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I think I need professional help

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  • I think I need professional help

    A drummer got in touch with me the other day and said he liked my songs, and would like to talk to me on the phone or via Skype with a view to 'getting together'

    I almost broke out in a rash! I have a pathological fear of talking to people on the phone. I need time to consider a question before answering it, you see

    We've had a few email exchanges and he keeps asking me to speak with him on the phone. I keep putting him off. He must be getting a bit freaked-out by me

    What the **************** is wrong with me?

    a selection of my songs: https://soundcloud.com/songwriter101

  • #2

    You're a child of the text age. You'll get over it when your vocal cords work better than your fingers.


    Seriously, one of the faults of communicating by e-mail or forum is that you lose most sense of expression. It's hard to know, sometimes, if the person you're writing to is serious or just kidding around. If there's money in it, when the phone rings, answer it. . . .  that is, assuming you think there's any reason for collaborating with a drummer.

    --
    "Today's production equipment is IT-based and cannot be operated without a passing knowledge of computing, although it seems that it can be operated without a passing knowledge of audio." - John Watkinson, Resolution Magazine, October 2006
    Drop by http://mikeriversaudio.wordpress.com now and then

    Comment


    • MarkydeSad
      MarkydeSad commented
      Editing a comment

      MikeRivers wrote:

      You're a child of the text age. You'll get over it when your vocal cords work better than your fingers.


      Seriously, one of the faults of communicating by e-mail or forum is that you lose most sense of expression. It's hard to know, sometimes, if the person you're writing to is serious or just kidding around. If there's money in it, when the phone rings, answer it. . . .  that is, assuming you think there's any reason for collaborating with a drummer.


      It goes deeper than that, Mike

      I desperately, desperately want to be in a band that plays my tunes, but I can't seem to get past first base. If I can't even talk to prospective band-members on the phone, how will I cope actually getting a band together?

      Sorry about this thread, but I feel I'm at the end of my tether :smileyembarrassed:


  • #3

    The first rule of showbiz is:  The audience really wants to see you succeed.    Really!    They'll forgive all kinds of sins if it means their having a good time.

    If your audience doesn't want you to succeed,  you're either in a thrash-punk basement...   or at the Apollo Theater in Harlem.     Otherwise,  they do.    Always important to remember.

    It sounds like you've set up some "double-bind" in your subconscious mind;    a damned-if-i-do/damned-if-i-don't  conditionality.

    It's as though you have two subpersonalities fighting it out within you.     Do this:    When no-one is around,  pull out two identical kitchen chairs and have them face each other.     Each chair represents the sacred domain of one of these two voices.      When you sit in Chair A,  only Voice A can talk,   and plead his case.      When you sit in Chair B,   only Voice B can talk,   and explain where he's coming from.        This rule is inviolable,   and will permit each voice to "get out" what they need to say.      If you really do this experiment,   you will be gobsmacked at what comes out in this "discussion".   It's wise to record it onto a cheap audio handheld recorder so you can listen to it later.

    It is often the case that a bullying or critical  voice will come out and try to silence/overpower  the other voice....      That other voice may be the Creative part of you who just wants to have fun with some music.   Let both your Creative voice...and your Critical voice....   say absolutely everything they have to say.

    At some point in this Voice Dialogue,     the Critic/Bully's motives will come into question.   Just WHY is he stopping you from performing?   Just WHY is he sabotaging your relationships?   There's a reason:   let him     ---whilst seated in his own chair,  of course---    explain it.   You'll be surprised.

    Voice Dialogue

    <div class="signaturecontainer"> <br />
    <font color="blue"><b><font color="olive"><font color="sienna"><font color="purple">Every paint-stroke takes you farther and farther away from your initial concept. And you have to be thankful for that. </font> </font></font><font color="olive">Wayne Thiebaud</font></b></font><br />
    <br />
    <br />
    <b><font color="#808000"><font color="blue"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/#!/rasputin1963/info" target="_blank">Friend me on FACEBOOK!</a> </font></font></b><br />
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    Comment


    • #4

      Hey Mark,

      Just from our corrospondence and the little that I do know about you from this forum and FB, I honestly think you have a social phobia. We all have some phobias to some extent but in your case, its disabilitating. Its really something you should address because I know it has affected you in the past. You may want to seriously consider seeing a Psychologist to get a better understanding and some steps to take in conquering it. 

