Members Chicken Monkey Posted October 1, 2011 Members Share Posted October 1, 2011 That Night Lyrics: I'll never forget the night the stars fell down around meAnd lifted me into the purple skyThere was something in the air that carried me away from whereI was and left me looking in your eyes Chorus: I don't know if I came to you or if you came to meBut what difference does a moment make in an eternityAll I know is, everything's been rightSince that night, Oh, that night. We talked until I went to bed, but when I laid down my head, I kept you with me for the whole night through.It's hard for me to tell between memory and and dreamWhen it's of the time I spend with you. Chorus Bridge: I used to think my heart was made for breakingThat was all it ever seemed to doBut I put an end to all my achingThat starry night I fell in love with you Repeat vs. 1 and Chorus It's a one-take, one-mic recording on my Zoom. I picture it as a kind of a Western Swing style thing, kinda Bob Wills/Lyle Lovett's Large Band as a reference. There are some interesting (to me) things going on with both the lyrics and the music, but I'll hold off on discussing those so as not to color any comments. I don't write many straight ahead love songs, and this one is more-or-less true, so I'm not sure if I'm honoring the tradition or whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monkey Uncle Posted October 1, 2011 Members Share Posted October 1, 2011 I think the lyrics are spectacular. Perfect balance between traditional and fresh. No ten dollar words, but you still managed to avoid dull cliches. That takes a special talent. The harmony and melody are nothing new, but they fit the genre very well. It's a happy, feel-good song, so it doesn't need to do anything musically spectacular. Sorry if I haven't offered any useful suggestions. I guess I'm trying to say that I really like the song and I don't think that it needs any tweaking to fulfill its purpose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted October 2, 2011 Members Share Posted October 2, 2011 It's damn good! Very much in that Western Swing specific vein. The internal rhymes are all good, and one -- air/where -- is really terrific. Very nicely done. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 2, 2011 Moderators Share Posted October 2, 2011 Very cool. I love your voice and strumming style. Love it. The only suggestion I might have, maybe... is that the bridge, as cool as it is, doesn't contrast enough, again I'll say maybe, with the verses and chorus. I was hoping for a cool rhythmic change up in the melody line. Perhaps elongating the melody and paring down a few words My-heart... was... made... for... breakingAll... it... seemed... to... doNo-end... to... all... my... achingTill-that-starry-night-I-fell-in-love-with-you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted October 2, 2011 Members Share Posted October 2, 2011 Very good. That chord progression is super slick, and the lyric and melody are both excellent. Yay Zoom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted October 2, 2011 Author Members Share Posted October 2, 2011 Very cool. I love your voice and strumming style. Love it. The only suggestion I might have, maybe... is that the bridge, as cool as it is, doesn't contrast enough, again I'll say maybe, with the verses and chorus. I was hoping for a cool rhythmic change up in the melody line. Noted. I very rarely endeavor to write the chords part of a song--I come up with lyrics, have something of a melody in my head, and then fit chords underneath. For this one, I decided to put a "pedal tone" throughout that wasn't a part of the root triad. In this case, I used the 6th. So that note (F# in this case) runs through all the chords in the song, sometimes as the root of the chord, sometimes as the 3rd, and sometimes as a color tone (the 6th or 9th). As a result, there's a samey feel from verse to chorus to bridge and back. I didn't know this about myself, but I'm reflecting and realizing that I almost always put the burden of "differentness" in the bridge on the chord progression. Without that go-to, I need another move. I think the pace of the lyrics is a great approach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 3, 2011 Members Share Posted October 3, 2011 Reading it, the only thing that looks like it might be clunky is "that night, oh that night." I have a strong suspicion your delivery sells it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted October 3, 2011 Author Members Share Posted October 3, 2011 Reading it, the only thing that looks like it might be clunky is "that night, oh that night." I have a strong suspicion your delivery sells it. Not sure if you're in a situation that won't allow listening, or if you just didn't see the hyperlinked title that will get you to the clip ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted October 3, 2011 Members Share Posted October 3, 2011 A good song all round - no suggestions on any aspect for improvement except to second Lee's comment about the sameness of the Bridge.The song would definitely benefit from a greater melodic shift or a change in tempo (or both if your Muse is wearing stockings). