New Song...clashing sections...does it work?

Hey, been working on something for a few days....been trying to do something different from the other songs I've done lately.....trying to blend two different sections together, and lyrically the styles are very different from verse to chorus....and I appreciate at first it sounds quite disjointed (and maybe I've answered my own question there)

But...what are your thoughts? Does it work, or does it sound like a horror show? I'm too close to it, I'm fearful it sounds a bit amateur.

I've put it here on Soundcloud: http://soundcloud.com/the-mouth-of-ghosts/the-end

Let me know what you think, would be much appreciated.

It's a pretty cool song. I wasn't paying attention to the lyrics so I can't comment on that but, musically, everything sounded fine to me and I didn't think anything sounded out of place.

As an aside, the singer reminds me alot of the singer from Salad.

interesting song, it doesn't sound "amateur", but does sound "indie" (whatever that means )

Sounds somewhat "disjointed" like you said. probably because of the empty break in between the verse and chorus. but nevertheless, it gives off a certain effect, if that's what your intention is.

I made some changes which I'm now much happier with .... new version at http://soundcloud.com/the-mouth-of-ghosts/the-end

thanks for your comments, it feels much less disjointed to me after a couple of sets of different ears!

Oh yeah, I like this chick. That tremolo is just slightly annoying (to me). The song "in general" is not as good as your last (again to me) JMO. It's not bad? Just a little different, and the "differentness" is distracting from her mad skills.

i think the transitions are more natural sounding now.

but i can only vaguely remember the old version. lol

I LOVE the A Part and HATE the B part.

The Jangly Transition Mars what is otherwise a spectacular song. I don't know if is the production or the melody or shouty-type singing that kills all the charm and beauty in the singer's considerable voice... it just didn't work.

Also, maybe my ears are just trained from listening to Morcheeba, Earlimart, Zero 7 and other types of artist's in this vein that tend maintain a consistently smooth and trippy groove throughout an entire work...So I could have been reacting to that when it became all jangled...

Still, the B section sounded a amateurish to me while the first part sounded accomplished and professional....

Maybe the shouty part would work with a better, smoother melody - something soaring but still catchy that contrasts that thumpy beat and plays to the strengths of the singer, who really is quite amazing.

Look at those great alternative bands that mastered the Loud/Shout Dynamic - like the Pixies and Nirvana. Their songs worked because those screamy bits in songs from "Tame" to "Territorial Pissings" buncha others - had really beautiful and simple melodies that were simply delivered with more intensity.

I also love A and hate B. That said, I can't say it doesn't work, I just don't like the style of B. I think it would work for someone who digs that B style.

Well... I really like it. But I think you could do something very cool to make it more interesting and less obvious in its diverse sections. For starters, why not play that distorted guitar in the 2nd down part.

Meaning, I think you need to incorporate elements from each section into the other. Other wise it's (not the song but the technique) a bit of a one trick pony.

Meld the 2 sections. Not so much that you lose what I think is a very cool trick you've pulled, but enough so it can be considered a single piece of music. I thinking of bands like Yes, or Camel, or Mingus, or Beethoven. You'd have distinct movements, but you'd also have clever use of re-using motifs in unexpected ways and unexpected places.

I like this.

I'm Kinda new at this but here goes: I like it. A is better to me than B. I agree that it sounds indie, definately not amature. There were a few moments I felt some backup singers might be helpfull. All in all, I would probably listen again and still like it.

Good job,

jodyW

Thanks for the replies....well, kinda expecting that reaction to be honest...i know the 2 parts are very different, but really wanted to move away from the chilled out thing the whole way through (as my other songs have been) and try something new....in many ways the polarization of opinion is somewhat comforting! (And in any event, the 'louder' part is not exactly metal now, is it? )