Members BondMan007 Posted July 29, 2007 Members Share Posted July 29, 2007 Here I sit in my chairKnowing there's no escaping you.I'm in despairJust because I made a mistake of wanting you. I sit here My head pounding hardWho knowsWhat sits in the cards? But I'm trappedTrapped I sayI have to see you everydayFor another yearThough I don't show it, my heart is full of tears. There is no escapeThere is no wayUntil you leaveSomeday I'm trappedBecause you thought I was onto youI wasNot in the way you thought.There was a different way I sought. If your life is takenJust to let you knowYou died knowing I was mistakenBut I'm trapped You're that kind of girlThe cruelest in the worldWho doesn't have a heartWho likes to tear gentlemen apart TRAPPEDTRAPPEDTRAPPED That's how I feelBut my fate is sealedYou hate meThat's all I have to sayMaybe you'll go away someday TRAPPEDTRAPPEDTRAPPEDTRAPPED Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BondMan007 Posted July 30, 2007 Author Members Share Posted July 30, 2007 Wow, I'd appreciate SOME feedback Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dubb Posted July 30, 2007 Members Share Posted July 30, 2007 I know that you've been referred numerous times to the sticky titled "Want More Opinions On Your Posts?" Allow me to direct your attention to "rule #1," so to speak: 1) Do unto others--Call it the Golden Rule or the Common Courtesy of the Reacharound, but nobody is here for their health. It is not a privilage to listen to your music; it is generally hard work. Expect to get what you give--anything extra is gravy and grace.It's like the Beatles said: the love you take is equal to the love you make - love, in this case, being criticism . Another couple suggestions... bring in something new for criticism. You've rewritten basically the same song, what, a dozen times now? At least try changing the target of the song from HER to US. In other words, less "you," more "she." And I'm sure you'll disregard this, but... even if it's just a two-chord vamp, some sort of musical setting will make this infinitely more interesting for us, and we'll be that much more inclined to comment/critique. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mikesr1963 Posted July 30, 2007 Members Share Posted July 30, 2007 Not very good, make changes and resubmit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted July 31, 2007 Members Share Posted July 31, 2007 BondMan, I PM'd you. I hope you got it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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