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  • MORE!!!MORE!!!

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    • Ok, I guess I'll add one of mine. Its not so much stupid as it is annoying.

      I used to play with a jazz trio in Vancouver (which broke up once my keyboard player moved to Montreal). We played corporate gigs and parties, weddings etc. Anyways one of the gigs involves us playing on a boat cruise around English Bay (Vancouver's beautiful Western harbour area) and then getting off and setting up AGAIN to play in a restaurant in Granville Island for an Orthopedic Surgeon's convention. The event is organized by a couple of middle-aged women (I'm going to assume by their incompetence and very expensive clothing/cars/etc. that these were recent entries into the working world, probably wives of one of the surgeons). We told them what we'd be bringing : drum kit, hammond B3 and Leslie cab, my guitar amp, stools, and bench etc. We expressed concerns as to how we would be able to a) load in the B3 into the boat at all and also b) how much time it would take to set up again in the restaurant. We were told that we would be given heavy duty dollies w/ nice big tires on them and that we would be helped by the boat staff on one end and the restaurant staff on the other.

      I was the "strong" guy in the group which is a very relative term and knew the horrors of carrying the bottom end of the B3 up steep stairs brought to my back. The boat was no exception. Steep, narrow stairs, big surprise. The boat staff consisted of a cocktail waitress who would be of no use in lifting a B3. The rest of them conveniently came on the boat just before the guests did and well after we were meant to be setup. We had to lift everything up ourselves and big surprise: no dollies at all. It was around this time that I swore at my keyboard player again (along with my drummer) to get a freakin' organ patch on a keyboard. I love tube amps, but SCREW ANALOG!!!!! Gig was off to a great start.

      The actual playing was no problem. We knew to keep our volume down. That's how corporate gigs work. You are background music. You are also paid very well. We made between $250-300 CDN. each per gig. We had a huge wealth of material to draw from and we always had fun with the actual playing.

      We get to Granville Island and its raining. Hard. Big surprise in Vancouver. Again, the restaurant staff did not help, and no dollies. The two "event organizers" were already inside the restaurant drinking martini's paid for by the convention. So were the guests. We had to haul our entire setup into the restaurant in the rain ourselves. The two women had the nerve to come out and complain about how long we were taking loading in. I politely reminded the women that we were promised help and dollies of which we received neither. I told her that we would setup and play but since the terms we agreed to were not met that we had no obligation to do so. The look of anger and confusion on the woman's face was priceless. She obviously had no freakin' clue how this business works. We were making good money and I wasn't going to make an enemy of a potential repeat client (which the Orthopedic surgeons turned out to be. The "event organizers" I did not see again. I wish them well). We finally got setup and played for another several hours. Did I mention we were in suits? Wet suits (from the rain ) ? Hmmm... I really miss playing those gigs. No wait a sec... No I don't! We got to order whatever we wanted to eat and drink while the requisite speeches and awards took place (pretty standard for these kind of gigs. I of course ordered the steak).

      ------------------
      Bogner Ecstasy 101b
      Bogner 4X12 V30
      Fender Super Champ
      '63 Fender Stratocaster
      Taylor 812CE
      Ibanez Byrdland copy
      Gibson Les Paul Std.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by MrKnobs:
        Oh wait, I lied.

        I once worked FOH for Joe King Carrasco, a party rocker who liked to stage dive into the audience and put on a hell of a show. I asked him if there was any special effect he'd like from the sound or lights. He told me he liked to dump confetti into the audience at the end of his show.

        Well, I'd never been asked for that before, and had no idea how to do it. A big net, like with balloons? A CO2 pipe? I didn't have any of that stuff, I had a bunch of concussion mortars. So I sent a roadie to buy some bags of confetti and I stuffed it all tightly into my mortars, mounted up on the light trusses aiming toward the crowd. At the agreed upon moment, the light guy fired the pyro.

        I guess I forgot that confetti was flammable. Anyway, it made a gigantic noise that surprised and stopped the band dead in their tracks, and rained down flaming confetti onto a large section of the audience. I think everyone was pretty surprised, especially me. People were patting out flaming confetti on their hair and clothes, but no one was seriously injured, luckily for me.

