Who here remembers the "Have you ever shit you pants at work?" thread??

[Tonemeister87]

Originally posted by KirkHammett1 thats some funny stuff

+1

This thread is great

[Romanian Reaper]

I remember that thread. I was crying.

[tin whistle]

This is pretty gross but when I was about 20 I had this girlfriend who's girlfriend happened to coincindentally get picked up at some area rock club by my future brother-in-laws brother.
My in-laws brother was also with his friend and they took this girl back to the apartment of one of them to do a 3 way. At the point where one of them was going to poke her in the butt, she let out a stream of the ol' hershey squirts all over the bed. Yuck!

[Bradman006]

Well I shat myself in the car once on the way back from Surfing at Victor Harbour (1.5 hour drive). I had food poisoning and there was nothing I could do. I just grabbed a plastic bag, sat on it and shat myself. I was still 45 minutes away from home lol! it was sooooooo gross. Imagine if the cops had pulled me over for some reason!!!!!!

'step out of the vehicle',
'um i can't',
'why not'?
'well, um.. I shat myself'!

That would have been clasic.

I got home and hosed myself off on the front lawn.

I've got to say there is a certain feeling of freedom you can only obtain by {censored}ting your pants. AAAAAAhhhhhhhh.

Classic.

[jem7vwh]

Originally posted by Mickaroony About 10 years ago me and some mates where at the local swimming pool and we were letting some rip to see who got the most bubbles happening. One of the guys who I won't name (Scott) had a go, he suddenly turns around and starts swimming for the side off the pool....where all going WTF? Anyway as hes climbing out of the pool this massive log rolls out from the leg of his shorts back into the pool. This was the middle of summer and the pool was packed, use your imagination for the rest of the story

omg hahahahahahaha, I can't stop laughing. :D

[Bradman006]

My girlfriends dad (Ken) was working at a buiding site.
It had been raining for a couple of days.
There was a big puddle in front the the portable toilet.
So this guys decides to jump the puddle and get to the toilet dry.
Well he landed on the plastic floor hard.
It broke and he fell straight into the ceptic tank!!!!!!
Ken said he had to be pulled out and he had 'cigars' all over his body and in his hair.
He had to go to hospital and reeked of {censored} for ages!!!!!!!


hahahaahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

[Kassper]

Originally posted by Bradman006 Well I shat myself in the car once on the way back from Surfing at Victor Harbour (1.5 hour drive). I had food poisoning and there was nothing I could do. I just grabbed a plastic bag, sat on it and shat myself. I was still 45 minutes away from home lol! it was sooooooo gross. Imagine if the cops had pulled me over for some reason!!!!!! 'step out of the vehicle', 'um i can't', 'why not'? 'well, um.. I shat myself'! That would have been clasic. I got home and hosed myself off on the front lawn. I've got to say there is a certain feeling of freedom you can only obtain by {censored}ting your pants. AAAAAAhhhhhhhh. Classic.

couldnt you have just pulled over?

[Tonemeister87]

Originally posted by Bradman006 Well I shat myself in the car once on the way back from Surfing at Victor Harbour (1.5 hour drive). I had food poisoning and there was nothing I could do. I just grabbed a plastic bag, sat on it and shat myself. I was still 45 minutes away from home lol! it was sooooooo gross. Imagine if the cops had pulled me over for some reason!!!!!! 'step out of the vehicle', 'um i can't', 'why not'? 'well, um.. I shat myself'! That would have been clasic. I got home and hosed myself off on the front lawn. I've got to say there is a certain feeling of freedom you can only obtain by {censored}ting your pants. AAAAAAhhhhhhhh. Classic.

Haha! ROFL!

[Bradman006]

Originally posted by Kassper couldnt you have just pulled over?

 

 

I tried. I was in the city. I went to a Hungary Jacks and a Subway but neither had a {censored}ing toilet!!!!! I was frantically driving looking for a place where I could go but it was too late. I had to make the decision. aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

[Bradman006]

I reckon, if I was playing in an AFL (aussie rules) grand final or the World cup final or something, I'd {censored} myself towards the end of the game to put my opponent off. No one would come near you.

That reminds me of that Jackass Vid where the guy is sprinting down the road naked {censored}ting himself.

