Members AunShui Posted March 12, 2006 Members Share Posted March 12, 2006 So...i talked to the bassist (as i said i would in my older thread) and he is totally on. The drummer has a play but he's gonna try to leave as soon as it is over, the details are still in the works. So, now that i have a band and we're working on a set, its time to let my other band know i'm out. Keep in mind that I'm their friend and I dont want them pissed, but musicially this band is killing me, so what to do... 1) Don't say anything, don't do anything, just let it fade out. 2) Tomorrow let them both know at the same time that I'm out of the band but i still wanna be friends, blah blah blah 3) Tomorrow let one of them know one at a time that im out, blah blah blah Suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rand-O-Monium Posted March 12, 2006 Members Share Posted March 12, 2006 "{censored} This" Works like a charm! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BlueStrat Posted March 12, 2006 Members Share Posted March 12, 2006 be professional and treat it as a business.All you have to do is tell them that you don't feel it is working for you and you would rather move on to other pursuits. End of story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ThumpThumpTwang Posted March 12, 2006 Members Share Posted March 12, 2006 #2 sounds the most up-and-up. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members curet30 Posted March 12, 2006 Members Share Posted March 12, 2006 Hi AUnShui, In addition to what Blue Strat stated: "be professional and treat it as a business. All you have to do is tell them that you don't feel it is working for you and you would rather move on to other pursuits. End of story." Have replacements lined up for the band you are leaving. This way you wouldn't leave them in a bind and you may leave on ammicable(sp?) terms. The business is a small world and what you do may come back to haunt you. That's just my 2 cents Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AunShui Posted March 12, 2006 Author Members Share Posted March 12, 2006 Originally posted by curet30 Hi AUnShui, In addition to what Blue Strat stated: "be professional and treat it as a business. All you have to do is tell them that you don't feel it is working for you and you would rather move on to other pursuits. End of story."Have replacements lined up for the band you are leaving. This way you wouldn't leave them in a bind and you may leave on ammicable(sp?) terms. The business is a small world and what you do may come back to haunt you. That's just my 2 cents Hey, thanks for the advice man! Number two is probably my top pic. Based on the fact that you're new (and i may be jumping to conclusions; sorry if thats the case), you probably havent seen the thread discussing my old "band." If you check that out you'll see that I'm not leaving much, and it probbaly won't matter anyway. I treat it as a business, so I'm just going to be professional, and during lunch (we're all in high school) I'll take them to the side for a second and say "hey, ya know, sorry but i'm out" then just take it from there. The other guys, however, don't, as I'm sure you'll see in the other thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrcpro Posted March 13, 2006 Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 Don't dwell on negatives...."this isn't working out"... Always state positives "there's this or that I want to try and I need to do it this way." If you're honest about that one, the usual response is better. Never attack the musical abilities of your bandmates, unless you like making enemies and long confrontations. The consequences of that tactic are evident in the breakup thread. These lessons were taught me years ago by musicians I have admired to this day. You will keep them as friends and not be remembered as an egotistical asshole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nobody Told Me Posted March 13, 2006 Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 A little more than a year ago, I was jammin' with some friends when I got a call to audition for the band I'm now in. I knew that one of my jamming buddies was gonna take it hard when I left. We had developed a really cool friendship in the time that we'd been playing together, and I knew it was gonna be tough to tell him I was moving on. In the movie Apollo 13, there's a scene where Jim Lovell has to tell Ken Mattingly, that he (Lovell) has made the decision to go to the moon without Mattingly. I kept thinking of that scene on my drive over to my buddy's house. I could have made up some excuse and lied about my reason for leaving, but I decided to treat him how I'd want to be treated, so I told him the truth. I was right - he took it pretty hard. But to this day I can look him in the eye and know that I was straight with him. We're still friends, and I don't ever have to worry about some BS story coming back to bite me in the ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AunShui Posted March 13, 2006 Author Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 Originally posted by Nobody Told Me A little more than a year ago, I was jammin' with some friends when I got a call to audition for the band I'm now in. I knew that one of my jamming buddies was gonna take it hard when I left. We had developed a really cool friendship in the