Chinese nasties

[Fluke]

Allright, so at this music store i spied something i first dismissed at yet another new low-end Casio keyboard standing hidden in a corner. But, just by chance i noticed that it wasn't a Casio! It was a no-name keyboard, obviously made in China as all such horrible things are, whose box looked very conviningly like a recent Casio model!

 

Upon closer look though, it lacked a brand name and all the lettering on it was rather irregularly spaced, not to mention the many spelling errors. A logo on the right said "MIDI" just like the classic General Midi logo, but without the first word. Fortunately for my curiosity, it was plugged in and i turned it on, to be greeted by the most inept "piano sample" i've ever heard!

 

The sounds from this thing could easily belong among the worst sample-based low end toy keyboards from 15 years ago, but for all their roughness, those at least had USABLE sounds. The waveforms on this rip-off sound like out of tune pianos recorded with built-in tape recorder mics, ineptly played wind instruments, improperly looped and with ridiculous slow attacks and short decay. A fair amount of the patches were made from the same ear-numbing samples with just very slightly different envelopes. Many were even totally out of tune between the different registers-and need i add-ridiculous differences in timbre.

 

All this played through speakers the size and range of those in telephone recievers, but of course placed in larger holes, below a large grille for that true Casio-like impression. After all, if you have to imitate something, you gotta choose the best of the best

 

Needless to add, the keys themselves were the worst and most unstable such echanism i've ever touched, far below what i even thought were humanly possible. It was only after quite a while that i realized it was actually touch sensitive, it was only that the "max" level was so low that you really need to have a feather-light touch to achieve any dynamic variation. But of course, it would break soon anyway if you didn't

 

Then, there's the auto accompaniement. You figure out this one yourself, it wasn't pretty. The pitch-bender was very hard to move, i couldn't even get it to move out of center position first. But best of all, it had that large blue display just like a Casio!

 

All for just $300!

 

Same bloody price as the Casio it's supposed to look like! Man, they really believe in competition on equal terms

 

Anyway, i thought it was all over and well when i saw another unit a few feet away that simply said "Digital Piano" on it. It turned out to be another genius product from the same nameless hit-and-run company, complete as all digital pianos should be, with wooden sides and legs, 88 keys, and not too many buttons on the silvery panel. It even boasted that it had a stereo sampled piano, something we know that you just can't go wrong with.

 

Well, on power on it turned out to have yet another murky, clanky, disgustingly out of tune, poorly looped and not-quite-identifiable as a piano sound, with similar undersized speakers and if possible, even worse key action that makes the MIDI-only keyboards sold at computer stores seem like something to aspire too!

 

The polyphony was absolutely maximum 16, but it was so poorly programmed that due to some strange "conflicts" it sounded more like four. Also, it had even fewer patches than the "Casio" model, and some of them were the exact same as others! But at least it came at a great price... SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS

 

 

Well, if those two atrocities to keyboard-ism was all there ever was, i could have let it pass and simply let the customers make their own choice. The frree market, after all, never lets any overpriced and inferior products keep on getting made and sold for long *crosses fingers* but i noticed the store's own advertising poster, which bragged about their "new line of affordable high quality keyboards", complete with pictures of the same two that i had just tried!

 

So since i knew the ones who worked there a bit and thought of them to be at least a little less than complete and utter crooks, i asked what those things came from and what they were gonna do with them. He snorted... "Oh yes, those Chinese ones..."

 

He basically explained that they were included as part of a deal with an importer, when they ordered a batch of Chinese guitars and amplifiers. The importer suggested that they should stock some of their Chinese-made keyboards as well, and the store put a price tag with a picture of it in their ad, before they had actually gotten on of them, and knew what they were. I don't know if they're even actually gonna try to sell the ones they've got now, but i hope for gods sake noone actually buys them for that price

 

Now i'm curious if anyone here has seen any similar chinese nasties, or perhaps the exact same models, as they are pictured on the site below:

 

http://www.mamut.com/homepages/Sweden/1/18/ludwigs/subdet16.htm

[Rasmus-DK]

When you talked about that big blue display to make it look like a Casio I actually thought of that blue model displayed in the link - I've seen this for sale at Ebay Germany several times - I have also seen the white keyboard before, too - and I recognise the "wobbly keyboard" and some of the digital pianos from various Ebay auctions (I must admit - I am a softie for unknown "ebay" brands.. )

 

Here is the blue one sold as an "MK-931" for 99 euro:

http://cgi.ebay.de/61-Tasten-anschlagdynamisch-MK-931Neu-Midi-Garantie_W0QQitemZ7370266857QQcategoryZ46636QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

 

And the white one sold as an "S-2000" for 86 euro:

http://cgi.ebay.de/61-Tasten-anschlagdynamisch-S-2000-MIDI-Neu-Garantie_W0QQitemZ7370263500QQcategoryZ46636QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

[rylos]

My theory is that there is a scientific experiment going on about how crappy products have to be before people quit buying them. So far, it's passed beyond what I had ever thought plausible... Just look at the junk wal-mart carries.