        It was quite pretty coming down, though.

        Terry D.


        thats the funniest story ive ever heard
        <div class="signaturecontainer">enjoy the webpage slingshot57.com</div>

        Comment


        • C'mon, don't let it die!

          '63 Strat, that was a good one.

          JP
          <div class="signaturecontainer">Jared</div>

          Comment


          • .. okay not a great as others, but I am going the gig, its a play, well two stories-this is the first. Okay its a play, and we had rented some light towers, and a little sound gear to augment our system(they lost an amp so they rented a new one!). I am the lead tech guy, helping me is the drummer from the local band, who knows nothing, this will be a bit importand later. okay lots of problems, due to the 15 amp breakers, ... we had 2, 2000 watt light towers + 1000 watts of on stage lighting -do the calcs we are not in good shape. So we add in teh sound system. drummer dude runs the lights I run the sound, all is good. First show goes bad, ... in more ways then one... this story goes that we keep tripping the breakers in the middle of the show, and each time the emergancy lights come one.. bla bla bla..... so the next day I go about rerouting power cord all over the place, and fliping breakers, .. and I get it all sorted out. Have a big disscussion about why its happining. SAME THING HAPPENS I find out after teh fact the drummer guy went around and set them all back to where they were...uhhhhh some people should be on a leash. then gets mad at me cause MY sound system (about 1000 watts +- ) is shutting down HIS lights. not a team player. anyway I have more, they will come in time.
            <div class="signaturecontainer">Kevin Nemrava -token Canadian</div>

            Comment


            • I guess it's my turn.

              Here's one related to pyro that I'm sure MrKnobs can appreciate!

              So it's the day before New Years Eve. We got booked at a rather large venue to open the show, but our drummer couldn't get off work, so the people in charge told us we could simply have the headlining slot and the other bands would be bumped up. Soundcheck is at 4:30 PM that day, so we get all the stuff loaded. Everyone else in the band had a job they had to be at, so I drove back and forth bringing the equipment and setting it up. I set all the levels and made the soundman happy with a nice low stage volume.

              I also decided that hey, we might as well milk this. Let's make it look good. The stage has got a pretty high clearance (about 12 foot), there's a nice light hanging from the ceiling but that shouldn't be a problem. The plan was to put one flashpot between each of us on stage -- the three on the front line (guitar, bass, singer) -- so that there would technically be two pots on the front of the stage. We masked off five feet from the front of the stage, as that's the minimum "Safe distance" for these, and marked where the pots would go.

              Before I continue, let me just mention that I am not a licensed pyrotechnic operator, nor did we have ANY permits or ANY fire crew on hand.

              Anyway, the owner wanted to see exactly what we were planning on doing. So we go out behind the backstage area. There's a big 1" thick steel door on rusty hinges that he pries open, and we're outside. A sidewalk extends for about 35 feet, where it gets to the street.

              I bring one of the flashpots out there (note that I'm using sonic powder for this, as I like the boom! ) and run an extension cord inside. Load the thing up, check the safety, make sure no one's near the thing, the usual routine. We're standing back by the door, so it's a good 20 feet away. I hit the trigger.

              *poof*

              A little burst of smoke and a crackle that sounds something like popcorn being popped in the microwave. The guy looks at me and goes "Now you can't be serious... I know you just didn't load it much, and during the show you're just gonna have it blow bigger." In a way, he was right -- I was a little bit cautious in loading it, and put slightly less than an optimal amount in there. So I tell him hang on, it simply didn't fire right, lemme go measure it out exactly as I'm gonna have it on stage. He stands by the door, going in and out to make sure the light grid is working.

              I put my two teaspoons of powder in the pot, check the connections again, and go get him. We come out, and he stands slightly in front of the door, leaving it open in case anyone needs him (it's open at about an 80 degree angle from the wall; pretty far). I plug it in, check the safety, and stomp my foot on the switch.

