Members King_For_A_Day Posted November 1, 2007 Members Share Posted November 1, 2007 bluesway got me thinking about "the domestication battle" in another thread. How many of you feel that something is lost when a musician settles down? Does domesti-fi-cation change things? Many musicians mellow out when they get married. Is it just a lack of time to write because of family needs, or is it an actual loss of ambition or drive? Does happiness or contentment take anything away? Is it inevitable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karma279 Posted November 1, 2007 Members Share Posted November 1, 2007 Most def..I'm 28.. been playing guitar since for 16 years. I've got a 6 year old daughter that lives with me (divorced) and it seems I just don't play much anymore.I've got 7 guitars, keys, drums and a small home studio and I'm lucky if I lay down something every other month. I'm trying to change that and get back into it more... that's partly why I joined up here (Hi all!)Nick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted November 1, 2007 Members Share Posted November 1, 2007 bluesway got me thinking about "the domestication battle" in another thread. How many of you feel that something is lost when a musician settles down? Does domesti-fi-cation change things? Many musicians mellow out when they get married. Is it just a lack of time to write because of family needs, or is it an actual loss of ambition or drive? Does happiness or contentment take anything away? Is it inevitable? Let me ask my cat what I think... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mickeydean Posted November 1, 2007 Members Share Posted November 1, 2007 don't be silly. i am 53 my daughter just started college and i been married to the same woman for 35 years. being a musician is a career. the only thing i have ever wanted to do is play guitar since i saw the beatles on ed sullivan. you can have your cake and eat it too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluesway Posted November 1, 2007 Members Share Posted November 1, 2007 bluesway got me thinking about "the domestication battle" in another thread. How many of you feel that something is lost when a musician settles down? Does domesti-fi-cation change things? Many musicians mellow out when they get married. Is it just a lack of time to write because of family needs, or is it an actual loss of ambition or drive? Does happiness or contentment take anything away? Is it inevitable? well, i've been married for over six years...with a six year old son (don't do the math! lol. life moves fast when you don't use contraception wouldn't change it for the WORLD) i digress. about your question: i don't think something is lost. i don't think i could keep going if i did. if you ask a younger guy, though, they probably will say "yes"....until they get a little older...then they magically change their minds ......seriously BUT, domestification definitely changes things. you have to adapt it's a balancing act...i personally have NEVER lost the drive or the need to be creative. i don't know if i could be "happy" not creating and making music. the biggest issue, though, is that one little thing you mentioned: ***time*** . . .. and that's something that married musicians with kids have to struggle to find. actually, it's something that married _(enter the thing you're passionate about being or passionate about doing here)_ with kids have to struggle to find. . . . and it's the same thing about working in a new home or fixing your car or getting your paperwork in order. adult life IS time management. alot of younger musicians without families don't have to worry about all this {censored} . . . until they do . . . and let themselves stop being musicians. personally, i sneak and cheat my way into 'creative mode' every chance i get. i have to plan to write. i also have a job that gives me downtime (at times) to record my ideas. you MUST be motivated, or you will stop creating. it takes energy to get going most of the time....energy you think you don't have. i know some amateur and professional creative writers who wake up most days at 4:00AM to write...because they know that's the only chance they'll get to do it that day. when i was even a few years younger, i would make the joke "there's no {censored}ing way i'm waking up that early for anything besides an earthquake...and even that's debatable!".....BUUUUT, i do it sometimes now that i'm married. the key is: you have to make every sacrifice you can make to keep being creative WITHOUT having your family make any sacrifices. it's hard......very hard sometimes, but there are ways....none of them are comfortable, though. (nor does the typical musician stereotype of being completely unorganized help this at all) and not to be a dick, but i feel like the guys who just 'stop' writing and recording aren't motivated enough (that, of course, is if they call themselves serious songwriters/musicians) . . . . or at least not as motivated as I am. (you kinda need a little 'hard worker' arrogance to keep going). or maybe just not organized enough....or a little bit of everything anyway, that's what this arrogant know-it-all {censored}head thinks :blah: PS- karma, WELCOME! being part of this forum has both encouraged me to continue writing and completely neutered my ability to do so sometimes. the time i put in here takes away from my productivity. .....yet another balancing act. (i was WAAAAY MORE productive before i had easy access to the internet.) Midkeydean - i love your gear! