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Your Guitars All Suck


Elias Graves

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My guitars are 1.0 and your guitars are 2.0. My nut and knobs are all made of entirely nitrocellulose found in a cellar in the old kalamazoo factory.

 

The lumber of which my guitar was constructed was planted by Stradivarius himself, watered by the sweat and tears of les paul and leo fender. It is of the rarest mahogany on earth, grown at precisely 1959 feet above sea level.

 

My fingerboards are made by the evolutionary predecessor of what you call "brazilian rosewood". Hernando Cortez himself thought he found the city of gold when he stared upon the tree.

 

The top of my guitar has so many flames that moses himself prayed to the tree because he thought God was talking to him.

 

Unicorn horn was used for the inlays.

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My guitars are 1.0 and your guitars are 2.0. My nut and knobs are all made of entirely nitrocellulose found in a cellar in the old kalamazoo factory.


The lumber of which my guitar was constructed was planted by Stradivarius himself, watered by the sweat and tears of les paul and leo fender. It is of the rarest mahogany on earth, grown at precisely 1959 feet above sea level.


My fingerboards are made by the evolutionary predecessor of what you call "brazilian rosewood". Hernando Cortez himself thought he found the city of gold when he stared upon the tree.


The top of my guitar has so many flames that moses himself prayed to the tree because he thought God was talking to him.


Unicorn horn was used for the inlays.

 

 

MIK?

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