A simple love song

[mpeddle]

Hey guys,

 

I wrote my lady-friend a quick song the other night (which she was delighted with). It's about the 6 months we were apart when she moved to Ireland. I haven't got a recording yet, but here's my first draft....

 

VERSE

The lights are all on

save for in my room

I sit here in the darkness

and wait for your return

 

You left me alone

and went across the sea

I'd wait for you forever

but I want you here with me

 

CHORUS

Our two hearts will never part

In my sky, you're the only star

Our two hearts will never part

The end of the story is just the start

Our two hearts will never part

In my sky, you're the only star

Our two hearts will never part

The end of the story is just the start

 

VERSE

 

I think of all the places

the places that you see

But I can think of nothing

but memories of you and me

 

I strum these chords

on my guitar

But the music has no

meaning with you gone

 

CHORUS

 

BRIDGE

The world will not wait

The clouds will float on

The sky will part

and let out the sun

 

CHORUS

 

 

I guess it's not really deep or anything...but it makes her smile when I sing it.

[blue2blue]

I think the key to the whole thing is in your footnote. This guileless and artifice-free song is as plain and straightforward as a tear-stained letter from a distant lover.

 

Now, there's no room behind these words to hide any sort of insincerity or ulterior artistic motive. I think if you approach it with simple, unashamed sincerity, it will find its true expression. Sometimes words can be deceptively simple, even flat on paper -- but it's the music and the performance that brings them to life.

[webster_lucky]

[] it made me remember my girlfriend's first love letter (was actually a beautiful song ) ...... simple but touching.... great song

[Jersey Jack]

I'm always a sucker for a simple song, and this one brings it home! Good job!

 

One minor problem in your logic:

 

I think of all the places

the places that you see

But I can think of nothing

but memories of you and me

 

You think of...but you can't think of....???

[mpeddle]

Very good call. That was a quickly-added section. I'll take a look at revising that.

[ALyricman]

Nice lyric. This is really simple love lyric. I like it. But your bridge is like verse. I don't like chorus cause you're forcing same rhyme (part/star/start) and cause you're reiterating lines in chorus. But I like simple lyrics...

[mpeddle]

I actually had a few more lines in the chorus, but i trimmed them because they felt forced. I might like to switch the 2nd line (the end of the story is just the start) and use that line only once. Still thinking about it.

 

As for the bridge, I sing the lyrics more quickly than the verse and its key is different. So the phrases look similar, but it actually sounds very different in practice. I guess you'd have to hear it....I'll put up a recording once I get a chance this week.

[samuraiBSD]

I like it. Straightforward love song, there's really no room to go wrong or misinterpret any of this. Nice work, I'd love to hear a recording.

[TravvyBear]

I don't think you can go wrong with a song like this. As long as your girl liked it, you won.

 

I like the line about stars and skys, I'm a sucker for nature lyrics.