Members Snappy Hat Posted November 28, 2012 Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 Since it appears there are quite a few foodies in here , this is from a chef forum talking about odd orders they have gotten. If you ever cooked this is some funny {censored} . This happened the other day. We get an order for a filet mignon. The ticket says... 8oz Filet - Medium - w/ Push. We ask the server. "Uh, WTF is this 'with push'"? She says the customer said that she wanted it cooked medium but make sure and push all the blood out of it. She doesn't want ANY blood. "Ok?" we say and get right on it. After it's cooked we plate it up and the lead says "Make sure and puuuuush it!!!" I push it. Nothing happens. He says "HARDER!" I squish it with my palm and a little blood comes out. He says "No, get all that {censored}in blood out!" I do like a CPR push. Pumping it. More blood comes out but we can tell there's more blood inside. He's says "Just smack it good." So I pound down on it with my fist. Blood spatters everywhere! We all bust out laughing. The other cook comes up and gives it another wack. The steak is still intact for the most part, just tenderized. The lead comes up and punches it as with about as hard as he could. Blood flies everywhere and the steak is seriously {censored}ed up and mangled after that punch. I yell out "Oh, {censored}!" As I see that I'm going to have to start over. I see the bottom exterior of the steak is still mostly intact and I say "Just flip it over and put it back together!" So, I flip it over and bunch it together to resemble a steak again. Surprisingly, it looked like three guys didn't just beat it after I re-assembled and re-plated it. It looked perfect! We all stare at the plate and bust up laughing again at the perfect looking steak and send it out. Sure enough, the server comes back with a disappointed look on her face after the lady complains. The complaint was...not that it was falling apart and beat up. She wanted it cooked more. She says "She wants it cooked medium still. Just more well done, NOT 'well done'. With less blood." So we say "Uh, like mid-well?" The server leaves to clarify that. She comes back. She says "No, not medium well or well done. She wants Medium. But cooked more and with less blood." We just stare at her with a blank look and jaws dropped. Then the server says... "She liked how you guys pushed it, though. It was really tender, she says." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Snappy Hat Posted November 28, 2012 Author Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 - Order for well done burger. Not unusual, but the guest told the server "My doctor told me I can't have any red meat" and was dead serious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sheik_Yerbouti Posted November 28, 2012 Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 {censored}ing AND Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members isvoid Posted November 28, 2012 Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 I'd like to send this joke back to the kitchen -- it's not well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cougar Hunter Posted November 28, 2012 Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 PUUSHH IT! (WAP!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marc G Posted November 28, 2012 Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 hahahaha... oh man... I could only imagine the mess the kitchen was in after that steak got it's smack down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Snappy Hat Posted November 28, 2012 Author Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 The rest of the threads are here if anyone wants to read more. http://www.cheftalk.com/t/72430/most...s-youve-gotten Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BEMUSofNthAmrca Posted November 28, 2012 Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 Being a cook in Niagara Falls is pretty hilarious. Lots of drug addicts and criminals get jobs as dishwashers, and they are usually the most entertaining. Nothing is better than asking the newly hired crackhead 40 year old dishwasher to "go upstairs, and ask Building Maintenance for a 'bucket of steam'" then re-iterate that you need that bucket of steam FAST! Ever see a crackhead running around asking for a bucket of steam? Try it. I once worked with a guy who spent an entire shift using mayonaise instead of garlic butter. I once worked with a guy who couldn't understand why the mayo kept disappearing from his insert. Turns out he was using a hotel pan with holes in the bottom, and he found quite the surprise when he opened up the fridge down below. Not sure if this would be chef humor or asshole cook humor. Most chefs I've worked under have been the biggest douch bags I've ever met. Egos the size of the solar system. I once saw a kid poor a small bucket of water into a large bucket of HOT HOT HOT fryer grease. Needless to say, he spent the next 5 hours mopping up grease from under every machine in the kitchen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marc G Posted November 28, 2012 Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 kid is lucky that didn't turn in to a massive fire ball Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Miter Gauge Posted November 28, 2012 Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 If I'm in really nice restaurant I'll sometimes order things "chef's choice" because I figure (right or wrong) the chef knows how to cook without my input. I think I was at the Breakers in Palm Beach and I did that with some venison that I ordered. The server came back and said "the chef said you made a huge mistake by asking for chef's choice". The meat was basically raw with just the outside seared (it was fantastic). The chef came out to the table and brought some wine and had a drink with us and got us from free deserts and after dinner drinks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Miter Gauge Posted November 28, 2012 Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 Originally Posted by Marc G kid is lucky that didn't turn in to a massive fire ball He's also lucky the splattering grease didn't turn him into Ray Liotta's body double. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hotcakes Posted November 28, 2012 Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 I love the Cheftalk forums. I've gotten: "Mac and cheese, no cheese" "Burger, everything but the burger" "Eggwhite omelet, no oil (NO {censored}ING OIL!?), extra bacon and cheese "Extra salsa, but no onions in it" "Medium rare, no pink" "I'll take the fresh linguine, cooked al dente" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ermghoti II Posted November 28, 2012 Members Share Posted November 28, 2012 Originally Posted by Snappy Hat The rest of the threads are here if anyone wants to read more. http://www.cheftalk.com/t/72430/most...s-youve-gotten "I would like a vegan omeletSo naturally I cooked the omelet in bacon greaseHe said it was the best omelet he's ever had"Lulz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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