Kiss of Death part 2

Alright, I've worked up a skeletal recording of Kiss of Death. You'll find it at the link below (I have no idea how that other artist is on my page). This is my first attempt at uploading to Soundclick. Feel free to critique away. And feel free to read the recap below to understand this tunes context.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=680795

To recap: OK, bear with me. This was written 31 years ago. My manager at the time had the spark of the idea. The protagonist loves to fight. He thrives on it. The Kiss of Death. He wrote some key lines and I finished the next 95% and wrote the music.

So now, I'm re-doing these tunes in the same spirit they were written back then. 3 piece New Wavey Combo fun. The original group have made it sort of a fun project. To record the album that was never recorded before we broke up and all moved to separate music careers. The original line up reunited. Yahoo!

I don't want to change the simple, naive quality but then again, this is my last chance to get rid of something overtly bad, embarrassing or hokey. The song never really made much sense to me. Does it? If not, it is OK cause the song itself is a lot of fun and works. Buit stilll... lyrically... ???

I've been recording the tunes and it is sounding good. This is turning into something very fun. Really. I have a bit of internet performance art planned for this whole project I'll share eventually. But for now... without changing the whole damn thing, what's sticking out as in need of a fix lyrically? (I'm aware the cadence of the 1st and 2nd verses are different, it works in musical context very well though). So... help. BTW, this song clocks in at 2:30!!! God bless those skinny ties.

The Kiss of Death

V1

You... never were the kind of girl to look me in the eye

You... tried to scratch them out, I wasn't that surprised

You took a swing, I ducked, you missed

You called me dumb, you're gettin' good at this

And now you try to make up with a kiss?

C

It's the kiss of death don't you know... what you're doin'

This could be your last breath before, it's all ruined

V2

Everyone needs someone, we have to let off steam

So when you try to be my friend, you're damaging the dream

I learned to count on you, at least a round a day

But it's no use getting angry when you look the other way

C

It's the kiss of death don't you know... what you're doin'

This could be your last breath before, it's all ruined

Bridge

To explode in anger... and have you lash right back

Was the finest friction, the sweetest fade to black

C out

It's the kiss of death don't you know... what you're doin'

This could be your last breath before, it's all ruined

It's the kiss of death don't you know

It's the kiss of death don't you know

It's the kiss of death don't you know... what you're doin'

OK......

I think this is a good example of how the same lyrics as written on a page and as performed can be worlds apart.

When I read them I was thinking.....ok, not bad, probably something there. But when I listened ....here at 5:30 AM on crappy computer speakers..... that hot chorus, backed by those perfectly jangly pop guitars and that cracking snare absolutely jumped into my head.

This is a good listen for those of us who tend to write a lot of words and then struggle to fit them in musically.

It's a good listen, period. It hits hard and leaves you reaching for the replay button.

I was always the kid with the big fat paisley tie.

Sounds good. The only criticism I would have after one listen is that the chorus seems a bit anti-climatic. It's sung pretty much with the same intensity as that of the verses. Which is ok with some genres, but with a pop rock song it needs more. It just feels like it's building to the chorus and I'm waiting for this huge explosion of feeling and emotion and then it never happens. Maybe rework the melody so that the singer can really belt it out. I don't know. Perhaps I'm being too picky.

Not picky at all...

The guitarist hasn't put down any of his vocals. There's a whole other part going on that chorus. But your point "chorus seems a bit anti-climatic" is a good one. If you look at the drum part, it drops back into a floor tom sort of hook thing that's cool, but leave the chorus dropping in intensity. Good call.

Of course the guitarist's vocals wil help lift it but now you've got me thinking counter melody... hmmm. Thanks.

You too, Leonard.

The more ideas the better as far as I'm concerned. Bring them on if you've got them. I sang the lead vocal into an RE20 into an API. Flat, no compression. I can pretty safely punch in a line and perhaps get away with it, and certainly sections are a piece of cake. So this is still in fact a work in progress as far as I'm concerned.

I like it as is (I was the kid wearing the skinny tie with piano keys on it - if I recall correctly the entire outfit consisted of penny loafers, pegged black jeans and a white cotton blazer with the sleeves pushed up, all topped off with some kind of fedora).

Yeah, a backing vocal part with a counter melody would juice up the chorus a bit.

the doin'/ruined rhyme? that's tight. seriously love it.