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"May I Speak to Edward" - for Axe_34


jjpistols

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Hardy har har.


After a few beer and scotch with the neighbours, my parents dropped by.


They stayed for a couple of hours and Paula and I hit the sack by 10:30. We haven't seen new year's in years.


About 3:15 I hear voices outside and Paula wakes up too. Then the doorbell rings.


I went to the window and saw what I thought were a couple of teenagers out on the sidewalk whispering to whoever had rung the doorbell.


I went to the stairs and crept down to the front door. I could hear the doorknob jiggling and then some scratching on the other side.


All I could see through the small window in the door was part of an arm and a shoulder.


"{censored}," I thought. "Somebody rang the doorbell to see if anyone was home and is now trying to break in. The other two must be spotters."


Well, you now the old saying about warfare -- keep the initiative.


I quickly unlocked the door, threw it open and grabbed the dude pinning him up against the wall.


"What the {censored} are you doing?!?!" I yelled in his face.


No answer.


"What the {censored} are you doing?!?" I yelled again.


I then saw he was about 18 or 19 and was absolutely bombed.


"May...I...please....speak....with.....Edward?"


"Dude, he doesn't live here."


"May I please speak with Edward?"


"Are you {censored}ing deaf? No one by that name lives here."


By this time Paula's at the door with the phone and freaking out.


"I'm calling the police," she said.


"You heard her. Get the {censored} off my property or she's calling the police."


"Please close the door," he said but he wasn't moving.


So Paula called the police.


By this time I had let go of him. He walked to the middle of the driveway and then walked about three houses over across the road. He stood at the door for a while and then went in the house. Three minutes later he comes flying out the door and starts running down the road and out of sight.


That house and ours were the only two with Christmas lights on. We figure he was trying to get to his friend's--who probably told him he'd keep the Christmas lights on to help him find the place--and ended up on the wrong street because he was so loaded.


So he tried our place, then the other one which probably was unlocked. So he walked in there and--since they have three teenage sons--was threatened with life and limb and ran for the hills.


Adrenaline rush at 3:15 = no sleep for another two hours. Plus Claire woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, not to mention Paula being totally freaked out.


Moral of the story -- I was stupid to open the door. He could have been seven-feet tall with a knife for all I knew.

 

 

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