Band fights

[Lee Flier]

Does your band argue a lot? And if so do you think it's good for the band's creativity? Do you think it helps your relationship in the long term or hurts it?

 

And if you don't tend to argue openly, how do you resolve conflicts if and when they come up?

[Tedster]

Oy'd guess we'd 'ave a spo't o' wot thayse goys did...

 

 

[Badside]

There are times (mostly when alcohol and fatigue is involved) where we almost take it to the point of physical agression, but then nothing happens, we sleep it off and laugh about it the next day.

 

In 10 years, we've been through so much {censored} together (including multiple near death experiences...) that nothing really matters anymore. We know everyone's "limit" and we just concentrate on the task at hand: kicking ass.

[axe2 2001]

Over the years we've had a few pretty big ones but it all works out in the end. That was mostly when we were a bit youger and more full of {censored}. And thats usually what the fight was about, Stupid {censored}. We kinda know that now and don't waste the energy on it.

[cozmicslop]

I don't like fights or arguments. If one goes on too long I will pack my {censored} and leave.

 

Last weekend Singer #1 is whining about an upcoming show. She has too many songs to learn, etc. Singer #2 joined group as a backing vocalist. I thought this was great. It was supposed to keep conflict to a minimum.

 

So after singer #1 whined all day and begged singer #2 to take a couple of leads, singer #2 kept saying no. She'd only do it in an emergency. So I joked to her,"What if this was an emergency?". She volunteered to do two tunes. Monday monrning I get this long rambling message from singer#1 pissed that I'm trying to force #2 to sing at HER gig. Ex-cuse me?

 

Apparently #1 forgot that I videotaped the rehearsal. On the tape she's busted begging for the very thing she complained about later.

 

There's no point in discussing the matter further. You're busted, You lied and got caught. No gloating. Let's move on.

 

My guitarist and keyboardist got into a 15 minute argument about an extended chord once. It was so ridiculous, I couldn't help but laugh, but they were ready to box over it.

 

I just don't see the point. If people can't compromise they don't need to be in the same band.

[MrKnobs]

Originally posted by Lee Flier Does your band argue a lot? And if so do you think it's good for the band's creativity? Do you think it helps your relationship in the long term or hurts it? And if you don't tend to argue openly, how do you resolve conflicts if and when they come up?

 

No, they don't.

 

That could be because (a) they're all seasoned veterans, and (b) they're all hired guns paid a salary by me. Democracy bands are a pain in the butt I've outgrown the need for.

 

Not that I don't listen to them and often do what they say, they have some really good ideas compared to mine. It's just having a band leader provides a clear way to resolve conflict.

 

Having said that, a couple months ago we played a gig in a club I've been trying to get into for a year. We were told we didn't need to bring any PA at all, so imagine our surprise when we found that there were no monitors, just one mike, and two mike cords.

 

There was also nobody there (it was early on a Tues night), so I realized we were really just auditioning for the club guys. I turned the mains speakers in a little on each side so the girls could hear themselves sing.

 

Right away, my bassist (who never f*cks up) started f*cking up constantly. Then he started bitching at the drummer and B3 player to turn down. I guess he was relying on vocal cues he wasn't hearing. I kept telling him to come up to the front of the stage with the rest of us, so he could hear, but for some unknown reason he stayed back with the drummer and kept bitching.

 

Anyway, we plowed through the rest of the show and didn't do too bad, but when we were tearing down the bassist and drummer (who had been friends for a couple of years) got in a shoving and cussing match, with such clever invective as "F*ck You!" and "No, F*ck YOU!"

 

Keep in mind both these guys are over 40 and presumably out of their diapers - at least for a while.

 

I separated them before the blows started, but the damage was done.

 

When I went to get our money the club manager told me we agreed to provide a band, not a boxing match.

 

Just like that, I was out $200 from my own pocket and will probably not play that club again for a very long time.

 

The two rhythm section guys still weren't speaking by the next practice, so I fired the drummer. It was the bass player's fault, but the drummer was planning on leaving town pretty soon anyway.

 

What a great business to be in.

 

Terry D.

[superiorparts]

conflicts within a band can be a real bitch. like previously stated, alcohol and fatigue can play a devastating role. i used to drive home at three in the morning so {censored}ing mad i could kill somebody. the bottom line was a band members girlfriend kept things stirred up all the time and talked about me behind my back. like it or not, somebody has to take charge. i guess i am sorta the band leader but i let everybody have a say so and i just steer the band. i couldnt take it anymore. since our lead singer was going to afganistan, i fired the member with the girlfriend drama and got another guitar player who could sing lead as well. so when our singer went to war, i had killed two birds with one stone. we were making more money, we sounded better, and the drama was gone. we all get along real well now. we still have dissagreements but it aint fighting and i am having fun again.

 

when it gets too much like work, something has to change.

 

kevin james

 

www.monkeyboneband.com

[squealie]

We pick on eachother endlessly.

