Members Old Fart Rocker Posted July 23, 2012 Members Share Posted July 23, 2012 Our Dance/Party band is looking for a new female vocalist to replace one of ours who is leaving. After several attempt at conventional ads with little or no response, our bandleader/drummer post this gem: Well hello,It seems there is a lack of women that can sing here in the Bay Area or at least post here. Let me try it this way:Are you female? Do you want to be a female, do you sound like a female, are you a male that would wear a short skirt and heels with a high voice? Are you a passible transexual that can sing? AND let's not leave out karaoke singers that want to move up the food chain, or singers that belt it out in their cars. When you sing in the shower at home do the neighbors call the cops? Well I DON'T care!I posted an add here before (not like this one, it was very normal and proffesional) and got 1...yes...one response from a female vocalist. Don't get me wrong, we're a great band and get good gigs that pay actual money. We have a keyboard player with two hands AND all his fingers, yeah and the rest of us, drums, bass, guitar, a guy up front, a girl up front, we just need another girl. Why?...Because...that's why. You know the drill...two girls are better than one! I think I watched that movie in my hotel a week ago...anyway I digress.We do clubs, corporate gigs, weddings, even crap gigs that are tons of fun for very little money sometimes because we feel like it. Most of us have jobs so we don't need this money to eat. Other band members don't have jobs and they tend to be a little thinner than the rest of us. If they start to slip off at rehearsal we toss them a sandwich and they're good to go...then maybe make them a Martini or two and they're happy. You want to be happy don't you? Music will make you happy...that's why we do it..and so should you!Ok now don't get me wrong...if you show up with a big hump on your back or if my keyboard players doberman rips your arm off because there's some freakish sound coming out of your mouth...we're going to politely tell you that you're not exactly what we're looking for. But let's stay positive for a moment and assume you have most of your teeth, no overbearing lisp, and let's say...a car that runs pretty good. We're a fun group of people that won't show up on Meagan's Law website, I don't think any of us have any outstanding warrants...can't be sure about that one though. All kidding aside, if you think you can sing and have time to dedicate to being in a great dance band why not try? Rehearse once a week, gig two or three times a month, put a little giddy up in your step baby! We do everything from Aretha Franklin to Lady GaGa to Earth Wind and Fire, Rick James, Blondie, AC DC to Freakin Garth Brooks and whatever gets people out of their seat and on their feet. You can certainly slip into that groove? Yeah? Yeah!!! If you sing great that's cool, if you look good...even better. Here's the deal...if you can come pretty close, and you're not pitchy dog, we'll get you the rest of the way. There's some decent people here in this band that have done alot of hard work to get this far, you can just skip your way into this thing and be singing by next week on stage.I will expect to get flooded with...let's say...one or two responses. Probably one from somebody that won't show up, and another from a girl that demands we play "I Will Survive"...and she will be slapped on the ass on her way out the door...nevermind...I gues we could play that tune. This IS anonymous right?I have plenty for you to see and hear, website, recordings...blah, blah, blah once I figure out you don't have an axe in the back of your car or that you won't scare off people watching our band. Have a Happy Friday! The Drummer (of course right?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted July 23, 2012 Members Share Posted July 23, 2012 Excellent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members the_big_e Posted July 23, 2012 Members Share Posted July 23, 2012 Hey, what's wrong with "I Will Survive". I do that and I'm a guy (last time I looked anyway!). Funny ad though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members FitchFY Posted July 23, 2012 Members Share Posted July 23, 2012 Ha! Gotta love a band with a sense of humor... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Christhee68 Posted July 23, 2012 Members Share Posted July 23, 2012 Funny ad, but a little far-fetched. Do really expect people to believe that you have a drummer than can type? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jamieb Posted July 23, 2012 Members Share Posted July 23, 2012 Loved it! jamieb +++++ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GCDEF Posted July 23, 2012 Members Share Posted July 23, 2012 "Rehearse once a week, gig two or three times a month," That right there may be what's scaring people off. I think most serious musicians are going to want a much higher gig/rehearsal ratio. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nchangin Posted July 23, 2012 Members Share Posted July 23, 2012 I believe once a month is fine if you have any experience and work out parts before you get there, rather than get there and say duhhh Oh I have to go to geetair tabs .com I'm a stupid geetair player that uses tabs, well then uhhhh might as well not even show up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Old Fart Rocker Posted July 24, 2012 Author Members Share Posted July 24, 2012 "Rehearse once a week, gig two or three times a month,"That right there may be what's scaring people off. I think most serious musicians are going to want a much higher gig/rehearsal ratio. Yeah...I don't know where he came up with that. We haven't rehearsed in at least a month, maybe longer. I guess getting someone new up to speed will probably require some consistent rehearsals for a few weeks, but I wouldn't expect it to last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tim_7string Posted July 24, 2012 Members Share Posted July 24, 2012 ...and you're not pitchy dog... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members caeman Posted July 24, 2012 Members Share Posted July 24, 2012 *golf clap* Excellent ad! I laughed. I cried. It was better than Cats! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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