Band A-hole

[kcf]

I tried to friendly and supportive to a band I saw tonight, and I think I got a pile of {censored} in my face instead. Here's what happened:

 

I went to a bar to watch a band (which started playing 30 minutes past the 9pm start time). I watched and appreciated the whole first set. I went to take a leak, and coming back to my seat I saw the guitarist standing near my seat. I told him that I really liked his chops and he said "thanks". I then asked, " How long you been playing?" Answer: "Oh, since I was born." I felt a little embarrassed that maybe I had said something incredibly stupid, but I ventured forth with another gambit: "I see you play a Paul Reed Smith...how long you been using it?" Answer: "Oh, about 12 years." Response: "OK, good job..good luck." I seriously don't believe that PRS was 12 years old. It was so flawless I doubt it was 4 years old. I think I got pissed on.

[Scheming Demon]

If he ignored you I would say you were pissed on. However the guy did respond. Many musicians are very shy people off the stage and they don't know how to deal with genuine compliments or just a plain conversation with a stranger.

 

I think many musicians would respond with similar type comments just because they want to maintain being cool and not embarrass themselves by saying something stupid.

 

As long as he wasn't outright rude you can probably eventually get even a shy musician to open up a little. Musicians have a lot on their minds at gigs and sometimes depending on the persons personality, it may just not be the best time to engage them in an in-depth conversation.

 

Don't take what this guy did personally. It sounds harmless to me.

[one4rich]

 

Originally posted by Scheming Demon If he ignored you I would say you were pissed on. However the guy did respond. Many musicians are very shy people off the stage and they don't know how to deal with genuine compliments or just a plain conversation with a stranger. I think many musicians would respond with similar type comments just because they want to maintain being cool and not embarrass themselves by saying something stupid. As long as he wasn't outright rude you can probably eventually get even a shy musician to open up a little. Musicians have a lot on their minds at gigs and sometimes depending on the persons personality, it may just not be the best time to engage them in an in-depth conversation. Don't take what this guy did personally. It sounds harmless to me.

 

 

Yeap...it's also possible that he mis-heard the questions. Sometimes in a bar it's hard to pick up exactly what's said.

 

Another possibility is that he's nervous, and just blurted something out. I know this chick drummer, and once she was asked by a studio drummer what kind of kit she had back home. She said "purple". LOL

[Body Bomb]

 

Originally posted by Scheming Demon If he ignored you I would say you were pissed on. However the guy did respond. Many musicians are very shy people off the stage and they don't know how to deal with genuine compliments or just a plain conversation with a stranger.

 

 

+1.

 

I often don't know how to respond to compliments or general comments when people are talking to me at shows, and can usually only manage an "Oh, thanks." or "Glad you liked it."

 

Musicians are often socially maladjusted.

[e-b-e]

You'd know better as you were there how the guitarists attitude and body language was .... alot of times you can tell more by how people say things than what they actually say. From what you've wrote it didn't seem like the guy was rude.

 

+1 on some people not knowing how to handle compliments. I happen to be one who often finds myself in that position. I don't feel I do anything that really stands out, so when someone tells me that I "freaking rocked" or something-- I sometimes don't know how to respond. I'm more able to handle compliments that go along the lines of "nice solid drumming" or "good meter" or something of that sort, as I can understand someone telling me that. I'm trying to get better at it, just smiling and saying "Thanks" or "Glad ya enjoyed it" etc.

 

Maybe the guy didn't use his guitar alot over 12 years and takes good care of it. My kit is from 1989 and still looks quite nice, quite a few people have been surprised of its age when they find out how old it is. Reason being I try to take good care of it and I've only been gigging with it for about 2 years.

[Monster Joe]

I find it very hard to deal with people complimenting me after a gig.

What can you say when someone says "Great gig" and you think it could have been a lot better, because you messed up, or the band messed up?

Even if it was a good gig, what do you answer?

I always just say "Thanks man, we do our best" and try to leave it at that. It's not arrogance, it's shyness I think.

[Perpetual Skies]

Either A. He was just unsure of what to say or what was said or B. he didnt only piss on you, he took a large dump in your shoe.

 

I hate stuck up musicians.

 

[kcf]

OK...I guess I misjudged the situation. I guess I need a thicker skin.

 

Thanks guys

 

Var

[Tedster]

I've been in the same situation where I get pissed on by band people, and therefore pass this along to any band people who might be tempted to react in kind...(not necessarily anyone here)

 

To all musicians who are tempted to respond to audience members sarcastically...