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members karma279 Posted November 2, 2007 Members Share Posted November 2, 2007 Thanks for the welcome Bluesway....I agree with you... some people just stop. I don't intend to do that...When I get together with friends is when I tend to lay down more stuff and get serious for a while.. then live nails me in the ass again.You're right though.... I've got the time; just gotta use it wisely. If I'd turn off LA Ink and Southpark maybe I could write a new tune.......Nick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jewel Posted November 2, 2007 Members Share Posted November 2, 2007 Midkeydean - i love your gear! lol so true. being a parent, there is a certain saticfaction i get from being an arrogant know-it-all {censored}head. my 13 year old son will attest to that:cop: jeff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ides of March Posted November 2, 2007 Members Share Posted November 2, 2007 In my opinion I must say yes that being married with children does domesticate a musician. At least it does for me. I have a 6 year old step daughter and another daughter 2 1/2 months from being born and have been married for a little over a year. My band is pretty much done, I have been working on a solo cd for almost a year that is almost finished, I have been offered other auditions for other bands but can't get the time to go to them because there is so much to do with the baby coming and taking care of everything else in the house. I try to play guitar everyday but seems that doesn't happen at all anymore. The last time I played was last week sometime. Before I got married my band was doing well, I was writing alot of songs and practicing all the time. Getting involved with other bands, going to their shows. Now I have been relegated to open mic's. I hate it but can't do much about it. Being in a band in my opinion seems to be for teenagers, or early 20's musicians that can practice all the time, and go on a tour at the drop of a dime and not have to worry about money, wife, kids, full time job, mortgage, bills. They can just wake up if not in high school and hang out practicing, writing, listening, studying and getting shows for whenever they come up. They don't have to worry about saying well I can't play that show because my kid's school play is that night, or well the wife is starting to get pissed that I am going out so much playing and not spending time with her. Yes I can get more discipline and make time, but for the band thing unfortunately for me looks like my time is over. But I can always write and record but it doesn't fill the void of playing out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted November 2, 2007 Moderators Share Posted November 2, 2007 Getting married gives musicians without the needed drive or passion an excuse to give up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ides of March Posted November 3, 2007 Members Share Posted November 3, 2007 It ain't necessarily and excuse to give up, but depending on the situation you are in, getting married can be a killer. And I know there are plenty of married guys that are still in bands, and I am not saying I never will again but it just sucks for right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluesway Posted November 3, 2007 Members Share Posted November 3, 2007 It ain't necessarily and excuse to give up, but depending on the situation you are in, getting married can be a killer. And I know there are plenty of married guys that are still in bands, and I am not saying I never will again but it just sucks for right now. well, consistent with what you're saying, i'm not in an original band anymore. i have a few gigs a week with a couple jazz/R&B groups, but that's strictly for cash. the way i stay "in" to what i'm passionate about (because i'm definitely NOT passionate about playing a {censored}ty version of four/autumn leaves to rich bluehairs) is by home recording and developing record projects. the guys i used for my record are all about getting together for live performances, but that's still in many ways a pipe dream. . . . and i think a single guy in my position would be doing it already. whaddayagonnado? my whole goal is to keep writing music and keep growing as a writer. i don't know if there will ever be a 'career' to come out of that, but i keep writing. . . . an i always will. it's really simple when you let it be....really complex when you let it get away from you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ides of March Posted November 3, 2007 Members Share Posted November 3, 2007 Yeah agreed! I still record and write and practice. And I do love the recording process in seeing a basic tune turn into a full production. I plan on finishing up my cd and selling it at open mics or to whoever wants one. More of a donation really not sell. But I always have the opportunity to keep learning and getting better. It is just hard for me to get time to myself when I want it, like when I am in that mood to sit down and work on a song ya know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted November 3, 2007 Members Share Posted November 3, 2007 I think that getting married makes it really hard to perpetuate the fantasies that motivate a lot of people in the first place. When your wife keeps reminding you that you're never going to have bitches lined up in the hot tub and rails lined up on the mirror, yo'uve got to actually be motivated by the satisfaction that comes from creativity and hard work, and that is way less fun. In my case, knowing that I've got relatively unconditional love waiting at home makes it a lot easier for me to risk making a fool of myself with my band. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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