Members Thunderbroom Posted January 16, 2010 Author Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Finally talked with my stepmother. She and my dad were married almost 37 years. In my youth we had a very contentious relationship...beyond what is typical. I carried much anger and hatred for her into my early adulthood. Having kids of my own caused those feelings to fall by the wayside. She found him this morning on the couch (he slept on the couch a lot) and thought he was sleeping. She made coffee, had a cup, watched some TV in their bedroom and finally realized something was wrong and hour or so later. She went to call 911 and freaked out. She called my sister. As soon as my sister walked in and saw him she knew the deal. I'm proud of my sister for stepping up and handling the service and whatnot since I'm not there. My dad asked for very little of anyone. One thing he did ask was to be cremated. Not everyone was aware of this including my sister, but I was because he and I talked about it. My sister had to convince my stepmother and my dad's mom that this was what was going to happen. After some reservations, they are on board now. Sorry about writing all of this out, but it's helping me cope a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrs. bleepo Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Sorry about writing all of this out, but it's helping me cope a bit. i don't think any of us are going to stop you i wish i had somewhere to vent 3 years ago when my dad passed on at age 50... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Thunderbroom Posted January 16, 2010 Author Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Having thought about this today, I am convinced that my dad somehow shut his body down. He did not want to go through the surgery next week nor did he want to put my stepmother through this. Though my stepmother has been taking care of him for years, he's always hated being a burden on her and on anyone else. He's told me numerous times that he wish he could just be done living. His body finally gave him his wish. I'm glad that he went in his sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bleepo Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 i don't think any of us are going to stop you i wish i had somewhere to vent 3 years ago when my dad passed on at age 50... ...And I'm glad I did when Mom went 2 years ago. the Bleepo's hearts are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Reverend179 Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Having thought about this today, I am convinced that my dad somehow shut his body down. He did not want to go through the surgery next week nor did he want to put my stepmother through this. Though my stepmother has been taking care of him for years, he's always hated being a burden on her and on anyone else. He's told me numerous times that he wish he could just be done living. His body finally gave him his wish. I'm glad that he went in his sleep. He went out on his own terms. That's a man we all can learn something. Selfless to the last. You're a lucky man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members frunobulax Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 my condolences, T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members s4001 Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 My thoughts are with you and your family, Jeff. Sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SB900LE Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Jeff, although I'm not a 'known' friend like so many on the forum are, I feel like I know you well because you share so many personal experiences. And so I extend condolences to you and yours at this time. My dad sorta chose to take what was dealt him late in life, and it was hard on us and him, but probably not as hard as it would have been had he languished in a rest home, facing a certain fate for months or years. He made the best of what health he had left, and kept on visiting and doing and going fishing. We think he knew he was gonna go in a big way (cardiac attack), but we take some comfort that he lived what he could while he could. So, peace to you and yours, and hope you can hang onto what was good. --Roberto Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Thunderbroom Posted January 16, 2010 Author Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 And Facebook provides an assist! I was just on FB and noticed that one of my high school friends who owns a local flower shop was online. We chatted. She's going to put together a nice spray with red roses (something my dad and his mom loved). How cool is that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members xbassman Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Having thought about this today, I am convinced that my dad somehow shut his body down. He did not want to go through the surgery next week nor did he want to put my stepmother through this. Though my stepmother has been taking care of him for years, he's always hated being a burden on her and on anyone else. He's told me numerous times that he wish he could just be done living. His body finally gave him his wish. I'm glad that he went in his sleep. I am sorry for your loss.... I think you may be right here. My father passed the same way. My brothers and I were over at his house, he was so frail I had to carry him to the bathroom. (He weighed 80 lbs at that time.) The next morning he was to start hospice, but died in his sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Thunderbroom Posted January 16, 2010 Author Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 I truly appreciate the kind words expressed by you all. I've been on HC for over 10 years and have read many threads like these over the years. While HC 2.0 may suck (if we ever see it), this place is filled to the rafters with really thoughtful people. Thank you from me and my family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Reverend179 Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 I truly appreciate the kind words expressed by you all. I've been on HC for over 10 years and have read many threads like these over the years. While HC 2.0 may suck (if we ever see it), this place is filled to the rafters with really thoughtful people. Thank you from me and my family. Like it or not, we're family here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jazz Ad Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Sorry for your loss Jeff. If he helped in any way turning you into the man you are today, then he definitely was a good dad.This is the day you realize you are mortal I guess, when you're next in line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Emprov Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 I'm glad that he went in his sleep.That's pretty much what you hope for, I'm so sorry to hear about this whole thing. You know that it has to happen at some point, but still.... A friend of mine's dad died a few year back. She said that he was sitting in his chair, laughing with his wife when he asked her to get him an Advil. His wife got up, went to the kitchen to get the Advil and, when she came back into the living room, he was gone, still smiling from the joking around that they had just been doing. It may seem trite but, if you need anything from anyone here, just ask. Prayers and mojo to you and your fam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Perfessor Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Sorry for your loss.... sometimes our loss is God's gain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fireball_73 Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 I'm really sorry to hear about that, mojo going your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RIC N BACKER Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 I found out this morning that my dad died. While I've been on my own for 25+ years and haven't lived near him since I set out on my own, we were as close as we could be. He was a great dad and certainly shaped me into the man I am today. In 1968, when I was 2, he got custody of my older sister and me. He reared me to adulthood with no assistance from my birth mother. While we had typical father/son disagreements, I had nothing but respect for him. He could have abandoned my sister and I (like our mother) but didn't. He stuck around. He had his first heart attack at 45, another at 47 and had a myriad of health issues including diabetes and Parkinson's. Next week he was supposed to go in for surgery to confirm that he had rectal cancer. He did not want to go in for the surgery. He was 70. Sorry for your loss. I lost my father when I was 19 to a Heart attack. He was 48 your description of your relationship sounds like mine, good man, raised me right and shaped me into who I am now..... great loss at either age Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members perrydabassman Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Sorry for your loss brudder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blueyedmule Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Post Tenebrax, Lux. That is, "After darkness, light." Peace on your house, T-broom, and for your father eternal rest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JCampbell72 Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Sorry for your loss. Prayers and mojo going out to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chip Stewart Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Sorry to hear about your loss. He went peacefully, which is the best any of us can hope for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rob Martinez Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 i am sorry for your loss. Prayers for him and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pickdust Posted January 16, 2010 Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Very sorry for your loss. Good thoughts coming your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Thunderbroom Posted January 16, 2010 Author Members Share Posted January 16, 2010 Yesterday when I got the news I went online to see about booking a flight for the 4 of us and renting a car. The cheapest I could find was ~$2200. We decided to drive. This morning as we were getting our stuff ready to make the ~1000 mile drive, I decided to check online for flights again. I found a deal on Delta for ~$950. I booked it. I hate driving long distances and the thought of having to drive ~30 hours between now and Tuesday night was making me ill. We'll be heading to the airport in a few hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members basste Posted January 18, 2010 Members Share Posted January 18, 2010 in late , Sorry for your loss... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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