Awkward Eyes - RPM Challenge Demo

[grantsabbath]

Hey guys.

 

This is one for the rpm challenge. Its a pretty minimalist track as far as instrumentation goes. Feedback would be very much appreciated!

 

 

http://www.myspace.com/grantkingstonmusic

 

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8765601

 

Elephant, put on your shoes

The night is dangerous with you

all my teenage memorabilia;

Found and lost.

 

I can sigh

and dream of those awkward eyes

 

Wandered under the night sky

Painted the room with awkward eyes

A cold war with four walls and a window;

To hold.

 

edit: Also added a video for comparison!

 

[YOUTUBE]wBgckizNfsk[/YOUTUBE]

[hogger]

I really like the song. It's got good melodies to it, cool progressions. I think I'd like it with some folky brush drums. I like everything with folky brush drums though.

 

I kinda lost the rhythm in the "I can sigh" of the first chorus, but not in the second chorus.

 

I really like the guitar tracks. They've got movement in just the right places, and they settle down in just the right places. I never lost interest.

 

The vocals sound really good. Nice tone, good recording quality.

 

Very good song so far, in my opinion.

[LeonardScaper]

Good tune.

 

Awkward eyes....good hook.

 

I like the way the guitar moves the song but the rhythm does get off in a couple of places.....no big deal there.

 

It's short...hits hard. You might consider an instrumental interlude that expands on your very cool guitar thing.

 

Really nice harmonies.

[grantsabbath]

Thank you kindly guys!

 

I think at the beginning I was searching for the rhythm a little. The re-record after the RPM will definitely be a lot less loose as far as that rhythm goes.

 

For now, I'm just blazing through to try and finish this RPM business.

[Lee Knight]

I really like your minimal stuff. It lets your cool sense of melody shine. Or maybe it forces you to work harder on the melody? Great stuff. Very unique sense of harmony you have. I like it a lot.

 

An the lyrics say just enough to pull me in and wonder. Really well done.

[easilyspooked]

as always, love your style.

 

"A cold war with four walls and a window"

this line, what's this line about? it's the only line that didn't Advance the Story for me, maybe just because the imagery is odd to me, but it popped me out for a minute, broke my dedication to the emotion.

[grantsabbath]

Thanks again guys. I'm enjoying the minimalist thing as well, Lee. Really have to focus hard on getting a solid melody...sometimes an exercise in futility but I hope it's working!

 

easilyspooked - That line refers to the stalemate in a relationship. You're both searching for your something and coming up with little or nothing. Specifically, it reminds me of a high school relationship I had. When it was on it's way out, her house/bedroom/any room was an absolute cold war.

 

I guess it references the end of something because neither of you can really win anything at that point.

 

Hope that clears it up a little. As always, thank you very much for listening.

[grantsabbath]

Added a video for comparison!

[Ontological]

I remember when I first started listening to the new stuff you were posting. It seems like you had difficulty finding the melody. I don't know if that's because you were giving us really raw versions or what but you definitely don't have that "problem" any more. You have great tone and a cool way saying what you mean. Even though we as the audience may not always understand what your trying to communicate, who cares, I still to this day don't know what it means to "Lose My Religion" :confused:

[Marshal]

Lyrically it's confusing. I don't have a clue what it's about. Musically it's GREAT. Nice haunting minimalist guitar work; real pregnant angst feel going on. Vocally you have a stellar delivery. Great melancholy and angst in your voice; compelling, even.

 

But it's all mood. You're not communicating anything lyrically. It could be about anything sad.

 

(feel free to ignore what I say. Most intelligent people do.)