              What happened next, words cannot describe. The loudest blast I have ever heard in my life occurs. Car alarms immediately start going off. The door behind us slams shut from the force. Yes, the rusted-hinge 1" steel door. We're locked out of the venue. The guy is just staring straight at me. Walking over to the pot... it's not there any more. Well, the frame of it is. But the entire top is blown off. This thing was a solid metal flashpot, too. It looks like someone put a stick of dynamite on top of it. I still don't know where the top portion landed.

              Turns out I had grabbed the "tablespoon", and not the "teaspoon".

              So we're standing there, I've managed to lock the owner out of his own club. About five minutes later someone finally comes out and lets us back in. The cops show up to find out what the hell happened. Fortunately, they didn't arrest me for firing pyro off without a permit. They just left. Needless to say, we didn't use it during the show!

              That was the last show we ever played as a band. Turns out the promoter never bothered to tell the other bands that their times were moved up, so the others all got pissed off at us when their sets were cut and their fans showed up late/etc. Our drummer didn't show up until about 10 minutes into our set, which didn't help any. Very bad show.

              [This message has been edited by Zeromus-X (edited April 12, 2002).]
              <div class="signaturecontainer"><font size="1">How about a mother****************ing crocodile pit instead of those titty ****************s !</font><br />
              <br />
              <br />
              <font size="1"><i>Last edited by Jazz Ad on 06-20-2004 at 09:08 PM</i></font></div>

              Comment


              • My band had a big guy named Chad who used to hang out with us and do the roadie thing. We were a country band, but used to play a lot of stuff like Allman Bros, Skynyrd, Molly Hatchett, ZZ Top (you get the picture) to get the crowd fired up. Anyway, this guy Chad is huge (6'4" and about 300lbs) and not too bright! He was great at schlepping amps, though. We're talking a guy who can carry old Altec VOT cabs by himself! Anyway, while we would play Tube Snake Boogie, he would work the crowd from the stage. He would jump around and dance, wave his arms, scream, stuff like that, kinda like that dancing guy in the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. One night, we are playing a club and the crowd is jammin', packed in tight in front of the 6' high stage, and we're doing TSB and they're diggin' it! Out of the blue, Chad decides he is going to dive off the stage into the crowd, a la mosh pit! They'll catch him and carry him around on their hands, right?

                WRONG!!!!!

                Chad dives into the crowd. Girls are screaming in terror! The crowd parts like the Red Sea. Chad does a full-power swan dive face-down onto a concrete dance floor. Blood flies everywhere!

                Without skipping a beat, Chad jumps up, his face dripping in blood from his broken nose, and he grabs the nearest girl and starts dancing! She's freaking out, and the rest of the crowd is just staring at him. We trainwreck the song, we're laughing so hard. He turns and looks at us and says, "What?!" We started playing again as if nothing happened, finishing the set while some disgusted barmaid had to mop up the dancefloor. Chad never got his nose reset, either. After that night, we started monitoring his alcohol consumption a lot more closely.

                ------------------
                Don't forget to tip your bartenders and waitresses. Everyone loves a waitress with big "tips".
                <div class="signaturecontainer">If the reason for climbing Mt Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up on the easy side?</div>

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Nighthawkdude:
                  Chad does a full-power swan dive face-down onto a concrete dance floor. Blood flies everywhere!


                  OOOUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHH!!!!! Ow Ow Ow OW!!! Oh I'd HATE to be in his place.
                  OWWWWW!!!

                  -Nigel
                  <div class="signaturecontainer">Check out my music at http://nigeld.freewebspace.com<br />
                  <br />
                  <font size="1"><b>On Toronto vs. the UK<br />
                  <br />
                  <i>rosskoss:</i></b> Well there you go then. I can't see how one can choose something else over that? Lotsa music, slutty chicks, nice weather, no SARS...<br />
                  <br />
                  <b><i>Six String Stuntman Steve:</i></b> No SARS? Hear Hear!!! This might be the better place to go afterall!!</font><br />
                  </div>

                  Comment


                  • This is more like a sneaky story, but it does involve pyro.