[Abouttreefitty]

I remember that thread very well! I still tell people about some of the stories.

Dude using a projector sheet to wipe his ass

Guys who hid in a stall next to his boss, popped a paper bag and literally scared the {censored} out of him, all over the bathroom wall

Dude who {censored} himself on an carrier when a plane took off

[Kassper]

the other day, a friend had food poisoning...he was in bed with his girlfriend. he was naked in case he had to make it to the toilet quickly. well he woke up to the feeling of himself {censored}ting on himself and the sheets. he said "hey babe....just like......get up and....go take a shower or soemthing and dont come out until i tell you its ok"



once i was sick at work....i {censored} like 14 times that day. yeah i counted. anyways i was having to go to the restroom about every 10 minutes so i told the guys at work that i would be taking a few {censored} breaks. of course they come in the bathroom while im havein the watery {censored}s....my asshole is fucin burning like lemonjuice in an open wound. they light a wad of paper on fire, throw it in the stall, and turn the lights out. im sitten there, {censored}ting, and trying to put the fire out at the same time. then i have to whipe wiht the 20 grit toiletpaper they have...in the dark...so much pain...

so i finish up, walk out of the bathroom, cuss out the manager and other employees and drive home. i get home and try to walk up the steps to my door, but i dont make it up there without {censored}ting my pants first. wonderful

[Abouttreefitty]

You guys are going to love me:

==No, but I know a fellow employee that has. It accually was a solid turd about the size of a vlassic pickle that has shot straight out and created a protruding bump in his pants that you could have hung a key ring on. This " horizontal alligator" made for one miserable day for him. I dont know about you, but if I had cleavage in my ass, I'd be going home, or at least saw the damn thing in half so it wasnt so noticeable.

==Years ago, I went to work with this horrible hangover. I was working at a nice pharmaceutical company. I got paged on my beeper and was looking for a phone. I saw an office door open and took a gamble on using the phone. As I was sitting in this really nice office, the urge to crack a rat was really strong so I lifted one cheek and let it rip. Bad move. Liquid napalm. I was wearing a long lab coat. The {censored} went through my pants, left a big stain on the labcoat and seeped into the chair I was sitting on.

So now, I smell really bad, I gotta ditch the labcoat, my underwear, and somehow clean the pants I was wearing. I find a bathroom and grab a stall. Good thing I had a pocket knife. It's much easier to remove {censored} encrusted underwear with a knife. I ended up trying to flush the underwear because the mens room was constantly full of people. Instant clog.

I got my jeans clean with lots of paper towels and water that also ended up in the clogged bowl. The was an 8" wet spot on my pants now. I had to steal another labcoat. In my search for a labcoat I walked by the office that I had fouled. There was a woman showing her chair to about 4 people.

==Well sometimes the lazy ass cleaning staff at our place doesn't do a good job with the bathrooms and forgets things...important things like replacing toilet paper.
So I go in one of the stalls one day to take a {censored} and I open it up and there's no toilet paper there which is the first thing I always fix my eyes to before continuing. Unfortunately the previous user didn't do the same because there was small pile of {censored}ty brown transparencies on hte floor next to the toilet and on top it.

Poor guy probably had to sqeeze one out before giving an important presentation at a meeting......

Apparently transparencies don't flush too well either so the evidence was hard to hide.....

==A long time ago, I was stationed on an aircraft carrier. We pulled into the Phillipines for a 2 week layover.

We were told not to drink the water for health reasons, but that didn't stop me from drinking screwdrivers continuously.

I ended up with a great case of Dysentary as a result (from the ice cubes). Fast forward to deployment. I was taking some trash through one of the hangar bays, when all of a sudden a waist cat launched an A6.

The loud bang literally scared the living {censored} out of me. I dumped the trash bag, and made my way to the O3 level, where the Airwing personnel were berthed.

I threw away my shorts (no chance for salvage), and rinsed my pants out in a shower. I had to walk all of the way back to my rack with a huge wet spot on both sides of my pants.

But that was still better than having to stand in the Clap Line.