 

I know it can be annoying to get drunks up there with the (spit, slobber, alcohol breath) YOU {censored}IN' ROCK. NO REALLY, YOU GUYS {censored}IN' ROOOCCCCCK. (cutting you off from your current conversation with some hot redhead, and grabbing you and spitting beer in your face) YOU GUYSH {censored}ING ROCCCCKKKK....

 

The temptation to be sarcastic and short with people like this is sometimes overwhelming...

 

But...

 

Not everyone who approaches a band is like this. Some of the people who come up to the band to pay a compliment are actually musicians. Some of those musicians might (despite the fact you've never heard them) might even blow your scrawny ass out of the water. Heck, in most cases probably not, but it might even be someone famous or semi-famous that happens to be in the club that night.

 

So, always give the benefit of the doubt. It might be some kid who's learning to play that idolizes you and what you're doing. Or it might be someone who's been there that can kick your ass musically and is trying to be nice.

 

Always a good idea to be nice back, first. :D

[Jimi Ray Halen]

Sounds like he blew you off a bit but I've heard and seen much worse.

A lot of musicians disappear between sets and totally avoid talking to anybody except their bandmates.

But if you're going to stay in the crowd you have to develop social skills and talk to people. You are representing the band.

It is hard when you just totally screwed up a song or two and someone tells you how good you are. It's difficult to accept compliments when you are mentally beating yourself up.

 

But I look at it like this - you never know who you are talking to.

 

So I try to be positive with everyone who approaches me. It's not always easy but it's amazing how just the simple act of smiling at people and just listening to what they have to say will make them think you have the best social skills.

 

People talk - especially musicians - and now you'll probably tell people how this guy was kind of a dick to you if his band comes up in a conversation. Not exactly the reputation that anybody really wants. And all he had to do was treat you with a little respect. How difficult would it have been for him to say "I've been playing since I was 10 and my PRS is a '92"? Not very.

[jake not]

I've found in my 30 years of playing guitar ...sounds arrogantly impressive huh? just wait....the very thing that makes SOME musicians good is the very thing that draws them into playing and practicing for hours, the lack of people skills. I've kinda envied that sometimes because I've always been one of those ADD types. I think that's why improvisation was invented.

 

Playing professionally 12 years ago it bothered me quite a bit at first but it got to be quite entertaining after a while. It kind of thickened my skin too. I saw this great band one night and at a break went to compliment them and they asked me to sit and talk, but the drummer just sat there silent...a total dick. The other guys just kept rolling their eyes. He was very good but very "green". Long story short......I stole their guitarist! Of course he was willing but I decided that I would ask him right there, rather than be professional and wait. I just said "You should come and play with my band, call this number", looked at the drummer and walked away.

 

Tacky yes, but remember, I'm ADD....too impatient

[rim]

From just what you wrote, I wouldn't think it was rude right off the bat. Of course, how it's said would be a better indication of the intent.

 

I suppose I don't have a problem taking compliments even if I didn't play too well. I know the non-musicians wouldn't notice if I miss a note or two (or even a chord or two) so to me, they're just saying that they're having a good time, which is a good thing.

 

I always try to be polite but sometimes I have to cut the conversation short and hopefully I don't come off as an a-hole. I've gotten in situations earlier on where I'd be talking to one guy during the whole break. My feeling is, I need to talk to more of the audience and get more people's inputs and show more people I appreciate them coming out. Also, sometimes I want to talk to a girl. Unfortunately, it's been mostly guys who come up to me after a set.

 

As with anything public, public relations is important to being successful.

[kcf]

Here's a more reasonable version:

 

A: "Hey, I like your chops!"

B: "Thanks!"

A: "How long you been playin' ? "

B: "A long time -- ever since I can remember..."

A: "Wow...cool...nice PRS....how long you been playin' 'er?"

B: Yeah, she's sweet...had 'er about 12 years..."

A: ...moan...

B: Hey dude, gotta talk to some other peeps...see ya later!

A: OK! Later!

 

Total time: about 12 seconds....would it really kill anyone

to be civil?

[one4rich]

Originally posted by jake not I've found in my 30 years of playing guitar ...sounds arrogantly impressive huh? just wait....the very thing that makes SOME musicians good is the very thing that draws them into playing and practicing for hours, the lack of people skills. I've kinda envied that sometimes because I've always been one of those ADD types. I think that's why improvisation was invented. Playing professionally 12 years ago it bothered me quite a bit at first but it got to be quite entertaining after a while. It kind of thickened my skin too. I saw this great band one night and at a break went to compliment them and they asked me to sit and talk, but the drummer just sat there silent...a total dick. The other guys just kept rolling their eyes. He was very good but very "green". Long story short......I stole their guitarist! Of course he was willing but I decided that I would ask him right there, rather than be professional and wait. I just said "You should come and play with my band, call this number", looked at the drummer and walked away. Tacky yes, but remember, I'm ADD....too impatient

 

Regarding one of the quotes in your sig...I believe Nigel actually says "I want large bread", not round bread. Remember when he didn't like having to fold the ham into quarters to fit on the bread?

