Members Oswlek Posted May 30, 2014 Members Share Posted May 30, 2014 I haven't written a song in nearly six months - didn't even have a guitar idea until a few weeks ago - but I've got a few things percolating right now. This is the furthest along (it actually has a verse! The other has literally only two words down so far ) I'm not sure how much can be offered in its current status, but I'm posting it here in an effort to kickstart the idea and hopefully keep it on the forefront of my consciousness. If you have any suggestions or ideas, feel free to lay them on me. V1 Yeah, the writing's on the wall And in the whispers that echo down the hall They've caught you off guard But there's no time to play the victim card Lift That victim card..... C Stand! Stand your ground You will find a way To rule the day Stand! Stand your ground When the dust clears You will still be here Oh stand your ground Stand your ground V2 No, you didn't pick this fight But..... That's as far as I've gotten. I know the bits in red aren't great, they're fillers to get the idea across until something better comes along. The last "stand your ground" involves a fresh chord coming in and melodic divergence, so it is brought home better than it appears in print. I hope so, at least. Big house project going on so I likely won't get any recording done for several months, but I'll try to get a camera demo up to illustrate the melody. Areas to improve? Suggestions for the red bits or the missing V2? Pass along any and all thoughts. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted May 30, 2014 Members Share Posted May 30, 2014 No, you didn't pick this fightBut as the day fades into the night The waves always come down hardThere won’t be time to play the victim card I was thinking of waves as in waves of enemy soldiers but I didn't know how literal you wanted to go. Hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted May 30, 2014 Members Share Posted May 30, 2014 I haven't written a song in nearly six months That is heartbreaking. I know, took years off from writing songs. What I'm realizing - and have to remind myself everyday - is that if I call myself a songwriter, I have to actually write songs. Consistently. And finish them. It's a muscle. And I suck at it (the consistency). I had a few weeks here where I was finishing a song a week, but have done nothing for three now. Much easier to read about preamps and compressors on Gearslutz or nitpick someone's lyric to death on here than get on the horse, sit down, and write every day. Maybe we can encourage each other? Sorry to vent - I'll chime in on the track when I have something thoughtful to say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted May 30, 2014 Members Share Posted May 30, 2014 I haven't written a song in nearly six months - didn't even have a guitar idea until a few weeks ago - but I've got a few things percolating right now. This is the furthest along (it actually has a verse! The other has literally only two words down so far ) I'm not sure how much can be offered in its current status, but I'm posting it here in an effort to kickstart the idea and hopefully keep it on the forefront of my consciousness. If you have any suggestions or ideas, feel free to lay them on me. V1 Yeah, the writing's on the wall And in the whispers that echo down the hall They've caught you off guard But it's no time to play the victim card Lift That victim card..... C Stand! Stand your ground You will find a way To rule the day Stand! Stand your ground When the dust clears You will still be here Oh stand your ground Stand your ground V2 No, you didn't pick this fight But..... That's as far as I've gotten. I know the bits in red aren't great, they're fillers to get the idea across until something better comes along. The last "stand your ground" involves a fresh chord coming in and melodic divergence, so it is brought home better than it appears in print. I hope so, at least. Big house project going on so I likely won't get any recording done for several months, but I'll try to get a camera demo up to illustrate the melody. Areas to improve? Suggestions for the red bits or the missing V2? Pass along any and all thoughts. Thanks My input so far is in bold above. I think this idea has merit and could work out well. I don't mind the bits in red. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted May 30, 2014 Moderators Share Posted May 30, 2014 Love the direction and specifically the bit about a victim card. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted May 31, 2014 Members Share Posted May 31, 2014 What is it about actually? Not that you need to be more specific in the song, but it would help steer comments if I knew the context. E.g., are people actually whispering in a hall? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted May 31, 2014 Author Members Share Posted May 31, 2014 Thanks for the quick feedback, guys. Martin, in my head I'm imagining a corporate take-over or a mutiny or something to that effect, but I won't mind if it never strays from the generic "under attack" imagery. I wasn't sure I wanted to get full-on military about it, but Ryan's suggestion might be worth looking into. I agree that "whispers" doesn't work in that context. