The embarrassing one

I'm going to post another one. Although these songs do stand up well in conjunction with the music, I feel better putting out the lyrics as a safety net. Sorry for this, but if you're inclined and want to point out any inconsistencies you might see. Any thing that makes you wretch, etc., as I mentioned, go for it.

Music a cross between Drums and Wires era XTC and Costello.

This one is the "not fun" one of the poppy new wave band's set. It's a 19 year old's musing on guilt. The guilt of getting laid through privilege. I went to 9 years of catholic school then found myself onstage and... well... like I said, it's the embarrassing one. Overly serious. But I did mean it at the time. An attempt at catholic guilt filtered through a Costello cynicism. Snicker away:

The Blinds

In a dark lonely room the band plays while she looks around

She lights up, she drinks up, she stands up and orders another round

Wonderin

Not fond of some of the rhymes: "eyes/lies" is a pet peeve of mine, and "sleep/keep" is not far behind. Thematically it's a little ..... dated. I'm impressed that a grown man can sing this with a straight face - I won't deny affecting (and really believing) a world-weary pose at 19, but these days I have very little patience with world-weary 19 year olds.

Yeah... those rhymes. I'll see if I can clean that up. The real issue is the "world-weary pose".

"I'm impressed that a grown man can sing this with a straight face"

Now that point of yours ^^^^ had me laugh out loud at my desk. Yep. You got that right. I just got a look into my office of "What's up with you?!?!?" It is a hoot, isn't it? I think it's even more impressive that I would have the audacity (poor taste even?) to post this on a songwriting forum. It's embarrassing. But I said that up front!

But it's like a school project, sort of.

It is a hoot, isn't it? I think it's even more impressive that I would have the audacity (poor taste even?) to post this on a songwriting forum. It's embarrassing. But I said that up front!

Not meant to be insulting. If an anonymous kid posted that here I wouldn't call him out for being 19 - it's a nicely constructed piece that accurately reflects his current worldview.

I just happen to know that you're not 19.....

Not meant to be insulting. If an anonymous kid posted that here I wouldn't call him out for being 19 - it's a nicely constructed piece that accurately reflects his current worldview. I just happen to know that you're not 19.....

The picture gave me away?

I'll tell ya, I want to do a Milli Vanilli. A fake band. There's a kid of 17 or so that walks around my neighborhood. He wears leather pants and a top hat and has long straight hair and is the coolest looking kid. An asshole I'm sure. But as a band leader? As the lead singer of Fluke? Fake pic, fake bios, fake names maybe? Fake. Except the music will be ours form that age. Re-recorded as illustrated in the Kiss of Death thread. That was a basic.

I'm planning a bit of illusionist fun. Website, local press. The singer supposed to be 19 or 17...

Like a school project. Except deceitful. Yeah, like a school project. So... that's why I'm recording these again. To live vicariously through that kid in the top hat. Evil good fun I think.

I think the words are quite good, no critique. I would like to hear the song :-) And I can relate, cause I was raised Cathardic.

I am surprised yet encouraged by the positive responses. I'm taking that and using the push to de-angstify the thing. Thanks...

Better or worse?

Don

Oh yeah....like that a lot.

The call and response approach is cool. And lying around in bed with the blinds closed definitely introduces a more 'adult' concept.

Still a little concerned with 'insane', but a lot will depend on how you sing it.....you know, what emotional inflections you give us. The word itself is so....heavy.......

I'll post a rough tonight so you can hear it. I think you might like the way the whole "just as insane as me" thing works in the context of the attitude and music. We'll see, but as always, your honesty is encouraged. I guess I'm trying to show what an asshole the protagonist is. Or thinks he is. "If you're stupid enough to believe me, you deserve to be used. And aren't I pathetic as well?" That truly was my twisted experience with performing and its "benefits" back then. And for a long time after.

Thanks for the input thus far. It's hugely appreciated.

Also a good point. The rhyme scheme does work however. It has to be heard I suppose. Thanks for the response.

It is a backstory like this that can lend itself to a very specific vocal delivery. That is what can transform mere lyrics into a fully fledged song.

I have a feeling that principle will be illustrated quite succinctly with this tune.

Looking forward to hearing it.