      Peace,

      E

      Comment


      • rasputin1963
        rasputin1963 commented
        Editing a comment

        ....and don't "Just Say No" to drugs.   If your Doc offers you some Zoloft and Klonopin,  take the sons' o' bitches.    Dat **************** works.


    • #5

      Consider the consequences:   either it'll work out very well, or it won't.  Now you've covered all the bases, there's only one way to give it a chance to work out very well, and that's to make the call.

       

      Think ahead 20 years - - will you look back at this time as "damn, I wish I would have done this thing"?  If so, NOW is the time to act, before you can chicken out.  You have the talent, now it's time to put it to work!

      Comment


      • #6

        Thanks for the replies

         

        I bottled it

        I told him I couldn't do it

        A singer got in touch as well and I told him the same thing

        I think it's way past time I saw someone

        a selection of my songs: https://soundcloud.com/songwriter101

        Comment


        • #7

          Okay, one last attempt before I make an appointment. I'm putting it off because those guys charge a fortune. I don't HAVE a fortune!

          I've placed an ad for an acoustic guitarist/vocalist. The plan is to have me and him playing and singing as a close-harmony duo. I'd feel a lot less nervous about it being just two of us, rather than a band. I've also made it clear I want someone who is confident before an audience. That'll give me the chance to slowly build MY confidence before an audience

          Think yourself lucky you're not me...

          a selection of my songs: https://soundcloud.com/songwriter101

          Comment


          • Ernest Buckley
            Ernest Buckley commented
            Editing a comment

            MarkydeSad wrote:

            Okay, one last attempt before I make an appointment. I'm putting it off because those guys charge a fortune. I don't HAVE a fortune!

            I've placed an ad for an acoustic guitarist/vocalist. The plan is to have me and him playing and singing as a close-harmony duo. I'd feel a lot less nervous about it being just two of us, rather than a band. I've also made it clear I want someone who is confident before an audience. That'll give me the chance to slowly build MY confidence before an audience

            Think yourself lucky you're not me...


            Mark,

            I used to get severe panic attacks whenever I performed... not good in my line of work. I went to see a world renowned Psychologist (Albert Eillis), look him up! This was back in my early 20s.... I had no health coverage and paid out of pocket $200/hr. Went to see him 4 times. Shortly after, I started to practice yoga & meditate. 

            If you have to find a cure because your life depends on it, you will do what you need to do. It was not easy and the reason I feel so strongly about this is because you`re a talented songwriter and that need to write is stronger in you than your issues. Focus on why you need to conquer this! 

            I really wish we were closer in distance, I feel for you. I know how strong those feelings are for you. They are disabling you from living the life you want to live.

            Peace mate,

            EB 


          • MrKnobs
            MrKnobs commented
            Editing a comment

            MarkydeSad wrote:

            Okay, one last attempt before I make an appointment. I'm putting it off because those guys charge a fortune. I don't HAVE a fortune!


            I've placed an ad for an acoustic guitarist/vocalist. The plan is to have me and him playing and singing as a close-harmony duo. I'd feel a lot less nervous about it being just two of us, rather than a band. I've also made it clear I want someone who is confident before an audience. That'll give me the chance to slowly build MY confidence before an audience


            Think yourself lucky you're not me...




            We all have our problems, and usually ours seem larger than everyone else's for some reason. 


            On a serious note, aren't you in the UK where health care is supposedly free or nearly so? 


            Terry D.


        • #8

          Bloody hell

          An American blues guitarist/singer, who lived in Florida but relocated to sunny Bolton, has been in touch to ask if I'd like to join him in an acoustic duo

          You just can't make this stuff up...

          a selection of my songs: https://soundcloud.com/songwriter101

          Comment


          • Lee Knight
            Lee Knight commented
            Editing a comment

            Don't do it. You might have fun...

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