                    Some years ago, I was producing a video for MTV's basement tapes, basically a semi-homemade video for an unsigned band trying to get on their weekly contest.

                    These were the 80's metal days, big hair, spandex, dance choreography, you know the drill. The band wanted some pyro and asked me to do it.

                    You know how I feel about pyro, I had just purchased some airburst pyro and I was itching to try it. Trouble was, the band was shooting on university facilities using thier rooms and gear to save money. No way the university would authorize pyro, and no way we'd get away with it with all the smoke detectors in the ballroom we were using.

                    I was scratching my head when I noticed the band's little smoke machine, one of those oil foggers that no one uses anymore, partly because they're so toxic and partly because they don't work worth a crap. It was pooting out a little pathetic wisp of stinky smoke that wouldn't have even been visible on the video.

                    I got an idea. I set up the pathetic smoke machine front and center and wired up a ton of pyro both floor launched and airburst. I warned the band we'd only get one shot at it and not to mess up their cues.

                    The band kicked off the tune and the light guy fired all the pyro at once. It was awesome, ten foot flames across the stage front combined with magnesium airbursts firing downward at the band. We got it all on videotape from several angles.

                    Of course the smoke detectors immediately started screaming, and the campus police arrived in large numbers within minutes. They wanted to know what the hell was going on!

                    I pointed at the pathetic little smoke machine, pressed its button, and a thin wisp of sad smoke squirted out right on cue. I told the cops I had no idea my little smoke machine would set off the detectors. The cops sternly warned me to unplug it and not to use it again. Works for me.

                    Later, we had one more scene to shoot using pyro; the script called for the mixer to catch on fire and explode (too much volume, I guess). We shot that footage in the editing room after meticulously disassembling the single smoke detector on the ceiling.

                    We were lucky as someone found two identical Peavey boards that had been damaged in a truck fire. One looked perfect, the other charred. Neither worked and had been declared total losses. We bought them both for $20. We locked a camera on the clean board from overhead, shot a few seconds of that with someone's hand pushing the master slider all the way up, then substituted the charred board in the exact spot, controls set the same. We proceeded to set it on fire with lighter fluid, ignite magnesium flash powder in the slider slots, then burned smokeless powder across the control surface. The composite of these shots looked great.

                    Now our choreographed dance scene with dancers doing "the worm," "the robot," etc., THAT was a different matter. The drummer even changed his shirt mysteriously in the middle of the song!

                    Terry D.

                    P.S. Some jackass FOUND the video and posted it HERE on YouTube!

                    $$$TDH$$$

                    Telling Stories releases 2nd CD, see our WEBSITE! Please check out my GROUPIE STORY and Tales from the Road.

                    Comment


                    • I saw one of the most stupid things this weekend. I was doing a fill in at a club where I mix from time to time when my regular band is off, and I was mixing for a band whose lead singer just happened to be having his 21st b-day. Needless to say that everyone there was trying to get the kid drunk... (did I say drunk? I meant stumbling, puking, falling down drooling, Sh**ified).
                      So any way, first set was okay, By the end you could see him starting to get kinda happy and tipsy. After he came back from break, He was slurring and weaving, still didn't sound too bad, but you could tell he was on his way. He started saying sorta strange things between songs that didn't quite make sense, usually about the girls in the front row. So by now he was pretty smashed and was miffing tunes but not real noticeably... yet.
                      They went on break, and the singer disappears into the dressing room. One of the owners ( who is an egotistical maniacal bitter, **************************** former college football player loser who likes to bully people) come into the dressing room and theres the singer kinda sprawled on the couch with a lit smoke in his hand. His eyes are closed. The owner assumes that he's passed out and kicks him in the leg to wake him up. The singer (who swears that he wasn't passed out, takes offense and an argument ensues. Then its time to play and the singer is now REALLY pissed off and REALLY drunk gets on the stage.
                      Anger must have inspired him, cuz after two PERFECT blistering songs the kid totally went off... OVER THE MIC! He was unloading this **************** about how he just wanted to help the crowd enjoy themselves and how hard it was to do when some moron nazi **************************** had to go and ruin it for everybody...blah...blah. This went on for a couple of minutes before the owner dude came running up to me and told me to kill the mic. (I didn't up to this point cuz I really don't like the dude and I thought it was priceless to see some one stand up to him.)
                      The kid just kept going the crowd by stage was cheering cuz they could still hear him through the monitors. The other band members had looks of horror on their faces as they tried to get him away from the mic. The owner is just standing at the back of the bar glaring at the stage. The band actually finished the set, and I can't remember the singer ever sounding better. Go figure.
                      The owner who kicked the singer told them that they were "done in this town" and that he was going to make sure that this was going to hurt them in the future. While they were loading out the other owner (senior partner) came in and heard the whole story from both sides. He laughed his ass off, He doesn't like his partner either. He told the band that they were one of the best draws that they had and he'd give the other owner some time to cool off and have them back on one condition: owner one and the singer are no longer allowed to talk to each other.
                      <div class="signaturecontainer">Mike</div>

