quitting a band

[BigBird]

Although I think I have already made my decision I was looking for some advice and input.

 

Currently I play in two bands: band #1 and band #2. I am extremely excited about band #1 which formed about a month ago. The problem I am having is of course with band #2 which I have been playing with for about 8 months.

 

Band #2 has serious problems. First of all the age bracket for the band is between 21 and about 35. This means we have influences from modern day indie rock to 80's hair metal to greatful dead... A constant clash of styles which we try to incorporate into one sound but in my opinion just doesn;t work.

SEcond, while there is some motivationin the band, I have really only been able to convince the drummer to practice on his own. In other words No one brings in anything new to our practices and no one is attempting to improve their sound (something which I work really hard at). This has really been a huge bummer for me. I am the type that is never satisfied and feel I have to work harder and harder, and the rest of the band thinks that everything already sounds great.

The third thing is the level of talent. When I joined th band I felt that I was at about the same level possibly somewhat lower level and so this was a great opportunity. Now, however, I notice that the singer sings off key pretty often, one of the guitarist sounds constantly like he is out of tune. He never comes up with anything new. Basically I think he's been playing the same damn thing for the past 10 years!!! never trying to improve or come up with new things.

 

ANyways, I feel like it is time for me to leave this band, but we constantly have discussions about ways to improve things. Isnce they're good guys I feel bad about leaving. However, things just don't seem like they can get better. We're all fairly easy going so there are no arguments between members, but in my opinion there's just no chemistry. I don't think there ever will be.

 

Any suggestions, comments?

 

Thanks,

-Bird

[HortonHEAT]

Quitting is a tough call. but it sounds like you have already made up your mind. the only negative thing I can gather from reading your post is that you really just don't want to tell them. it's always a better situation to find people that excite you when you play as a group. sometimes slow and steady wins the race, but most times you come in last. sounds like a clear winner in the newer band. if the old players are not bringing anything new in perhaps they feel the same way and just don;t have the stones to make the leap. good luck!

[Outkaster]

This is always a tough call and if "Blustrat" is out there he will offer good advice. Quitting a band can be hard and it rips peoples emotions down. It's hard because you are in fact ending friendships. People say "it's just business" but frinedships are forged in bands and when people quit or leave that can cause resentment Even though you never intend that to happen it's the way people are. It's hard to not immerse yourself with people when you are playing. Otherwise just play in wedding bands. The thing is to do what's best for you and I know that's hard. I was coming to this forum to get advice because I was in a band that broke up after 51/2 years.! That is a long time. Things businesswise were not handled well so it caused some harsh feelings.

 

Chances are if you cannot get a long musically it will come up later on. I played in a band with a drummer, nice guy but could not keep time and I eventually quit because it was not fun playing with him. It got so frustrating after a while and I was younger and did not have the heart to tell him. Now I will not play with musicians I have to string a long and hope that "things will change or get better" because I have learned it usually does'nt.

[Crimson Warlock]

I totally back up Outkaster. My last band ended badly. I'll share the blame in how things deteriorated, but the way things were handled after the fact was also a lot on "their" end.

 

Although we started with the idea that we'd have equal say and that everything would be handled professionally and in the business-like manner, it all eventually fell apart. The singer and the guitar player eventually became the primary decision makers, and the singer was focused more on the accounting.

 

I, of course, grew bitter because I felt that my voice no longer carried any weight in the band. I made a promise to myself in the spring of 2001 that, if by the end of the year, the band had not made any significant progress, I was leaving.

 

I left.

 

My decision to leave was made somewhat easier because the other guys had gotten lazy. They were both stoned most of the time, and the guitar player who was once a speedy and agile lead player now fat-fingered most of his notes. The singer wrote cheesy, '80s-metal lyrics that not even Iron Maiden or Judas Priest would even touch in 2001.

 

And, at parties, I would be introduced by them as "the bass player." Not "my friend," or "my buddy." I was merely "the bass player." This hurt, because I was friends with them long before I joined a band with them.

 

In January, I met with them to inform them that I was quitting the band because I was tired of wasting my time doing nothing at practices and not playing any shows. They seemed to handle it in a professional manner, and the singer -- with whom I'd been friends with for 12 years -- assured me that even if we were to no longer be bandmates or business partners, he would still be my friend.

 

That was the last I heard from him.

 

I left messages a few times asking who would take over paying the monthly fee for the band Web site (which I was paying for out of my pocket at the time). A month passed and I heard nothing, so I assumed that the band was finished. I took down the Web site, sent a "thank you" press release to our mailing list and said good-bye.

 

Turns out that they didn't want me to do that, that they felt I overstepped my boundaries, etc., etc. They spread the word behind my back that I handled my departure unprofessionally and renegged on agreements. They even went so far as to implicate my fiancée as saying that even she thought I handled my departure poorly.