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted May 31, 2014 Members Share Posted May 31, 2014 A quick brainstorm on the verses - see if any of this is of any use…….. V1Yeah, the writing's on the wallAnd they need you to take the fallAlthough they've caught you off your guardIt's no time to play the victim card V2No, you didn't pick these fights But hold on to your human rights ………(civil rights)?Give a foot - they'll take a yardIt's no time to play the victim card Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted May 31, 2014 Members Share Posted May 31, 2014 I see this as a big female empowerment ballad, or like some universal ballad they play during sports montages...something in this direction, not sure how this scans: V1Yeah, the writing's on the walland it says, "now's the time to stand tall"this time, the world caught you off guardBut it's no time to play the victim card LiftThat victim card..... CStand! Stand your grounddon't start to crywhen the bullets fly (no!)Stand! Stand your groundand let the dust clearcuz you'll still be hereOh stand your groundStand your ground Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted May 31, 2014 Members Share Posted May 31, 2014 I was playing around with the ted talk thingee. There's no attempt at matching syllables... just free form thoughts: In fear of the shadowsOf things behind parked carsWe hear about terrible thingsAnd must always be on guard There’s a judge in texasJust like a fender benderSent a monsterTo do time at a rape crises center Lift that victim cardFight backpunch hard Stand! Stand your groundfind a wayTo rule the dayStand! Stand your groundWhen the dust clearsYou will still be hereAnd not live in fear PS Justin - watch that TED talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted May 31, 2014 Author Members Share Posted May 31, 2014 You're on the right track, Martin. I didn't have a story in story in mind, but it is definitely an anthemic empowerment tune. With that in mind, any ideas for a V2? Phil, I really like that second line idea, perhaps something like this: Yeah, the writing's on the wall You've been set up to take the fall They've caught you off guard But it's no time to play the victim card Rick, thanks for the ideas. What is TED talk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted May 31, 2014 Members Share Posted May 31, 2014 http://www.harmonycentral.com/forum/forum/Forums_General/acapella-37/31169592-when-the-songs-no-longer-come OldGit's Post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 1, 2014 Members Share Posted June 1, 2014 You're on the right track, Martin. I didn't have a story in story in mind, but it is definitely an anthemic empowerment tune. With that in mind, any ideas for a V2? I did but they sucked, it degenerated quickly into cliche. Hard to talk about that kind of conflict in a general way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted June 1, 2014 Members Share Posted June 1, 2014 Phil, I really like that second line idea, perhaps something like this: Yeah, the writing's on the wall You've been set up to take the fall They've caught you off guard But it's no time to play the victim card Yep - you've made it even better. Now you need some music to test the prosody of the next 2 lines - they don't seem to flow yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted June 2, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 2, 2014 Recorded a demo with a mildly updated lyric. If you listen closely, you can hear the construction workers banging away. http://picosong.com/CWq6/ V1 Yeah, the writing's on the wall You've been set up to take the fall They've caught you off guard But its no time to play the victim card Lift The victim card..... C Stand! Stand your ground You gotta draw the line Don't be tossed aside Stand your ground You'll be standing here When the dust is clear Oh stand your ground Stand your ground V2 No, you didn't pick this fight XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX Lift XXXXXXX C Stand! Stand your ground You gotta draw the line Don't be tossed aside Stand your ground You will still be here When the dust is clear Oh stand your ground Stand your ground The melody of the second verse is about 90% there, I expect it to fully come together once I have some words to wrap around. I didn't realize I had double used "stand" in the chorus until posting this, so I can fix that if it bothers anyone. Toss any and all feedback my way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted June 2, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 2, 2014 Framework for the second verse. V2No, you didn't pick this fight{But it's here so you have to deal}{Some kind of hunting in pack analogy}{But you won't go down easy} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted June 2, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 2, 2014 Just bringing this back up to the next page to avoid confusion: Recorded a demo with a mildly updated lyric. If you listen closely, you can hear the construction workers banging away. http://picosong.com/CWq6/ V1 Yeah, the writing's on the wall You've been set up to take the fall They've caught you off guard But its no time to play the victim card Lift The victim card..... C Stand! Stand your ground You gotta draw the line Don't be tossed aside Stand your ground