Please check out this song

[fuzzball]

Please click on our myspace link and check out the mp3 of the song Broken.

 

Tell me if you like it, and or what should be changed to make it better.

 

It is coffe shop material.

[Tullsterx]

Listening:

 

I'm not sure I'm getting this. Is it supposed to be sooo rhythmically disjointed? Is that the point? The song is broken?

 

Listening again:

 

The disjointed, badness of this is interesting. I think I might just buy it and say it was genious if there were some more interesting lyrics to go with this. Right now, I think the lyrics just don't provide anything but filler. . . just something to sing. If you added some better lyrics I think it could be really good.

[rsadasiv]

 

Originally posted by Tullsterx Listening: I'm not sure I'm getting this. Is it supposed to be sooo rhythmically disjointed? Is that the point? The song is broken? Listening again: The disjointed, badness of this is interesting. I think I might just buy it and say it was genious if there were some more interesting lyrics to go with this. Right now, I think the lyrics just don't provide anything but filler. . . just something to sing. If you added some better lyrics I think it could be really good.

 

 

+1

 

The cymbal must die! It's horrible. The chord progression is ok and the guitar playing is almost enjoyable (if a little rhymically wayward) but the drummer is terrible. And the lyrics are atrocious, awful, ridiculous, horrid, bad bad bad. Hum, yodel, sing la-la-la if you must, but make the lyrics go away.

[TheBCProjects]

Its just not coming together for me. Seems likes its trying for a real relaxed, bossa groove but its just not clicking. I actually like the vocals...don't really mind the lyrics...but you have gotta tighten up the playing dude.

 

I like the song...if you decide to keep working on it, please update us.

[bluefoot]

song (music) light and relaxing. Lyrics sound like they were just made up on the spot...but that was part of the songs charm to me...even if they were not made up on the spot...

 

so many cliches it is almost not cliched any more...

 

Inadvertent genius perhaps but genius non the less.

[fuzzball]

Thank you for the opinions, the song was supposed to have a little bit of a disjointed feel (that was the point). I have heard many people say they liked the lyrics and the song has went over very well. The drums were kept simple on purpose, the one thing that everyone seems to agree with is that the cymbol must go! Besides the symbol what is wrong with the drums?

 

Thanks guys.

[fuzzball]

What do you dislike about the lyrics? (they are very cliche, but I was aiming for that). Most of the people I have talked to (not friends trying to be nice said they really like them).Thank you for the suggestions and ideas.

 

I will keep the ideas in mind as I tweek the song for the next CD.

[Tullsterx]

I just thought the lyrics didn't provide much to enhance the general message of the song. From my recollection the verse lyrics just repeat the central theme. It would work better, I think, I you provided some more descriptive narrative in the verses.

 

Also, maybe some "heads up" could be given. Someone just listening to the music without being hit-over-the-head might think this is just a TERRIBLE band. If we didn't know of you, as in my case, that is.

[fuzzball]

Thanks for the tips, I don't think people will think we are terrible because of that song. Actualy many people have emaild me telling me they really like it. Several people liked it so much they added the song to their myspace pages.

 

I just went into my wave form editor and deleted the crash cymbol which was driving everyone nuts (I did not care for it either). I liked it at first, but then I started to hate it.

 

I will give it another listen tomorrow and see if I like it more and if I should change anything else (including the lyrics).

 

Thank you for the tips all of them were greatly appreciated.

 

I may consider adding a bit more to fill in the guitar gaps (even though they were intentional). Any suggestions?

 

So besides the lyrics not being spectacular how was the vocal?

[Tullsterx]

Well, answer this first.

 

Is the song supposed to be broken? I don't think you ever addressed that. To be honest, at first, I thought this was the worst thing I'd ever heard on HC. It's really terrible as far as the rhythm and sounds completely disjointed. Is that the point? Is that on purpose?

 

I think the vocal is good, but everything else was just awful, unless it was suppose to be. . . umm. . . in that case it might be great.

 

Does this make any damn sense?

 

Hold on. . . listening again. . .

 

Unless its supposed to sound out-of-tune and all funked up then it sucks. If that's the point, then, it might be OK.

 

I mean, the guitar even sounds out of tune. And the sax, or whatever, is terrible.

 

Man, I change my mind. . . this really sucks.

 

This song is a joke right? Tell me this is part of some research project you're on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[fuzzball]

It does make sense, thank you for sharing your opinions.

 

I have change the cymbol thing, and I will consider other changes soon.

 

Thanks a million.

[fuzzball]

Well I started feeling pretty bad after some of the comments but then I remembered some of the others this song and the other 2 songs posted recieved:

 

This reminded me that music is subjective and not everyone will like everything.

 

These are from people that I have never personaly met.

 

For the song Broken:

"humm well i like your music im sure ppl here will too you need to go to playing here....

im going to one of your songs to my page. "

 

 

The 3 songs posted that I am working on (including Broken):

 

"Fantastic stuff!

