Give It Up Demo--uke and voices

[Chicken Monkey]

Here's a new one I'm thinking of floating past the band. I wasn't sure how they wanted to put it together, so it's just ukelele with some background vocals for variety. Lyrics are available through Soundclick. I'd like to know if it works melodically and lyrically--particularly, if I've sacrificed too much meaning in order to facilitate the auctioneer-style delivery.

[blue2blue]

Well... I'm still wondering just why he'd be better off if he never met her... is it just that he's got to have her now? Or is she actually bad for him? He's likened her to all these vices, smoking, drinking, gambling... I think you need to tell us why or why not during the bridge. As it is, we just hear a sort of general restatement of the premise -- except with not direct comparison to any vices. It's a perfect opportunity to resolve the conundrum of his desire for her... is it a bad thing? A good thing? A transcendant thing?

 

[rsadasiv]

Listening I didn't hear any problems, but reading B2B's comments I kind of agree - the first verse presents the basis for a conflict, but after that the conflict is never resolved (or really, even referenced).

 

I don't understand your point about "auctioneer style delivery". The phrasing seems perfectly natural to me - I was expecting something like "Subterranean Homesick Blues"/"The End of the World as We Know It", and that wasn't the case at all.

 

BTW, I said this to Ken Nishamot, and I'll say it again here - the ukelele rules!

[Chicken Monkey]

Well... I'm still wondering just why he'd be better off if he never met her... is it just that he's got to have her now? Or is she actually bad for him? He's likened her to all these vices, smoking, drinking, gambling... I think you need to tell us why or why not during the bridge. As it is, we just hear a sort of general restatement of the premise -- except with not direct comparison to any vices. It's a perfect opportunity to resolve the conundrum of his desire for her... is it a bad thing? A good thing? A transcendant thing?

 

I was going for a "God Only Knows" type thing there. I'll have to take another look at it.

[blue2blue]

I was going for a "God Only Knows" type thing there. I'll have to take another look at it.

I hear ya... I think you've got the set up for the basic dichotomy... but it's more outlined than drawn in... I need more tension and release energy to attain escape velocity from the basic set up. Right now, you've got lift off and low earth orbit... I need that bump that's gonna take me into outer space, where the song transcends the nice little formula song thing and can achieve its artistic fullness... Or at least get it up past the Van Allan Belt of other nice little songs... and I know it can...

 

 

BTW... "auctioneer-style"??? -- you've got one fo the smoother deliveries around here. Us syllable chewer-and-spitters look up to your soulful phrasings and easygoing way with a lyric.

[Golden Hello]

I think this little song is fantastic. I think what you've done really well is varied where your phrases start -- before, on, and after the downbeats. This really makes the melodic phrases contrast nicely with one another.

 

Plus, it seems like you've really put some thought into which words to emphasize in the phrases. I thought that the chorus was crafted especially well in this regard. In the line "I don't want to stop I don't want to quit I don't want to give it up," you've got a lot of repeat words in there, but you've wisely put different words on each downbeat ('I,' 'want,' & 'give'). Works great.

 

I also liked the auctioneer-style thing. The only place where I didn't like it was when you sing "enough." It's the only place where the quick pace seems to grind to a halt. Later in the song, when you've sing "round," you avoided a slowing down of the pace by singing that word over three notes. I might consider using that trick again when you sing 'enough' earlier in the song.