Taking a Songwriting Class

[Marshal]

OK. Here's a vid. (actually done with my phone)

 

 

 

It's a pretty clean shot at it.

 

So I'll keep "Mortal" But it gets sung more like "Mordal" Such are the vagaries of singing.

[Lee Knight]

Very nice Marshall! I really like the shape of the melody in those verses. Then the chorus takes on another shape that really compliments the verse. Nicely done. Solid melody work. One comment...

 

Or so, I guess

 

Without regret

 

 

These ^^^ two lines might benefit from a real departure to that melody shape you've established. Everything you're doing has a nice give and take, push and pull. Very nicely done. But when you get to the 8th line in each verse, it really begs, to me at least, to take a turn. Like an upward melody. Or no... maybe keep your shape but go higher. Or... so (D) I (E) guess (A). Instead of doubling downward on "I" go upward to the E and resolve on the A. Just an idea to toss around. For me now, those are power spots. It begs for a poingent tell. The right relief melody could do that. Or not.

 

Great work, man. I like it a lot.

[Delmont]

It's quality, not quantity!

 

You write about as many songs a year as Lucinda Williams does. And her process includes taking to bed with deep depression for a week, crying a lot, and coming up with a song after about a week, which apparently cheers her up.

 

It takes me from fifteen minutes to two hours to write a song and I've often written five or six in a day. Polishing them takes months or years,and learning them can take forever, but getting the song itself down is nothing.

 

But...are they any good? I've been at it for over forty years and sure don't have any hit singles to show for it.

 

Sounds like you're really onto something. Glad you found a class that works for you!

[Marshal]

Hhhhhmmm. I don't know if get what you'r saying, Lee. The "Regret" line parallels the "You can bet." And the "Or so I guess" line is a mirror of "Mortal kindness." Personally I like the long distance rhyme of the lines. (I was kinda proud of that one ). I suppose I could change the melody on the second line leading into the "Lost and Found" line. Make it rise instead of fall. I'll toy with that. Don't know if it'll change my mind. But I'll give it a shot.

 

Thanks Delmont. -The class is not so much a teaching exercise as it's an admonishment to get off your butt and try some things out with a goal in mind. Doesn't mean you can't work on them later and spiff them up more. But it brings the whole writing process to the front burner, instead of sitting on the back burner (on simmer) like it usually is. The cool thing is that is actually liberating instead of constraining.

 

Or so it's working out this time. I don't think I'll sign up again for a while. I've got a life to lead. ;) And admittedly some normally front burner items have slid back a notch in the interim. But it's been fun for sure and will affect my approach, no matter what I use as time frame.

 

I'm hot and heavy on this week's song too. I should be able to make a quickie vid of that more unfinished project tomorrow. It will be VERY incomplete. I'll start another thread.

[Lee Knight]

Hhhhhmmm. I don't know if get what you'r saying, Lee. The "Regret" line parallels the "You can bet." And the "Or so I guess" line is a mirror of "Mortal kindness." Personally I like the long distance rhyme of the lines. (I was kinda proud of that one ). I suppose I could change the melody on the second line leading into the "Lost and Found" line. Make it

First off, Marshall, let me be clear. I'm not trying to change your mind of anything. You've done a great job and I was clear about that. I love it. Personally, I post here for ideas. And only take what I can use and like. Ideas from others that I feel will improve my work. And I make that my own. But I have nothing invested in your work whatsoever and only give a reaction as it crossed my mind if you can use it. Or not. I'm not trying to say I have a great idea, only if it strikes you as one. Then by all means, do it it will work for you. And once again, or not! :-) but to clarify my idea... I wasn't suggesting you change a single word. Only that I love the shape of your melody and felt those lines could use a little relief from it to bring it home a bit. Unfortunately, all I can do is tell you what I might do. For better or worse. But I'm in complete understanding of where you're at too. By all means call it done if it's done for you. I love it!

[oldgitplayer]

I'm also wanting some other melodic movement in the verses. The Chorus is brilliant melodically, but it is dwarfing the verses at present IMO.

Either some melodically lift in the 8th line as Lee suggests or…...

 

The same melodic lift in the 4th and 8th lines. I think it's worth a try.

[Delmont]

Joe Gilder of Home Studio Corner just did a challenge with himself where he wrote 50 songs in 12 weeks. He ended up with a ton of great songs for his next album, of way better quality than if he had just written 14.

 

Rick Rubin routinely makes artists finish 30-40 songs to pick the best 12 for the album.

 

I'm always amazed at how a deadline or forcing myself to finish yields great results, vs. any kind of natural 'inspiration.'

 

If one in ten of the songs I write turns out to be presentable after polishing, I'm pretty happy. You have to write through the bad ones if you want to get to the good ones. The important thing is to keep writing.

 

Fifty in three months sounds pretty doable. Getting twelve good ones out of them is the challenge. Sounds like Joe is good.

 

(I can write a lot more songs when I'm single and solo. Having girlfriends always slowed down my song writing. Very distracting. Now I'm married, and I don't even write ten songs a year - meaning one good one. It's a good trade-off for me, so I guess it's the world's loss.)

[Delmont]

Here's my Lyric. I bolded the words that are off the selection list.

:

Lost and Found - Marshall Hjertstedt

 

 

 

 

It'll be harder to follow the rhythm while reading. There are lines that start on the beat or off the beat. Some of the lines opening word are actually sung as a trailer on the previous line, so reading them as printed will not give you the cadence. But such are the vagaries of artistic license.

 

 

No sweat. That's normal for song writing. It's not poetry. A different art form altogether. Some measures have one word, some have eight.

 

Some song writers underline the first letter of each word that the falls on the first beat of a bar. No need for that here!

[Marshal]

. . . , . Only that I love the shape of your melody and felt those lines could use a little relief from it to bring it home a bit. . . ,

I understand where you're coming from. No need for the disclaimers. I'm up for critique at any level. Admittedly this one is very far along. But that's fine. I often weak a song based on comments from others that I wouldn't notice otherwise. Doesn't mean I'll agree with everything, or most things even. But I learn from what others pick up on, or not.

 

[Marshal]

For yucks I'm posting a video from the first performance of this tune out live. Went pretty well. A couple of lyric bobbles. But nothing catastrophic.