Yet another song to Critique, Your Help is desperately WANTED! PLEASE!

[joeknowsjazz]

I just posted a song the other day and you guys gave great critique and it really helped a lot! I would really appreciate it if you would critique this song as well! Thanks in ADVANCE!

http://www.uberrecords.com/temp/godzilla1.mp3

Godzilla!

[dlxrev]

I like it. ALmost has a Ben Harper-ish vibe to it. The only thing that I can really suggest is to smooth out the chorus. It didn't flow as easliy as it could. Almost as though you were putting too many syllables for the music. Hell, what do I know, it was good.

[orourke]

Overall I thought it was pretty good.

 

If you were in my band, and brought that song to the table I might fool around a bit more with the tune. Maybe thow in a more dissident or unexpected chord into the verse or chorus. The blues type chords that you are using seem a little corny to me, especially when accentuated with all those stops.

 

Another idea would be, to put some kind of dreamy pad notes under the main progression, using either keys or sustained guitar.

 

I liked the ending were it goes crazy.

 

I hope I didn't seem to harsh, I hate when people pick apart my tunes. I stop by hear at the Songwriting Forum every few weeks, it amazes me how you people open yourselfs up like this.

[secondlast]

sweet dude, i'm digging the music.

 

only suggestion i could make is to lift the vocals a little, they sound kind of watery, lacking the confidence and clarity that comes out when you're hitting the high notes at the end. it almost sounds like a different singer right at the end of the "i lost my mind".

 

otherwise great. what kind of setup was this put together on?