Distance (WIP)

[bee3]

What do you guys think of this? Worth it to pursue?

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10734142 (EDIT: 6/10/11 - updated version)

 

Here are the lyrics I threw on there...

 

Love the sound of a train in the distance

Love the feel of the rain on my skin

Window is open the breeze keeps me dreaming

The door is open come on in

[Oswlek]

Creepy. Not a big fan of the working lyrics, but the music has definite potential.

[bee3]

You ok with the gazillion-part harmony?

[Oswlek]

Sure, why not? It needs a little polish, but its a demo, right?

[bee3]

 

Sure, why not? It needs a little polish, but its a demo, right?

 

 

More than a little polish... I started this at 11pm last night. I'll hopefully get to do more stuff tonight.

[Lee Knight]

I listened this morning and could've swore I left a reply... wow... too much fun in the 80's man. I love this. It's spooky fun. It'd be fun to pull some crazy references like Strawberry Alarm Clock, etc.

[bee3]

I'm baaacccckkkkkkk!!!!!!! After a month long funk, I finally got back into the basement last night and worked on something. I'm moving forward with this idea... and laid the musical foundation for it last night (demo quality of course!). Tonight I hope to get down there and do some vocals. Problem is... I still only have one verse. Anyone want to help? I was sort of going for a contrast between loving where you're at and the things around you... and being able to appreciate them... all while going through a period of complete {censored}. I need two more verses...

 

Distance

 

(V1)

Love the sound of a train in the distance

Love the feel of the rain on my skin

Window's open and the breeze keeps me dreaming

Broken-hearted once again

 

(Chorus)

So keep your distance

I don't like the games you play

Keep your distance

Doesn't matter what you say

[bee3]

Is there no way to change the Thread Title?

[rhino55]

 

I'm baaacccckkkkkkk!!!!!!! After a month long funk, I finally got back into the basement last night and worked on something. I'm moving forward with this idea... and laid the musical foundation for it last night (demo quality of course!). Tonight I hope to get down there and do some vocals. Problem is... I still only have one verse. Anyone want to help? I was sort of going for a contrast between loving where you're at and the things around you... and being able to appreciate them... all while going through a period of complete {censored}. I need two more verses... Distance (V1) Love the sound of a train in the distance Love the feel of the rain on my skin Window's open and the breeze keeps me dreaming Broken-hearted once again (Chorus) So keep your distance I don't like the games you play Keep your distance Doesn't matter what you say

 

 

I really like the rain on my skin line, but it makes me want the person to be outside, preferably in the rain.

 

"Broken-hearted once again" is weak. Maybe try "I closed the door so you wouldnt come in"

[Lee Knight]

(V1)

Love the sound of a train in the distance

Love the feel of the rain on my skin

Window's open and the breeze keeps me dreaming

Broken-hearted once again

 

(Chorus)

So keep your distance

I don't like the games you play

Keep your distance

Doesn't matter what you say

 

Love the first sip of coffee

On a winter Sunday morn

The New York Times and toast

But now the pages have been torn

 

Love the sounds the dogs made

When we'd first come to the door

Love the way they'd lick your face

While sitting on the floor

 

Love those drives we used to take

Back when we were both in love

Now, all we have is a heart break

And not much else to speak of

[bee3]

 

I really like the rain on my skin line, but it makes me want the person to be outside, preferably in the rain. "Broken-hearted once again" is weak. Maybe try "I closed the door so you wouldnt come in"

 

I agree that it's weak... I was trying to get away from the creepy factor. I do like where you're going though...

 

Maybe

 

Love the sound of a train in the distance

Love the feel of the rain on my skin

Window's open and the breeze keeps me dreaming

The door is open... don't come in

[bee3]

 

(V1) Love the sound of a train in the distance Love the feel of the rain on my skin Window's open and the breeze keeps me dreaming Broken-hearted once again (Chorus) So keep your distance I don't like the games you play Keep your distance Doesn't matter what you say Love the first sip of coffee On a winter Sunday morn The New York Times and toast But now the pages have been torn Love the sounds the dogs made When we'd first come to the door Love the way they'd lick your face While sitting on the floor Love those drives we used to take Back when we were both in love Now, all we have is a heart break And not much else to speak of

 

 

I like some of these ideas, although for some reason I've never been comfortable writing in that really literal sense... with references to coffee, New York Times, etc... I'm going to think on these ideas and try to work something out.

[bee3]

I did some work on this last night. Please let me know your thoughts...

 

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10734142

[rhino55]

love the sound of the waves breaking freely

and then eventually something about the life guard stands abandoned and so lonely

 

That is cool imagery. I like the way it subtly relates freedom and loneliness. I think it fits well with the rest of the piece.