[Abouttreefitty]

==We had a trouble making boss here for a while. He was one of those guys who went for a crap every day at the same time. One day a few guys started to stall him when they could tell he needed to... wonder off.
One of the guys slipped into the can before him with a lunch bag blown up with air. He stood on a toilet seat so he couldn't be easily seen. He heard the dude walk in, close the stall door, unbuckle his pants, start pulling them down, then BANG. He popped the bag of air as the dude was just starting to lower his pants past his knees. There was crap all over the wall and piss dribbling down the stall door.
That would be a sorry bus ride home.

==this guy was going to wait in line for tickets or something like that that he had to get there early for...him and his wife went out to eat first, and he had alfredo or something like that.

afterwards, he had to run to the bathroom, and he started "the move." you may know what the move is - its three things, all timed perfectly:

1) pulling your pants down
2) falling to the toilet
3) starting to crap

so he was starting the move, and as he was halfway through the move, falling to the toilet, he had to throw up. that screwed up the move.

he threw up on his boxers and shoes, and {censored} his boxers too.

i think he just yelled for help for a long time and they got his wife in there to bring him towels or something.

==He was at the food court at the mall with my other brother and both of their wives. Well Jason decided to be a funny guy and push a fart out. To give a little set up to this story the chairs that he was sitting in are the type that are a one piece molded bench with a smooth laminated top. So he though that this hard surfaced chair would amplify his gas. Well little did he know that he had a bit of a scataclism waiting with the gas. So he spews all over him self sitting in the middle of a busy mall. Now he was wearing a pair of old white mesh basketball shorts with boxer shorts on underneath. Jason turns to his wife in a very stern tone and says "Go buy me clothes now!" About 15 minutes later she returns with some new clothes and Jason wraps himself as well as he can, mind you he has not moved an inch since the incident, and heads to the bathroom. Well after disposing of all of the evidence Jason leaves the bathroom and sees all of the others looking over the balcony chatting. So he walks up and leans on the balcony as well to chuckle at the situation and my other brother start laughing at Jason, Jason asks why he is laughing and Greg points to the underside of Jasons arm where he missed quite the large stop of poo.

==one time at work, working on the road, i had the gut pains from hell. i kept hoping they would just pass until i could get to a bathroom. you know the feeling, when they stop and you think you are finally in the clear. then a minute later they come back and haunt you.

so, after playing that game for about 20 minutes i decided that i have to make my move( ) NOW! i see a MC DONALDS and make that my target destination. the only thing i see in my sights is the parking lot and the side door right where the bathroom is. i become oblivious to everything around me.

as i get out of my truck(i think it was still moving) i am bent over trying to find the right position so nothing unexpectedly slides out of my ass. at this point i am smiling to myself because i know in a few seconds all of this will be over.

i get inside the store and crawl the rest of the way in to the bathroom. i'm home free!.....not quite....SOMEONE WAS ALREADY IN THERE! well..... do i wait it out OR try to sneak into the ladies room?......now i am REALLY doing the "poopoo dance"(not to be confused with the p.p. dance). after what seemed to be an hour(actually only one minute) the other guy flushes and clears the scence(i can smell he never heard of a courtesey flush but who cares at this point.

finally, my time has come. i get on the can and EXPLODE! in every direction. good thing the toilet was there to catch it. i couldn't wait to get up to see what it looked like! what a mess! splattered all over the inside, even on the inside back(you would almost have to sit backwards to get it up there

ok, all done. time to clean up.....ummm...where is the toilet paper? i said......"WHERE IS THE TOILET PAPER ? thanks for leaving me hanging dude! no TP in sight. now what? well, i have to go on the hunt. i take a look outside the stall and no extra rolls laying around(just great). i see a utility closet on the other side of the bathroom so i pull up my pants and go take a look. WTF? no TP in there....where the hell do they keep it? the only thing i find are packs of those thick hand towels. hey! it's paper...why not?

here's why not.....they don't flush!

i filled the bowl and they won't go down and i am still about another ten minutes from properly cleaning myself. now what?
well.....i HAVE to throw them out somewhere...and i wasn't stuffing them in my pockets. so the only thing i could do was put the "used" ones in the trashcan(and filled it up).

i really felt bad for the employee that had to clean that bathroom. i wouldn't be surprised if they quit after fishing out the towels from the bowl.

consider this my public apology to that person..sorry about that!

