posted November 7, 2009 Author Members Share Posted November 7, 2009 The piano I bought is the Yamaha YPG-635 it's a digital piano with built in speakers. Believe it or not I simply mic'd the speakers. On the left was my AKG Perception 200 condenser and on the right was an SM57. I wanted something small enough to fit in my office, portable if need be and with realistic playability and sound. I realize it's not the same as an acoustic piano but I'm sure one of these days I'll add one of those to my collection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ontological Posted November 7, 2009 Author Members Share Posted November 7, 2009 if i might offer one lyrical critique, prefaced by saying that i really like the song and its flow. in the second verse, "Oh, now I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kailey Posted November 9, 2009 Members Share Posted November 9, 2009 I think its great to have a piano in the house. Would like to listen it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted November 9, 2009 Members Share Posted November 9, 2009 Just got a chance to listen....... There is so much about this song that I like.....the contrast between the hipitty hop drum loop and the purity of the piano being just a start. The lyrics, the tone and the way your voice breaks just a little in a couple of spots near the end are all pretty cool..............I think this could be a much bigger tune, though, if you want it to be. I hear it building big time pretty early on with more voices (I like Lee's concept a lot), and more instrumentation including strings and percussion, if you can keep it real. Let the piano just keep going throughout it all and come back to the front of the stage by itself at the end to take us out. Big. Or.....not. Sounds great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members djowens123 Posted November 12, 2009 Members Share Posted November 12, 2009 Hi, liked the song. If it was me i would substitute the piano line for a bass, not exactly, but just to go along in a similar way. It would give it more body and would compliment the drum beat. A little less reverb on the drums. Try doing bass chords on the piano with a bit of sustain at each chord change. Then add a little right hand melody here and there to give a little brightness and counter melody to the vocal/song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ontological Posted November 14, 2009 Author Members Share Posted November 14, 2009 Huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ontological Posted November 14, 2009 Author Members Share Posted November 14, 2009 Hi, liked the song. If it was me i would substitute the piano line for a bass, not exactly, but just to go along in a similar way. It would give it more body and would compliment the drum beat. A little less reverb on the drums. Try doing bass chords on the piano with a bit of sustain at each chord change. Then add a little right hand melody here and there to give a little brightness and counter melody to the vocal/song. Thx I'll work on it. I'm not much of a piano player but I'll give your suggestions a whirl. Cheers,Deric Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dingoist Posted November 14, 2009 Members Share Posted November 14, 2009 I think it's a great tune myself. The first discrepancy was that the lyrics clearly refer to a guitar ringing, yet it's a drum'n piano song so I was like "huh?" but then I was over thinking it. After a couple listens that didn't matter anymore. I just dug it. It's simple, yet it's pretty complete as it's stands. I've a century old piano hanging about, the house. It's tuning can rival the worst bar piano at the moment but I'd love to be able to dig into it in a Tom Waits' kinda way. I'm just not that talented. I know people who are.... damn them.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted November 15, 2009 Members Share Posted November 15, 2009 Huh? [Mod EDIT: CM's post refers to a now-deleted and banned spammer's post, not anyone still in this thread!] He's a spammer. It's just cut/paste of another lyric someone posted here earlier. I like the drum loop, and the piano riff is good, but it gets a little repetitive by the end. Adding a little counterpoint line or something along the way would maintain interest. I agree that "now I'm in your place" doesn't work--I thought you went to her apartment or something. "Feel your pain" is pretty cliche, so I wouldn't settle on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted November 15, 2009 Members Share Posted November 15, 2009 [EDIT: Chicken Monkey and I are referring above to a now-deleted nonsensical post by a "signature line spammer" who had snuck in here to do some free advertising -- not the entirely innocent Ontological!!! The spammer had pasted someone else's lyrics from elsewhere into his post to apparently make it 'look' like a legit post.They put in a lot of of effort just to get a few lines of text links into one of these forums because of the high number of eyeballs.] Yeah... the spammers are trying to figure out a way to get past what they probably think are anti-spam bots but which are actually our fellow, sharp-eyed forum members reporting suspicious posts (like the one that had been above, misappropriating someone else's lyrics). They are trying harder all the time. Sometimes their spam links are in the signature area and sometimes they're in the body of the post. Your continued vigilance helps frustrate their evil plans and helps keep your forum free of spam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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