A Dog Riding Shotgun - new lyric

[rhino55]

I bolded the two lines I think are weak.

 

 

I got a dog riding shotgun on a 3 hour drive

He's not much for conversation but then neither am I

He has no idea where we're going and doesn't seem to mind

Honestly, I don't know either but we're making real good time

 

I certainly don't feel lost and neither does he

And I can't recall any other place we're supposed to be

So I guess I'll keep driving this spotted dog and me

Can't seem to satisfy our curiosity

 

The mountains are calling like they always do

That's why my truck is 4 wheel drive and not 2

Looks like the little ice chest in the cab is just about through

I guess we'll be making camp pretty soon

 

 

For the chorus, I wanted to do something along the lines of

 

Traveling dog got a rambling bone

can't quite seem to call a city home

 

But I'm not at all sold on the second line. I also think it would be neat to incorporate the idea that the narrator, even though he is driving and setting up camp etc, is just tagging along with the dog.

[Chicken Monkey]

I'd say 4 wheel vs. 2 wheel is also a weak line. I kinda like the ice chest line, but agree that "spotted dog" definitely feels like filler.

[Lee Knight]

Cool idea. Awesome^ Yeah, so your chorus could be about "who's following who"? Or maybe, what do you have to fear or worry about when you've got Fido riding shotgun? Or a toast to him, like to Tonto or Cisco's Poncho. But this is celebrating your right hand pooch. Your navigator. You confidant.

 

 

Head on into the unknown

Just me and my favorite cabron

His breath may be rank, and his ass sure do stink

But man, nothing's more fun

Than me driving with my dog shotgun

 

[rsadasiv]

I think the idea is good - truck, dog, cooler, aimless drive.

 

But I'm having a problem starting with the first line - if he's just driving around aimlessly, how does he know that this is "a three hour drive"?

[rickidoo]

Thought..

 

I certainly don't feel lost and neither does he

And I can't recall any other place we're supposed to be

So I guess I'll keep driving this spotted dog and me (14)

 

* And even if that dog puts his head out in the breeze (13)

* But maybe dog and me are simply feeling lucky (13)

 

Can't seem to satisfy our curiosity

[Monkey Uncle]

"So I guess we'll just keep riding, this ____ dog and me"

 

I don't think it's a bad line at all, it just needs to be inclusive of the driver and the dog ("we'll" instead of "I'll", which necessitates changing the verb from "driving" to "riding"). I also think "spotted" is weak. If you can find a better adjective, I think that line is a keeper.

 

The following line, however, causes me a little heartburn. I'm not sure how it will sound when you sing it, but just reading through it, I had to string out the word "cur-i-os-i-ty" to make it fit the natural rhythm of the lines. I'm wondering if adding an adjective ahead of "curiosity" would help.

 

For the other line, you could be a little more direct: "Looks like the six-pack on the floorboard is just about through" Not sure how you feel about a reference that glorifies drunk driving, though.

 

I got nothing for the chorus; sorry!

[oldgitplayer]

I guess there are a lot of possibilities with the chorus. Maybe something like :

 

Traveling dog got a rambling bone

He likes to ride and he loves to roam

Got no kennel that he calls home

Keeps his nose to the wide unknown.

[Lee Knight]

That's great OGP! ^

[oldgitplayer]

 

That's great OGP! ^

 

 

Thanks - I could be in canine simpatico mode today.

[fenderbender66]

 

I think the idea is good - truck, dog, cooler, aimless drive. But I'm having a problem starting with the first line - if he's just driving around aimlessly, how does he know that this is "a three hour drive"?

 

 

what about this for the opener, keeping the aimless bit going: My dog rides shotgun whenever I drive

[fenderbender66]

I love this idea for a song by the way. I literally can't go anywhere without my dog demanding to go along:)

[rhino55]

 

I guess there are a lot of possibilities with the chorus. Maybe something like : Traveling dog got a rambling bone He likes to ride and he loves to roam Got no kennel that he calls home Keeps his nose to the wide unknown.

 

 

Fantastic! Not sure how I missed this earlier this week...

[LCK]

I like the idea of the song.

