Members mohr87 Posted July 27, 2007 Members Share Posted July 27, 2007 Think these have any possibility of turning into a song? I just got a synth, so yeah.. I'd just like some constructive criticism. -Your own meaning-Running without stoppingveins bulging, poppingfear taking its paththere's no room to laughwondering whats aheadwondering whats behindthe room is spinning in circlestoo many voices in my mindI'll take the distance, my heart is exploding with emotionthe tears are chokingthe dark is provokingTrying to stay calm, its all in the headstaring out the windowan image of a still world, hopelesstrapped within this small room is a mind lostA mind thats lost and can't be foundwhispering the words of a songcalling out to the losthear my inspirationthe heart is always truehear me throughwhere is the hope you always knew?shedding light, for this eternal fightcreating the exit to a better life. -Our Lonely Corner-There was a time and placewhere we stood face to facemy heart wouldn't pick up the paceit stopping beating by power of your beautyand when the wind blewit was like lost dreams destined to meetwho knew where this could be leadingbut we stood at this cornerand it should of happened soonerFinally the winds hushed and your hair rested on your shouldersSo I finally made up my mind and spokeI said "So yeah its getting colder"She said "yeah, that and my nights are getting duller and duller"Then it came to me here comes my chanceAnd I responded " Let me paint your nights and days with color.""Let me keep you warm when nights get colder""Let this be our own lonely corner"Its so sad is what I'd like to say this was just my own imaginationAll this was just a sad creationAnd I sit on this corner and wishing it actually happenedMy tears break through the fog and all I believed in was takenShe didn't answer back because she doesn't existAnd all this hopeful love was just a mythWhere could she be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted July 27, 2007 Members Share Posted July 27, 2007 A poem is not a song, even though they both rhyme (usually). You've got some rhymes and images you could cannibalize, but you're going to need choruses, bridges, etc. to make these more song-y. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted July 28, 2007 Members Share Posted July 28, 2007 What CM says is certainly true... but if these poems still have emotions you can tap, I don't see why they can't be fine starting places for some songs. A song isn't a poem or a short story, for that matter, but there can be a lot of overlap. That said it can take some real wordsmithing to get free or blank verse into a song... While highly formalized forms like sonnets can work into song nicely (though not necessarily without some reworking, if we're talking about typical pop songs), less structured works often need substantial rewriting... I've turned a few of my poems into songs and they're often very, very different when I get done. (Since I never really aquired a taste for writing structured, rhyming poetry.) While I was a big fan of TS Eliot when I was young, I have to say I've never read Old Possum's Book of Cats (which was the "basis" for Andrew Webber's big opus, "Cat") nor have I ever heard much of anything from that play (though I'm a big fan of old musicals... er... older musicals) so I can't weigh in on that... but when I was first playing guitar and trying to figure out how to write a song, I spent a fair bit of time putting sections of TS Eliot's Wasteland and Prufrock to my clumsy music... and it was really instructive... Reading Eliot, I knew there was meter and internal structure of rhymes but it really gave me a sense of how rhyme links sections together -- and also how great words sound set to music... even my clumsy music. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rudolf von Hagenwil Posted July 28, 2007 Members Share Posted July 28, 2007 I would say, every pop lyric is a poem, no matter how naive, simplehearted, artless or greenly it is . Certainly every lyric has a metrical patterns even if it is in free form, a blank verse or whatever... . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Luigi Posted July 28, 2007 Members Share Posted July 28, 2007 if that "rehab" song can sell, i don't see why your poems couldn't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rudolf von Hagenwil Posted July 28, 2007 Members Share Posted July 28, 2007 if that "rehab" song can sell, i don't see why your poems couldn't but I don't drink, nor was I ever a heroin junkie... . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members eddieboston2 Posted July 30, 2007 Members Share Posted July 30, 2007 I once had the thought that any collection of words could be turned into a song, so I tried coming up with a melody for the Microsoft End User License Agreement that you have to agree to before installing Windows. I think I got bored after the preamble, right around the terms and conditions. I think you'll have a much easier time with these poems. There actually does seem to be some structure to the lines and the rhyme scheme. One of the keys to a catchy song is a certain amount of repetition, which you can do by giving similar lines or sections the same melody (the verses) or by repeating an entire section (the chorus). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mikesr1963 Posted July 30, 2007 Members Share Posted July 30, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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