[Abouttreefitty]

==Here's another funny one. About ten years ago I was involved in a contaminated demolition job. They were knocking down an old labratory and there were tons of chemicals all over. There was no bathrooms left and I had to take a piss really bad. I took this big ass ehrlinmeyer flask (spelling?) and took a huge whiz in it. The next day this new company comes in and they had to take all the chemicals out of the lab. If the containers weren't labeled, they had to send the stuff to a lab to have it analyzed to figure out how to dispose of it. You guessed it. I walk into the lab and there's this chick holding my bigass flask full of my piss writing a label on it to send it out. I almost died laughing.

==My only story was one of having to piss so bad on the 101 in LA stuck in traffic with no way out. It was a rental car, Ford Taurus, so I whipped it out and raised myself up and tried to piss on the passenge floor. I pissed on the seat, myself, the dash, and the entire arm rest cup holder thing. This was my first day with the car. So I took it back and told them the car stunk. They felt bad and upgraded me to a luxury car. So a happy ending.
Playing in Red Deer, Alberta, at some high-falootin' hotel gig. The drummer ( this is a different band ) and the keyboard player always room together. Against advice from the 88's man, the drummer eats a few hundred shrimp off a deli tray that was in their room just before the gig. *Fast forward to the end of the night* The keyboard player and I both smell a horrid stench on stage at the same time. He looks at me, but I point to our female singer. He shakes his head and looks at the drummer, who is nearly collapsed on his kit. He'd shat himself. Badly. To make matters worse, the client who booked us chose that moment to ask our singer for another set. For an additional 25% of the contract. In cash. We all look at the drummer, who weakly nods. Thank God the client couldn't smell the vileness on stage.

==One of the funniest things I ever saw was this one time at a mall mens room. It was a big one and had like 10 stalls. Anyway, me and my friend go in, and we suddnely hear like this sob sound... and then this incredible fart and splash. Then the dude is like SOBBING and going "Oh my god... oh my god..."
GRUNT SOB FART SPALSH! More underbreath profanity.

We couldn't tell if the dude was crapping or getting tooled in there. So this goes on for a bit - he was really foulin' it up, and we're like "Jesus, are you alright man?" Toilet flushes, door opens, and a total middle aged suit walks out... grinning from ear to ear.

GAWD WE ROLLED!!!

==It was the first day of my new job. I had to pick up a few friends so i drive to their houses about 5 mintues away (their all neighbors) and I call one of them up to tell him i'm there. He says give me a minute and i wait outside

This job started pretty early which my stomach doesn't handle well and i was nervous cause it was my first day. Anyway I'm getting the lower gut rumbles and cramps. I was holding farts for about 15 minutes that morning cause i didn't want to {censored} my pants but i thought i'll let a bubble slip through the back door just so it would ease the tension.

I let it go and the {censored} hits the fan. I mean it sprays down my leg like a brown niagra falls. I stand there jaw dropped cause i've never crapped myself before and was horrified. Before my friend comes out I jump in the car and drive home (5 minutes) I run to the {censored}ter and just unleash chocolate spraypaint with chocolate curds. I still didn't feel late but couldn't stay that long cause of work so i take my pants and boxers and throw them in a plastic bag to prevent the diffusion of it. Throw the bag in my closet, a one-minute shower and a change of clothes and i feel much better. Finished all this in about 5 minutes, i mean it was fast as hell.

But I had to go back to my friends house and my car smells like {censored}...plus we have an hour commute. So I bust out 3 air fresheners all windows open and speed to his house cause if i wait anymore we'll be late. Luckily the open windows with speeding helped clear it out and I get to my friends with them waiting outside wondering where the {censored} I was.

I just look at them and say I forgot my wallet at home.

Also with the pants and boxers in teh plastic bag I went to the laundromat and washed out the pants (they're expensive and my only "nice pants") and threw out teh boxers.

In the end no one knows or suspected a thing...cept you guys

[Abouttreefitty]

==I remember at a kids soccer game a kid coming out of the sh*tter... stopping, making a horrified face... then running back in.

He was there for ages.

It turns out that while he had pulled his shorts down, he didn't account for the extra length of his soccer shirt. He had sat on it and crapped in his shirt, and when he stood up it dumped into his shorts... which he had just pulled up and greased his nuts with.

I guess he quit right after, who could come back...