time that we'd been playing together, and I knew it was gonna be tough to tell him I was moving on. In the movie Apollo 13, there's a scene where Jim Lovell has to tell Ken Mattingly, that he (Lovell) has made the decision to go to the moon without Mattingly. I kept thinking of that scene on my drive over to my buddy's house. I could have made up some excuse and lied about my reason for leaving, but I decided to treat him how I'd want to be treated, so I told him the truth. I was right - he took it pretty hard. But to this day I can look him in the eye and know that I was straight with him. We're still friends, and I don't ever have to worry about some BS story coming back to bite me in the ass. There are a plethora of reasons to not name names or specifics during the break up talk. I just want to say "sorry, but this isnt working for me, i'm out." if they say why, my response will be "It just isnt working out, i'm moving on." Just for the record, these guys have been my good friends for years, and I would like to jam with them, but I want to officiall move the status from "band" to "jam group," because thats how they have the most fun. I'm just looking for a bit more than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members joestanman Posted March 13, 2006 Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 jeez. this forum never lets me down. I am constantly reminded how gutless a bunch of "rockers" can be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members phildogger Posted March 13, 2006 Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 Then try this. Sit down with the members. Tell them you have found another project that will be more to your "style" or "speed" or "level". Give them a definate date of your departure (if gigs are booked), then tell them that this has nothing to do with your friendship, and that you hope that you all can remain friends. Honesty, it works sometimes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members elsongs Posted March 13, 2006 Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 "It's not you, It's me!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ThumpThumpTwang Posted March 13, 2006 Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 "I can't commit the time to this project any more". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Burgess Posted March 13, 2006 Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 Let them know ASAP. From what you said about them I doubt they'll be that concerned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vanlatte Posted March 13, 2006 Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 Originally posted by joestanman jeez. this forum never lets me down. I am constantly reminded how gutless a bunch of "rockers" can be. Are you confusing common courtesy with "gutless"? You sound like you would be a perfect fit for my old band... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Blackwatch Posted March 13, 2006 Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 jeez. this forum never lets me down. I am constantly reminded how gutless a bunch of "rockers" can be. And what are you? a PUNK maybe?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eye_Of_The_Liger Posted March 13, 2006 Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 Here's what you say: "Look, pretend our band is a game of dodgeball, right? Well, I'm the fat kid." (now I sit back and wait to see if anyone gets it) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AunShui Posted March 13, 2006 Author Members Share Posted March 13, 2006 Ok, so I talked to them today after school, basicaly said that "You guys are my friends, and I want to jam with you etc etc, but I'm out of the band." They took pretty well to it, but the topic of my new band came up (told them it doenst exist yet, which is true in a sense) and we didn't talk about the gig, but i'm putting my foot firmly down on the fact that I will decide who plays. Thats all. Lets hope no more confrontation comes up and I can coordinate my event well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members joestanman Posted March 14, 2006 Members Share Posted March 14, 2006 what the hell is wrong with you all? You don't have to be a dick. You say. "Gee wilikers fellows, this just isn't working out for me, it's been swell." Whats to discuss? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fuzzball Posted March 15, 2006 Members Share Posted March 15, 2006 Tell them that you would like to move on, help them find a replacement and be as nice as possible. You never know what may happen later and you may need them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dougb415 Posted March 15, 2006 Members Share Posted March 15, 2006 Originally posted by AunShui So, now that i have a band and we're working on a set, its time to let my other band know i'm out. Keep in mind that I'm their friend and I dont want them pissed, but musicially this band is killing me, so what to do... It's really quite simple. Ask yourself this: "How would I want to be treated in this situation?" Then act accordingly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fuzzball Posted March 15, 2006 Members Share Posted March 15, 2006 +1000000 I agree, do unto others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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