 

I'd like to see you write a third verse instead of repeating the first. Actually, I like that one as the final verse. Maybe you could come up with a new opener or use the one that is currently second as the opener. Thinking on it, the latter is the way I would go. For the second verse I would discuss a street or sidewalk.

 

Person on the beach. Person walks home. Person is home with door closed.

 

Are you a fan of Howl by Black Rebel Motor Cycle Club at all? The stacked vocals brought that album to my mind for some reason.

[bee3]

 

love the sound of the waves breaking freely and then eventually something about the life guard stands abandoned and so lonely That is cool imagery. I like the way it subtly relates freedom and loneliness. I think it fits well with the rest of the piece. I'd like to see you write a third verse instead of repeating the first. Actually, I like that one as the final verse. Maybe you could come up with a new opener or use the one that is currently second as the opener. Thinking on it, the latter is the way I would go. For the second verse I would discuss a street or sidewalk. Person on the beach. Person walks home. Person is home with door closed. Are you a fan of Howl by Black Rebel Motor Cycle Club at all? The stacked vocals brought that album to my mind for some reason.

 

Thanks for the feedback and I love the idea of the beach, walk, home chronology. I'll definitely try to do that. Not familiar with Black Rebel Motor Cycle Club, so I'll go do a little google research.

[rhino55]

 

Thanks for the feedback and I love the idea of the beach, walk, home chronology. I'll definitely try to do that. Not familiar with Black Rebel Motor Cycle Club, so I'll go do a little google research.

 

 

The album you'll want to listen to is Howl specifically. The stuff of theirs I've heard from before that tends to be way heavier and noise rocky. The stuff after is hard rocking goodness

 

I'll post some in the Friday influences thread

[eeglug]

I love this. I do wonder about repeating the first verse at the end. I would've ended it just before that repeat. Maybe you have a reason though.

 

EDIT, slightly off topic: are the stacked vocals done manually or with some sort of harmonizer? They sound good, just wondering.

[bee3]

 

I love this. I do wonder about repeating the first verse at the end. I would've ended it just before that repeat. Maybe you have a reason though. EDIT, slightly off topic: are the stacked vocals done manually or with some sort of harmonizer? They sound good, just wondering.

 

The stacked vocals are done manually... three part harmony, double-tracked.

 

Repeating the first verse at the end was just a cheap shortcut. I'm going to write another verse... as per Rhino's suggestion. Coming up with lyrics is pretty difficult for me unfortunately.

[rsadasiv]

Spooky.

[bee3]

Creepy... Spooky...

 

Man, I may need to see a therapist.

[Oswlek]

I like just about everything you put out, and this is no exception. The spacey keys in the background during the 2nd verse was very cool. I think you could also add some buzzing or some obnoxious sound, like Radiohead adds to the 2nd verse of "Exit Music".

 

The 2nd chorus needs more. You built up the 2nd verse a little, but returned to the same chorus. Another Radiohead trick is to play some off-key notes with a heavy reverb lead. Something like that might sound cool to carry over the dissonance. If you want it to be more like the pre-chorus of "Comfortably Numb" then don't go there, but still add something fresh.

 

Cool background vocals in the bridge or middle 8 or whatever you want to call it.

 

I think going back to the beginning could work, but not how it does now. Perhaps drop the harmonies and backing stuff and just go with guitar and one voice? Something to bring it way down. I also think it would be better without the resolving chord, just leave the prior note hanging in the breeze.

 

Lastly, is that how you say "distance"? It sounds more like dis-dunce and called a little too much attention to itself.

[bee3]

 

I like just about everything you put out, and this is no exception. The spacey keys in the background during the 2nd verse was very cool. I think you could also add some buzzing or some obnoxious sound, like Radiohead adds to the 2nd verse of "Exit Music". The 2nd chorus needs more. You built up the 2nd verse a little, but returned to the same chorus. Another Radiohead trick is to play some off-key notes with a heavy reverb lead. Something like that might sound cool to carry over the dissonance. If you want it to be more like the pre-chorus of "Comfortably Numb" then don't go there, but still add something fresh. Cool background vocals in the bridge or middle 8 or whatever you want to call it. I think going back to the beginning could work, but not how it does now. Perhaps drop the harmonies and backing stuff and just go with guitar and one voice? Something to bring it way down. I also think it would be better without the resolving chord, just leave the prior note hanging in the breeze. Lastly, is that how you say "distance"? It sounds more like dis-dunce and called a little too much attention to itself.

 

Thanks Oswlek... I've fallen victim to the 'move on to something new' phenom. I came up with the newer one (Nicks and Scratches) and haven't gotten back to this!