[squealie]

 

Originally posted by Varopt Here's a more reasonable version: A: "Hey, I like your chops!" B: "Thanks!" A: "How long you been playin' ? " B: "A long time -- ever since I can remember..." A: "Wow...cool...nice PRS....how long you been playin' 'er?" B: Yeah, she's sweet...had 'er about 12 years..." A: ...moan... B: Hey dude, gotta talk to some other peeps...see ya later! A: OK! Later! Total time: about 12 seconds....would it really kill anyone to be civil?

 

 

I get a lot of folks who come up and want to talk playing, and gear when we're on break. 9 times out of 10, I really just want to find a beer, a smoke, and act a fool for the 20 minutes before I have to go do it again. My body language gives this away pretty quick. This does not make me an asshole.

 

There's a bunch of stuff that DOES make me an asshole, but that's not one of them.

 

I always try to say, 'thank you, I'm glad you're having a good time' blah blah.....

 

And I remember what it was like to be on the other side.... I remember wanting to chat with the band guys, and ask them about their equipment, and whatnot.....

 

My advice is that if you want to talk any substance to someone who is performing.... get on their mailing list, or web site forum and chat there. At the gig, just say 'hi, nice gig' and move on...

[bonscottvocals]

I've got quite a few guitars that are older than some of the people on this board that look almost new. My Gibson V2 (2002), 79 Les Paul, and my Kramer bass all look really new, but they were my gigging axes in the 80's during the hair band craze. I was all about wiping them down between sets and polishing theme constantly with just the right rag, so they hardly aged. That said, my buddy had one POS (that's short for piece of {censored}) guitar that he beat the living crap out of that sounded just as good. Go figure. Unless you saw the serial number to the axe and ran it, I wouldn't make a quick judgement of its age. I know if I had the PRS I wanted, it would have a body guard whenever I left the stage.

 

You know, Brian Setzer does that. He is meticulous about the care for his Gretch's, but if you're going to keep those 1950's and 60's models looking show perfect, you've got to be careful.

[crisis]

 

Originally posted by Varopt OK...I guess I misjudged the situation. I guess I need a thicker skin. Thanks guys Var

 

 

He may have been trying to be funny/clever and not been very good at it. I simply cannot accept praise, of any kind for any thing. It

[SpacedCowboy]

Originally posted by squealie I get a lot of folks who come up and want to talk playing, and gear when we're on break. 9 times out of 10, I really just want to find a beer, a smoke, and act a fool for the 20 minutes before I have to go do it again. My body language gives this away pretty quick. This does not make me an asshole. There's a bunch of stuff that DOES make me an asshole, but that's not one of them. I always try to say, 'thank you, I'm glad you're having a good time' blah blah..... And I remember what it was like to be on the other side.... I remember wanting to chat with the band guys, and ask them about their equipment, and whatnot..... My advice is that if you want to talk any substance to someone who is performing.... get on their mailing list, or web site forum and chat there. At the gig, just say 'hi, nice gig' and move on...

 

I agree with everything my bandmate said. I try to talk to people who come to see us as often as I can and probably still get accused of being a stuck-up {censored}e from people who expect a longer conversation from me.

 

During the time we're on break, logic would dictate that that's the time that I should be shutting my mouth, drinking water and preparing vocally for the next set, instead of {censored}ing up my voice further by trying to talk over the DJ while breathing in second hand cigarette smoke and talking about "uh, yeah, that song by Band X is pretty good, we don't play it, but we'll see" and then engaging in some useless, drawn-out conversation about how Band X is so kick-ass.

 

But I try to keep in mind that that person probably paid an outrageous cover charge and even more outrageous alcohol prices just to see our dumb-asses, so a minute of our time isn't asking much.

 

BOT: Var, I wasn't there, but it sounds to me like the guy wasn't trying to be a dick, but that his conversation and people skills need a little work. I know a lot of musicians like that...hell, I work with a few of 'em.

[GCDEF]

Doesn't sound like he was being an a-hole to me. Sometimes though, on break you need to discuss things with your band mates, make equipment adjustments, etc. and you don't really have time to be chatting people up. He may have just had other things to do so he was trying to politely discourage a long conversation.

 

Sometimes too, you'd rather be talking to some lady that's been dancing in front of you for the last set than talking to some guy about guitars. Who knows, but it doesn't sound like he was being rude.