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted October 4, 2011 Members Share Posted October 4, 2011 Not sure if you're in a situation that won't allow listening, or if you just didn't see the hyperlinked title that will get you to the clip ... Situation that didn't allow listening. I did listen last night. It was great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted October 4, 2011 Members Share Posted October 4, 2011 Love it - im a fan of your work , you should post more the only thing i "might" change is "purple sky"..... i just think maybe "empty sky" seeing as the stars have all fallen down? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted October 4, 2011 Author Members Share Posted October 4, 2011 the only thing i "might" change is "purple sky"..... i just think maybe "empty sky" seeing as the stars have all fallen down? "Purple sky" is a vestige from the original idea for this song, which was to make a lyrical "collage", wherein I strung together an entire song with lyrics cribbed from other sources. I wound up dropping that idea as a deadline approached, but I can still see a line I took from a children's book, and another from a comic book, and the "purple sky", which is a pretty distinctive image in Hank Williams' "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry". I can see a general audience letting that phrase slide by unnoticed, but the old-country fans I've played it for (I play in a country band) seem to be picking up on it. Glad you like the rest of it, though--that means a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted October 4, 2011 Members Share Posted October 4, 2011 "Purple sky" is a vestige from the original idea for this song, which was to make a lyrical "collage", wherein I strung together an entire song with lyrics cribbed from other sources. I wound up dropping that idea as a deadline approached, but I can still see a line I took from a children's book, and another from a comic book, and the "purple sky", which is a pretty distinctive image in Hank Williams' "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry". I can see a general audience letting that phrase slide by unnoticed, but the old-country fans I've played it for (I play in a country band) seem to be picking up on it. Glad you like the rest of it, though--that means a lot. I picked up the Hank Williams reference. And I liked it. It felt like a bit much when I saw the written lyric, but when I heard it sung it seemed to fit the feeling of the song. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Matximus Posted October 5, 2011 Members Share Posted October 5, 2011 This seems like it should be a very good song. But it doesn't pop enough, though. I don't know why. Good lyrics. Good melody put together in a solid way. It sounds like it's put together well. Everything is there but it's just still kind of... forgettable. Does that make any sense? The thing needs more of a backbone somehow - my guess is it's so evenly good and competent and safe that it doesn't leave an impression. I'd probably start with the lyrics. They're nice but in a kinda banal way. It reminds me of Herman Dune, kinda. He's unabashedly sincere a lot, and it can be terribly boring sometimes but other times wildly exciting. It's weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted October 6, 2011 Moderators Share Posted October 6, 2011 This seems like it should be a very good song. But it doesn't pop enough, though. I don't know why. Good lyrics. Good melody put together in a solid way. It sounds like it's put together well. Everything is there but it's just still kind of... forgettable. Does that make any sense? The thing needs more of a backbone somehow - my guess is it's so evenly good and competent and safe that it doesn't leave an impression. I'd probably start with the lyrics. They're nice but in a kinda banal way. It reminds me of Herman Dune, kinda. He's unabashedly sincere a lot, and it can be terribly boring sometimes but other times wildly exciting. It's weird. You're walking the thin line of exercising your personal demons and giving a review. Are you trying to help are just getting your rocks off or is it some sort of cathartic exorcism? Come on man, you can help without... doing what ever it is ^that^ is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members saturn1 Posted October 8, 2011 Members Share Posted October 8, 2011 This seems like it should be a very good song. But it doesn't pop enough, though. I don't know why. Good lyrics. Good melody put together in a solid way. It sounds like it's put together well. Everything is there but it's just still kind of... forgettable. Does that make any sense? The thing needs more of a backbone somehow - my guess is it's so evenly good and competent and safe that it doesn't leave an impression. Well, he mentions Bob Wills and Lyle Lovett, certainly enough for me to add some bass, drums, pedal steel, etc. in my head. I read the lyrics and thought, 'okay, not bad'. Played the take and thought, 'Oh, yeah!' I do like LCK's idea for the bridge. I think it would really fit the style and drive home the thought. Nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted October 8, 2011 Author Members Share Posted October 8, 2011 Well, he mentions Bob Wills and Lyle Lovett, certainly enough for me to add some bass, drums, pedal steel, etc. in my head. I read the lyrics and thought, 'okay, not bad'. Played the take and thought, 'Oh, yeah!' I do like LCK's idea for the bridge. I think it would really fit the style and drive home the thought. Nice. You mean Lee Knight's idea for the bridge, right? I'm playing it w/ the new, Lee-inspired bridge tomorrow for the first time. I like it a lot better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.