==my wealthy and crazy friend Brendan is travelling with his college buddy Tim through europe some summers ago.

they meet two rich drop dead knockout scandenavian girls while shopping in a ritzy clothing store and hit it off (they're rich remember?")

they find out the ladies have tickets on the same train they are scheduled to leave on in a little while, going to the same town/hotel, and want to "party"....

things couldn't get any better.

they get in line and inch their way towards the train with all their luggage. mid-sentence, T drops his backpack, grabs one of the shopping bags, and yells "watch my stuff" as he bolts past the line and barges onto the train.

What-the......? B is trippin and the ladies are looking at each other like "huh?"

they finally get on board, and get seated, and B is trying to keep the game alive with the hotties but has no idea where T is.

10 minutes, 20, 30, 45, 1 hr goes by...no T.

B goes searching from his seating area at the front of the train all the way to the back...houdini is absent.

as he is about to start asking the train attendants for assistance, he hears a "psssst!" from a crack in the bathroom door.

B: "dude! what the &^$# is up? where the H%^& did you run off to bro? those chicks are freaking hot!"

T: "oh dude thank GOD you're here! bro i SHEE-HAT my pants so friggin hard! did you hear it in line?"
B: (chuckling) "no way you sick mother!"

T: "So i friggin grab what i think is my shopping bag with those new pants i bought, right?...but it's that chick's crap instead! but i already tossed my muddy pants out the friggin window of the moving train, so when i didn't think you were coming i was gonna..."
he opens the door fully and reveals that he's wearing the chick's expensive pink SWEATER upside down like a pair of pants, with the arms of the sweater totally stretched out over his soiled, hairy shins like leotards, with paper towels covering the hole where your head is suppposed to slip through the garment!

still warms my heart to think about that one...

[Facejackets]

Originally posted by Abouttreefitty ==I remember at a kids soccer game a kid coming out of the sh*tter... stopping, making a horrified face... then running back in. He was there for ages. It turns out that while he had pulled his shorts down, he didn't account for the extra length of his soccer shirt. He had sat on it and crapped in his shirt, and when he stood up it dumped into his shorts... which he had just pulled up and greased his nuts with. I guess he quit right after, who could come back... ==my wealthy and crazy friend Brendan is travelling with his college buddy Tim through europe some summers ago. they meet two rich drop dead knockout scandenavian girls while shopping in a ritzy clothing store and hit it off (they're rich remember?") they find out the ladies have tickets on the same train they are scheduled to leave on in a little while, going to the same town/hotel, and want to "party".... things couldn't get any better. they get in line and inch their way towards the train with all their luggage. mid-sentence, T drops his backpack, grabs one of the shopping bags, and yells "watch my stuff" as he bolts past the line and barges onto the train. What-the......? B is trippin and the ladies are looking at each other like "huh?" they finally get on board, and get seated, and B is trying to keep the game alive with the hotties but has no idea where T is. 10 minutes, 20, 30, 45, 1 hr goes by...no T. B goes searching from his seating area at the front of the train all the way to the back...houdini is absent. as he is about to start asking the train attendants for assistance, he hears a "psssst!" from a crack in the bathroom door. B: "dude! what the &^$# is up? where the H%^& did you run off to bro? those chicks are freaking hot!" T: "oh dude thank GOD you're here! bro i SHEE-HAT my pants so friggin hard! did you hear it in line?" B: (chuckling) "no way you sick mother!" T: "So i friggin grab what i think is my shopping bag with those new pants i bought, right?...but it's that chick's crap instead! but i already tossed my muddy pants out the friggin window of the moving train, so when i didn't think you were coming i was gonna..." he opens the door fully and reveals that he's wearing the chick's expensive pink SWEATER upside down like a pair of pants, with the arms of the sweater totally stretched out over his soiled, hairy shins like leotards, with paper towels covering the hole where your head is suppposed to slip through the garment! still warms my heart to think about that one...

 

 

 

lamo that secnd HAS to be fake lmao

 

 

oh man...this thread is the {censored}....