 

We rarely fight. If someone is getting one someone elses nerves, usually we'll just say STFU, and everything is chill.

 

We get along pretty well for 3 stubborn jerks and....me.

 

They may be plotting my death for all I know....

[Guitar Guru]

Originally posted by squealie We pick on eachother endlessly. We rarely fight. If someone is getting one someone elses nerves, usually we'll just say STFU, and everything is chill. We get along pretty well for 3 stubborn jerks and....me. They may be plotting my death for all I know....

 

Same thing in my power trio.....we have some heated discussion regarding new songs we've written or how we should proceed with a certain situation......but we don't actually get into screaming matches or anything.

 

Still, I think they are plotting my death too.

[cozmicslop]

I think it's more how people approach conflict.

 

Do you want to win an argument, or do you want to solve a problem? Conflict and tension can create some good music, if you can finally get around to playing some of it. It's when a minor conflict over the tempo turns into a couples spat and people start dragging up old issues to slap each other around with.

 

At a certain point, you're not solving a problem, just creating a new one. Specifically, lack of respect. Once that window gets broken it's pretty hard to keep the flies out. After a while the same old fights get tiring.

 

Sometimes it's easier for me to play music I'm not fond of with a certain group because I have another outlet to do what I want in a different band. I don't need to fight as hard for creative direction as someone who just plays with one band. I can be more compromising so I am.

 

 

Still, I think they are plotting my death too.

 

 

Let me count the ways...

[MrKnobs]

 

Originally posted by cozmicslop I think it's more how people approach conflict. Do you want to win an argument, or do you want to solve a problem? Conflict and tension can create some good music, if you can finally get around to playing some of it. It's when a minor conflict over the tempo turns into a couples spat and people start dragging up old issues to slap each other around with. At a certain point, you're not solving a problem, just creating a new one. Specifically, lack of respect. Once that window gets broken it's pretty hard to keep the flies out. After a while the same old fights get tiring. Sometimes it's easier for me to play music I'm not fond of with a certain group because I have another outlet to do what I want in a different band. I don't need to fight as hard for creative direction as someone who just plays with one band. I can be more compromising so I am.

 

 

Good post!

 

Terry D.

[leepmeister]

All the guys in my band are friends in college. This is both a blessing and a curse. The other guys in my band are very non-confrontational. When I perceive a problem with how a song is being played or whether someone is taking the time to write/learn his parts, I try to bring it up, but I rarely get any back-up, even when I KNOW some others agree with me.

 

Sometimes I think the others rely on me to be the communication hub for the band, simply because I'm always the one who is willing to talk. "Tell guitarist he needs to get his effects figured out before practice", "Tell drummer to play a stronger kick pattern". Usually I've started telling them to talk directly to the person in question, otherwise I start to get ignored because people are only ever hearing the "suggestions" from me

 

The biggest problem I have is with one of the guitarists who simply doesn't practice enough. He comes to practice without having fixed something we talked about for the past several practices. We had issues with him not taking the time to properly set his amp's gadjillion channels so they wouldn't be inaudible on one channel and squealing loud on another. Whenever I said "take your amp to your room and get it set right", or "write a set part for that bridge" or whatever, he'd get all defensive because I said it as a "command." Unless I virtually said something like "If you could find the time to practice that part it would be great" he would more or less refuse to listen. And either way he still wouldn't DO it.

 

I can never get terribly angry at him though because we do so much other stuff together where we have to put music issues aside.

 

If it were anyone else though I would not be so patient

[megadan]

We sometimes end up getting in arguments, mainly when we're trying to write songs. Our keyboard player gets mad if we try and tell him what to play, or if the guitarist and I write something that he "can't play keyboards too". And then he plays piano ballads that no one wants to hear.

I (bass player) sometimes get mad at the drummer for going off time a lot, but we never fight because we're both super nice guys.

I think everyone is mad at the singer, for various reasons. I'm just generally disgruntled because the band is below average in skills, though when we do manage to work together, the results are fairly pleasent.

 

Like I said, most fights happen during the writing process, though during the recording process tempers also flair. The usual threat is, "well, I quit the band then!" I think we've all uttered this at least once, excpet for the drummer...

ah, that poor drummer... he's a poor drummer, but he's so nice and innocent and baby faced that no one can get mad at him... I make gentle suggestions about how he should play the same rhythms as me, and he just gets this puppy dog look on his face... ack...

 

Anyway... it happens.. hopefully we'll either break up soon, or go camping and get really drunk, and work it all out.

[Crypticscott]

The last band that I went out and jammed with had a drummer that I wanted to beat to a pulp by the third time that I went out.

 

 

I did'nt stay with those guys.

[Terry Allan Hall]

Well, my trio is not in any way a democracy...I'll listen to suggestions, but when all is said and done, I have the final say.

 

Took a while to find the right rhythm section, but it's been smooth sailing ever since!