"Pressure"

[Heckxx]

Just finished up this new song, please take a listen and let me know what you think! This is one of the quickest songs I've written, this only took me about 3 weeks to write. Here are the links:

 

http://www.box.net/shared/o14j27q0zq

 

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8713748

 

-Jeff

 

 

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Pressure

 

 

[Verse1]

Counselors will say

Something so predicable

They make me move away

To cities so unlivable

Do I have a choice?

Or should I just dive in?

Muted is my voice

I never learned how to swim

 

[Chorus]

This city's pressuring me

and i just cant take it, just cant take it

I gotta stop

Look around

And just be myself

In this crazy town

This city's pressuring me

And I just won't make it, just won't make it alone

These streets are getting cold

It so unbearable

 

[Verse2]

Far away from home

The city scrapes the skylight

No wonder its so cold

And its even colder at the night

I wish I had a friend

Who didn't drink his life away

They're foolish in the end

Never accomplished anything

 

[bridge1]

(Take me away)

To a better place

This city's overrated

(Take me away)

So I can breathe again

This town is complicated

(Take me away)

To a better place

This city's overrated

(Take me away)

So I can breathe again

So I can breathe the air again

 

[Ending]

This city's pressuring me again

And I can't win

(I gotta stop, look around

And just be myself in this crazy town)

[LeonardScaper]

Good song!

 

Your message is persistent and the vehicle of the music drove me all the way to a very crisp ending.

 

Really like the bridge.

 

My first impression was that the piano was a bit dominant at the beginning but I understand its important role in driving the tune so take that with a grain of salt.

[stickboymusic]

Really like it my friend - have enjoyed all yours so far - yeh the piano is a little persistant but i suppose it holds the whole track together - nice lyrics, nice sound and a good solid song

 

"This is one of the quickest songs I've written, this only took me about 3 weeks to write." is that quick!? haha i usually write, record and mix mine in a matter of hours! eeek!

 

x

[Heckxx]

Thanks for the comments, guys! 3 weeks is pretty fast for me, usually it takes me a few months or more to get a song to sound fully complete like this song does. I am starting to write music that is a bit more simple as well, though.

 

-Jeff

[meandthecity]

Good, catchy upbeat song I like it. I think the singing could flow a little better. some of the words sounded like they were rushed or drag on a little but its a good song. Oh and yeah i have songs ive been tweeking for months or I write melodies and go back and forth with them for a while til they fit perfect [well im my opinion at least LOL]

[Heckxx]

Thanks meandthecity! I guess, I'm used to writing band music for my rock bands, and that would always take like a year to completely finish a song, from first idea, to recording in a studio. I'm surprised that I got the quality in this song in just half a month. I'm probably ditching the rock-music style for awhile, because this genre is just so much faster to work in.

 

-Jeff

[speierg]

Very cool man! Very well put together/produced. I had a thought on the ending...what if you let the strings come to the fore and slowly faded everything else out...let the song end on just the strings doing some kind of swell to a final note. Might be cool.

 

Also, instead of 4 bars in between the chorus and verse 2, I was thinking you could get away with just 2 bars there.

 

Also, some of the other elements could perhaps become a bit more prominent as the song builds up so that the repeating piano part becomes more of a supporting element....this might help to make that part less "persistent" as stickboy said.

 

GREAT job though man. I really like this a lot. Just listened 3 or 4 times and I think I'll come back for more in a bit!

[Nearthemusic]

Some good things going on here:) The chorus is definitely catchy. I would echo some of the previous posters' comments about the piano though...I think it works on some levels, but the fact that it's sticking out to so many of us suggests it might need some tweaking.

 

Lyrically, it works for the most part. I would consider changing the line: "muted is my voice", as it's generally not a good idea to invert word order for the sake of rhyme. Maybe try: "It seems I've lost my voice", or "They're drowning out my voice" (which would go nicely with the next line...)

 

good luck!

[TN.Frank]

Wow, I"m speachless, Wow, that was totally awesome. Are you sure you're not a Professional just coming onto the forum to mess with us "amatures", man, that song should be put out on a single or something. I'd buy it, love the minor chords on piano, has kind of a Steely Dan feel to it. Great job. :thu:

[speierg]

 

Some good things going on here:) The chorus is definitely catchy. I would echo some of the previous posters' comments about the piano though...I think it works on some levels, but the fact that it's sticking out to so many of us suggests it might need some tweaking. Lyrically, it works for the most part. I would consider changing the line: "muted is my voice", as it's generally not a good idea to invert word order for the sake of rhyme. Maybe try: "It seems I've lost my voice", or "They're drowning out my voice" (which would go nicely with the next line...) good luck!

 

 

I almost made the same comment about "muted is my voice." I was thinking it, but decided to let it go...but it did jump out at me too. Might be worth re-working that one line.

[Heckxx]

Wow, thanks for the feedback, guys! I thought "muted is my voice" was a pretty cool line, but actually, your suggestions seem to be even better. I'm not sure I ever got a lyrical suggestion from someone and used it, but "they're drowning out my voice" is something I'm almost sure I will use, thanks!

 

That transition from chorus to verse2 definitely needs some help, I've been tweaking with it lately. I dunno why I never thought of shortening it, because that does make perfect sense; no reason at all it should be longer than it has to be.

 

No, I'm not a professional, lol, but I think I'm starting to find my voice, in terms of what sort of songs I'm good at writing. I listen to a variety of music, so it's always been hard to figure out what genre or style I can compose the best. I'm starting to get it straight now!

 

-Jeff

[Lee Knight]

 

That transition from chorus to verse2 definitely needs some help, I've been tweaking with it lately.

 

 

Wow. I really like this. It captures the feeling perfectly.

 

Regarding: "That transition from chorus to verse2 definitely needs some help, I've been tweaking with it lately."

 

Here's what I'd do. I'd leave the piano in the re-intro before the 2nd verse. Then stop it at "Far away from home" and have a power chord guitar (Muse?) play the piano chord rhythm. Double that up through the 2nd verse. Then when the 2nd chorus comes you got back into the piano motif.

 

The bridge I'd just drop that piano motif again. That way your choruses will lift that much more.

 

Love the 1/2 time in the last chorus when you add the strings. Well done, man.

 

Great tune. (Nice drum programming too. You've got a good feel for arrangement)

 

Edit: If you remove the high piano in parts and it just doesn't work, you could always try to give that part over to a filtered synth or the like and maybe down an octave. That way it stays there both changes up. The part works, no doubt.