[Bradman006]

Originally posted by Abouttreefitty You guys are going to love me: ==No, but I know a fellow employee that has. It accually was a solid turd about the size of a vlassic pickle that has shot straight out and created a protruding bump in his pants that you could have hung a key ring on. This " horizontal alligator" made for one miserable day for him. I dont know about you, but if I had cleavage in my ass, I'd be going home, or at least saw the damn thing in half so it wasnt so noticeable. ==Years ago, I went to work with this horrible hangover. I was working at a nice pharmaceutical company. I got paged on my beeper and was looking for a phone. I saw an office door open and took a gamble on using the phone. As I was sitting in this really nice office, the urge to crack a rat was really strong so I lifted one cheek and let it rip. Bad move. Liquid napalm. I was wearing a long lab coat. The {censored} went through my pants, left a big stain on the labcoat and seeped into the chair I was sitting on. So now, I smell really bad, I gotta ditch the labcoat, my underwear, and somehow clean the pants I was wearing. I find a bathroom and grab a stall. Good thing I had a pocket knife. It's much easier to remove {censored} encrusted underwear with a knife. I ended up trying to flush the underwear because the mens room was constantly full of people. Instant clog. I got my jeans clean with lots of paper towels and water that also ended up in the clogged bowl. The was an 8" wet spot on my pants now. I had to steal another labcoat. In my search for a labcoat I walked by the office that I had fouled. There was a woman showing her chair to about 4 people. ==Well sometimes the lazy ass cleaning staff at our place doesn't do a good job with the bathrooms and forgets things...important things like replacing toilet paper. So I go in one of the stalls one day to take a {censored} and I open it up and there's no toilet paper there which is the first thing I always fix my eyes to before continuing. Unfortunately the previous user didn't do the same because there was small pile of {censored}ty brown transparencies on hte floor next to the toilet and on top it. Poor guy probably had to sqeeze one out before giving an important presentation at a meeting...... Apparently transparencies don't flush too well either so the evidence was hard to hide..... ==A long time ago, I was stationed on an aircraft carrier. We pulled into the Phillipines for a 2 week layover. We were told not to drink the water for health reasons, but that didn't stop me from drinking screwdrivers continuously. I ended up with a great case of Dysentary as a result (from the ice cubes). Fast forward to deployment. I was taking some trash through one of the hangar bays, when all of a sudden a waist cat launched an A6. The loud bang literally scared the living {censored} out of me. I dumped the trash bag, and made my way to the O3 level, where the Airwing personnel were berthed. I threw away my shorts (no chance for salvage), and rinsed my pants out in a shower. I had to walk all of the way back to my rack with a huge wet spot on both sides of my pants. But that was still better than having to stand in the Clap Line.

 

 

Your sir, are my hero!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

That is pure GOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaahahaha!!! lol!!!!!!!

[Tonemeister87]

This thread is the {censored}!

[Abouttreefitty]

I declare myself HCAF King of the Day!!!

[Bradman006]

I was working in a school doing vacation care.
We hadn't seen a couple of the kids for a while (6 year olds)
I went to the toilet to see if they were there, they were known to have water fights.
Well, when I got there there were big {censored} stains on the wall and a small baketball covered in {censored}.

What happened -

One kid was in the toilet cubicle and the other threw the ball over the top. So the kid dipped the ball in his {censored} and threw it back over at the other kid. It missed him and smeared gravy all over the wall.

So the other kid (out side of the cubicle) took off his jumper, laid a cable or two on it and flung it over the top of the cubilce at the other kid.

So I had two kids covered in {censored} and a huge mess.

I had to talk to their parents when they picked them up. I was trying SOOO hard to be serious and so were the parents but we all ended up cracking up laughing after about 30 seconds. It was just hilarious.

I put the kids jumper in a garbage bag and in his school bag and told his mum. The kid comes to school the next day with the {censored}ty jumper still in his bag. Slack ass parents:rolleyes:

[LP Heaven]

Funniest I ever read here was when a guys was at a huge house party he went into the main bathroom and sprayed relentlessly and then wiped with the clear shower stall

The someone replies " you should of covered yourself in crap, stormed out of the bathroom into the middle of the dance floor and proceeded to Unleash The Evil" LO{censored}IN L

The absolute funniest thing I have EVER read !!! EVER...

[IcedEarthian]

I remember that thread!!! {censored} that was crazy.

[Facejackets]

bump for an amazing thread

[46&2]

I believe the main story in that thread involved crapping a lab coat while sitting in someones office chair, and leaving it.

edit - {censored}, I just saw that bradman posted it