VERY different.

Keep up the good work "

 

 

"The music sounds really cool!

Keep up the good work!!

 

[rcb]

 

Originally posted by fuzzball Thank you for the opinions, the song was supposed to have a little bit of a disjointed feel (that was the point).

 

 

I'd say 'good job' on that! I was going to comment that the drum track - which seems jumpy, as if trying to catch up with itself in places - was extremely irritating. But if the intent was to be programmatic and sort of shadow the lyrics, then I would say you acheived your goal.

 

One suggestion, though. Some of you may think this is nuts, but bring the drums up in the mix. This goes back to a lesson learned in jazz band many years ago - if you're going to make a mistake, make an assertive mistake. A firm wrong note sounds much better than a wimpy, timid wrong note. Again, you apparently meant for the drums to be disjointed (not a 'mistake'), but having them higher in the mix may give listeners the impression that it's supposed to be that way. Crazy? Maybe...let me finish my coffee and come back to it...

 

Outside of constructive criticism, I like the sonorities in the guitar. Colorful.

[Christopher Kai]

Wow. That cymbal feels like a dagger in my eardrum.

 

The solo guitar does not fit at all. Good try, but I'd try a different mode.

 

Did you guys use a metronome on this one?

[tamoore]

 

Originally posted by fuzzball Well I started feeling pretty bad after some of the comments but then I remembered some of the others this song and the other 2 songs posted recieved:   This reminded me that music is subjective and not everyone will like everything.   These are from people that I have never personaly met.   For the song Broken: "humm well i like your music im sure ppl here will too you need to go to playing here.... im going to one of your songs to my page. "     The 3 songs posted that I am working on (including Broken):   "Fantastic stuff! VERY different. Keep up the good work "     "The music sounds really cool! Keep up the good work!!

[fuzzball]

Thanks for the comments. I like to challenge the traditional system. With that out of the way the cymbol drove me nuts after a few listens (an idea that did not work out). I have since then cut out the cymbols. Next I am going to redo the drum track on the chorus parts (I like it on the verses). If that does not work out I will redo the drum part from start to finish.

 

I then decreased the acoustic guitar volume on the chorus track and copied the track and panned it with some delay to give it a more full sound without the added volume spike.

 

I tend to like the lead guitar...what do you think is wrong with it? I just turned that part up in the mix and it seems to sit well.

[fuzzball]

The timing on this song should be accurate (I checked it with a metronome). I do tend to have timing issues, which I have been working on (and my new co-producer has been helping me with). On the other hand I do not like to follow a click track 100% because then I feel that it sounds too perfect and a bit stock.

 

Thanks for the additional tips and suggestions.

 

I also think I will keep the lyrics, sorry not everyone likes them but so far the majority of people that has heard them liked it. Maybe I should change the name to Broken cliche:D

 

Also thank you for the turn up a mistake idea I will have to try that sometime. In this case though I think the drum track needs to be altered. I am going to try and get my drummer in to record the part (I did it myself the first time....don't flame me).

[fuzzball]

 

Originally posted by Christopher Kai Wow. That cymbal feels like a dagger in my eardrum. The solo guitar does not fit at all. Good try, but I'd try a different mode. Did you guys use a metronome on this one?

 

 

Just out of curiosity what exactulay do you mean by change the guitar mode?

Any suggestions?

[Amy Lou]

well i do have a few suggestions......the song sounds too open.....it needs more filler in it....the drums don't sound too well at all....and it seems that the guitar pattern is off........not everyone sounds together.....it's not quite tight enough....with time though it'll get better......keep on practicing and you'll get there :-)

[ido1957]

The main guitar sounds out of tune.

The cymbal just doesn't work. Arghhhhh!

The timing on the crashes is off a bit. Some stumbling on the drums. Drums sound like.....drum machine......

The vocals are ok by me - lyrics are simple - especially for us simple minds....Vocal performance is good..

The lead solo on the keyboard is a cheesy patch - I would try something else.....

 

You have potential - keep working on this or other tunes and they will get better.....

 

[fuzzball]

Thanks so far now I have completly cut out the drums on the chorus (I agree they are off and the cymbol shounded bad). I plan on patching in a new beat there (or retracking the whole drum beat). I coypied the guitar track (acoustic) and paned it away from the other with delay and it helped fill in nicely. The guitar was in tune so that was not a problem. I also fixed the keyboard sax part, I added a few eq changes to add body to it and I cut out the end where it jumps up and gets too high.

I did not find anything wrong with the lead guitar....it seemed fine to me....any suggestions on what I may be missing here?

 

Thanks for the tips they are helping me improve the song.

 

Usualy I don't have a problem finding the errors but for some reason this time I needed some help it just seems as if I kept missing them (I think I heard it so much I got used to the errors).