You'll be standing here When the dust is clear Oh stand your ground Stand your ground V2 No, you didn't pick this fight XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX Lift XXXXXXX C Stand! Stand your ground You gotta draw the line Don't be tossed aside Stand your ground You will still be here When the dust is clear Oh stand your ground Stand your ground The melody of the second verse is about 90% there, I expect it to fully come together once I have some words to wrap around. I didn't realize I had double used "stand" in the chorus until posting this, so I can fix that if it bothers anyone. Toss any and all feedback my way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 2, 2014 Members Share Posted June 2, 2014 I would consider really nailing precisely what this song is about, maybe even writing up the backstory briefly in some way. Without grounding it anywhere concrete, it's all very abstract, and *much* less impactful and memorable than it could be. Is it about empowerment, or paranoia, or battle, or victim psychology? I think you need to pick one and give it some flesh: to me it really needs some nouns, some real things (see Rick's awesome take). Also, I am going to disagree with the consensus - I don't like 'victim card.' Not because it's not a good, compelling line, but it suggests a whole backstory that the song doesn't align to or pay off: has the singee played the victim card before, are they co-dependent, what was the context, etc. Again, nail the backstory and the rest should fall in place. Not sure this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 2, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 2, 2014 ...not to be contrary, but the reason I do like victim card is that, for me, it does exactly what is being said ^^^ above that it doesn't do. It's the one thing I think that most can relate with. We all pull that one. A life obstacle comes along and... we play the victim. Poor me. The song, for me, says forget that. Take a stand. For me, there is no mystery, no need for back story on that phrase. It is so universally used as a cop out from life's challenges. Or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted June 2, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 2, 2014 You pretty much nailed how I see it, Lee, especially this line. A life obstacle comes along and... we play the victim. Poor me. The song, for me, says forget that. Take a stand. Has anyone listened to the demo yet? Martin, it's about empowerment. But I don't see how you can empower someone to stand their ground without being under attack in some manner. Not only do I not see battle and empowerment as different terms, I don't think one can exist without the other. You are reading a whole lot more into "victim card" than I intend, which could be clouding things up for you. As for nouns, I absolutely want to get more color, which is a big reason why V2 isn't crystallizing yet. I love Rick's post, but at this point there isn't much from it I can use. Not that I don't appreciate it, Rick! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 2, 2014 Moderators Share Posted June 2, 2014 I will later when I get some time in my work's studio... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted June 2, 2014 Members Share Posted June 2, 2014 I'm happy to be wrong about victim card - I just don't see it as a relate-able term, more like something you would accuse some else of playing. (Like most people think they're above average drivers, most people would never admit to playing the victim card.) To me, using it means you're calling the other person out in some way. Seems I'm alone here, though. The only reason I propose fleshing out the backstory is not to add it all to the lyric, but rather as a means to the specificity and depth you're looking to add to v2. If the concept remains super general and abstract, you will struggle with specifics, and the whole thing collectively risks feeling generic. But, if you know what it's about (corporate take-over, a battered woman, poor tenants fighting a slumlord, etc.), the nouns suggest themselves. Hope this makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted June 2, 2014 Author Members Share Posted June 2, 2014 Thus far, the melody feedback on MM has been less than enthusiastic. One guy says the chorus is still searching for a more memorable hook and the other said the lyric and melody isn't cohesive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted June 2, 2014 Members Share Posted June 2, 2014 Great start! I really like the opening sequence. I like the chorus too, but the segue needs work. I love the guitar on this! Nice work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted June 3, 2014 Members Share Posted June 3, 2014 Firstly - I'm good with 'victim card' FWIW.Secondly - I find it difficult to make any suggestions for V2 because there are multiple options with regard to empowerment, and you haven't told us which yet.Do you want to keep the song generalised so the listener can interpret the type of empowerment that is relevant to them, or do you want flesh out a particular narrative? I think you need to decide which way you want to go …... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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