Members RifferDave Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Hello, all. I'm new here so I'm testing the water so to speak. I have song that is recorded, but I revised the lyric a tad. Anyway, please tell me what you think. What if I loved you,....Would the darkness forbid the light to shineWould your father forbid you to be mineWould the rain cascade in loneliness entwinedWith my heart divided in two What if I loved you,....Would the sunshine allow the dark to fadeWould your father allow your hand in tradeWould our love escape to the bed we madeOf unbridled passion fresh and new Sometimes I shout And then you pout Afraid of this side of me you've never seen before And so I fear She'll disappear And so her father smiles and questions rise once more What if I loved you,...Would the moonlight caress our yearning stareWould your mother suppress her piercing glareIs her judgement just unfairThe evidence of my innocense is past due Inside her mind She can't decide If I'm a gentleman or a low life pest Each time you smile Extends the mile I must tread before I finally come to rest What if I loved you,....What if I loved you,.... There it is. Just a scenario I was working on, but some of us have probably been there,......me. I don't have a camera, so video of me doing it is out. Can songs be posted? Lemme know......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Rif, DO post this song! Can't wait to hear. Others may comment on the details, but I just wanted to say I think the lyrics so far are pretty poetic and introspective. Post the song even if its just a crappy recording. Doesn't matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 9, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 9, 2014 Wow... that's pretty good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RifferDave Posted June 9, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Ya know, I'll try to post it, but whenever I record my voice I have a cold. It never fails! As is the case with this song, so its a bit pitchy here and there, but can mp3's be posted? I'll give it a try.........No, the file is too big. Any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RifferDave Posted June 9, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 BTW, thanks for the kind comments, guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 9, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 9, 2014 Open a Soundcloud account. Upload MP3 there, then post the link Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Ya know' date=' I'll try to post it, but whenever I record my voice I have a cold. It never fails! As is the case with this song, so its a bit pitchy here and there, but can mp3's be posted? I'll give it a try.........No, the file is too big. Any suggestions?[/quote'] Just go to http://picosong.com/ Upload it and post the link here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RifferDave Posted June 9, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Okay, guys here's the link; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nat whilk II Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Riffer - edit that link por favor - it's just taking us to soundcloud's homepage. Needs to link to your own page at soundcloud - nat whilk ii Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 9, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 9, 2014 Okay' date=' guys here's the link;[/quote'] You're going to need the URL to the song instead. Go to your song on Soundcloud and click Share. Then copy the whole address that should already be highlight under the Facebook etc. icons. Paste that here. You're almost there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RifferDave Posted June 9, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Man! Newbie takes on a whole new meaning....Okay, try this. Two for price of one. Neza Chtoh Russian for as close as possible: "Ain't No Thang". Instrumental from a band I was in circa 1980's-ish. Pronounced; neyay jah shtoh. (long "o") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RifferDave Posted June 9, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Here's the other one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Rif - I'm a web developer. I'm not suppose to let the public know this. But we web developers often (always?) build public interfaces with the goal of driving users nuts. You think things are suppose to work a certain way, and we make sure they don't. But since you are a fellow song writer... I will tell you the secret of linking on this board. Do not click on the big LINK button. Instead, click on the A (for advance editor). Manually enter some text, highlight the text, and then click on the SMALL link that is in the editor bar, i'ts close to the right. It will pop a window with a place to post the URL. Use that instead of the big, obvious link button. And please... do not let anyone know that I helped you use this interface. I might lose my web developer union card. :-) Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 9, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 9, 2014 You keep copying just the webpage URL. Click Share, then copy the already highlighted URL. It should look like mine below... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 You're still not getting the song URL in there, I'm afraid, Dave! Take a look at the Soundcloud link in your posts -- see how there's nothing 'behind' the dot-com part? It should look something more like this: https://soundcloud.com/tkmajor/dog-c...-flying-saucer Unfortunately, this board insists on putting an ellipsis in the display (but not the link, or it would break, of course) of long links in posts here, but, basically, you should see your artist name as well as the song title (in lower case with dashes) in the URL before hitting the SAVE button. To get the URL, go to your SC song page, click the share button, and you should see the song page's URL highlighted and ready to control-C copy into your paste buffer. Then control-V to past the URL into a forum post here. OR you can just copy the URL of the song page from your browser's address bar (assuming your browser is set up to show the URL/address bar) and paste it in here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Hey guys - the board software quite often strips out the details of a url when the "ADD URL" button is used. I saw this happen a number of times when I returned to the new board for the first time a few weeks ago. So I am guessing he is putting the full url in, and its stripping the details like it did me. But it works perfectly when the advanced editor is used and instead of using the BIG link button, use the small link button. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RifferDave Posted June 9, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Whew! I suck at newbie!....Gonna try again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RifferDave Posted June 9, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 That seemed to work finally. Here's the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 9, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 9, 2014 That seemed to work finally. Here's the other. This is great ^^^, but it's not the lyric. It's an instrumental. Really cool. Like Zappa's One Size Fits All era. Inca Roads, etc. Very cool. I think I see the other. Back in a minute Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 Testhttps://soundcloud.com/stickboy/the-...-at-standstill Ok all this talk of links I don't know about you guys but with these new boards and with google chrome anyway.... i just paste the link into the reply and it automatically works... no need to go advanced or anything. Only time I go advanced is to embed a video Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 9, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 9, 2014 Test https://soundcloud.com/stickboy/the-...-at-standstill Ok all this talk of links I don't know about you guys but with these new boards and with google chrome anyway.... i just paste the link into the reply and it automatically works... no need to go advanced or anything. Only time I go advanced is to embed a video Exactly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted June 9, 2014 Members Share Posted June 9, 2014 This is great ^^^, but it's not the lyric. It's an instrumental. Really cool. Like Zappa's One Size Fits All era. Inca Roads, etc. Very cool. I think I see the other. Back in a minute This sounds more like a backing track waiting for a melody and lyric to be written. That's probably what he's doing here, but maybe I'm wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted June 10, 2014 Members Share Posted June 10, 2014 Whew! I suck at newbie!....Gonna try again. Smile...you are actually quite good at being a newbie. Not so bad at being a songwriter either it seems. I listened all the way through and it is sticking with me even now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RifferDave Posted June 10, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 10, 2014 Hey Lee and Oldgit, thanks for the comments. The instrumental I posted was for ear candy for anyone who wanted to listen. I tried for the longest time to come up with anything and it just never happened. So, its a jam at best. It goes way back to 1983-4 or so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted June 10, 2014 Members Share Posted June 10, 2014 The structure of the song is great. The bridge/chorus is wonderful melodically and harmonically. The verses are very good, lyrically and melodically. But I think you've overstrained your rhymes here and there. I'd go for an ABBAC or ABBCD scheme. I like that you've rhymed the last line of each verse with the last line of the previous verse. That's very clever, and it's not something a novice would usually think to do. That said, some of the lines you've attached those triple rhymes to are a bit much: innocence past due, passion fresh and new. They seem a bit forced. But it's got a lot of potential. For the most part it's really well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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