 

sad. very sad.

[program_insect]

It's just the coral reef effect, the principle of selection occurring in the free market. A particular niche is being filled with exploratory tendrils. After all, in nature, even the nastiest cesspool of filth is a thriving metropolis of life. It's a metaspecies.

[ChinaMoBro]

In my place(Beijing, China), I do see these keyboards in the shops, but very rare. They sometimes appear in the toy sections of a supermarket. Seriously , even my friends and I wonder who would buy these keyboards.

Anyway it's a country of 1.3 billion people , 80% of whom are farmers and a lot of them live under sheer poverty. So the small amount of such keyboard production might satisfy the musical need of some village schools (?). I don't know.

 

Maybe you people take these toys too seriously, and the only problem I see is that these keyboards went to a place they don't belong.

[rylos]

It's just that it's so sad to see products that are made with no concern as to whether they actually even work. Like a digital tone generator that is out of tune. It's digital, fer cryin out loud. Just do the math the right way, and it can't help but be in tune.

[Darkstorm]

Maybe the grocery stores here will carry them for xmass for unsuspecting shoppers too. "O look dear, a keyboard, maybe get it for johnnys xmass present. He said he wanted a synthesizer". "Ok honey, put it in the shopping cart next to the potatoe chips & the chickin".

[sevensinner]

Originally posted by Darkstorm Maybe the grocery stores here will carry them for xmass for unsuspecting shoppers too. "O look dear, a keyboard, maybe get it for johnnys xmass present. He said he wanted a synthesizer". "Ok honey, put it in the shopping cart next to the potatoe chips & the chickin".

 

Ahh so you get those Aldi flyers in the mail too?

[Fluke]

Okay, so i figure i should tell you about their more expensive models as well. This isn't all there is to Chinese keyboards, there is hope yet. They do have a few high-end, upscale models targeted at the Red Utopia's growing market for sophisticated luxury items. I tried one of these too.

 

The red one in the middle of the site i linked to is one of them. At first look it doesn't look that bad, just a slightly less robust version of those "miniature grand" shaped digital pianos that are popular for no good reason. On closer look though, there are some warning signs-the finish is roughly applied with visible brushstrokes, and the whole "lid" part seems to be made out of Masonite. There is no visible brand name, verifiying it's suspect origin.

 

However, compared to the atrocities mentioned earlier, the keyboard is a pleasant surprise. The control panel is reminiscent of any other modern digital piano-volume sliders and about a dozen timbre choices, no mis-spellings or obvious "special feature" ripoffs here.

 

The real shock comes with turning it on and enjoying it's piano sound, which is a real improvement upon their cheaper models. In fact, i wouldn't hesitate to say it reaches into the realm of the musically usable!!

 

Never the less, it's nothing better than the samples on the very smallest $50 Casio! The other timbres that can be selected are mostly repeats of the same piano sound, a dull vibraphone/electric piano hybrid, obnoxious harpsichord and, of course, the ridiculous "jazz organ" with percussive attack. What digital piano doesnt have that?

 

The keyboard itself is also an improvement-it's comparable to the cheapest touch-sensitive boards the Japanese have to offer, with the resistance being at least nearly even from key to key, and all the others won't wobble around when you depress one.

 

The more fascinating part has to be the "lid", which contained speakers on the models it is patterned after, but on this ripoff served no purpose at all, just an empty box. May i speculate that it has been used to smuggle illegal materials for extra profit?!? Maybe if you're lucky you'll find one that has the cocaine still in it

 

Anyway, for only three thousand dollars... that's right, three thousand dollars i'd say this is looking to be a decent alternative to Japanese keyboards in about $50-100 range.

 

And after all, why get a name-brand Japanese keyboard when you can get the same features from a nameless Chinese ripoff at 50 times the price?