Members Chordptrn Posted August 26, 2009 Members Share Posted August 26, 2009 She likes to sing and enjoys doing it... She is always crticizing her own voice. Does so whenever she hears herself on tape. She's not a bad singer but can use some work. To add to the problem, she smokes a lot even on days she sings at gigs. Rarely practices or warms up. Won't give up but won't work at it... What do you say to someone when they're so self - negative but not putting 100% into it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grace_slick Posted August 26, 2009 Members Share Posted August 26, 2009 Can I ask something? Why is your friend singing at gigs if she doesn’t like her voice? She sounds a bit like me actually, but further along in the process. Like, I do no gigs. If I did gigs, I may well be like her – complaining still about my voice but not really prepared to do much to improve it. I don’t smoke anymore at least though, but if I DID still smoke, you can bet I’d smoke even MORE at the time of a gig, due to nerves. I guess you could say to your friend, when she complains, that why is she complaining? You aren’t the one who can change how she feels about her voice, only she can by working at it in whatever way she can. If she really wants to, it’s all there (lessons are available, coaching, Youtube videos, etc). If she doesn’t want to, tell her your ears are closed with regard to her complaints. Lol. Hard love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jersey Jack Posted August 26, 2009 Members Share Posted August 26, 2009 I agree, tough love is the way to go. Normally I have tons of sympathy for singers who are still in the cringe phase--I know it's tough to get past this. I also know how hard it is to quit smoking, so I wouldn't throw that into the mix. But complaining about one's voice and then not working to make it better? No, that's wrong. Maybe she's fishing for compliments? Way back in high school I knew a girl--by far the prettiest/hottest in the school. Yet she would constantly tell people how unattractive she felt herself to be. At which point a swarm of boys would reply in chorus, insisting on her beauty. Perhaps I'm too harsh? I'd suggest that you ask her to name specifically what's wrong with her voice, and then refer specifically to a practice or an exercize that would address the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WinosaurJR Posted August 26, 2009 Members Share Posted August 26, 2009 Way back in high school I knew a girl--by far the prettiest/hottest in the school. Yet she would constantly tell people how unattractive she felt herself to be. At which point a swarm of boys would reply in chorus, insisting on her beauty. Kinda like the kids in my last year of school who'd say they didn't understand the work when I actually needed help and couldn't get it. Then when the tests came they'd be getting 90s and I'd be totally screwed in the corner. Or kids saying that their lives are so horrible, yet they're bitching about little things that I personally couldn't fathom worrying about, like having their phone taken away for smoking pot or something childish like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dthraco Posted August 26, 2009 Members Share Posted August 26, 2009 Agree on the tough love thing. Compare what she is doing to something else. For example... Next time she complains that she doesn't like her voice...tell her "Why would you?" "Do you ever practice or work on making it better?" Then tell her "It sounds good, but you could be really good if you just put some effort into it." Then tell her to buy you a beverage of choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WinosaurJR Posted August 26, 2009 Members Share Posted August 26, 2009 She's looking for attention, I'd say. As D is saying, just tell her straight out that she should either put in effort, give up, or stop complaining all the time. I mean, be nice about it, but, if she doesn't WANT to help herself, why is she complaining? No one else can help her but herself. I didn't mean to make a post that had nothing to do with the topic, sorry, guys. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JohnBenussi Posted August 26, 2009 Members Share Posted August 26, 2009 She likes to sing and enjoys doing it... She is always crticizing her own voice. Does so whenever she hears herself on tape. She's not a bad singer but can use some work. To add to the problem, she smokes a lot even on days she sings at gigs. Rarely practices or warms up. Won't give up but won't work at it... What do you say to someone when they're so self - negative but not putting 100% into it... Personally, I don't think you are in any position to just willfully tell her anything on the subject matter- don't take what I said the wrong way, as I mean no harm...I have been in this exact situation, and depending on how you go about telling her your personal opinions on her singing technique/ability you may lose this person as a confidant... She is an individual, and she is entitled to:-not put forth a big effort-criticize her voice whenever she hears it (what singer doesn't do this?)-not practice/warm up and anything else she wishes to do...make sense? If you care about her the best thing to do/course of action to take is to *ask* her for permission to speak freely about her voice. This way, you politely asked, and shouldn't feel embarrassed about asking her, as she shouldn't get offended by you asking (should she agree, of course:thu:) This is the opportune moment where you talk to her about it.Perhaps you think she has more potential than her habits allow... Subtlety will work wonders. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WinosaurJR Posted August 27, 2009 Members Share Posted August 27, 2009 Well, once again, Johnny put it in a better way than I could. Why do I even bother? :'( lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JohnBenussi Posted August 27, 2009 Members Share Posted August 27, 2009 Well, once again, Johnny put it in a better way than I could. Why do I even bother? :'( lol It's all good bro;) I've been through this many times, and each time thinking I *knew* what was best for that person, I ended up pushing those people away... I was concerned with their habits but in the end their perception of themselves is the real answer to the OP's question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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