 

As you guys may or may not know, I make a living working with dogs, boarding & training, and writing about them for PsychologyToday.com. So anything with a dog in it is automatically interesting to me.

 

I don't think the lyric is as interesting yet, as the title. The lyric feels kind of generic in spots.

 

I'd like to see it more from the dog's point of view.

 

Maybe something like:

I picked up my car keys.

He jumped out of bed.

"I call shotgun,"

his tail sort of said.

 

So we ride the old highway,

my buddy and me.

His nose to the wind,

his ears flapping free.

 

LCK

[blue2blue]

 

I like the idea of the song. As you guys may or may not know, I make a living working with dogs, boarding & training, and writing about them for PsychologyToday.com. So anything with a dog in it is automatically interesting to me. I don't think the lyric is as interesting yet, as the title. The lyric feels kind of generic in spots. I'd like to see it more from the dog's point of view. Maybe something like: I picked up my car keys. He jumped out of bed. "I call shotgun," his tail sort of said. So we ride the old highway, my buddy and me. His nose to the wind, his ears flapping free. LCK

Man, I gotta get a copy of PT. I subscribed religiously in the 70s (it was always on the cheap 'script deals) and bought it off the 'stands on and off through the 80s. But, it's been decades. I guess it might be online? (I guess I'll have checked before anyone gets a chance to answer. EDIT: Bingo, and here's an LCK article as payoff.*)

 

_________________

 

 

Anyhow... like everyone else, I like the idea of the song a lot, but, clearly it's a song that's not likely to look, at the end, much like it started out looking. Most all the comments others have made, I agree with to varying degrees. I do have qualms about the ice chest being through, though. Empty. Maybe finished or done. I get the statement syntactically, it's just that through seems ambiguous enough to be distracting. One isn't likely to spend much time worrying through possible interpretations of through as a preposition, but even a moment's distraction can be problematic, sometimes. Also... I'm a little iffy about LCK's ears flapping free, it seems to invoke an annoying cartoon dog stereotype, like, say, that dog that the annoying cartoon cat, Garfield, has.

 

 

__________________

 

 

*Back to LCK's article, looks really interesting, I read about half of what I realized was just the first page and saved the URL to my desktop to finish later.

[LCK]

 

EDIT: Bingo, and here 's an LCK article as payoff.*) I'm a little iffy about LCK's ears flapping free, it seems to invoke an annoying cartoon dog stereotype, like, say, that dog that the annoying cartoon cat, Garfield, has. *Back to LCK's article, looks really interesting, I read about half of what I realized was just the first page and saved the URL to my desktop to finish later.

 

 

Thanks, Blue. I appreciate the fact that you took time to read (most of) it.

 

My feeling about the dog's ears is this: if it's a country song, it's a country dog, which means it's a hound. And hounds have long ears.

 

That said, the line may not work. It may be the wrong aspect of the dog's experience in the car to focus on.

 

(Reminder to self: write an article about why dogs love to go for car rides...)

 

LCK

[rhino55]

Thanks guys! this has come together pretty nicely. Still some kinks that need to be worked out, specifically an 'ice chest being through' but here is an idea where it is headed

 

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=11364515&q=hi

 

 

I got a dog riding shotgun on a 3 hour drive

He's not much for conversation but then neither am I

He has no idea where we're going and doesn't seem to mind

Where ever it is we're making real good time

 

I certainly don't feel lost and neither does he

And I can't recall any other place we're supposed to be

A tail that wags and nose glued to the breeze

Can't seem to satisfy our curiosity

 

Traveling dog got a rambling bone

He likes to ride and he loves to roam

Got no kennel that he calls home

Keeps his nose to the wide unknown

 

The mountains are calling like they always do

That's why my truck is 4 wheel drive and not 2

Looks like the little ice chest in the cab is just about through

I guess we'll be making camp pretty soon

 

Traveling dog got a rambling bone

He likes to ride and he loves to roam

Got no kennel that he calls home

Keeps his nose to the wide unknown

[Lee Knight]

 