[jake not]

 

Originally posted by one4rich Regarding one of the quotes in your sig...I believe Nigel actually says "I want large bread", not round bread. Remember when he didn't like having to fold the ham into quarters to fit on the bread?

 

 

 

LOL...Yeah I kinda condensed it from that whole thing he said. I did have more of that quote, and others, but shortened it from what I thought I remembered as " I want large round bread".

 

I suppose I should fix it.

[zookie]

I'm painfully self-aware while performing. Am I ready for the next change-up? Is my singer struggling to remember a lyric and, if so, should I play a lengthier vamp before the next verse? Am I still in tune? Have a smiled recently? Did I leave the iron on back home?

 

After an hour of that (average length of a set for us), I'm ready for a glass of water and will usually stand outside to decompress. During one of the breaks, I'll also circulate through the room and greet anyone who approaches me. I have to keep these exchanges short, in order to make sure I've made the full circle around the room.

 

Over the years I've trained myself to not tell everyone how bad I sound tonight, how the 4th song fell apart, how I'd be better if I didn't have a cold...If someone says "nice job", I respond with "Thanks", and that's that.

 

I'm also personally not a gear-minded person. I play guitar because I enjoy it. I don't keep up on technologies, have a PA system that meets my needs, a guitar that I picked out after playing every guitar in a music store. When I'm approached by a gear-minded person, I'm out of my league. I also know, as with any enthusiast, this conversation could drag on. Without intentionally being rude, I'll keep it short to hide my ignorance.

[PBBPaul]

I don't think the guy was being an asshole. That "since I was born" comment might be a little existential but the guy probably feels like music has always been a part of his life. Or maybe he's a born-again? Regarding the PRS - one of my PRS' is 16 years old and unless you look closely at the back and sides, it could pass for new.

[rangerkarlos]

Knowing my limitations, I'm naturally humbled by compliments. "Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it" and "You're way too kind" get me through the night.

 

I don't like talking shop with drunks, but will humor them for a minute or two, smiling, until I can extract myself gracefully.

 

I've found that the higher up the food chain, in general, the more gracious the artist. Blues fests are natural places to have contact with signed artists, and most of them have been great to my wife and I. Genuinely glad to chat- not have deep long discussions- but chat for a couple minutes.

[THX1138]

I don't think he was being an asshole either.

 

I'm by no means an international rockstar, but I do plenty of gigging. Like many have stated here already (including my own bandmates), I try not to be an ass to folks wanting a few moments of my time in between sets. Without the fans and friends who come out and support us, we're nothing, and I try to remember that.

 

However, here's the "other" side of that coin... The set just ended, and I haven't even put my bass down yet when there's three people waiting to talk to me. Two are friends who just want say a quick hello. The third is a drunk-to-the-point-of-blindness chic who wants to know if we do any Bob Seeger. I try to expalin that that really isn't our thing, but perhaps there's something else we could do for her instead? This leads to a 6 minute argument on the difference between her "Ya'll can't play it" and my "we choose not to play it". Finally I tell her we'll try to get it on next set, and walk off. On my way off stage, a local musician comes up to me telling me how his band will be launching a west coast tour soon and wants to bring us along as openers. I know this guy, and he's more full of {censored} than a septic tank. Still, in the interest of being pleasant, I continue the conversation til he finally gets distracted by a set of boobs. I then make my escape. I have a couple more friendly conversations on into the bathroom, even manage to discuss my string gauges with a lovely gent whilst I'm in mid-piss. On my way back to the stage I am chased down by a very energetic fella who showers me with praise as he has seen us before several times and wants to discuss just how much ass we kick. We talk (well... he talks) for several minutes and closes his commentary with a request for "Song X". I kindly explain that we just ended the last set with that song. He disagrees emphatically. We go back and forth for a few minutes and I finally tell him that we'll try to get it on next set. At this time, I go over to the soundman to find out how much time I have... one more song. So, I head back to the stage having not had two seconds to myself. I try to desperately to flag down a waitress as I tune my bass. Four songs into the next set my beer finally arrives.

 

Not tryin to be an ass, I'm just sayin.... Please try to forgive us if we come across cold. Unless you're being an obnoxious drunk, its not intentional.

[Burgess]

The last thing I want to do when I leave the bandstand is talk to some guy about guitars.

 

Now if you were a nice looking blonde with great tits, I'd talk astrophysics if that's what you were into...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...but of course, that was back in my single days. Now I'm old, fat and just trying to catch my breath between sets. Blondes with great tits aren't interested anymore except my wife and thank god her vision is failing!