                      Comment


                      • nice one. I'd love to say a few things to guys who always seem to screw you for ticket sales over the mic. Like when you've just watched like 50 of your friends get hammered and have a good time all night and then you're told that you only sold 35 tickets.

                        Comment


                        • One of my friends does a lot of the big punk bands like Rancid, Sublime, Nofx and so forth.
                          Well he told me about this one time (and it wasn
                          <div class="signaturecontainer">2003 Gretsch G3156 with p90 in neck and dearmond singlecoil in bridge/Gibson Faded TV yellow LP JR --&gt; Fender Super-Sonic 60 head --&gt; Blackstar 4X10<br />
                          Stanford PSD10<br />
                          <br />
                          Backups: Epiphone WildKat, Cort MR740FX, early 70´s Silvertone Telecaster<br />
                          My band: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/roversahead" target="_blank">www.myspace.com/roversahead</a><br />
                          <br />
                          &quot;This long hair **************** with a man is a bunch of mother****************in' ****************, and any sonofabitchin' man wears his hair like a woman has got a ****************in' weakness he'd better get rid of!&quot; Jerry Lee Lewis</div>

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                          • Bump

                            ------------------
                            Mike
                            www.strangedaze4.net
                            <div class="signaturecontainer">Mike</div>

                            Comment


                            • bump

                              c'mon, fellas... we can't let this thread stay so low that one needs to scroll to find it.

                              this is my only source of entertainment in a world in which life is but a drag, and existance makes me weary... my only reprieve, albeit temporary, is in logging on and finding new posts on this thread.

                              bump (again)

                              AS
                              <div class="signaturecontainer"><b>AS = Abhi Shivraj</b><br />
                              <br />
                              Recently quotable quotes<br />
                              <i>I stumbled across this today, something people should keep in mind: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning-Kruger_effect" target="_blank">Dunning-Kruger effect</a></i> - Gregidon</div>

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by ashivraj:

                                this is my only source of entertainment in a world in which life is but a drag, and existance makes me weary... my only reprieve, albeit temporary, is in logging on and finding new posts on this thread.


                                Aaaah bull****************. Don't believe a word he says guys. He's taking everyone else's girlfriends to the prom 3 weeks from now. He's got as much entertainment as he needs.

                                I agree with him about not letting the thread die though.

                                Keep 'em coming. I've got a couple I'll type out when I get the time.

                                -Nigel
                                <div class="signaturecontainer">Check out my music at http://nigeld.freewebspace.com<br />
                                <br />
                                <font size="1"><b>On Toronto vs. the UK<br />
                                <br />
                                <i>rosskoss:</i></b> Well there you go then. I can't see how one can choose something else over that? Lotsa music, slutty chicks, nice weather, no SARS...<br />
                                <br />
                                <b><i>Six String Stuntman Steve:</i></b> No SARS? Hear Hear!!! This might be the better place to go afterall!!</font><br />
                                </div>

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