Thanks guys! this has come together pretty nicely. Still some kinks that need to be worked out, specifically an 'ice chest being through' but here is an idea where it is headed http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=11364515&q=hi I got a dog riding shotgun on a 3 hour drive He's not much for conversation but then neither am I He has no idea where we're going and doesn't seem to mind Where ever it is we're making real good time I certainly don't feel lost and neither does he And I can't recall any other place we're supposed to be A tail that wags and nose glued to the breeze Can't seem to satisfy our curiosity Traveling dog got a rambling bone He likes to ride and he loves to roam Got no kennel that he calls home Keeps his nose to the wide unknown The mountains are calling like they always do That's why my truck is 4 wheel drive and not 2 Looks like the little ice chest in the cab is just about through I guess we'll be making camp pretty soon Traveling dog got a rambling bone He likes to ride and he loves to roam Got no kennel that he calls home Keeps his nose to the wide unknown

 

 

Really cool, Rhino! First off, what a cool guitar part and your playing is just perfect. I love the lyric, love the chorus you came up with. I think the only issue is phrasing some of those lines. Perhaps dropping a little word here or there to allow for punchier phrasing and finding your big 1.

 

From V1, the last 2 lines:

 

He has no idea where we're going and doesn't seem to mind

Where ever it is we're making real good time

 

What if you put the middle syllable of idea "i-DE-a" on the 1? And dropped "He has" so you get:

 

no i-DE-a where we're going... (and on 1 again) DOEsn't seem to mind

 

I'd play with you phrasing finding the syllable that lands on 1 and going from there. Dropping the odd minor word to make it word. You're there, it just needs the backing of those strong beat to carry your lyric.

[LCK]

It's very good. Love the guitar.

 

I question line 3 of the chorus.

 

"He got no kennel that he calls home."

 

That doesn't sit right for me. In fact it stuck out like a sore thumb.

 

I think it would be better to state something that's actually happening in the now moment -- "That right front window's where he calls home..." or "He calls shotgun, yeah, that's his home..." -- rather than some semi-awkward hypothetical situation that's not only not happening in the here and now, but isn't really happening at all, except as a kind of make-believe contrast to the "freedom" the dog feels by sticking his head out the window.

 

What I mean is, he has no kennel? So? Not every dog has a kennel. Clearly the dog has a home of some kind, whether it's being locked in a kennel (not for this dog, apparently), or a mat by your bed.

 

So I'd reverse that back to the now moment rather than use the kennel as a negative contrast.

 

But maybe that's just me.

 

LCK

[oldgitplayer]

A great little song - I felt I was listening to the real American man and dog story. The guitar piece is fantastic.

Agree with Lee Knight - there could be a couple of phrasing improvements, but other than that.......

[Monkey Uncle]

Everyone else has said it, but it bears repeating: that's a great guitar part!

 

I like the lyrics a lot, too. The suggestions above may make them better, but I think they're fine whether you do or don't take the suggestions.

 

One thing did bug me a bit, though. At the end of the last verse, as well as at the end of the first two repetitions of the chorus, the vocal melody seemed a little clunky, like it wasn't resolving to the I note of the scale. It kind of left me hanging. You might want to revisit that.

[rhino55]

Thanks for all the kind words!

 

LK, great suggestion with making the "de" on the 1. It sings really well that way.

 

Most of ya'll agree there are some phrasig issues. I'll have to spend some more time with it to let the rest of the phrasing get that natural.

 

LCK, very astute observation with the reference to the kennel taking it out of the here and now. At first I didn't agree, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized the here and now is exactly what this is about. I found a simple fix that I think works pretty well.

 

Traveling dog got a rambling bone

He likes to ride and loves to roam

Keeps his nose to the wide unknown

That's the place that he calls home

[oldgitplayer]

Personally, I prefer the original, but I could have some reason for that bias, couldn't I?....

 

Traveling dog got a rambling bone

He likes to ride and he loves to roam

Got no kennel that he calls home

Keeps his nose to the wide unknown

 

I see LCK's comment as correct, but still think that 'Got no kennel that he calls home' is a good line in the context of this song.

 

You're singing about a dog in the manner of the perennial 'rambling man' type of song. And 'Got no kennel that he calls home' alludes to the 'Got no place to hang my hat' sort of line that gets used, and therefore reinforces the familiar framework of the song.

 

Anyway - my 2c worth.