 

My fiancée, who has supported the entire band's efforts since its inception. My fiancée, who would back up the guy she's going to marry after 7 years of dating, before two guys she's known casually for 4 years. I don't know what the hell they were thinking, if they were going to try to pit her against me....but, I digress.

 

The worst part about all of that was that I heard it all second-hand. They never bothered to actually respond to my messages, e-mail me back, call me back on the phone.....

 

All that part about "remaining friends" ended up being nothing. Another band bit the dust, and the wreckage of more friendships floating in its wake.

 

There really is no 100% amicable way to leave a band, I think. Somehow, somewhere, there will be some twinges of bad feelings. They may last two minutes or they may turn into 20-year grudges.

 

In the end, you have to do what's right for you.

[BlueStrat]

I was in your situation once. In 1992, I had my own band, but since I was fairly new to the area, I had a hard time getting really good players, and I was frustrated. Late that year I got a call from the leader of a 7 piece established R&B horn band asking if I'd take his place since he no longer had time. I jumped on it, under the condition that I got to be the music director and select all the tunes, since I was to be lead vocalist as well. After a couple of months, I began to see why the leader bailed. Two of the oldest founding members of the band were one trick ponies; they played the same stale stuff night after night, never rehearsed personally, never listened to the stuff we were playing. One didn't even own a home stereo and confessed to listening to talk radio all day. Doubly frustrating was seeing the potential of the band go to waste. So I had some songs I had written, and I decided it was time to make a CD, thinking it would provide the needed spark to motivate these guys. We went to a good studio, hired an engineer who had done some high profile work (recorded and mixed live for Stanley Clarke, recorded Alan Holdworth, recorded and mixed the soundtrack for "Boyz n' the 'Hood", among others). I shelled 4 K out of my pocket and 2.5 K out of the band fund and put out a very nice CD. I got us booked into festivals, got us favorably reviewed by 2 national magazines, we got nominated for and won several awards from the regional blues society, we sold 1000 CDs in 7 months...and rather than being excited, these guys started dragging their feet more. They complained to each other that I was a megalomaniac, that I was ruining their band, that I didn't care about them as friends, etc etc and did all they could to undermine my efforts. All this after several band meetings where we all agreed we wanted to take a stab at the regional market. The thing is, for them, the band was the object, having a decent band to go out and play on the weekends, drink a few beers, and be held in high regard by the hometown crowd was all they wanted. By putting them in a situation where they had to risk rejection being compared to better ,"next-level" bands by a new crowd made them uncomfortable. For me (and my drummer) the band was a means to an end, a way to get my songs performed. The music is the goal, not the band. So, inevitably, I had to move on and hire my own players who are all on the same page. Bottom line: I moved forward, taking the drummer and bass player. Those other two guys I left behind are bitter, hate my guts, and will tell anyone who will listen that I ruined their band. Of course, I don't see them putting it back together, and likely never will, because they aren't motivated, and will be content to let someone else do all the work so they can later criticise it and resist it. Do I regret losing their friendship? A little bit. Do I regret leaving them behind? Not for a second. Life is too short and music too precious a commodity to put up with aany more crap than is necessary. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's a ruthless business. Ultimately, band or no band, all you have to market is yourself. You need to make sure you put yourself in the best situation you can. You know what to do. Good luck.

[BigBird]

Thanks for all the cmomments and advice. I know what I have to do. I think if I don't quit or things don;t get better. I'm going to end up really hating these guys since I'll blame them for slowing things down. I don't think that I would be right to think that, but i know myself well enough to know that would happen.

Anyways,

 

If anyone cares to know, since my band is very open to dicussion I'm going to give them three months, a clear goal in mind, and if its not acheived or they do not want to work with me on this, I'm quitting. Of course I will be as nice as possible and help them out while they find a replacement.

 

-Bird

[BigBird]

Originally posted by JMS Funny how your description perfectly fits me and my band. The only difference is that I would be the 35 years old guitar player and you would be the other guitarist ... I seems like your choice is kind of obvious. I was just thinking about how you would react if there was no band#1 ...

 

JMS,

I never replied to you, so here it is.

 

I was actually planning on leaving the city I live in since I was having a hard time finding a good band that I fit in with. Finally I found band #1, but I now no longer have the excuse that I'm moving. But even if I wasn't going to move, I sooner or later would have found a band #1 which would have been at least a more promising situation.

 

If you are the 35 year old in this situation all I can say, is don't let the fact that you are 35 slow you down. That's my main issue. The "older" guys I'm playing with are too stuck with their bad/lazy habits. The fact that they're 35 isn;t really an issue. Its that they act like they're worn out and have no new creative energy. So what if you won't really master any new techniques or styles for another 5-10 years. Its worth the effort practice, and in my opinion that's what good musicians do. They constantly try to get better (whatever that means).

 

-Bird